Have you ever been the wronged wedding guest? Let me explain.

[bluestateguy]

15 years ago when I was a struggling college student I traveled to a wedding for a high school friend of mine.

He was 1500 miles away so I had to fly. Airline tickets. And of course, I had to stay overnight in a hotel for two night. Hotel bills. And of course the wedding gift.

And then of course, as you all know, those hidden travel costs that always seem to sneak up on you and bite you in the ass wherever you go. This trip blew a hole in my credit card at a time when I didn't have much cash flow going in my direction. But, he was my friend, and I felt like I had to do this.

Anyway, it was a nice and very elaborate wedding. Expensive dresses, an open bar, a band, fantastic food. Yes, the bride's Daddy took good care of them both. The bride and groom (my friend) seemed so in love and excited about their lives together.

They divorced six months later.

Maybe I was being a fussbudget, but I felt like I just got burned. Here were these two people from pretty well off families and their four star wedding, and six months later it's all for naught. Divorced, like it never happened. And then there was me, the shoestring budget college student, and what did I get out of it all? A credit card bill, that took me 4 months to repay. It just seemed so inconsiderate. It's not like these people were married for 20 years or even 10 years. 6 months! That makes it like a fraud, like something Britney Spears or Kim Kardashian would do.

I never did this, but I always fantasized about asking my then-friend and his ex-wife to at least partially reimburse me for the enormous expense I put forth to see their superfluous wedding. I didn't do so, but I wanted to. Needless to say, my friendship with this guy has noticeably cooled over the years for this obvious reason.

[suninvited]

1. I bet the dad wasn't too happy, either NT

[Historic NY]

2. I've had friends go for a 2nd & 3rd time....and even one a 4th.

I just send my regrets. Mostly I've grown distant but then again I'm getting old.

[Nay]

3. Been there, got screwed, too! A good friend of mine had a

daughter who was getting married. I was happy for them both. The bride had known the groom for 7 (!) years (since hi school), and they had finally gotten to the point where they felt it was time. I was happy for them, went to the wedding (thank god it was nearby), and bought them a VERY expensive wedding gift.

8 months later, the groom was carousing all night and bride was in shock. They divorced several months later. I still wonder who got the expensive gift....

[kcass1954]

4. About 10 years ago, I hadn't even received a thank-you for the wedding check

when I heard from the bride's mother that "it's a good thing they got all that money as wedding gifts so we don't have to pay for little Suzy's divorce!"

[uncle ray]

5. i'll tell you about getting the shaft.

i'll preface by stating i flat out don't give a damn about the $$, it's the principle.

i've been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for nearly two decades now. neither of us sees any reason to get married. her sister and brother have each married someone and had their weddings paid for by my GF's parents, as well as significant help with their first homes, etc. they've never offered to do anything similar for my GF. funny thing is, my GF gets along well with her parents, i think they are just that oblivious to the fact that they don't treat their children equally.

[Maine-ah]

6. we have a similar problem

My husband and I have been together since 1995, married in 2001. His sister always was the one to get help from their parents, while we do not. She has 2 kids, 2 different fathers, goes through boyfriends like underwear, while the hubby and I have almost always struggled to make ends meet.

The kick in the ass for me, was a couple of months ago, my mother, who is dying needed to go see her doctor in Boston. My hubby also was leaving for a business trip the same day. We needed someone to help out by sitting our daughter and our dog. Now, keep in mind both inlaws (divorced) have their houses set up as dog kennels. MIL breeds labs and runs a kennel. My FIL doesn't have any dogs at his. Both refused to take my dog, who is a good dog. My SIL was a bitch about taking my daughter, (who is a great kid), because it was in the middle of the week. So, no help.

I had to get my uncle to meet us half-way, and I wasn't able to be with my mom. I can't rely on them for anything.

[seabeyond]

7. i think, that a lot of parents are enablers to certain children.

that is how it is in my house. my oldest brother and i take care of ourselves and always has. my middle brother has always had parents take care of him and still does. i never ask for anything. he asks all the time.

my father told me one time, he leaves me alone because he knows i can do it. he thinks it is a compliment. but that being said, he has not spent the time with my boys, he has with my brothers kids, because they have a more messed up environment. and there are times that i could use him to just hang with my boys, allowing them to get to know grandfather the way the other grandkids have, but he does not even think about it.

it is an odd thing. if i wanted, i could be resentful with the unequal treatment. but i know he does not do it purposely. he took care of himself at a very young age with 3 kids one year apart, so he expects the same from his kids. admires and respects that. just does not come out even, in time spent with children. which is important to me.

[raccoon]

8. You said that right! "i think, that a lot of parents are enablers to certain children."

One kid's left to sink or swim and the other is babied and bailed out six ways from Sunday.

[raccoon]

9. I don't blame you for being P.O. Six months? Sounds like they didn't try to make it work at all.

It does sound like something some air-headed celebrity would do.

I'd consider asking for reimbursement too. I don't think you'll get it, but you might try.

[LeftinOH]

10. The next time this friend gets married--just send a card; you've already put your 'wedding time' in.

[Phentex]

11. There oughta be a law!...

We had to travel out of state for a niece's wedding. In her defense, this was more about her mother and grandmother putting pressure on us to come. We had an 8 month old at the time which is always fun when traveling. The worst part was the groom was re-opening a resort hotel and we were told to stay there. Well, the place was NOT ready for visitors and was an utter disaster. No sheets, no crib, repair to the walls still being done, nails on the floor, dust everywhere, drop cloths - like not really supposed to be open. And we were charged $250 a night which I guess was supposed to be a deal for family members. After two nights, we moved to a little motel, screw it.

Airfare, food expenses, nasty hotel - and the marriage lasted about 4 months.

She married a second and third time and we politely declined those weddings.


PS I just checked the rates and the rooms are now 369.00. It was years ago when we stayed so I find it hard to believe the rooms were expensive back then! Great, now you have me angry all over again.

[LynneSin]

12. I was in a wedding like that

The bride went for very expensive bridesmaids gowns even though most of us were either in college or had just graduated. But she was a best friend and my mother loaned me half of the money for the dress. It was a big fancy wedding, similiar to what you just described. 11 months later they were separated and 6 months after that they were divorced.

I've found that some of the couples that last the longest were ones that skipped all that wedding hoopla. I had a really good friend I met at a job I use to work over the summer (she was a full-time employee). When they became engaged, her parents said that all they had towards a wedding was $10K. It was the only wedding where I was asked to be maid of honor. But after a month of planning my friend realized weddings were expensive and she could never really afford the wedding she wanted. So instead they went to the Justice of Peace and had a simple wedding. and then they used that $10k for a house downpayment. After the house was bought they had a party where they invited everyone over as a 'We're Married/We bought a house' party. They even said no gifts. But last I checked those 2 were still Married after 20 some years.

[NV Whino]

13. You should have been part of the divorce settlement.

Make sure you get included in the prenup next time.