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a kennedy

(31,930 posts)
Fri Apr 18, 2014, 10:58 AM Apr 2014

I'm terribly embarrassed, but I need grammar help on this little poem please.......

It's for my husband's anniversary card....can someone please correct anything wrong in the grammar department....and thank you.

As in the essence of the Opal......

The ups and downs,

The positives and negatives,

The happy’s the sad’s,

The laughs the cries....

All facets of our 34 years.....

Together, I’ll love you forever.

11 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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I'm terribly embarrassed, but I need grammar help on this little poem please....... (Original Post) a kennedy Apr 2014 OP
I'd lose the apostrophes in "happy's" and "sad's", but otherwise I like it :) arcane1 Apr 2014 #1
thanks.... a kennedy Apr 2014 #2
Happy Anniversary! CaliforniaPeggy Apr 2014 #3
I can only offer a Buddhist birthday card OffWithTheirHeads Apr 2014 #4
Poetry and emotion does not have to be subject to grammar. onehandle Apr 2014 #5
That's beautiful. Raffi Ella Apr 2014 #6
Add commas after happys and laughs Ino Apr 2014 #7
I woud........... mrmpa Apr 2014 #8
Lovely!! oldandhappy Apr 2014 #9
I'd make it - the happys, and the sads Skittles Apr 2014 #10
Besides the happys/sads, I'd add the "together" to the "34 years" line UTUSN Apr 2014 #11
 

OffWithTheirHeads

(10,337 posts)
4. I can only offer a Buddhist birthday card
Fri Apr 18, 2014, 11:05 AM
Apr 2014

Forget the past. It's gone and you can't change it.
Forget the future. It hasn't happened and you can't predict it.
Forget the present. I didn't buy you one.

edited to add Congrats!

onehandle

(51,122 posts)
5. Poetry and emotion does not have to be subject to grammar.
Fri Apr 18, 2014, 11:20 AM
Apr 2014

This isn't a cover letter for a job application.

mrmpa

(4,033 posts)
8. I woud...........
Fri Apr 18, 2014, 02:35 PM
Apr 2014

write:
The happy and the sad, not pluralize it. Also the way I've written, it follows the preceding line which uses the word "and".

oldandhappy

(6,719 posts)
9. Lovely!!
Fri Apr 18, 2014, 03:02 PM
Apr 2014

Happy Anniversary. I agree with the above suggestions re ' and ,. Really, what matters is that you are still together and you wanted to do this. Huge hugs.

Skittles

(158,410 posts)
10. I'd make it - the happys, and the sads
Fri Apr 18, 2014, 03:18 PM
Apr 2014

and per a previous suggestion - the laughs, and the cries


it's very simple and very lovely

UTUSN

(72,273 posts)
11. Besides the happys/sads, I'd add the "together" to the "34 years" line
Fri Apr 18, 2014, 03:26 PM
Apr 2014

"Together, I'll love you forever" sounds like, I'll ONLY love you if we're together.

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