Fri Jun 30, 2017, 01:35 PM

LSFL (1,106 posts)

I am the menace of the grocery store! RAWR!

Yesterday I was waiting at the deli counter and just started some small talk with a sweet little old lady. Just prattling on about cooking and potato salad while keeping an eye out for my order. Suddenly I realize she is just giving one word responses. I glanced at her and the poor thing was terrified!
Her grand daughter caught up with her and I told her that I think I scared her 'sister" and I really didnt mean to. She said that was ok. Her granny was fearful a lot nowadays.
I pondered this. It wasn't racism as we were both white. Then it hit me.
Grandma was about 5 ft tall and birdlike. Maybe 90 lbs.
I am 6'2 and well over 200 lbs.

Plus i have a bushy salt and pepper beard and paradoxically shave my head to minimize the fact that i am losing my hair. Throw in my heavy bone structure and I suppose I could be pretty scary.

I had a little laugh about it. Then I got sad. Why should this poor woman be fearful at the store? Not only would I never harm her I would seek to prtect her from harm!

What is going on? My grands feared nothing.

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7 replies	Author	Time	Post
I am the menace of the grocery store! RAWR! (Original post)	LSFL	Jun 2017	OP
Sad to say, but there may have been an incident in her past	Yavin4	Jun 2017	#1
AW! Don't be sad, and don't take it personally!	pnwest	Jun 2017	#2
Might not be anything you did if that granny had mental health problems.	procon	Jun 2017	#3
I'm surprised you made it this long before having such an experience	TXCritter	Jun 2017	#4
It could be any number of reasons	mythology	Jun 2017	#5
Some people have social anxiety.	IrishEyes	Jun 2017	#6
Many folks are "fearful a lot nowadays"	red dog 1	Jul 2017	#7

Response to LSFL (Original post)

Fri Jun 30, 2017, 01:52 PM

Yavin4 (32,085 posts)

1. Sad to say, but there may have been an incident in her past

And you may have triggered it.

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Response to LSFL (Original post)

Fri Jun 30, 2017, 01:59 PM

pnwest (2,842 posts)

2. AW! Don't be sad, and don't take it personally!

If there's dementia going on, I'm sure she gets scared of everything.

I saw a special once showing what dementia is like. They had a mask of some sort that gave the wearer tunnel vision, and headphones that constantly gave a low drone of disconnected sentences and phrases. After a bit, you can't get your bearings and get very disoriented quickly. If she's got that going on, it's perfectly normal for her to be scared anywhere.

I once had a panic attack at the eye doctor, because they dilated my eyes, and took my contacts. And I couldn't see very well, there was nowhere to sit down and stay calm so I had to walk around this unfamiliar office not being able to see anything very well, and i got a little weirded out. Disorientation with no safety net - granddaughter having walked away for a moment - is scary.

Here - I found a link to the segment! http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/virtual-dementia-tour-families-understanding-alzheimers-disease-11226182

Don't take it personally, she's scared of everything.

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Response to LSFL (Original post)

Fri Jun 30, 2017, 02:09 PM

procon (15,805 posts)

3. Might not be anything you did if that granny had mental health problems.

If she had strayed away from her granddaughter and become disorientated then the whole world must have seemed like a terrifying place for her. That would explain why she needed a minder to track her down.

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Response to LSFL (Original post)

Fri Jun 30, 2017, 02:09 PM

TXCritter (344 posts)

4. I'm surprised you made it this long before having such an experience

I'm your size and it's too easy to frighten people. For years, I slouched to reduce the effect. I ended up causing myself back pain.

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Response to LSFL (Original post)

Fri Jun 30, 2017, 07:03 PM

mythology (9,527 posts)

5. It could be any number of reasons

As a guy who is also 6' and over 200 lbs, I consider it a very small price to pay to be aware that I might be intimidating (particularly to women) for the fact that I'm unlikely to ever be the victim of sexual assault, I'm less likely to be picked to be randomly mugged, etc.

You can't know why she was afraid. Maybe somebody who looked like you hurt her at some point, maybe she is suffering from a dementia related illness, maybe she read the wrong thing in the newspaper. Unfortunately you can't know. You can be aware for the future though.

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Response to LSFL (Original post)

Fri Jun 30, 2017, 09:11 PM

IrishEyes (3,145 posts)

6. Some people have social anxiety.

It can be nerve wracking to talk to people you don't know or to interact in a social situation.

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Response to LSFL (Original post)

Sun Jul 2, 2017, 03:18 PM

red dog 1 (20,422 posts)

7. Many folks are "fearful a lot nowadays"

and they have good reason to be fearful - (the deranged POS in the White House)

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