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Tue May 8, 2012, 06:36 PM

Do you think the phrase "gay-dar" is offensive?

I think it's rude to assume personally. But there are instances where I can agree that someone seems to be acting stereotypically gay. Like in the movie The Birdcage or something...
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Disclaimer: This is an Internet poll

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Arrow 37 replies Author Time Post
Reply Do you think the phrase "gay-dar" is offensive? (Original post)
Neoma May 2012 OP
Skittles May 2012 #1
Neoma May 2012 #5
Skittles May 2012 #8
DURHAM D May 2012 #22
Neoma May 2012 #28
mitchtv May 2012 #36
Fearless May 2012 #27
Neoma May 2012 #29
Fearless May 2012 #31
Neoma May 2012 #32
Fearless May 2012 #33
Neoma May 2012 #34
Fearless May 2012 #35
Xipe Totec May 2012 #2
Skittles May 2012 #7
Xipe Totec May 2012 #12
Skittles May 2012 #19
Xipe Totec May 2012 #23
Skittles May 2012 #25
MuseRider May 2012 #30
MNBrewer May 2012 #3
SoutherDem May 2012 #15
MNBrewer May 2012 #18
Skittles May 2012 #20
MNBrewer May 2012 #26
SoutherDem May 2012 #24
jumptheshadow May 2012 #4
madaboutharry May 2012 #6
libodem May 2012 #9
SoutherDem May 2012 #16
SoutherDem May 2012 #10
Neoma May 2012 #13
SoutherDem May 2012 #17
LiberalArkie May 2012 #11
Smarmie Doofus May 2012 #14
MuseRider May 2012 #21
uriel1972 May 2012 #37

Response to Neoma (Original post)

Tue May 8, 2012, 06:41 PM

1. no, absolutely not

gay-dar isn't assuming; I think (my opinion here) it means your mind is more open to the possibility someone might be in the closet - people with good "gaydar" are usually not homophobes

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Response to Skittles (Reply #1)

Tue May 8, 2012, 06:50 PM

5. Then why am I hearing...

That thinking the whoever-bigoted person/politician might be gay, isn't a good thing to think? Essentially, isn't it the same concept of people's gay-dars go off? I thought there was even a movie on self-hating gay politicians...

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Response to Neoma (Reply #5)

Tue May 8, 2012, 06:56 PM

8. probably better a gay DUer helps you with that, Neoma

any takers?

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Response to Neoma (Reply #5)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:21 PM

22. Are you referring to this -

In this thread / subject line: Fox News Guest: Allowing Women To Vote ‘One Of The Greatest Mistakes That America Made’

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1014116161

Response # 2 is by usrname

He refers to the man interviewed (Rev. Peterson) in this way:

"Sounds like a closeted guy
He's got issues."

The jury allowed the post to stand. A member of our LGBT community was upset by this and posted about it here.

EarlG got a TOS Alert and has now PPRed poster usrname for a history of homophobic comments.



Are you really asking if gaydar and calling a bigoted asshole a closeted guy are the same thing?

I resent your post. I wish you would remove it.





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Response to DURHAM D (Reply #22)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:53 PM

28. Well, I'm asking if hearing about a bigoted asshole and calling them gay, is using gay-dar?

Which is why I'm also asking whether using "gay-dar" is offensive.

Depending on how it's used, I've always figured it is offensive, due to this sort of thing happening. But with the poll, I really didn't know what other LGBTs thought of the phrase. And apparently it's an accepted term.

It does beg the obvious question as to why people assume bigoted assholes are closeted gays. Is it gay-dar or stereotype? That's what I wanted to know, but my conclusion now is stereotype.

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Response to Neoma (Reply #28)

Tue May 8, 2012, 10:22 PM

36. sounds more like bitchieness

than gaydar, as it seeks to brand the enemy as "Gay"as a perjoritive, a closet queen, indoing so casts homophobia as a gay problem , relieving straits of the blame

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Response to Neoma (Reply #5)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:41 PM

27. I would say in general... not regarding any posting on DU that I know of...

We as a community do have "social cues" that can delineate us from the straight population and we use them for that purpose either intentionally or by nature. When people say things like "all people who are/do XYZ are gay (et. al), that is where the problem comes up IMHO.

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Response to Fearless (Reply #27)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:56 PM

29. I haven't been in touch with the LGBT community.

Grew up in the bible belt. So with cues, I'm clueless.

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Response to Neoma (Reply #29)

Tue May 8, 2012, 09:13 PM

31. Well..

Studies have shown that those who are virulently anti-gay are more likely to be closeted than the one that is silent about LGBT issues or is pro-LGBT issues. But if that's all you have to go by... that there are no other "factors" to take into account, that IMO it's irritating to claim that they're gay. It's sort of like calling LGBT people hypocrites for acting anti-LGBT. All IMHO of course.

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Response to Fearless (Reply #31)

Tue May 8, 2012, 09:38 PM

32. Then my fundie grandma must be gay!

Joking, joking. But she does go on websites to harass gay people, from what I understand.

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Response to Neoma (Reply #32)

Tue May 8, 2012, 09:39 PM

33. *facepalm*

She needs to discover lolcats or something!

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Response to Fearless (Reply #33)

Tue May 8, 2012, 09:47 PM

34. Won't happen.

One of her son's is a missionary, so they were so proud, they became local missionaries. They're evangelical fundamentalist southern baptists. Pat Robertson's religion to give you an idea...

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Response to Neoma (Reply #34)

Tue May 8, 2012, 09:49 PM

35. Now MY brain hurts! n/t

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Response to Neoma (Original post)

Tue May 8, 2012, 06:44 PM

2. No, especially since mine is broken.

Didn't even know my own brother was gay until he told me.


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Response to Xipe Totec (Reply #2)

Tue May 8, 2012, 06:55 PM

7. SCHEDULING XIPE TOTEC FOR ASS KICKING

*EGREGIOUS*

so did that go OK, XT? Your brother must have sensed you'd be fine with it, right?

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Response to Skittles (Reply #7)

Tue May 8, 2012, 07:23 PM

12. He was in fear of his life

I was, like, wtf? So?

Seriously, he was so worried about rejection and it never even occurred to me that he might feel that way.

I wish he had told me earlier. It would have saved him no end of anguish.

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Response to Xipe Totec (Reply #12)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:11 PM

19. awwwww

certainly better late than never - I'm hoping that as acceptance becomes more mainstream, these folk won't have to wonder - they will just know

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Response to Skittles (Reply #19)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:26 PM

23. I love him very much. He is my youngest brother

I am the firstborn.

There are fifteen years between us. He practically considers me his surrogate father.

Our father died when he was still five years old, by the way.

Oddly enough, I had a hard time communicating with him early on. Until I discovered the solution...

Once I started treating him like my daughter, rather than my brother, we started connecting better.

His sensibility is very feminine. Much like our sister. I never knew that or realized it before.

But once I stopped trying to treat him as a male; the default behavior, we were able to connect, communicate, and enjoy each other's company.

My explanation is crude and inadequate, I'm sure, but to the best of my abilities, that's how I can make sense of how we found common ground...


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Response to Xipe Totec (Reply #23)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:29 PM

25. that is a sweet story

whatever it takes! there's 11 years between me and my youngest brother, and I know just that gap in ages alone can make it harder to communicate - heck, he was 7 when I was in military boot camp

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Response to Xipe Totec (Reply #12)

Tue May 8, 2012, 09:05 PM

30. That is the exact thing that happened with my brother.

I knew but had never been told. Sadly he was in the hospital and his Doc came in and told us he had AIDS. He turned to me and said, "Well I guess you know now. I'm sorry. Are you OK?" LOL, my reaction was the same as yours, WTF? So?

We did not have enough time to ever discuss it much. It had never mattered even enough for me to bring it up yet he was still afraid to tell me. I wish he had felt differently.

Sweet story, I read down the thread already. He is lucky to have you.

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Response to Neoma (Original post)

Tue May 8, 2012, 06:47 PM

3. DOn't need the 'dar for some instances

mine is pretty well tuned after all these years, but is continent specific. North America, pretty good reception. Europe.... not good reception at all. Too many false echos. Signals are all different

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Response to MNBrewer (Reply #3)

Tue May 8, 2012, 07:57 PM

15. I agree

Americans I am probably around 90%. Europeans almost all set it off. But, to be fair I have been told the same works in reverse to them we all look/act gay.

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Response to SoutherDem (Reply #15)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:05 PM

18. Reminds me of a humorous story

Was camping in the Sierra Nevada with my boyfriend and another gay friend of ours. We noticed another tent set up fairly close to ours (by North American standards) when we came back from a hike. Turns out it was a German fellow, so we understood that he had different standards of personal space and welcomed him into our space. During our chat at some point he asked "So you are all guys?".

We looked at each other kind of puzzled and said "yeah... we're all guys". To which he replied. "I'm a guy too!"

Pretty quickly we factored in the accent and realized he asked if we were "gays"... We all had a good laugh when we explained what we had THOUGHT he asked.

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Response to MNBrewer (Reply #18)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:13 PM

20. LOL

that IS humorous!

like a Hispanic neighbor of mine who was worried about dating after his divorce - kept saying to me he was worried women would notice he had herpes - I was like, uh, huh, well,.....until I realized he was saying HAIR PIECE

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Response to Skittles (Reply #20)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:35 PM

26. I bet that was a relief!

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Response to MNBrewer (Reply #18)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:26 PM

24. To funny

and being friends with British, French and Swiss people I fully understand

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Response to Neoma (Original post)

Tue May 8, 2012, 06:48 PM

4. Are you kidding?

I believe the word originated in the gay community. To me, it has always meant sensing the presence of somebody else who is "family." There's nothing offensive about it.

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Response to Neoma (Original post)

Tue May 8, 2012, 06:52 PM

6. The gay people I know use that phrase all the time.

In fact, I have had gay friends ask me if my gay-dar went off when I meet them. So, I would say no.

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Response to Neoma (Original post)

Tue May 8, 2012, 06:58 PM

9. My friend says that in the 70's

People would ask if you were a friend of Dorothy? Referencing the Wizard of Oz. But she so told me about the [email protected] hou$es, in SLC. So it must be a lie.


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Response to libodem (Reply #9)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:03 PM

16. I forgot about that term

Great code word, kinda like the seen a one of the James Bond movie in meeting up with a spy

Spy1: Do you have a match?
Spy2: I use a lighter.
Spy1: Even better.
Spy2: Until it breaks.

With Friends of Dorothy,
If the answer was yes, your good to go

If the answer was who the hell is Dorothy you excuse yourself and go elsewhere.

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Response to Neoma (Original post)

Tue May 8, 2012, 07:19 PM

10. I used it just today in this group.

So I am guessing I am the one who brought on this question and if I am the one who offended you I am sorry. It was not intended.

The reason I use the term is this;

It is not overly apparent that I am gay. Yet, there are those who have been able to determine this by just looking at me. While others need to get to know me before they start assuming that I am gay, yet some I have known for years and when I finally tell them they are utterly shocked.

I don't know what words to use but I do feel some can tell, maybe by very subtle actions, while others are so clueless they have to be outright told.

But, is it the term or the action?

If it is the word no problem we simply add it to the list of words which we are not allowed to use.

If it is the action, not using a word to describe it doesn't change the assumption. People make judgements each and everyday, it is human nature and eliminating the term we use won't change things.

To be completely honest when I see someone I am attracted to that I would like to ask out, I use my "homosexual observational awareness" to determine my chances the guy is gay. But being that I have only a 10% chance (statically) of being right and am seldom wrong there is something to it no matter what you call it.

Once again if I am the reason for this post and i offended you I am sorry, it was not my intentions and will try to refrain from offending in the future.

Also, if I am still allowed to make changes I will remove the term from my OP

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Response to SoutherDem (Reply #10)

Tue May 8, 2012, 07:25 PM

13. I'm not offended, more confused actually.

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Response to Neoma (Reply #13)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:05 PM

17. Good I never want to offend.

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Response to Neoma (Original post)

Tue May 8, 2012, 07:22 PM

11. I wished I set off the GayDar on others

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Response to Neoma (Original post)

Tue May 8, 2012, 07:46 PM

14. "Offensive" is a bit strong but I don't like the term.

 

It's presumptuous. Implies that all gay men ( in my experience it's never used in connection to "the girls" .... a subculture shorthand for lesbians that I've always thought was cool, BTW) act, talk, walk, think in a particular, identifiable way.

Some of us do..... and some of us don't.

Additionally, there's something vaguely homophobic about it. Even if it originated within the community.The son of a gay-dad friend of mine ( age about 12) had some kind of electronic gizmo that was billed as a "gaydar" thingie. Evidently the big thing in school was to point it at another kid and the beeper would go off, indicating that the subject was gay. So the kids were running around sixth grade with these things calling each other "gay".

Politically conscious gay dad couldn't see what was wrong with it. He thought it was funny.

I give up.

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Response to Neoma (Original post)

Tue May 8, 2012, 08:14 PM

21. I don't know, so I don't use it anymore.

As a straight person it seems the wrong thing to say. I think if you have to ask then it is best not to use it. I don't think it is anyone's business to state that someone may be gay or that you think they are gay and really, does it matter at all? No. It should never matter.

I used to use the phrase but mine seems to never be correct anyway. Once I really thought about using it I made the decision to not use it.

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Response to Neoma (Original post)

Wed May 9, 2012, 01:26 AM

37. I voted yes

I found the idea offensive, mainly I guess because I have encountered it mostly amongst 'straight' people as an idea to pick out and denigrate others due to percieved sexuality.

Reading the comments I see that those that have encountered it amongst 'company' as it were, aren't so offended by it. Well there you go.

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