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Sun Apr 8, 2012, 08:26 AM

Pearl Jam Are the Most Boring Band in 20 Years

I found the link to this article over at the Pearl Jam forums, where a humour-impaired fan had been organising a lynch-mob ready to ride out with their hate mail ready to go. The article's really funny, as is the related Alanis Morissette one

August marked the 20-year anniversary of Pearl Jam's Ten. Yes, for 20 soul-crushing years we've listened to Eddie Vedder mumble. Which is somehow even worse than Jeff Ament's endless procession of silly hats. Somehow Pearl Jam enjoy more acclaim than ever these days; it seems that mediocre rock bands, like ugly buildings, become respectable if they stick around long enough.

How did they get to be so boring? Let's explore their pedigree. Jeff Ament and Stone Gossard (is there a douchier name?) played in a group called Green River alongside Mark Arm and Steve Turner. The latter two went on to form Mudhoney. Ament and Gossard jammed with some dudes from Malfunkshun, a band even more terrible than its name, and later formed Mother Love Bone, who are most noteworthy for straddling the fence between grotesque '80s glam rock and pretentious '90s grunge rock. Eventually, the pair found self-important San Diegan Eddie Vedder, a name which has terrified children ever since.

Critics lumped Ten in with grunge, despite the fact that it has nothing in common with grunge standard bearers Mudhoney, the Melvins, Tad or Gruntruck. Grunge never had much homogeneity, but Pearl Jam can't be explained away as an outlier. Ten sounds more like if your dad's classic rock cover band decided to give the "kids' music" the old state college try.

If Ten sounds like rehashed AOR bands, their public image represented the worst of major label committee think. Vedder played the brooding, tortured frontman, constantly brushing hair from his face, affecting shyness that would make the most twee indie pop bands blush. The others stood around like grinning simpletons in Body Glove shorts and bajas. Collectively they mouthed all the shibboleths about gun control and "white male dominance, maaaaaaan ..." Seriously, who did they think they were fooling?

A lot of people, apparently. Ten sold almost that many million copies. The singles are merely pedestrian, but the album cuts are downright embarrassing. It's amazing the band did anything other than play a grunge band in a made-for-TV movie. Performing "Black" at a coffee shop open mic should be grounds for a restraining order. "Why Go" becomes irritatingly repetitive upon a single listen.


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Reply Pearl Jam Are the Most Boring Band in 20 Years (Original post)
Violet_Crumble Apr 2012 OP
bathroommonkey76 Apr 2012 #1
limpyhobbler Apr 2012 #2

Response to Violet_Crumble (Original post)

Sun Apr 8, 2012, 07:59 PM

1. I have seen them a few times over the years


and I find that Eddie Vedder & company are on the same level as Bruce Springsteen. Their live performances sometimes last over 3 hours and have all of the energy that you look for in a mega-band rock show.

Coming from the Grunge era myself I see read a lot from people who don't think PJ are a good band. Their hits over the years prove that they are worthy of being considered one of the best and original bands to come out of Seattle. Does that make them not worthy of being on that pedestal with Nirvana, Alice & Chains, Mudhoney, or Soundgarden? Absolutely not. If Eddie Vedder had died from a heroin overdose, or blew his brains out with a sawed off shotgun he would be praised for his writing. Imagine an aging Cobain in today's world. He wouldn't be respected by the all knowing douches of the blog world. They would see him as an utter sell out like they have painted Eddie Vedder.

Rock & Roll hasn't had any real light the past 10 years. The last band that got me really psyched were the White Stripes. I will say that the Black Keys, Mumford & Sons, The Black Angels and the Avett Brothers have had my ear the past few years.

I want something special to happen to the music world again; I just don't see it happening with any of the bands on the scene today.


The best band to actually start the Grunge movement were the Pixies. Their sound was pretty much copied by most of those Seattle area bands of the early 90s. I would take all of their albums and put them up against any of the so-called "Grunge Gods".

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Response to Violet_Crumble (Original post)

Tue Apr 10, 2012, 09:24 AM

2. LOL Friggin Hilarious.

I like 'em but I like being able to laugh at 'em too. They are severely funny. Can't take ourselves too seriously now can we?

I really have a lot of memories from the Ten album. I had it on a cassette.

I didn't really keep up with them over the years. But it wasn't from a lack of trying on my part. They kept coming out with albums and I kept buying their the CD's on the clearance rack at the used record stores. I really tried to get into it. But I couldn't really get into most of it after about 1995. I still like 'em though.

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