I'm busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.

[Tobin S.]

After tomorrow I'll have clocked about 60 hours at work this week. I'm also taking two college courses and have homework and projects due. I just filled out the contract to put my condo up for sale. Got a birthday party to go to this Sunday in between the homework. Damn water heater is on the blink. Got money flying out the window left and right. I'm barely keeping up.

Somewhere down the line here I'm going to need to do my Christmas shopping. School will be over for a while, though, on the 17th.

I think it's starting to have a negative effect on my wife. I was on vacation for a week recently and she was happy. Now I'm busy as hell again and she's moody again. She wants me to be a house husband. I told her I'd gladly do it if she got about a 60k a year raise.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. That's a tough place to be, my dear Tobin...

Is she having a hard time understanding where all this is leading you?

I hope that she will start coming around.....And it could be that she's still feeling the effects of the miscarriage.

[Tobin S.]

2. She may be a little bit

She had a little break down the other night about it. Then this evening she told me she didn't think she would ever get pregnant again. But I'm not sure how that's all related to me being busy or if it's just coincidence.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. Those feelings are so normal.....I remember having them too.

And I imagine that all of it (the miscarriage, and your being so busy) is cumulative for her. It just piles up.

She might benefit from seeing a counselor for a bit. An uninvolved therapist can work wonders.

[MiddleFingerMom]

4. I worked with a fairly young man (22 - 23) who was married to an older woman (31?)...

.
.
.
... with two children.
.
.
.
To better himself and their situation, he was working fulltime during the weekdays, going
to tech school full time weeknights AND working 16 hours a weekend at a gas station.
.
They didn't have much of a life "together" for those 2 years -- at least in terms of hours
and shared actvities.
.
And he almost literally killed himself with the load that he was carrying.
.
But he survived and, seemingly just in time... it was "over".
.
Within a week, he was able to leave his job as our metals plater (a LOT of unhealthy
chemicals) and into a "clean" city electronics department, doing what he LOVED at
literally triple the salary.
.
.
.
Talk to her often of happier times for the both of you.
.
Get as much together time as you can -- even if it's just hanging out in lawn chairs
or on a blanket and watching the sunset/nighttime stars. Start doing things like
washing the dishes together (if you're not already).
.
.
.
Get as much physical contact cuddle/huddle time as both of you can handle right
now... even sitting on the couch with arms touching can be a big deal for both of
you when you're "separationally stressed".
.
.
.
Stress that, though it may be a long way off... this is not open-ended. You have a
goal and a goal line to read -- a destination rather than a completely open and
vague "someday".
.
.
.
(edit to add): Another way of expressing your subject line that I learned during
my time down South is, "busier than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs".

[redwitch]

10. Excellent advice here.

[Tobin S.]

12. Thanks, MFM

I'm a pretty independent person, probably due to many years of being alone. So I guess maybe a little separation doesn't bother me as much.

[elleng]

5. Sorry, Tobin.

School break will be a nice bit of relief, prolly remind both of you you WILL have time together. When condo sells, $ will be a bit better.

Life happens in increments, and I'm sure both of you will appreciate this.

Agree w CalPeg's suggestion about a therapist. DOES help to voice problems to a neutral.

[Ptah]

6. Champion!

[Suich]

7. Who IS that, Ptah?

I've never seen or heard of him before! Amazing!

btw, we've had .7" of rain today and it's been cloudy and grey...I could use more Sunflower!

[Ptah]

8. Born with one leg, Arizona St. wrestler wins NCAA title

PHILADELPHIA — Arizona State's Anthony Robles hopped off the mat
at the NCAA wrestling tournament after a perfect season. Penn State
coach Cael Sanderson, familiar with perfect seasons, notched the Nittany
Lions' first team title since 1953. And an ex-Penn Stater brought Arizona State
another title with a pin of one of Sanderson's young stars.

Arizona State's Anthony Robles, born with one leg, beat Iowa's Matt McDonough
to claim the 125-pound NCAA Division I individual wrestling title.

For Robles, it was the finish to a 36-0 senior season and a journey begun when he
took up wrestling as a high school freshman in Mesa, Ariz. He was anything but
a dominator at the start.

"I was a terrible wrestler, only about 90 pounds, but my mom told me God made me
for a reason, and I believe that reason was for wrestling," says Robles, who was given
a standing ovation on the podium by a sellout crowd of 17,687 at the Wells Fargo Center.

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/sports/college/2011-03-19-anthony-robles-wrestling-championships_N.htm

[Flaxbee]

9. Will you be taking two classes per semester (quarter?) until you're done?

And/or, will you always have 60 hour work weeks?

Or is this just a crunch time between two holidays?

I know how hard it can be -- and your wife may be needing more comfort for a variety of reasons. Plus, some people just get really lonely during the holidays for no specific reason - she may just need more "Tobin time" this time of year.

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

[Tobin S.]

13. I'll be taking two classes a semester

but my work week will not always be as busy. But we're still talking full time here.

[Ken Burch]

11. Is the contest being held in the Kingdom of the Blind, ruled by King One-Eye The First?

And did the good king count his chickens before they hatched?

(sorry...had a cliche attack).

Good luck on all that you're doing.

[Denninmi]

14. Life happens. It's how you deal with it that matters.

And frankly the "why" as well. For you and Jen, the why is for all of the best reasons. And I know you well enough, I believe, to know that the how will be with finesse and confidence. Just remember to be good to yourself and not let it get you down.