10 Jokes People Who Are Well Read or A Little Off Understand

[rpannier]

1. What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
2. Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
3. I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.
4. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
5. What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow? A reprimand from the Scientific Integrity and Professional Ethics Committee and immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.
6. Your mum is so mean, she has no standard deviation.
7. A German asks for a martini.
"Dry?" says the bartender.
"Nein, just one."
8. Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings. Pavlov gasps, "Oh no, I forgot to feed the dogs".
9. How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
10. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. Here's one more:

Professor Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg, "Did you know you were going 85 miles an hour?"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now I'm lost!"

[rpannier]

2. Love it

That's a winner

[Jim Lane]

3. And the follow-up

Heisenberg's passenger is Schrödinger. After pulling them over, the cop inspects the car for contraband. He comes back to the front and says, "Hey, did you know there's a dead cat in the trunk?" Schrödinger angrily answers, "Now there is!"