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Sat Dec 10, 2016, 10:58 AM

So when did it become the norm for adult children, nieces or nephews, to

NOT send a note of thanks for monetary gifts?? Our nephew's wife was in a car accident, she was fine, except the car was totaled. We sent them a check for 1000.00 to help with the purchase of another one,and never received a note, text or acknowledgment of it. I called after three weeks and asked if they had even received it and they said oh yes, and thank you very much. Then my niece got married Sept 23rd, we gave them 50.00 for the wedding present, it's her 2nd marriage, and we still haven't received a note of thanks yet. What's up with that?? Am I wrong or is a note of thanks still considered proper.

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Arrow 21 replies Author Time Post
Reply So when did it become the norm for adult children, nieces or nephews, to (Original post)
a kennedy Dec 2016 OP
LibinMo Dec 2016 #1
Kali Dec 2016 #2
Liberal_in_LA Dec 2016 #3
Loryn Dec 2016 #4
cwydro Dec 2016 #5
NJCher Dec 2016 #6
narnian60 Dec 2016 #7
LuckyLib Dec 2016 #8
a kennedy Dec 2016 #10
trof Dec 2016 #9
a kennedy Dec 2016 #11
trof Dec 2016 #12
jack69 Dec 2016 #13
orleans Dec 2016 #14
Grammy23 Dec 2016 #15
Drahthaardogs Dec 2016 #19
PassingFair Dec 2016 #16
a kennedy Dec 2016 #17
UTUSN Dec 2016 #18
RobinA Dec 2016 #20
Skittles Dec 2016 #21

Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 11:45 AM

1. It is as far as I'm concerned

This is the height of rudeness. I have one Grandchild who never acknowledges Birthday or Christmas gifts. Old enough to know better -16. Not even a text which would take seconds. I usually phone one of the parents a week or two after delivery time & ask.
Every year I swear it's the last time I'll send a gift but then I cave in. With six grandchildren it seems mean to omit one from the gift list.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 02:13 PM

2. circa 1985?

my kids all wrote/write thank yous but I know they aren't the norm.. I find it incredibly rude, especially if it was mailed and the giver doesn't even know if it was received.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 02:17 PM

3. Very common to omit thanks. Difficult to even know gift arrived!

 

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 03:08 PM

4. It seems to be common in my family as well.

Hope that the marriages last, there will be no more wedding gifts from me.


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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 04:03 PM

5. That's inexcusable.

Apparently, they were not raised well - or if they were, they don't care.

Very sad.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 04:12 PM

6. we have a family in our neighborhood

that is known for good parenting. When one of the kids went off to college, we gave a $50 bill and asked that he use it for his books on his first semester at school. We got a computer-generated, but personal note that he taped in on a thank you card.

Hey, I was just happy to get the thanks. Didn't have to be handwritten.

Personally, I think it's appalling that you sent a sum of money that large and didn't get an effusive, grateful response.



Cher

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 07:17 PM

7. A huge pet peeve of mine.

I made a crosstitched wedding picture and had it framed for a niece and her husband. Never heard from them, and I know they received it because my sister took it to the wedding for me. Just got a baby shower invite. They live in another state, so I obviously am not flying there for a shower, so they're wanting a baby gift. Uhhhh, no.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 07:39 PM

8. What we do is give donations to non-profits that support development across the

globe, access to housing here at home, organizations such as NAMI, etc. in the name of the recipient. That person gets an acknowledgement note from the charity. If they are so rude as to not thank you for a very generous gift, make it the last!

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Response to LuckyLib (Reply #8)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 08:11 PM

10. Starting to think this a great idea.....thanks. eom

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 08:09 PM

9. My mama woulda slapped me upside my head.

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Response to trof (Reply #9)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 08:13 PM

11. I know......I'm still writing thank yous.

My mother ALWAYS made us write them......my brother and his wife never made their kids, (my nieces and nephews) do it, and I'm still ticked off.

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Response to a kennedy (Reply #11)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 08:22 PM

12. Our rule of thumb:

If the giver was present at whatever the event was, an oral(?) "Thank you" was sufficient.

If the gift wasn't face-to-face, then a note was required.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sat Dec 10, 2016, 10:28 PM

13. With most of our in-laws

I blame it on their Republicanism.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sun Dec 11, 2016, 12:25 AM

14. my daughter got married at the end of september

and she's still pissing around sending out thank yous (which is really bothering me but i've only asked her about it twice because i figure if i keep mentioning it she'll do this stupid push-back with me that she is notorious for doing and it will take even longer)

she says etiquette websites say the bride & groom have 3 months to send thank you notes

apparently she's okay with taking that down to the wire

(of course there was the honeymoon, and they did buy a house and move since the wedding... but still--i'm thinking: get those fucking notes to people!!)

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sun Dec 11, 2016, 12:41 PM

15. My niece was married in July 2015.

I gave her a gift basket filled with things to use on the honeymoon. Beach towels, sun screen, snacks and goodies. I probably spent in excess of $50. Then gave a check for $100 on top of that. She started a new job (teaching kindergarten) in August and used that as an excuse to delay sending thank you notes. She even commented on Facebook that she knew she was late sending them but was TOO STRESSED OUT with her job and would get it done later on. She and her husband could have split the list, done 5 - 10 a night and gotten the task done in a few days, but they didn't do that. Now it is almost 18 months later and I figure she is too embarrassed at this point to bother.

Ironically, this same niece did the same thing when she graduated from college. She never acknowledged her gifts. One of her Uncles was so annoyed about it that not only did he refuse to send her a wedding gift, he declined to attend the wedding. He has plenty of money so it was not that. He had just had enough of the rudeness and decided to not be treated that way again. I gave her a check for $100 for graduation (plus drove 5 hours one way and stayed in a hotel so we could attend graduation) and never even got a verbal thank you. So I do understand how her uncle feels. Can't blame him one bit.

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Response to Grammy23 (Reply #15)

Mon Dec 12, 2016, 06:32 AM

19. We spent a plane ticket for my wife to attend the wedding

and gave my niece one hundred dollars. Get this, her MOTHER wrote the thank you cards. She is now graduating from college and sent an invitation. She will get a congratulatory note, but alas, the card shall be empty and will only contain words of encouragement.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sun Dec 11, 2016, 02:35 PM

16. I must be the odd one out here...

When I give money or gifts, I do it just to "give". I could care less if I get a thank you, written or oral. That said, if I SEND something, I do like to know that it was received...

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Response to PassingFair (Reply #16)

Sun Dec 11, 2016, 03:24 PM

17. I do as well both times money were mailed and I would just appreciate

an acknowledgement that it was received......

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Sun Dec 11, 2016, 11:21 PM

18. Actually, *anybody* for *any* category of gifts. What irks me more is the wedding people

No thank you for the wedding gifts. Like it's expected.

There was this person at work who was thoroughly evil and abrasive. Yet when she did the marriage deal, she sent invitations (requests for gifts) to all of us AT WORK.

I thought it was a sign of rapprochement, and naively trotted myself to the chain store registry. And sat back awaiting a tender thank-you card. HAH!1

And the few other invites I've gotten from others have had similar results. *NO* thank-you.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Thu Dec 15, 2016, 08:17 AM

20. If I Hand Someone

a gift or an envelope, saying Thank You then and there is enough for me. I'm not big on the handwritten note Thank You. If I send, give the gift to a third party, or sit it on a pile of gifts, an acknowledgement would be nice. I don't give gifts for praise or anything, but if I took the time to think up the gift, go to the store and buy it and wrap it, dead silence on the other end makes me feel like kind of a chump. Generally I am not a money gifter except for graduations.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Thu Dec 15, 2016, 04:59 PM

21. it is extremely egregious not to received a hand-written thank you note

they either were not raised properly or they are just assholes

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