What was High School like for you.

[William769]

My High School years 1978-1982.

We didn't have cell phones, computers, the internet, hell we didn't even get HBO till my senior year in school.

My point being I thought I was the only Gay person on earth ( I shouldn't say Gay I wasn't for sure what I was, I just knew I was different). I knew long before High School I was different and I didn't know why. I couldn't talk to anybody about it, didn't know where to get information, so I just lived in my own little world.

Between my sophomore & junior year we moved back to S.E. Kentucky and I was reacquainted with a fellow friend that was from my early childhood. We became best friends instantly.

Lets just say the summer of 1980 with my best friend Wayne by my side was my summer of love. I figured out who I was and what my sexuality was. It felt right, it felt safe, It felt secure.

We never talked to anyone else that summer of what had happened between us (being in a Small town in Kentucky).

1981 we moved back to South Florida, I was so pissed at my parents for taking Wayne away from me, but as for me I had a new found fondness for my sexuality (I felt alive). Needless to say about this time came the talk of the "Gay Disease" "AIDS" and I took a nose dive so far in the closet (that I stayed there till the early 1990's).

As soon as I graduated High School I went back to Kentucky to search for Wayne but he had already moved away & no one seems to know where he went (I have never seen him since).

Wayne wherever you are, I hope your safe and have everything in live that we talked about during our Summer of love.

P.S. Sorry if my thoughts seemed scattered, I just wanted to share this with my fellow friends.

Bill

[mike_c]

1. high school sucked mightily...

...but I'm straight, so I realize that I'm sliding around the point of this thread. My apologies, but it seems to me that that's a pretty rough time of life for everyone, even if more so for kids that are perceived to be different. I was more like those disaffected nerds that wear black trench coats and plot their revenge on their classmates, only it was 1970 so we were mostly harmless.

Then I discovered that I had a prodigious appetite for recreational drugs and suddenly I had lots of stoner friends. I never finished high school-- just lost interest and stopped going, mostly. I left home, more-or-less, at 15 and couch surfed among friends and their families for years, literally, until I was in my early 20s. Got married at 18 but of course that didn't last very long at all, so I just kept couch surfing.

[closeupready]

14. I would only argue that for gay kids, it's particularly bad.

High school may be bad for everyone, but for gay kids, who may have ZERO friends, and NOBODY to talk to, not even their families, it's HELL. Or can be. Or used to be, hopefully isn't as bad as it once was.

[Zenlitened]

15. Not only no one to talk to, but no idea WHAT to talk about.

No real way to put into words what needs discussing, even to think clearly about it.

I think that's the part that's hardest to really understand, for those who haven't Been There.

The certain, agonizing knowledge that Something's Wrong, amid a complete lack of any framework, if only some vocabulary, to even begin to sort it all out.

But as I mentioned downthread, that's been changing for the better for many years. Even for TG kids, which I once would have thought impossible.

All the openness, honesty -- and outright hard work -- of telling our stories, of making ourselves heard...

It's beginning to pay off, I'm convinced.

[xchrom]

2. Du rec. Nt

[jberryhill]

3. Best six years of my life

Class of 81. Maybe it was the crowd I hung out with, but the kids we thought were weird we're the ones that had some kind of hang-up over other people's sexual identity.

[Skwid]

4. You're just a kid. :-) My HS days preceded yours by 20 years, you can take your miseries and

multiply them by 1.362 and that'll give you a relative number {wry grin}

I knew I liked boys but the word 'gay' was still part of a Christmas song and nobody EVER
talked about the H word. It was 20 years before I found out about several of my classmates who were in the same boat, as it were. I'm sure there were others whose secret went with them to their graves (I always had a 'gaydar' of sorts even though I didn't know what it actually was back then)

And I'm rambling too, your post just caught my eye.

[William769]

5. I'm glad it caught your eye.

I think it's great to get perspective from different generations.

BTW Welcome to DU.

[Skwid]

29. Thanks. My "partner" and I just passed our 30th "anniversary" although we don't call it that.

We're pretty much the same as married but never thought it was necessary to make it 'official', so to speak...our property is set up legally as if we were, pretty much bulletproof and suits us and our own situation but we do contribute to many equality organizations and write lots of letters.

[RKP5637]

7. Welcome to DU!

[Fearless]

20. Welcome indeed!

[RKP5637]

6. Fortunately I left my very small town and went away to college and that

really opened my eyes in DC. HS was void of anything even remotely gay.

[Zenlitened]

8. Much like what you've described:

The profound isolation, the suffocating confusion right alongside the painful awareness that Something Is Not Right Here.

For me, it lasted all through HS, till I went away to college.

Staggering out of that information vacuum was like gasping in my first breaths of air.

Or like shrugging out of a straightjacket, unsure of what it even means to move.

Desperate, desperate despair, where the numb days WERE the good days, however arrived at.

"Typical, difficult teenage years." That's a "lifestyle choice" I would have gladly embraced, in fact TRIED to, over and over again.

What a better world we live in today. Just the presence of a GSA can make an enormous difference, let alone Google and all the other information tools available now.

Jesus, just a book in the town library that said something other than Pervert, Freak, and Better Off Dead would have been something.

All the hard-fought progress we've made... it matters, it really does. Transforming young lives in ways that I, and many others, could not even contemplate at that time in our lives.

That's the part I try to dwell on now: It does get better, it HAS gotten better. More and more, for some, it never has to be so horribly Bad in the first place at all.

[RKP5637]

9. It's far far far better than the dark ages of the 50's. I wouldn't

Last edited Wed Feb 1, 2012, 01:26 AM - Edit history (1)

wish that on anyone. And term gay wasn't used much... Queer was the label one got slapped with.

[Zenlitened]

11. Nope, not on anyone. "Dark Ages" hardly seems to describe.

[William769]

10. WOW. Thanks for filling things I left out.

Yes thats how I felt.

As we get older & hopefully wiser, we help make it better for those who follow us.

[Zenlitened]

12. That's a great way to put it.

Making things better for those who follow...

At least TRYING to...

Maybe that's the only power any one of us really has.

[Zenlitened]

17. Yes, exactly. The utter ALONE-NESS of those years.

Even if -- or maybe, precisely because -- we knew that Something was going on.

Even if -- superficially, at least -- we were able to pass as "normal," as normal as any kid could hope to appear in this messed up world.

It's very painful to think back on it. I've got a "milestone" reunion coming up, which has prompted in me a lot more reflection than I might have expected.

Like you, I have never gone to previous reunions. And back in HS, I had friends, good grades, respect of my teachers, blah blah blah.

But I wasn't really There for any of it.

[closeupready]

18. xxxooo back at you!

P.S. go to the reunion if you have even the smallest inclination, I say. I didn't, but I do kind of sort of regret it now. I never see those people anymore, they can't hurt me if they disapprove, I have no interaction of any kind with them, but I'm curious to see how things turned out. Certainly do go if you look good! LOL (Because, of course, most of them won't.)

[Fearless]

22. Definitely go...

It may be people from high school, but it's not high school itself anymore... If you are curious about going but nervous, just go. Don't let potential homophobic pr*cks take opportunities away from you, IMHO of course.

[Zenlitened]

33. Good point regarding opportunities.

Plus, I'd like to imagine the 'phobes might have grown a bit, too, in all the years that have gone by.

And if not, I've certainly grown less patient when it comes to letting bullies get away with their crap.

Not fearless, but I can certainly be a bit ruthless when that's what the situation calls for.

[Fearless]

36. +100

[mitchtv]

16. From 58 to 62

NYC Catholic HS. I was still tortured by my unforgivable sin, living deep in the closet.I hitched a ride home once and got felt up, that's about it for HS.Everyone commuted so there wasn't much to do with highschool buddies, we bonded more with the kids in our neighborhood. Homos were exotic to us then and not much was said about it.Their attention turned to me just about when it was time to lose Queens. I was lucky.

[beyurslf]

19. 1990-94 small Christian school in Kansas

I know many would expect a horror story to follow, but I look back high school with mostly fond memories. Yes, I repressed my sexuality and was taught how wrong it was. But that was not shoved down our throats all the time. Hell, I remember getting the "abortion is murder" and "sex before marriage is a deadly sin" arguments far more often than anything about gayness. i was made fun of more for voicing support of Bill Clinton in 1992than for my "swishy hips or limp wrist." My peers all knew I was gay and we just never talked about it. We had 12 kids in my graduating class--we were all friends because it was so small. We all got together a few years ago and laughed about it was an open and known secret that I was gay and we were all so stupid to pretend like I wasn't.

[Fearless]

21. Mine was ok I suppose...

Looking back I had it fairly easy in many ways. I was a very early grower and was constantly one of the larger people in my school. Not the largest by any means, the school was of just under 2000 students, but high enough up there that I don't think I ever worried about physical bullying. I suppose I was kind of an outcast. I know that seems to have a pretty standard negative connotation, but I think I've always been a bit of an old soul and fairly introverted to boot. So, I generally kept to a small group of friends, although never really let anyone get very close to me. Which even now is sometimes something I need for periods of time. I was fairly well liked, or at least not hated. I didn't belong to any particular cliques and could move between them pretty easily looking back. I was an honors student who took upper level classes, but loved gym class too. Maybe an odd combination, but it worked well for me. I was fairly athletic I suppose and sure kinda on the smarter side.

In terms of being gay, I wasn't really sure what I was. I had been seriously ill for part of high school and the idea of sexuality never reached the top of the list when I was unsure about my continued health, particularly for a six month or so period my junior year. Girls would flirt with me from time to time and my reaction would vary depending on if I thought they were nice people or not. If I thought they were nice, I was playful, if I thought they weren't I shut them down pretty handily. (One particular instance comes to mind, but I'll let sleeping dogs lie.) I was never attracted to them, but for someone who was fairly anti-social, some attention was well... nice I guess... It was nice to feel wanted I suppose, even if I didn't want them back in that same way. It never led to anything though. Just idle chat and such.

I was then, and have always been fairly masculine. I enjoy sports (watching and playing just about any), love competition, and was graced by a fairly deep voice and a bit of muscle. No one thought I was gay. Hell I didn't even know what I was. I grew up in a conservative Catholic family. Honestly, I really didn't understand the implications of "being gay" until well into high school, and I really didn't focus on them until senior year and then freshman year of college. I didn't refer to myself as gay until college either. There weren't any gay role models in my high school per se. There were some gay guys, but I never really saw a gay guy who was like me. Not to be disrespectful to my less traditionally masculine peers, but coming from a conservative family, reinforced by gender stereotypes, I didn't really feel like I fit in with the more traditionally feminine gay guys who were out in my school.

I don't think I was ever homophobic myself. I never made fun of gay people or compensated for feelings that I had that I didn't understand. To my regret, I don't think I ever defended them either, which if I could do again, I would do a thousand times over. Kids can be such assholes to each other sometimes.

Anywho, I guess this is long enough a trip down memory lane for me. PS, my screen name "Fearless" actually derives from the college period of my life, as I grew to understand who I was and what I wanted. Coming out in a very conservative family was a monumental and frankly frightening decision on my part, but I haven't regretted it a day since. Hence, fearless. To be fearless in driving for one's goals is to be free.

Cheers!
Fearless

[Behind the Aegis]

23. Hell.

I attended three high schools, in three different parts of the country. My freshman year was in southern Georiga. It was a predominatly African American high school. Most of the funds were spent to rebuild the school and the academic part SUCKED (outdated books, teachers who weren't really very good). I got called "faggot" in the hallways. I was harrassed by a number of students and even a teacher. It was a HORRIBLE school.

My sophomore year was in western Pennsylvania. It was an all white school (3 African American students, and a handful of Latinos). It was very well-funded, many teachers held doctorates, and there was a variety of courses offered. The school even had a computer lab (this was in 1985) and an indoor planetarium. I was harrassed by a number of people, including a teacher, but often it was for being Southern and having a strong Southern accent. I did have one student and his buddies who used to torture me relentlessly, even during class and teachers did nothing (except one). Though, I also had one of the hottest guys in school buddy up to me (I was very smart) and he protected me, including in a bathroom incident. I usually avoided the bathrooms in HS. I would rather wet my pants, then get caught in the bathroom. I had ways around it.

My junior and senior years were in northern Virginia, just outside DC. It was a mixed school, had decent teachers, basically a "movie" high school. I got harrassed there too, but I did have some friends, including members of the football team, the stoners, and the two most popular girls, so they acted as buffer for many things. I had the hottest lockermate and he was very popular, so he also protected me on a few occasions. The phone calls to my house were the worst.

I attended HS from 83-87. AIDS and gay were almost synonyms. It was a very scary time in many ways. Since then, I found out about one person being gay, but I don't have contact from anyone from any of my former schools. I HATED high school.

[MNBrewer]

24. Southern GA for me, too

your experience there is similar to mine with respect to being called fag in the hallways. Changing classes was a terror. 1980-83.

[HillWilliam]

25. *ALL* school was pure-dee hell for me

My mom had a good job, but every time she got a promotion we had to move. I was always the new kid. In rural NC, that was bad enough. If anyone had suspected I was gay (*I* always knew) I can't imagine how much worse it would have been. If the new kid was held in contempt, being gay would have been about a death sentence.

I could. Not. Wait. get get out of that kind of hellhole. So what did I do in 1975? Join the Army. I felt safer there than I ever did in school. It was a couple of years later when I deployed to Germany I figured out there were quite a few gays in my company. (Par-tee-tiiiiime!) MI and special forces contain one helluva lot more gay people than anyone would ever admit (and a lot of those SF guys are HOT hehe). I never looked back, no more closet.

Like Fearless, I always "passed". I was never big or muscular until a lot later (I was a slow bloomer), but nearly always when someone meets me they have no idea. If someone asks, though, I tell 'em right out. If they've got balls enough to pry, I've got balls enough to give them the right answer.

And there's a reason I hate stereotypes. LG's run the gamut of mannerisms and appearance. It's part of our beauty. I hate "oh, you can't be gay" as much as anyone else hates being "pegged"; like I had made some kind of "choice" to be gay. As far back as I can remember, I *was* gay. There's a REASON we have a rainbow as our symbol. Not every femme boy is gay or tomboy girl a lesbian -- and I'm here to tell you (Fearless, back me) not every masculine man is straight.

[Fearless]

30. I'll always have your back on that one...

Hell even some that surprised me... and I'm pretty good reading between the lines.

[Ruby the Liberal]

26. You are just a wee bit older than I

I hated HS. With a flaming, loathing passion.

Never able to fit into any crowd, I finally settled in with the crowd that simply didn't give a shit. The ones who smoked weed after school every day and drank beer our of the cooler in someone's trunk.

I try to remember back to those days and it is just a complete gut check. How would my life have turned out differently if I was part of the scholarly bunch and applied for scholarships to Universities rather than tending bar while going to junior college? I had the aptitude for it, but didn't fit in, so didn't apply myself.

It was so much easier to just hide out by myself or with people too fucked up to care than to face the ridicule and constant nose snubbing of "you aren't good enough".

When Dan launched the It Gets Better project, I spent an entire weekend watching one video after another, back to back, bawling my eyes out. I am not gay, but it spoke VOLUMES to me that it isn't ONLY about being gay - its about kids being dicks and how it can really affect people. Those videos brought up some massive feelings that needed to be dealt with, and while it is something I still carry with me in the deep deep core of my being, they brought healing, and more importantly HOPE.

Gay, straight, bi, trans - I am thrilled this project is out there for these kids to remind them to keep their heads up, that HS is temporary and to go ahead and plan a future with HS in the rear view mirror. Not one for wanting 'do overs' - this is one I would go back and live through all over again and do VERY differently the second time around.

[HillWilliam]

32. I'll tell you this, Ruby dear,

your support means a lot. The quicker everyone realizes it's difference that makes us strong instead of separating us, the better off we'll all be.

God, I hated high school. I enjoyed the education, don't get me wrong. It was the hostile environment I hated. If I had known even just one other gay person at the time it would have made all the difference in the world.

I just got back in contact with my best friend from ninth grade. Neither of us had any idea the other was gay. It's so cool to be able to talk about it now.

I've only made contact with one other high school acquaintance. Turns out he was gay, too. He and his partner have a B&B near Palm Springs now. I found out much later that one of the first-string high school football team was gay, too. Each of us had a totally secret crush on the other, but there again, it probably would have been death to have admitted it. I'm grieved to report that HIV took him from the earth in the 80's. It would have been nice at least to have talked.

Y'always wonder about the ones who got away or left us too soon. I've no doubt I'd still have ended up with the partner I have now; soulmates seem to find one another regardless. With all the negative way-back-when, I know how very lucky and blessed I am now.

And that, as Robert Frost wrote, has made all of the difference.

[LeftinOH]

27. 1979-1983. There were no gay kids high school, but lots of "faggots";

in fact, to listen to the typical lunchroom/gymnasium/library/hallway/homeroom chatter, at least 50% of the school were "faggots". I developed furious hatred for that word early on, and I have NOT forgotten those who used it -to me or to anyone else.

And, FWIW, there *were* gay kids, but they were completely mute on the subject, and they comprised only a small percentage of the above-mentioned group.

[jumptheshadow]

28. There was a novel written about my high school...

back in the time. The author was two or three classes ahead of me. I recognized several of the characters, or the composites of characters, even though the author's Wiki entry states the book was a work of fiction and was not autobiographical.

Stone Butch Blues

It was a brutal portrait of the school, which was a toxic environment for the transgendered character.

Not many GLBT people were "out" at that time. (That happened after high school and even after college.) The school was quite diverse ethnically and economically. It was the era of Vietnam and Martin Luther King's death. Racism and racial relations were major day-to-day issues that figured into many interactions. It was occasionally a difficult environment, but many of us were shaken out of our childhood comfort zones and learned some valuable life lessons.

I was straight at the time and was working long hours after school so I could afford college. I had to focus my energy on that goal so I could gain control over my own destiny and exercise my creative skills.

[Politicalboi]

31. I'm in that age group

It is a rough life. I had a rougher time in elementary school. I fought a few boys at school. I always played better with boys on my street, I have 3 older brothers When I was young I always heard "Is that a boy or a girl?" I still hear something similar today. "Sir oh sorry". I was with my mother and father once looking at a house they were going to buy, I was 15. The owners weren't there, and they had a German Sheppard out back. They told us their dog didn't like strange males. Anyway, here in Ca we have glass sliding doors that lead to the backyard in a lot of homes. I went up to the glass door, and the dog showed his teeth at me. My mom did the same thing, and he waged his tail. Needless to say I didn't venture out. LOL! I still remember his name Caesar.

[Bohunk68]

34. 1952-1961

Went to live with my mother and her "new" husband in '52. Pretty soon he and I had a relationship going. I was small for my age and got picked on a lot by all the other boys who were establishing pecking order. Was always the last one chosen for athletic events. Always knew I was different and liked males. Became good friends with my "cousin" who was a year younger and lived across the street. We used to go hicking and would masturbate and have frottage. But, when I turned 16, my step-father stopped relations with me and told me it was time for females. Went to go further with my cousin and he never spoke to me again. So my last two years of high school were very lonely. I was one of the smart kids in class, but because of our economic conditions was not ever really accepted, merely tolerated. I went into the Navy after I graduated, and wow, it was like heaven with all the beautiful guys and all the sex that was readily available. However, one guy reported our relationship and I got an Undesirable Discharge. That really messed up my employment situation for years. Became open about who I was. Moved around a bit, had a couple of 5 year relationships and then met my soulmate and we moved to his hometown in rural Upstate NY. His funeral was on what would have been our 27th anniversary. The church was packed. A few months later, I had a young man come up to me and tell me how glad he was that we were there and out. It made life easier for him. That's what it's all about. I was the first openly gay deacon in the ELCA in Upstate NY and just last year, a rural congregation called an openly gay man to be their pastor. He brought along his partner. Wow!! We just called a new pastor and the first question put to him was what was his attitude about gay people that he would have a gay deacon. He ansered correctly and his first Sunday is coming the 5th. We've already had great conversations. I am still out in the community, volunteering for Lutheran Disaster Resources and am point person for the Schoharie Valley flooding from Hurricanes Irene and Lee last summer. I also am on the Senior Citizens Council and have started a late career in theater.

[Bohunk68]

35. Forget to proofread

so please forgive my spelling errors.

[Rowdyboy]

38. What an incredible story....Thank you for your honesty....

We have lots in common and I hope I get a chance to know you better. We've shared a lot in very separate lives.

[Rowdyboy]

37. 1968-1972 in semi-rural Mississippi-about what you'd expect....

I didn't even realize I was gay, I just knew, really, really knew that I didn't fit in. High school for me was about chasing a hot straight boy without knowing what I wanted to do with him. Now he's a doctor but then I just wanted to "be" with him. Now I understand. Then I was so incredibly confused I didn't care-I just wanted him.

In the words of Kurt Vonnegut-...So it goes..."