What are the best (non-snappy, work appropriate) come backs to people who randomly snipe at you?

[bettyellen]

I have a co-worker who is suddenly disrupting in odd ways- basically if I say black she says "No, white!" immediately.
Even if I am talking to someone else- she has started constantly chiming in with negatives.

The thing is, she has corporate big wigs on her side, she is just feeling her power by effing with me- usually has NO idea what she is talking about but it would be considered rude/ weird to correct her since she is doing it about inconsequential things and I can't act tit for tat- no one cares enough and that would make me look bad. The other day she basically said I was lying about something, (something she had no way of knowing at all - very weird)- and I really wanted to go off - but it really wouldn't be wise to. I was just dumbfounded.

I'm not even in a position to really challenge her or ask her WTF is up. Usually I am very direct with people and not good at that southern bless your heart thing- although I am trying to kill her with kindness. But she is being a contrary ass and I think she would tone it down if her behavior was made more obvious.

The only one I have ever heard of that is all- purpose is, "What did you say?" or "Come again? " to make them repeat it when they say something really crappy/ negative. Anything else? I'm going to need a few to shut this crap down. She is not getting the best of me. Please heeelp!

TIA

[hobbit709]

1. The peanut gallery speaks.

[In_The_Wind]

2. Some times there is no way to win. Eventually everyone will get wise to her tricks.

Your idea of "What did you say?" is probably the best for now.

[bettyellen]

11. I wish you were right - my company lets assholes play these games all the time.

It maybe them thinking about the budget- time to get rid of me and hire somone cheaper.
She is just being used as a pawn. I just have to weather the abuse and not screw up.

[hlthe2b]

3. a generic "My heavens!".....

about as ambiguous as it comes as it signifies nothing.

[bettyellen]

10. "my heavens" is pretyy good- I need lighthearted and amusing. I need to amplify the fact that she

is being the asshole, and I am the nice guy. I need to laugh a lot of it off- this will help- thanks!

[dixiegrrrrl]

15. This worked for me

Had a smart mouth know it all related-to-the-boss male coworker who had a need to poke at everything I said in a meeting or group or even one on one in the hallway.
I waited till he did it in a group of 4 of us, and said to him, in a friendly upbeat tone,
"are you being insigrievious with us?" and then turned to someone else and instantly started talking about the meeting subject.
The key to carrying it off was to have said everything in the right tone, with a smile, and then turning away and calmly talking to another person. Believe me, I had it planned out in my head.
Sure enough, the guy comes up to me in private and demands to know what "that word" meant.
I nicely told him to go look it up.
In the middle of the next days' meeting, he got in my face and loudly said " I looked it up a lot of places and there is NO such word!!"
and I said, in an offhand tone... " yes, I know".
while everyone stared at him for losing it in a meeting.

Worth a shot...and only if you think you can pull it off with the right tone.

[bettyellen]

17. I actually love this - but might not be able to pull it off. BUT!! It has inspired me to use "us"

when answering her sometimes. She does ask "who did X or Y? in a pointed way- and it just occurred to me she is trying to divide my group. I work with a creative group and we make decisions together. So I will use "we and us" against this. Thank you!!
And I love your story- you are awesome. I can't believe I was scared of loungers, LOL.

[dixiegrrrrl]

20. Just remember..a bitch is

a Broad Totally In Control of Herself.

[HarveyDarkey]

28. BTICoH, really?

[Morning Dew]

44. LOL

[SwissTony]

52. Broad In Total Control of Herself?

Though I dislike the first word, personally

[dixiegrrrrl]

53. The phrase had its place..

I used it when I was holding evening group therapy sessions for resentful court ordered guys.
It defused potential gripe sessions, and got the group re-focused on why they were there.

[JNelson6563]

38. "Oh dear!" is another good one.

[Texasgal]

4. Kill her with kindness...

Seriously, comment on how well she did something or comment on how you like her shoes/hair/outfit etc.

[bettyellen]

8. oh gosh, I am always kind to coworkers and been extra so lately- but she has been sent on a

witch hunt to screw me over. Unfortunately, my company works this way when budgets are tight. I have a feeling they look at my salary and think they could hire 1 2/3 inexperienced people. They do not worry about the results or degredation of product. We used to get along great and someone put a bug in her ear- and it was someone important.
She;d probably get a raise if she could bust me screwing up or get me to quit.

[Texasgal]

13. I hear you.

I had a co-worker that was like that, she constantly berated my work and was our boss's back pocket.

I tried many things until I finally decided to go the kindness route. I think she was intimidated by me in the end. I kept it up and she ended up leaving for another job but not before hugging me and telling me how much she's miss me! GAH!

[raccoon]

35. And I'd be sure to do it in the presence of witnesses. nt

[Tuesday Afternoon]

5. whatever she says, I am sure it is ... very interesting ...

so, that is what I would say: That is very interesting can you expand on that?

but, if she basically called you a liar ...

perhaps something ... along the lines of:

excuse me, can you clarify that statement because I am not sure I understood you correctly ... ? I would really appreciate it.

also:

ask her:

do you know what is company protocol in a case such as this?

Do we have any policies and procedures for this incident?

Are you sure we are on the same page? I want to stay up to speed on this case.

stuff like that, yanno.

[bettyellen]

9. that's interesting is another good one- thank you!

Unfortunately I am not in a position to discuss procedure (long story- but that is a losing battle at my work place- a thorny ssue as well) or go to HR unless it's a big one.
It's all been small stuff so far. But things are getting weirder by the day, we used to get along great.

[LeftofObama]

6. I don't know about a come back,

but when someone interrupts my conversation I usually let it go the first time. After that I tell them in no uncertain terms that I wasn't talking to them. This kind of person really irritates the piss out of me!

[bettyellen]

12. I could combine this with the "Sorry- I was talking with X and missed what you said" kind of thing.

[madmom]

42. My come back for that is..excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.

[Chan790]

7. Proactively.

"I don't know. {Janet} hasn't told me what I think yet."

"Hmm. Maybe we should ask {Janet}?

"I'm sure {Janet} would say we should {{do whatever your personal opinion would be.}}"

{{Argue the opposite of what you think}} <Let her butt in with the position you actually hold so you can cut her off to agree with her.>

Now she can't butt in because she makes herself the fool of the joke to do so. It's a nasty little shot across the bow of snark she can't take to upper management because she'd have to admit her previous poor conduct.

Call attention to her conduct, she won't like it one bit and you demonstrate that for whatever advantage she has in management on her side you out-possess it in wits.

[bettyellen]

24. Ha ha, I wish I could say the opposite. I love the idea.

I will use X will know a few times. She does't know much, so that will be interesting!!

[LiberalEsto]

14. I would look at her and ask, "Are you angry with me about something?" nt

[bettyellen]

18. nope- that's an automatic trip to HR here. I wish I could clear the air.... but it is

political, and the company will never admit it is happening. They would twist it that I was angry. I have to keep cool and not even think it. And then it will blow over.

[hopemountain]

16. ask "why?"

rather than "what".

"why do you say that?" or "why do you think that?"

[bettyellen]

19. This too works! Thank you!

[TuxedoKat]

21. Or the more pointed

"Why would you say that or "Why would you say something like that?" Really puts them on the spot and gives you time to recover and shore up your defenses.

Another good one, if someone is constantly bragging about this or that is "How nice for you."

There is also, "Well, bless your heart." But that implies that the recipient isn't too smart. Use with caution.

Here are some online articles that might have some info:

http://theworkplacetherapist.com/ways-to-protect-yourself-from-untrustworthy-co-workers/ (This one looks good)

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Overly-Competitive-Colleagues

http://www.divinecaroline.com/life-etc/career-money/ten-tips-dealing-backstabbing-coworkers

http://humanresources.about.com/b/2013/02/04/deal-difficult-people.htm

Carolyn Kepcher wrote a book called Carolyn: 101 -- This book had a chapter on dealing with devious coworkers that I thought had some good advice.

Good luck!

[bettyellen]

26. Oh wow, a collection of links!! Thanks so much! These look really good.

[Aristus]

22. My usual response to a shitty outburst is:

"Wow! Feel better?"

[raccoon]

40. That's good and it probably makes them angry(er). nt

[MissB]

23. "You are doing it wrong"

Confuses them. Or just thank them. That confuses them too.

[bettyellen]

25. I think thanking her is hilarious! Love it. Thanks!

[tavernier]

27. Stare at her for a minute...

then shake your head and say, "Barkin' mad", as you walk away.

[Wounded Bear]

29. How about....

"I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I'm not sure that what you heard was exactly what I meant."

Then pause and add, "Can you get back to me on that?"

Be sure to smile graciously.

[Iwillnevergiveup]

30. Or how about

"I see what you're saying."

Tells her you heard her, doesn't commit or engage you, and may leave her speechless.

[bettyellen]

31. Thanks everybody- you all are making this Monday a little easier to cope with!

[Scuba]

32. A small smile and smaller headshake. Then walk away.

[fglad]

33. Say the opposite of what you want then agree with her when she counters with your idea.

[lastlib]

34. "Welcome to our conversation. Did you receive an invitation?"

[raccoon]

36. Another good old stand-by: "You may be right." nt

[libodem]

37. This will be a 'wrong' answer

But it seems like the perfect opportunity to utter: "whatever" I know it is too rude, but I wish you could.


Some people just have that stubborn oppositional/ defiant streak, in their personality. Ick.

I feel for your difficult situation.

[bettyellen]

49. Thanks! Wish I could too!

[Iggo]

39. "Your what hurts?"

[Myrina]

41. I just smile and walk away.

As the inimitable Flynn said in Tron: Legacy -- "Sometimes the only way to win is to refuse to play."

[bettyellen]

48. well, sadly during meetings that wouldn't work. ;-0

[Demo_Chris]

43. Ask her to elabotate on everything she says...

You cannot lose. If she has a point you will have learned something, and if she's just being a prick everyone will recognize it.

[bettyellen]

46. Very good point. Thanks Chris!

[Agschmid]

45. We seem to use "allegedly" at my workplace.

[bettyellen]

47. Ha ha... I might start using it too!

[Agschmid]

50. It's fun, not too mean but gets the point across :)

[ismnotwasm]

51. "Well Bless Your Heart"

I'm not from the South, but the is the greatest responses to that kind of thing ever.

[hamsterjill]

54. Best reply to stupid questions that I ever heard.

Of course her comments may not always be questions, but for the questions, the best comeback I've ever heard is simply "Why do you ask"? Said with a straight face and in a calm tone - followed by a complete and long (if necessary) silence while she wonders what to say next!

[ms liberty]

55. Some great quips on this thread...

One I would add would be "Really? Would you elaborate?" That throws the ball back in her court. Alternatively, you might use the now famous, "please proceed" if the situation is right!

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

56. If you were in a union workplace

you could have the Delegate talk to her or file a grievance. If not, talk to the HR department?

[bettyellen]

57. Yeah not options- it's a very political environment and I would lose that one. It's just the way the

company is structured- they give free reign to assholes who act like it's a HS cafeteria. Seriously.
Thanks though!