Old Review of Hostess Products from Lore Sjoberg
Twinkies
The quintessential Hostess food, similar to foods you might create in your own kitchen, but profoundly different. Yes, the outer coating bears a passing resemblance to sponge cake, and the "creamy filling" might have once read a book about a dairy product, but overall it has that quality of taste and texture that can only be found on the snack food aisle. A+
Cupcakes
These are odd. What is it with the so-called frosting? It's this weird flat tortilla of sugar and chocolate clinging pathetically to the much larger cake unit. The best theory I've heard is that the cake and frosting of a Hostess cupcake are actually the male and female versions of the same organism. This would mean that the little swirl of white frosting on top is actually genetic material, which let's face it is what it resembles in the first place. B+
Fruit Pies
Hostess is the reigning monarch of hand-held pies. You can keep your Dolly Madison, your Home Run pies, your miniature pecan pie gas station desserts: give me a cherry Hostess fruit pie and a place to eat it and I shall gain some weight. Other manufacturers skimp on the fruit filling, the shortening for the crust, the festive artificial coloring, but not Hostess. Truly the luxury model. A
Sno-Balls
These are just plain weird. Even the ones that aren't dyed green are weird. When you observe other attempts to arrange a common-law marriage of marshmallow and baked goods -- s'mores, moon pies, &c. -- the unwritten law is "the marshmallow goes on the inside," the better to protect the chewing public from the Unheimlichkeit of fingering the marshmallow hive-mind. Sno-balls ignore this important stricture, even going so far as to dust the things with coconut sprinkles inevitably reminiscent of pubic hair. Heironymous Bosch would have chorfed these things by the armload. C
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