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Fri Apr 18, 2014, 10:58 AM

I'm terribly embarrassed, but I need grammar help on this little poem please.......

It's for my husband's anniversary card....can someone please correct anything wrong in the grammar department....and thank you.

As in the essence of the Opal......

The ups and downs,

The positives and negatives,

The happy’s the sad’s,

The laughs the cries....

All facets of our 34 years.....

Together, I’ll love you forever.

11 replies, 935 views

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Reply I'm terribly embarrassed, but I need grammar help on this little poem please....... (Original post)
a kennedy Apr 2014 OP
arcane1 Apr 2014 #1
a kennedy Apr 2014 #2
CaliforniaPeggy Apr 2014 #3
OffWithTheirHeads Apr 2014 #4
onehandle Apr 2014 #5
Raffi Ella Apr 2014 #6
Ino Apr 2014 #7
mrmpa Apr 2014 #8
oldandhappy Apr 2014 #9
Skittles Apr 2014 #10
UTUSN Apr 2014 #11

Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Fri Apr 18, 2014, 11:01 AM

1. I'd lose the apostrophes in "happy's" and "sad's", but otherwise I like it :)

 

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Response to arcane1 (Reply #1)

Fri Apr 18, 2014, 11:03 AM

2. thanks....

and done.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Fri Apr 18, 2014, 11:05 AM

3. Happy Anniversary!

I think he'll love it!

And I agree about the apostrophes.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Fri Apr 18, 2014, 11:05 AM

4. I can only offer a Buddhist birthday card

 

Forget the past. It's gone and you can't change it.
Forget the future. It hasn't happened and you can't predict it.
Forget the present. I didn't buy you one.

edited to add Congrats!

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Fri Apr 18, 2014, 11:20 AM

5. Poetry and emotion does not have to be subject to grammar.

This isn't a cover letter for a job application.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Fri Apr 18, 2014, 11:32 AM

6. That's beautiful.

Happy Anniversary!

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Fri Apr 18, 2014, 12:05 PM

7. Add commas after happys and laughs

and lose the apostrophes in happys and sads

Beautiful poem!

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Fri Apr 18, 2014, 02:35 PM

8. I woud...........

write:
The happy and the sad, not pluralize it. Also the way I've written, it follows the preceding line which uses the word "and".

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Fri Apr 18, 2014, 03:02 PM

9. Lovely!!

Happy Anniversary. I agree with the above suggestions re ' and ,. Really, what matters is that you are still together and you wanted to do this. Huge hugs.

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Fri Apr 18, 2014, 03:18 PM

10. I'd make it - the happys, and the sads

and per a previous suggestion - the laughs, and the cries


it's very simple and very lovely

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Response to a kennedy (Original post)

Fri Apr 18, 2014, 03:26 PM

11. Besides the happys/sads, I'd add the "together" to the "34 years" line

"Together, I'll love you forever" sounds like, I'll ONLY love you if we're together.

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