it's pouring outside, and pouring inside
It's been pouring almost all freakin' day. It stops every so often. I slowly wake up to it. I start rousting myself to go outside a do a chore. Before I can move, the pouring starts again.
I've stopped beating myself up for not getting anything done. I've rested past the anxiety that has been gnawing at me for the last 2 weeks or so. I'm trying to enjoy the desperately needed day off (actually 3rd in a row, although the 1st was spent resting after working night shift), but can't seem to do that either.
I watched some videos and learned how to express a dogs anal glands. I expressed one of Luna's glands. The other was empty. Jake's were both empty.
I watched some Eldad and other rescue videos. One in particular, from the HSUS, called the face of a dogfight, left me sobbing. That poor dog was pulled directly from a fight he had just survived, with terrible injuries. Just wagging his tail as they carried him away. Wimpering in pain as the vet examined him, while licking their faces. He didn't want to fight. He wanted to love and be loved. He didn't make it...
But mostly I'm uncomfortable from sitting down and lying down most of the day. I get up and do a couple indoor chores, but can't motivate myself to do any deep cleaning. I'd like to start cleaning the floors, but they'll take forever to dry in this humidity...
= new reply since forum marked as read
And try watching something that'll lift your spirits. If I had watched that rescue video, I'd be inconsolable right now. I adopt older dogs from rescue. Sounds like you're overtired and have cabin fever. Do something that makes you happy on your day off. Hang in there... 
thank you.
The rain stopped enough so that I ventured out with the dogs and did my grocery shopping and weekly trip to the PO box. I splurged and got fishcakes and some cod on sale.
Then came home and discovered that in the past few days of rain, high humidity, fog, etc. the raspberries started ripening and the sugar snap peas came in bigtime. So I harvested those and, mercifully, the mosquitos were still too wet to come out to bite. Then I took care of the filly, who is getting fat and sassy with all her time off.
And then headed right back in. The fishcakes and corn on the cob are cooking right now...
Part of it is the weather. The gloom, wetness, bugs, high humidity really knock me back.
Part of it is working. None of it is working.
Part of it is New England. I've decided I'm done. I've been up here too long. I'm an outsider, always have been, always will be.
I took that personality/geography test that was posted here last winter. It said I fit New Mexico. I've never been there, but dreamed of going there for the New Age, which melted away before I could go. And the dryness of the desert doesn't suit me either.
When I was younger, I was going to go to Colorado. My best friend growing up moved there decades ago and lives not near where Keith Carradine used to live; as in he was kind of a distant neighbor. But I made the mistake of mentioning it to my parents, who packed up and beat me to it, ruining my escape.
Just saw this.... wish I'd seen it yesterday.
You are loved! Never forget that.
(and stop watching those Eldad videos! They're designed to break your heart and put you into a deep depression, I'm convinced)
I had a terrible night shift at the hospital last Sunday-Monday. Within 5 minutes of the 2nd shift person leaving, the shit hit the fan with a lot of intense manual tests that I tend to dread. Every time I got lucky, more shit came my way, until I ran out of luck. One thing I resent is the sense of not being adequately prepared. If the general public knew what goes on behind the scenes...well let me just say avoid hospitals like the plague. Anyway, I did some really good work, but then I ran out of luck and made 2 mistakes. They weren't too major, but they haunted me all week.
I feared a complaint from a doctor or nurse, but it didn't happen so after feeling slightly nauseous with fear for days, I just have a huge sense of relief tonight. Of course, this afternoon and early evening got crazy again, but I got through it again I think w/out major mistakes. Nothing haunting me anyway...
And things settled down around 8pm, so I had a chance to shoot the breeze with the new night person. She had already told me a ton about what she's been through for the last 3 years. I got to give her the lowdown on my last 12. It was a relief to be able to tell the stories and watch somebody else's jaw drop at the nightmare.
And she told me it got so busy last Monday night-Tuesday that she almost walked out. That also was a relief; that somebody with 30 years experience could find our little hospital overwhelming. It gets crazy there, inevitably right at midnight when we need to get QC done, and we need to be literally in 3 places at once. There are times, too, when our little ED looks like the teevee show, with patients literally filling the aisles and people running around yelling stat this and stat that.
And finally the weather finally broke today. The humidity has been so oppressive -- 100 percent or close to it. I get into a funk every July now, I think because the heat and humidity takes me back emotionally to my childhood. At least today the sun finally reappeared.
