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Sat Jan 11, 2014, 04:40 PM

some history and tentative thinking about MFM-related questions

First, I am so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love in the various threads for Jim/MFM the past couple of days. I knew he had touched a lot of people here but ... man! Makes me very proud that he considered me to be a friend.

Thank you all, it means a lot to me and if he could see it he would be glowing, I just know it. He lived to make people smile, truly.

In fact, I first "knew" him as a radio personality - he had a comedy show on Sunday evenings on the Tucson community radio station, KXCI. And you can be sure it wasn't just some DJ playing comedy tracks. He made it his own - he was most definitely a major part of the show. I had been listening to the station since it was testing the airwaves back in 1982. At some point in the early 90's there was a political upheaval at the station when some assholes took over the board and hired a real jerk to manage the station. A group of dissidents started raising hell and making waves. Most of them lost their shows or quit in solidarity. There were a few articles in the alt-weekly paper and some advertizing as well, that mentioned a yahoo listserve where people could find more info and talk openly (unlike at the station's website to this day - no open criticism allowed, ever). That is where I first met Jim and the rest of the "Democracy Initiative" or the DI as we came to be known, after the petition we started to get the station's bylaws changed back to some semblance of being controlled by the membership rather than by a few unelected boardmembers and a fascist manager.

We would meet almost weekly in various local bars for nearly a year. It was a fun time for me, taking these weekly breaks from ranch life to work with a group of people doing something we all believed in. We got the station to make some changes and they in turn did what many organizations are so good at, they burned out a number of really creative and good volunteers while dividing the "community" that supported them. Sigh.

Anyway for a long time Jim had an e-mail list (or likely more than one) that he sent his funnies to. In real life he was a total clown, always coming up with silly non-sequitors that would make you spit your drink when the joke soaked in. He was the epitome of child-like (as opposed to childISH) in so many ways.

As some know, he took his DUer name as a riff off of LeftyFingerPop. I used to joke that LFP was MFM's sock or something, because his posting style was very similar to Jim's real-life humor. Their on-line styles were actually pretty different. Jim was much more about using visual things he found and making them his own with captioning or silly "shopping" - LFP was more about writing hilarious scenarios and asking silly questions. I guess when it fooled people that thought he was serious it pissed them off, because a lot more people were irritated by him than were irritated by Jim, though coincidentally they were often the same people.

After I finally got him to join here, he found a new audience and just loved doing what he did here, for the past 4 years. He cared about everybody as much as you have shown to care about him. He would not let me post updates that were really bad news, because he didn't want you guys to worry about him. He really seemed to be helped by the many vibe threads. To think text on a screen could influence health seems a little incredulous to me, but then I have sat here for hours with tears streaming down my face reading the feelings and thoughts of so many, so yeah. It was real.

In November we were set to go have lunch at a Polish place he had read about. I was on my way up to Tempe and was going to pick him up and have "bigos" or whatever he was so looking forward to. When I got to town and called, he blew me off because he wasn't feeling well. I asked if he wanted me to take him in to the ER and he said no it was just a cold. Of course by the time I came back through town he HAD gone in and that was the last time. We never got the lunch, he never got out.

Like many, I held on to the thought that he would make it and get out at least once more. When I saw him on Christmas eve, it was the first time ever that he said he was thinking it might be over. I told him not to give up on himself yet, but if he was truly ready I understood. He had been fighting for 3 years. He had been through enough. I went back the day after Christmas because he had been so down and I thought indeed he might be giving up. Well he fooled me good because that day he was so improved, both physically and especially emotionally. He seemed like he might make a turnaround. Then on New Year's Eve, again, he was in good spirits if a little worn out. He and I both attributed that to the PT regimen at the new(old) rehab place. Next thing I knew he was moved to the Hospital next door. The last time I spoke to him was Monday on the phone. We laughed about the corncob and I told him I would come in to see him when he got back to the rehab place in a day or two. Tuesday that hospital called and told me they wanted to send him back to UMC where his heart docs were and where his pacemaker had been installed as they thought it was causing a raging infection and would be the best team to remove it. I knew he would be moving over there on Wednesday and that would probably be tiring so planned to go in to see him Thursday. Thursday morning UMC called to have me come be with him for the end. That was it. His poor body just couldn't take all the shit that had been thrown at it any longer.

I was his Med Power of Attorney so some of the final decisions are getting put on me as there just really isn't anybody else. I am working with UMC and Pima County to make final plans and there are some more details that need to be discussed on Monday, but for now:

My "draft" idea is to have him cremated. I am working to notify the people that I think he would want to know, but there probably won't be a published Obituary other than the basic vital stat thing the Arizona Daily Star does (Consumer info/hint/rant - obituaries have become insanely expensive in the years that newspapers are dying out - this seems to now be one of their few ways to make money and they are really working it. My father's obit in the Tucson paper cost MORE than his cremation. If you are pre-planning a burial or funeral, be aware this is a major headache and expense.)

What I would like to do is take him out to Picacho Peak to scatter his ashes. He lived out there for a year or so before his health started going bad, and just loved it. If any AZ DUers would like to finally do a meet up, this might be the event that gets me motivated to finally plan something. We could return to Tucson for frozen girly drinks and celebrating his life at Guadalajara Grill. Or just meet there if people are not up for a drive out of town.

I have had some PMs and understand there is a thread about possible donations for this or something else in his honor. I am still thinking about that. There are a couple of possibilities that might be good. I think the cremation will be taken care of and will not be a hardship for me, even if I have to pay part of it, so that is not needed. He ordered me not to do anything so of course while I am not listening to him on that 100% (fuck you asshole, neither one of us was good at taking orders from the other!) I know he wouldn't want any kind of money spent on death or depressing things. However one suggestion to do something for his nurses and caregivers, especially at UMC really strikes a chord with me. I think he would like that.

I am not sure what exactly, flowers aren't allowed in the cardiac unit because of all the respiratory patients and everybody had food "issues" these days so not sure even sending pizzas would be appropriate. Maybe we can brainstorm this???

What do you think? (besides tl-dr)

And thank you all so much for your kind words - I want to reply individually, but the number of replies has utterly overwhelmed me! So many beautiful comments. THANK YOU!

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Reply some history and tentative thinking about MFM-related questions (Original post)
Kali Jan 2014 OP
NYC_SKP Jan 2014 #1
Kali Jan 2014 #2
Gidney N Cloyd Jan 2014 #54
pinboy3niner Jan 2014 #57
NYC_SKP Jan 2014 #58
Locut0s Jan 2014 #65
LiberalElite Jan 2014 #3
Kali Jan 2014 #4
elleng Jan 2014 #31
TBF Jan 2014 #60
pinboy3niner Jan 2014 #5
Kali Jan 2014 #9
BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2014 #6
Kali Jan 2014 #10
BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2014 #13
Suich Jan 2014 #7
Baitball Blogger Jan 2014 #8
Kali Jan 2014 #12
LiberalEsto Jan 2014 #24
mythology Jan 2014 #29
pinboy3niner Jan 2014 #34
Grateful for Hope Jan 2014 #53
Kaleva Jan 2014 #56
blogslut Jan 2014 #11
panader0 Jan 2014 #14
mysuzuki2 Jan 2014 #15
FatBuddy Jan 2014 #16
Joe Shlabotnik Jan 2014 #17
dixiegrrrrl Jan 2014 #18
Kali Jan 2014 #80
dixiegrrrrl Jan 2014 #19
progressoid Jan 2014 #30
bluesbassman Jan 2014 #20
yuiyoshida Jan 2014 #35
nolabear Jan 2014 #21
SaveOurDemocracy Jan 2014 #22
riderinthestorm Jan 2014 #23
magical thyme Jan 2014 #25
Kali Jan 2014 #81
freshwest Jan 2014 #26
A Simple Game Jan 2014 #27
femmocrat Jan 2014 #28
HarveyDarkey Jan 2014 #32
pintobean Jan 2014 #33
MissHoneychurch Jan 2014 #36
solara Jan 2014 #37
rurallib Jan 2014 #38
pinboy3niner Jan 2014 #45
Kali Jan 2014 #82
zeemike Jan 2014 #39
kentauros Jan 2014 #40
Kali Jan 2014 #83
kentauros Jan 2014 #84
applegrove Jan 2014 #41
greatauntoftriplets Jan 2014 #42
pacalo Jan 2014 #43
mike_c Jan 2014 #44
hlthe2b Jan 2014 #46
840high Jan 2014 #47
pinboy3niner Jan 2014 #48
Texasgal Jan 2014 #49
polly7 Jan 2014 #50
Demo_Chris Jan 2014 #51
struggle4progress Jan 2014 #52
Mnemosyne Jan 2014 #55
MADem Jan 2014 #59
CherokeeDem Jan 2014 #61
William769 Jan 2014 #62
azurnoir Jan 2014 #63
TeeYiYi Jan 2014 #64
Locut0s Jan 2014 #66
Xyzse Jan 2014 #67
orleans Jan 2014 #68
NuttyFluffers Jan 2014 #69
Ptah Jan 2014 #73
Lucinda Jan 2014 #70
Scuba Jan 2014 #71
Triana Jan 2014 #72
tandot Jan 2014 #74
PumpkinAle Jan 2014 #75
tularetom Jan 2014 #76
R B Garr Jan 2014 #77
alphafemale Jan 2014 #78
warrior1 Jan 2014 #79
SCantiGOP Jan 2014 #85
trueblue2007 Jan 2014 #86

Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 04:45 PM

1. Thanks for this post and history, Kali...

 

Reading now, how fun it must have been to have him on the radio, what kinds of jokes he must have had fun with at the same time important work with the "Democracy Initiative".

Thank you so much for caring for him in life and in the recent past and coming days, in his afterlife.

Bless you.

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Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #1)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 04:49 PM

2. thanks

and thank you for consistently trying to be a voice for more kindness at DU. I know I am not one to pass up a chance to snark a few people here, but I may try to play a little nicer in Jim's honor. (no promises though, same for why I don't make New Year's resolutions )

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Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #1)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 10:22 PM

54. That really was cool to read! Tho I have to say, not a word of his past surprised me!

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Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #1)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 11:32 PM

57. I wonder if some of his shows might be uploaded to youtube

If they haven't been already, someone might want to share the audio of his "greatest hits." (If the station is willing to cooperate in allowing those recordings to be used.)

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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #57)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 11:41 PM

58. Jim's Joke Joint.

 

Try a search for that.

I'm working on a toilet clog with chemicals and an electric snake.

And a girlfriend.

None of which are related to MFM.

*necessarily*

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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #57)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 03:13 AM

65. I love this idea! nt.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 04:50 PM

3. suggestion re: something for nurses and caregivers -

I first saw an item from this company at a chemo treatment facility:

http://www.ediblearrangements.com/



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Response to LiberalElite (Reply #3)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 04:52 PM

4. oooh I really like that!

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Response to Kali (Reply #4)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 07:10 PM

31. Looks good to me, Kali.

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Response to LiberalElite (Reply #3)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 12:02 AM

60. A friend sent me

One of their "bouquets" for the holidays and it was fantastic. Delicious fruit and it lasted a few days.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 04:59 PM

5. Thanks, Kali

This loss came as a blow to a lot of us here.

And I think that more than just AZ DUers would be interested in knowing about the meetup plans. I wouldn't be surprised if some out-of-state members would try to make it, if possible. MFM and I had talked about my popping in from SoCal for a visit sometime--maybe this is that time...

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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #5)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:04 PM

9. wow, that would be great

guess I will be doing at least a few more MFM updates then

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 04:59 PM

6. thank you Kali....

Thanks. He was so funny and smart ....and kind, which i think is most important. I wanted to respond to just about all of his crazy stuff but thought id look like a creepy stalker!

Hey heres an idea for the nurses. ..and the whole floor really...
How about a DVD collection of silly movies and vids? What were Jim's favorites?

Just my first thought....

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Response to BlancheSplanchnik (Reply #6)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:06 PM

10. that is an idea - I do know he loved all kinds of movies

we could probably do a search here in the lounge for various movie threads and figure that out pretty easy.

do nurses have breakrooms like teachers or corporate cube rats do? would there a be a place to sit and watch for a while or how would that work?

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Response to Kali (Reply #10)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:16 PM

13. I dont know, but they must have someplace for breaks.

I bet they might just enjoy sharing with patients as well.

Maybe do it digitally so that they could be shared around on everyone's iPads and other technologically advanced thingies that are way beyond my knowledge base....

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 04:59 PM

7. Thanks for posting, Kali!

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:04 PM

8. Could someone try an obit for Du?

I don't even know how old Jim was.

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Response to Baitball Blogger (Reply #8)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:11 PM

12. he was born May 4 1955.

I could list some things I know about him, and he has shared a lot of great stories here that could be mined for more info, but I am not very good at writing...

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Response to Kali (Reply #12)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 06:12 PM

24. It's hard to believe he was three years younger than I am.

 

Since October I've lost two Estonian-American childhood friends around my age. One was 60, the other 62. So young.

But back to MFM, do you think the caregivers would like gift cards of some sort? Maybe to restaurants?

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Response to Kali (Reply #12)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 07:00 PM

29. You do yourself a disservice

 

Your original post indicates that you are pretty good at writing.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with MiddleFingerMom with the rest of us.

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Response to mythology (Reply #29)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 07:18 PM

34. In fact, Kali is an EXCELLENT writer

She has a knack for storytelling and a sharp sense of humor that have long made her posts here expecially enjoyable.

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Response to Kali (Reply #12)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 10:11 PM

53. Absolutely wrong

This OP is a masterpiece.

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Response to Kali (Reply #12)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 11:24 PM

56. Your Op shows you are a very good writer.

I would love to read anything you post about what you know of Jim and about the stories he told you!

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:09 PM

11. You're a good friend, Kali.

I wish you comfort and strength.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:26 PM

14. Keep us informed. I'm not so very far away.

Again, you are a fine lady Kali.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:36 PM

15. Please let me know if anything is planned as I would like to contribute.

I never met MFM in person but I truly enjoyed him here on DU. I will miss him. One of my great dissappointments in life was never being singled out for "special attention", ie humerous but good-natured ridicule in one of his posts.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:38 PM

16. it is important to remember:

 

no one is universally hated, but no one is universally loved either.

plus, the internet, especially online forums ARE NOT SAFE PLACES.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:41 PM

17. Thanks for posting this Kali,

I found the background info interesting. And thanks for being such a good IRL friend to MFM.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:53 PM

18. Kali, thank you for that comprehensive information.

the problem with losing DU members is there is so little known about their real life, even in general terms.

I was torn between trying to respect MFM's private life and worrying like hell about him after he was in hospital for all those final weeks.
It helps me a great deal to know you two had such a long friendship
and
esp. to know you were with him till the end of his time with us.
What you have written makes it easier for me to work thru the saying good by process,
you have fleshed MFM out, I find it helpful.
I am especially pleased about the Power of Attorney you have.

I had been concerned about the final arrangements, did not know what resources he had, what was needed.

If you are thinking of something for the nurses on the unit, you might want to ask the head nurse on the floor, who will be very tuned into what is appropriate and workable.

Your post about his leaving us got almost 9,000 views, and almost 350 replies.
I am sure that even if each of us sent in 1.00, we could help to meet his desire to do something for the nurses,
and to help with the cremation cost.

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Reply #18)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 08:24 PM

80. I sent you a PM

linking to this thread I had a feeling you had posted in it.

Good idea about contacting the head nurse, I will do that tomorrow.

yes, all of my biggest threads where about MFM

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and how he did and would have loved that

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:55 PM

19. another thought

couple of posts here have supported idea of "renaming " the lounge.
would it be possible to at least pin your 2 posts, for awhile at least, so others can find info.????

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Response to dixiegrrrrl (Reply #19)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 07:05 PM

30. Pint this post. Great Idea.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 05:58 PM

20. Thanks for sharing this Kali.

I'm still in a bit of a state of shock over Jim's passing. I guess I really started to believe he was fucking immortal.

Thank you for all you did to make his last days better, and for keeping his friends here informed.

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Response to bluesbassman (Reply #20)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 07:19 PM

35. agree 100%

Everything you said. I got a phone call from AsahinaKimi, she should be back home on the 15th. I told her I had bad news, and told her about MFM. She was totally in shock, and said she would say a little prayer. We both cried on the phone. I guess he meant more to her than I, as I didn't have that much contact with him. He did some very special posts for her and I know he liked her a lot.

Its hard not to like Kimi, but she does have a bad temper sometimes..comes from her mom's influence. She said he had helped her with advice about her heart condition. She said she would never forget that or him.

kanashii ne.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 06:03 PM

21. Well, I'm in tears all over again.

Thanks so much, Kali. I knew some from what Jim had told me but not how long you two had been friends. For such a sweet and funny man to have no one is incredibly wrong, and I'm glad he had you and, through you, us.

The idea that he'll end up on Picacho Peak sounds just right. I wish I could be there for whatever meetup you have. But really, for me, MFM (and Jim) were home here.

Stay strong, and if there's anything practical I can do or contribute to, I'm there.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 06:09 PM

22. Thank you, Kali, for being his friend and for bringing him to DU.

I'm one of hundreds who quietly enjoyed him and will miss him.
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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 06:09 PM

23. Everyone should have such a friend as you Kali. You honor him (and yourself)

 

with this post.

I'm happy to do whatever you think is best.

Its all just so sad. He was one of a kind.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 06:14 PM

25. thank you so much for this, Kali

 

As others have said, it is a relief to know what support and friendship he had from you, to know you two had been such good friends for so long. And it is helpful to have so many blanks filled in...like many others, I initially thought MFM was a woman; then realized he was a man. Initially thought he was an attention-seeker; then when I learned of his illness, had a better understanding of what he was doing and why. Am happy that just in the last couple weeks, I'd found a way to join in one of his threads and get a reply from him.

The nurses most likely have a break room; touching base with the head nurse would be a good idea. That edible post looks wonderful...something for everybody and the arrangements are so beautiful.

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Response to magical thyme (Reply #25)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 08:31 PM

81. oh he was an attention seeker, no doubt about that!



but it was in the vein of how most entertainers are attention seekers and he gave at least as much as he got. he was a good man.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 06:22 PM

26. Thanks for all the background that I'd never known. You are a true friend, Kali. I hope you get to

take him back to the place he loved.



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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 06:29 PM

27. Thanks Kali for taking the time to write this very nice eulogy for MFM.

There is no one on DU that I appreciated anywhere near how much I appreciated MFM.

MFM, then and now you are truly immortal to many of us on DU.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 06:33 PM

28. Thank you so much Kali.

I just wanted to thank you for all you did and tell you that your plans are just perfect. MFM would have loved everyone raising a girlie-drink in his honor.

Since I can't be there, I would like to join you online when you decide on a time. Please let us know.

Those Edible Arrangements are very nice. I sent one to my physical therapy team last year. I agree with whomever said to check with the head nurse to see what they would prefer.

Gosh, what you have been through. Everyone appreciates your keeping us posted.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 07:10 PM

32. Thanks for this Kali

 

I was wondering if he had family nearby, or in the picture at all, but didn't know of an appropriate way to ask.
It sounds like you were his family. Thanks for bringing him to us and watching over him in his last days. I know he knew he was loved.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 07:12 PM

33. "he would be glowing"

 

I was thinking the same thing last night. Wow, I wish/hope he had known how many people he has touched and made smile and laugh.

Thanks for the history. Nothing is tl if it's interesting.

Take care, Kali. You are in my thoughts and have my best wishes.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 07:26 PM

36. Thank you Kali

I admit, in the end I didn't post much in the threads but I appreciated you updates.

THANK YOU for being there for Jim.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 07:29 PM

37. I will join with so many others in thanking you

Thank you from my heart for filling in the blanks here as you always have done. You always kept the vibe going which was good for him and really, just as good for all of us.

Jim was so funny and kind and his spirit was immensely beautiful. I am going to miss him terribly.

He was the main reason I even stayed on DU, actually. I had become very discouraged because of the meanness of spirit that seemed to have taken hold here but I really didn't want to just leave. So I came to the lounge as a last resort and there he was.. all shiny and silly and lovable...the antithesis of mean spiritedness. He made my day and so I stayed around.

He was fortunate to have a good friend like you.. and I think we were all fortunate to have known him, even a little bit.

Thank you for taking care of him, for communicating with all of us here and for being the rock he needed.

You are aces in my book.



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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 07:30 PM

38. I would humbly suggest a donation to Wish-a-doo in his honor

I would think the very kind hearted MFM would agree this would be a good honor.

Anyway, thanks for the history and thanks for your years of keeping us connected and involved with his life.

May I suggest that if you do have a sort of a wake, that someone record it and put it on Youtube for those of us who can't possibly make it?

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Response to rurallib (Reply #38)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 09:11 PM

45. That's another good idea, rurallib

Contributions will well exceed what it takes to give a very nice thankyou gift to the nursing staff, and Wishadoo would be a great cause to endow with the rest.

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Response to rurallib (Reply #38)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 08:37 PM

82. oh of course wishadoo is on the short list

I hope it can get back running (or maybe it has, the last I checked the site was down), and I have donated there myself before.

If we do a local meet-up/wake there will be pictures and at least a post or two, you can be sure of that! I have no clue how to do you tube and hate being the subject of still photos, much less video, but it might be possible if someone else does it.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 07:55 PM

39. Thank you Kali for this story.

It is so important to know more about him as a human and not just a name on DU.
And thank you for being such a good friend to him...he deserved that.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 07:56 PM

40. How about a fruitcake?



And from a famous Texas bakery at that

Thanks for that history, Kali. Reminds me of some of the things I've done, too, such as doing public radio and surviving a "regime change." It makes me wonder what a show between the two of us would have been like...

I gave some of my biscotti cookies to the staff at the two vet centers that took care of my cat and both loved that. Or, give the staff a gift of something they could do together, spa, sports game, whatever.

And we could send y'all some money for your drinks, and maybe cab-fare

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Response to kentauros (Reply #40)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 08:40 PM

83. "Healthy Stations Project"

translation - let's take cool unique community stations and try to make them into homogenous NPR/commercial-like pablum that brings in MOAR money without disturbing the donors (or making them think).

as for the fruitcake -

(though I think apricot pecan sounds pretty good, actually)

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Response to Kali (Reply #83)

Mon Jan 13, 2014, 01:40 AM

84. The "HSP" sounds familiar.

I know their corporate flunky had this phrase he kept repeating and all the other muckety-mucks used: "Crazy Quilt Programming" as if program-variety was a bad thing! I basically got myself banned from the local Pacifica station for going up against them once too often. Actually, I was physically barred from the station by the station manager at the time. It became a badge of honor among the rest of us that had been or were getting banned

Re the fruitcake bit? Well, Jim would have liked that, too

Their apricot-pecan cake is indeed quite tasty

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 08:17 PM

41. How bout a really great blendtec blender

for the staff kitchen at the facility. They are expensive, about $500, bot will liquify anything and make yummy smoothies. You could just freeze a little kale, some parsley & green apples, some dates and fresh ginger in freezer bags. Then bring them into work and blend. Easy cleanup if you do it right after you have liquified your veggies.

Thank you so much for the above history. Rounds out a full picture of that great egg. And I knew he must have been a professional comedien. But what was most remarkable about MFM was his friendship. Thank you Kali for taking such good care of him, then and now. Count me in for whatever you decide. Just let me know where to send the money order.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 09:02 PM

42. Thanks, Kali.

I've been thinking about you because I know this is difficult for you and that you were a good friend to him. Take care of yourself.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 09:05 PM

43. That's a beautiful tribute, Kali.

One idea: Give gift cards from a local restaurant to those who work in the cardiac unit.

I'll be happy to chip in.

Have comfort in the fact that you were appreciated & loved by MFM. You made his troubles easier to bear & he knew that.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 09:09 PM

44. thanks so much for the update, Kali....

I hope all is well.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 09:19 PM

46. How kind of you to share this with us all, Kali

Your memories are your own gift, but thank you for letting us share a few with you.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 09:23 PM

47. He can see it....

 

What a good friend you are. Perhaps a gift certificate? The staff can buy what they need in their break room.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 09:32 PM

48. I guess a sponge on a plaque for the tagteam bedbath nurses might be in order

That just struck me as a funny thought (in addition to whatever real gift might be selected for the nursing staff).

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 09:40 PM

49. What a sweet story

thank you Kali... you are a good friend.

Please make sure you take care of yourself as well... Please let me know where and when I can send a donation.

:hugs: always

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 09:43 PM

50. Thank you so much, Kali.

Knowing what he was in real life is a real bonus for most like me who only got to know and love him from his posting here ... I never thought I'd say that about anyone I met online as a stranger, but from the amount of tears I've shed the last few days, I know I really did. As, is obvious, did so many others.

I would be up do donating for anything that is decided on, and something for the nurses and caregivers sounds like a wonderful idea.

Thank you again for being such a good friend to a special, giving man who left us with so much.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 09:56 PM

51. Thank you for everything you did. nt

 

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 09:57 PM

52. so sorry he's gone

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sat Jan 11, 2014, 10:46 PM

55. ...

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 12:00 AM

59. Who wouldn't want a friend like you? MFM will be missed, and he was lucky to have you

looking out for him. I hope you're taking care of yourself; a loss this close and personal often doesn't "hit" straight away; I hope you give yourself some time to process the sadness.

Maybe the nurses in the unit would like one of those jazzy new "single serve" Keurig-type coffee machines that can be used to make tea and hot chocolate and so on? They're insanely expensive but you can buy refillable little "cups" that you can fill with your own coffee grounds and that will bring the price way down...and you can buy specialty drinks as well if people want to have something fancy.

I am no expert on the things, maybe someone here can weigh in and say if they are a good buy and if they're durable and so on (I use a Melitta cone, myself--cheap old fart). If you can't give flowers or food, that's something they might appreciate (who doesn't like a jolt of caffeine if you're working a double shift?)--you could even engrave it if you had a mind, or put a little plaque on it saying "With Thanks from Jim" or something on those lines.

Hang in there. This is a sad time for you and for DU.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 12:23 AM

61. Thank you, Kali...

... for taking time to let us know a bit more about this wonderful man. Hearing his story makes me wish I knew him beyond the confines of the Internet.

We have a lot to thank DU for, but I believe the fact that we have been touched by so many wonderful people, those who are here and those we have lost, may be the greatest legacy of this site.

Jim will be missed; the light of DU has dimmed a bit, but we will never forget this man and the fun, joy, testiness, and life which he brought to us all.



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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 12:24 AM

62. Kick & recommended.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 02:28 AM

63. K&R and thankyou

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 03:01 AM

64. Thank you, Kali,...

...for sharing the private details of your friendship with MiddleFingerMom and for keeping us updated during this difficult time.

I only knew MFM briefly, as passing ships in a lounge on the internets; but, your friendship with him was the real deal and as good as it gets. You were a good friend to Jim/MFM in real life. I am so sorry for your loss.

TYY

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 03:27 AM

66. Another voice to add to the crowd of tremendous thanks...

It's a relief to know Jim had such a kind and giving friend in you Kali!

And thanks for giving us a bit of background on who MFM truly was. That has been a gift in and of itself! Most of us here knew him only through the quirky, sometimes goofy photoshopped pics he so loved to post. Over time we built an image of him as a kind, giving soul, if not a bit gruff at times But none of us truly knew him the way you did. Thank you for sharing him with us!!

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 04:44 AM

67. Thanks.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 05:31 AM

68. thank you for your kindness, your thoughtfulness, and love

to both jim and to us

maybe as a du tribute the admns would allow "The DU Lounge" to become "The MFM Lounge" on May 4th, his birthday. if not, then a definite tribute thread might be posted (complete with balloons, party hats & a cake) at least.

or...? maybe talk to a local high school about putting together a little scholarship money in jim's honor/memory for a student who wants to go into the field of radio broadcasting. you could probably stipulate the application requirements (and could include a required humorous essay about the pros and cons of having a radio show!) then, from the applicants, you decide the winner.

another tribute suggestion is to talk to someone at the library about donating some books in his honor or memory. when i did this i gave the person a list of topics that were relevant and when a book the library wanted and ordered came in on that topic they called me to look it over and see if i wanted to purchase it. the ones i thought were appropriate i "paid" for and they put a little sticker on the inside cover saying to whose memory/honor it was for.

i know parks will plant trees or put up a bench (with a plaque) in memory of someone but that might be expensive.

and for the nurses...my suggestion:
a gift certificate for a comedy club. i don't know where the hospital is located and how far from such a place, but i looked up comedy clubs in tuscon and found Laffs comedy cafe. you could also let the nurses know that this month, jan 17-19 there is a comedian, sean kent, and his bio says:

"Critically acclaimed standup comic and winner of the prestigious San Francisco and Seattle International Comedy Competitions, Sean Kent has been praised as having "an urgency not seen in comedy since the likes of Bill Hicks." The Austin, Texas native is currently performing his hard-hitting socio-political comedy to packed houses worldwide, and has appeared on NBC, CBS, E!, Comedy Central, Showtime, Fox Sports Net, VH1, and more.

"A two-time cancer survivor, Sean also works to raise awareness by speaking and performing at a variety of annual charity events including the Cancer for College Fundraiser with Will Farrell and the City of Hope Bone Marrow Transplant Reunion.

"Sean's recently released album "Waiting for the Rapture" was hailed as "brilliant" by Laughspin Magazine and can be heard on XM / Sirius Radio and Pandora"
http://www.laffstucson.com/
so, comedy, cancer survivor, might be appropriate depending on a hundred other factors (including cost--tickets are 10 & 15, number of nurses, time, etc. or a gift certificate there would let them use it in their own time)

just a couple ideas.
thank you again.
take good care in these emotional times.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 05:49 AM

69. thanks. :)



the best i can think of would be a DUzy collection of his humor. his radio stuff is likely all gone, but anything left that would work in a DUzy compilation would be nice too. that would involve converting stuff into mp3s or something hough.

i'm sure seeing a bit of his life's work travel through the ephemeral grapevine among like minds, getting another laugh or two from the other side as it were, would be like scattering the ashes of his spirit.

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Response to NuttyFluffers (Reply #69)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 11:18 AM

73. MiddleFingerMom's journal is a fun read:

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 07:07 AM

70. Thank you for the info Kali. It fills in the gap for me a bit and it really helps. About the gift...

food is usually welcome. Especially if it is of the yummy and not particularly healthy variety. You could also ask a nursing supervisor if there is anything they need for their break room that would be acceptable - magazine subscriptions, a small microwave etc.

I think a letter to the hospital administration about the great care he received by the staff would be great too.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 08:40 AM

71. Thank you Kali.

 

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 10:37 AM

72. Thank you Kali for this history on MFM. As lucky as we all were to have him for a while...

 

...he was lucky to have someone like you to be with him until the very end! You've done a wonderful thing (and yea, I know, sad, too - but still very important).

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 11:20 AM

74. Thank you, Kali, for being such a wonderful friend to Jim

and sharing this with us.

If DUers come up with something in his honor (donations, etc.) I'll be very honored to contribute.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 01:03 PM

75. Thank you Kali

for posting this and for being such a wonderful friend to MFM.

'Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same'

You both left footprints on each others hearts and what a wonderful thing it has been. Not only you benefited but we at DU did too.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 03:58 PM

76. Like most of us I knew MFM only as a talented and insightful poster on DU

You have shown me that he was much more than that. Wish I'd known him.

He was a very lucky man to have a friend like you.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 06:28 PM

77. Thanks for this background info on how your friendship started

I had just assumed that you two had met online, but I did see that you mentioned you had known him for 10 years so I figured you had been on this website that long. But then after looking at some of MFM's journal, I saw that he's only been here 5 years (almost to the day of his joining...), which is still a long time, but he seemed like he knew everyone so I thought he was here longer. Well, his background in radio explains a lot of his penchant for keeping the party going, so to speak. He did have a life-of-the-party persona here, so I can imagine in person it was even more charismatic.

Part of the reason I also thought you had met online was because it seemed like he was new to visiting your ranch and some of the ranch activities, and I thought you had started getting together more fairly recently because of his health concerns. It looked like you two had a lot of fun together! If I remember, there were also a lot of pictures and one set in particular of a Mexican restaurant you both went to, and it looked really good! I think you mentioned it in your OP (the Guadalajara Grill maybe?). I showed those pics to my SO to show him how good it looked.

I must say that you were such a good and loyal friend to him. It really came through and continues to come through just how much you both liked and admired each other. That says a lot about your character, and you both have been blessed to share your time together on this earth. Thanks again for this info. and for the updates. Take care of yourself!

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 06:46 PM

78. Thanks Kali. I sewed him a crushed velvet heart.

after his heart surgery a couple years back.

He sent it on to a child of a DU'er who was getting a heart transplant.

Jim/MFM made this a better place.

To wildly misquote Gibran.

My heart will hunger for your
.

.

.

.

.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Sun Jan 12, 2014, 06:48 PM

79. Hey Kali

If this would be appropriate do you think you guys could film the event of you scattering MFM's ashes for Du's who can't be there in Arizona?

Thank you so much for all you did for him you are an angel.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Mon Jan 13, 2014, 10:55 AM

85. He said he was immortal

And in a way he was. He will live here for a long, long time in our memories. See ya on the other side, MFM.

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Response to Kali (Original post)

Wed Jan 15, 2014, 04:38 PM

86. THANKS FOR THIS NOTE.

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