HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Topics » Gender & Orientation » Men's Group (Group) » 1 in 6 men have experienc...

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 01:28 AM

1 in 6 men have experienced abusive sexual experiences before age 18

Researchers have found that 1 in 6 men have experienced abusive sexual experiences before age 18. And this is probably a low estimate, since it doesn’t include noncontact experiences, which can also have lasting negative effects.

If you’ve had such an experience, or think you might have, you are not alone.

If you wonder whether such an experience may be connected to some difficulties or challenges in your life now, you are not alone

https://1in6.org/the-1-in-6-statistic/


Myths & Facts

Here we address some myths that everyone absorbs to some extent, especially boys and men who’ve had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences. These myths are big obstacles to understanding and healing, so it’s really important to know just how wrong they are.
Before addressing the myths, let’s review some key facts:

Boys and men can be sexually used or abused, and it has nothing to do with how masculine they are.
If a boy liked the attention he was getting, or got sexually aroused during abuse, or even sometimes wanted the attention or sexual contact, this does not mean he wanted or liked being manipulated or abused, or that any part of what happened, in any way, was his responsibility or fault.
Sexual abuse harms boys and girls in ways that are similar and different, but equally harmful.
Boys can be sexually abused by both straight men and gay men. Sexual abuse is the result of abusive behavior that takes advantage of a child’s vulnerability and is in no way related to the sexual orientation of the abusive person.
Whether he is gay, straight or bisexual, a boy’s sexual orientation is neither the cause or the result of sexual abuse. By focusing on the abusive nature of sexual abuse rather than the sexual aspects of the interaction, it becomes easier to understand that sexual abuse has nothing to do with a boy’s sexual orientation.
Girls and women can sexually abuse boys. The boys are not “lucky,” but exploited and harmed.
Most boys who are sexually abused will not go on to sexually abuse others.

Myth 1 — The myth that boys can’t be sexually used or abused, and if one is, he can never be a “real man.”

Everyone absorbs the myth that males aren’t victims, to some extent. It’s central to masculine gender socialization, and boys pick up on it very early in life. This myth implies that a boy or man who has been sexually used or abused will never be a “real man.” Our society expects males to be able to protect themselves. Successful men are depicted as never being vulnerable, either physically or emotionally. (See How It Can Be Different for Men and How Being Male Can Make It Hard to Heal.)

Whether you agree with that definition of masculinity or not, boys are not men. They are children. They are weaker and more vulnerable than those who sexually abuse or exploit them – who use their greater size, strength and knowledge to manipulate or coerce boys into unwanted sexual experiences and staying silent. This is usually done from a position of authority (e.g., coach, teacher, religious leader) or status (e.g. older cousin, admired athlete, social leader), using whatever means are available to reduce resistance, such as attention, special privileges, money or other gifts, promises or bribes, even outright threats.

What happens to any of us as children does not need to define us as adults or men. It is important to remember that that 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before age 18 (see The 1 in 6 Statistic), and that those boys can grow up to be strong, powerful, courageous and healthy men. Examples are found on our website (see Other Guys Like Me), and there are many others out there.

https://1in6.org/men/myths/


This can be a difficult and emotional topic. My friend, one_voice, posted this in another group and I am reposting because I feel this is something men do need to discuss, without shame, prejudice, and blame. What was interesting for me was upon reading this I remembered an assault I endured during my high school years. It was odd how I had not thought about it, even in the years I was a rape crisis counselor. I guess it is one of those things some men do in order to not think about the situation.

The other issue is being able to talk to male children about this in a way that doesn't make them fearful or feel ashamed. In my estimation, most people don't really think to consider boys as potential victims, yet, as the above shows, it is more common than most think.

20 replies, 3367 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 20 replies Author Time Post
Reply 1 in 6 men have experienced abusive sexual experiences before age 18 (Original post)
Behind the Aegis Jul 2014 OP
pnwmom Jul 2014 #1
Spitfire of ATJ Jul 2014 #2
Behind the Aegis Jul 2014 #3
Spitfire of ATJ Jul 2014 #4
Behind the Aegis Jul 2014 #6
Spitfire of ATJ Jul 2014 #8
Behind the Aegis Jul 2014 #9
Spitfire of ATJ Jul 2014 #11
Behind the Aegis Jul 2014 #12
Spitfire of ATJ Jul 2014 #14
Behind the Aegis Jul 2014 #15
azurnoir Jul 2014 #5
Behind the Aegis Jul 2014 #7
azurnoir Jul 2014 #10
Behind the Aegis Jul 2014 #13
lumberjack_jeff Jul 2014 #18
sibelian Aug 2014 #19
sibelian Aug 2014 #20
LuvNewcastle Jul 2014 #16
lumberjack_jeff Jul 2014 #17

Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 02:50 AM

1. It happened to one of my male relatives when he was about ten.

He told me about it when he was in college -- and told my siblings. We had children so he wanted to warn us about his molester. But years later, he doesn't remember it at all. It must have been so painful he blocked it out.

I tried to report the molester to the state, but was told the report had to come from the victim -- and he wasn't ready. (Maybe things are different now -- this was decades ago.)

Then, in his first job, he got sexually harassed. My relative is quiet and shy so he probably seemed like an easy target -- someone who wouldn't complain. He didn't complain -- he just left the job.

Yes, I know this happens to boys and men. And it's just as wrong as when it happens to girls and women.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:12 AM

2. This causes emotionally whacked people when mixed with classic Heartland Puritanism.

 

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Spitfire of ATJ (Reply #2)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:13 AM

3. I don't understand your comment.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Behind the Aegis (Reply #3)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:20 AM

4. Think about it. You have sexual repression as a part of the culture...

 

Enforce that by authority figures and claim "sins of the flesh" will cause damnation and then have someone attacked in that way, possibly by an authority figure.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Spitfire of ATJ (Reply #4)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:25 AM

6. I still don't understand your comments.

Sexual repression is limited to the "Heartland", unless that phrase was a turn of a comment. It seems you are "limiting" your comments to religion. While that surely plays a part, it doesn't always. There are plenty of sex-negative messages not relegated to religion, including the idea that men (and sometimes, boys) can't really be victims of sexual abuse/assault or rape.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Behind the Aegis (Reply #6)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:31 AM

8. What fool these days claims males can't be victims?

 

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Spitfire of ATJ (Reply #8)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:32 AM

9. For real?

There was a comment at this very site not long ago (maybe a couple of months), that claimed "you can't rape the willing" in regards to males being raped.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Behind the Aegis (Reply #9)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:35 AM

11. Obviously they missed the incident with the NYPD and a lamp.

 

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Spitfire of ATJ (Reply #11)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:47 AM

12. There are lots of examples.

I don't know if she knew about that particular incident of not, but it was jarring to see such a statement, especially given it is a statement more often used against women, especially those who dressed a certain way or were drunk. Fortunately, it was not well received here. However, if you need another example, just look at comments made when an older woman is accused (or found guilty of) assaulting a younger male. They range from "lucky kid" to "he seduced her".

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Behind the Aegis (Reply #12)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 04:04 AM

14. Some people can't imagine the world beyond their own experience....

 

She probably fended off a lot of advances all through her life and that caused her to assume all guys were like the ones she's dealt with.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Spitfire of ATJ (Reply #14)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 04:10 AM

15. I don't know, but it demonstrates a lack of understanding.

The same is true of those who think boys are "lucky" to get abused by an older female or men "deserve it" when they are in jail.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:24 AM

5. Thank you for this thread

I really do not understand why people would think that boys especially very young boys would be any less likely to be victims of abuse

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to azurnoir (Reply #5)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:28 AM

7. I have my own theories as to why people think boys can't be victims.

Some of it is related to homophobia, some of it relates to anti-male sexism, and some of it is just plain ignorance.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Behind the Aegis (Reply #7)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:33 AM

10. probably all of the above but as a mother to 3 girls and one boy

I've never seen my son as less likely a victim than my daughters, in fact I've seen stats that indicate boys are actually slightly more likely to be victims

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to azurnoir (Reply #10)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 03:51 AM

13. It is good for boys to feel than can be open about their experiences.

If he feels he can be honest and open without being shamed, ridiculed, or ignored, it is the way to go. There are so many messages out there that make boys feel they can't be victims.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to azurnoir (Reply #10)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 11:20 AM

18. That's true. Your son is more likely to be a victim of a violent crime than your daughters. n/t

 

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to azurnoir (Reply #5)

Tue Aug 5, 2014, 07:41 AM

19. Misandry.


It's not complicated.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to azurnoir (Reply #5)

Wed Aug 6, 2014, 04:36 AM

20. Male victimhood is repellant.


People don't like thinking about it.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 04:47 AM

16. A lot of people think life is so easy for guys, but it isn't, not unless

you're a certain type of guy. The rest of us really aren't allowed to even discuss how tough it is. We're just supposed to suck it up and do what we're expected to do. In the end, life offers two choices for guys -- we can die and be heroes or live and be cowards. So we're fucked either way.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Behind the Aegis (Original post)

Tue Jul 15, 2014, 11:18 AM

17. "Boys can be sexually abused by both straight men and gay men."

 

Something obvious has been omitted from that sentence.

Did you know that the FBI definition of rape precludes women from raping men?

The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.


Catch that? If you weren't penetrated, you aren't a victim of rape. Bear that in mind next time you read how much more likely men are to be rapists.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread