Feeling left out from social situations

[YoungDemCA]

How many of you have experienced the horrible feeling that, for whatever reason, you are not wanted or needed by other people?

I experienced this a lot in middle and high school. Now that I'm in college, not so much, but there are days and situations where I still feel like an "outsider looking in."

Social alienation sucks.

[Curmudgeoness]

1. Take it from someone who is closer to retirement

than college, all this socializing isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Sometimes, alone time is welcome, and it is not a bad idea to have people think that you enjoy that down time. And find ways to enjoy it so you don't feel alienated. That was probably my biggest problem in school----trying too hard to find a place to fit in.

[YoungDemCA]

2. Thanks for this.

Really appreciate it a lot.

[HopeHoops]

3. Don't feel alienated here.

[mucifer]

4. Being 47yo never married no kids. Yes, I do feel like a space alien observing other life forms.

[HeiressofBickworth]

5. Yes

the people who live with me. It pains me to say it, but it's true. I'm left out of conversations, plans, events, information. Fortunately there are no overt conflicts.

Of course, one would tend to take the blame for it, but since I have friends and feel welcome and included with them, there must be some other dynamic going on. I doubt that I will ever know what it is.

Economics keeps both sides here.

[MiddleFingerMom]

6. Do you do any volunteer work? That's often a way to meet friendly, NICE people...

.
.
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... and you'd already have something in common with them.

[DearHeart]

7. Feel like this all the time, even with my family members

I'm 46 and no kids either. Just seems that I'm meant to travel life's highway alone. It sucks, but I deal with it. DU helps!!

[Pool Hall Ace]

8. Oh, absolutely!

I get it both at home and at work. My husband is constantly trying to throw me out of the house. If my supervisor asks me to come in an extra day or stay for another hour, upper management will snarl at me and say, "What are YOU doing here??"

I felt the same way as a kid!

[mythology]

9. I remember once being in a conversation with 4 other people

and one person asked the other three if they wanted to go to lunch, but not me. Of course three of those 4 people once watched me get a major concussion and didn't think to ask if I was even okay much less injured, maybe it's just me.

[raccoon]

10. Oh, yes! Experienced it a lot in school and some (but much less) in college.

At least it's good to hear I'm not the only one.

Not married, no kids, one sib I'm close to. Makes it difficult when you get to thinking about a POA
and medical POA.....

[GoCubsGo]

11. I went through that when I was your age.

One thing I have learned over the years is that sometimes all it takes is a knock on the door. If people are treating you like an outsider, maybe it's because you are acting like an outsider. You have to give people a chance to get to know you, and standing back and "looking in" doesn't do it. It's not all about you. I was horribly shy up into my late 20s. I learned the hard way that shy people think the world revolves around them. You spend your life worrying about what other people think of you. But, the vast majority of the time, they really don't care one way or the other about the things you fear they believe about you. If you want people to give you a chance, you have to give them a chance, too. It works both ways.

[DebJ]

12. Not being inclined to drink alcohol has always created some isolation

buth then watching people get drunk loses its novelty quickly, so I actually don't miss much!

[TwilightGardener]

13. When I was young, I didn't have that problem, except for

those "first day of school" moments. I almost always had people to hang around with, and confide in. Now that I am middle aged, and have moved and uprooted a bunch of times, and don't currently have a job, it's almost impossible to make friends--and the one good friend I managed to make in recent years has passed away.

As a result of this dry spell, I am not terribly social anymore--but I have tried to make new friends, it just doesn't go anywhere. I took a class last spring at a local college, and met a nice older woman there. We had a lot in common, seemed to hit it off, hung out together on breaks, etc. When the class ended, I said we should exchange phone numbers, maybe get together with our husbands sometime, and the answer was an awkward I-don't-think-so. I have tried making friends while volunteering at an animal shelter, but the ladies there were already friends with each other (they had signed up together) and had no interest in meeting anyone else, I guess. So, I am done forcing it--if it happens, it happens.

[TwilightGardener]

14. I should add, my younger son has few if any friends right now--

he's in high school, and is a little socially awkward. Just has a really hard time connecting with anybody. He has been a victim of bullying in the past, and doesn't trust other kids very much even when they seem nice to him, so that doesn't help. He's learned to accept being alone, sadly.

[MrScorpio]

15. Sounds like a standard case of introversion to me

I had it too and grew up to the point where I don't give a fuck anymore.

Now I'm my own best company when no one else is.

[We are Devo]

16. X2! n/t

[HipChick]

20. Me too...not sure about introversion, but it does not bother me to be on my own..

maybe I don't care for people that much..

[Smuckies]

17. Yup, my worst experience:

Was in my freshman year of high school. I was a loser in HS, with very very few friends. One of my few friends was the most beautiful, popular girl in school, who genuinely liked me. She was nice to everyone.
She insisted I come to her birthday party, which I did, although I didn't want to, since I was (at the time, far from it now) overweight and awkward. I went to her party and of course all the popular kids were there, no one spoke to me, and they kept cracking fat jokes. I tried making conversation with some girls, but they just made pig noises at me, and some people threw bacon at me. The girl was too busy to notice, but she did apologize years later for not speaking up more.

Now im in college, ive lost 70 lbs, and live in a Middle Eastern country, its much better now. I have many different friends from different countries and I do well. Although, because I'm not like 90% of the students who are native to the country I live in, (im blonde, tall, blue eyes, etc), I still get discriminated to this day, because they assume I'm stuck up, partying American (even though I hate partying). Theyre actually quite surprised when they get to know me, but yeah, I still get discriminated and left out at times :-/ I get told its mostly because of jealousy, which bothers me... but you know, its OK, cause I know who my real friends are, and I dont need people in my life who don't want me or who judge me. My real friends never make me feel alienated, left out, etc.

[Chan790]

18. There's a book for that.

The Art of Conversation by Catherine Blyth. It changed my life as it turned out that I'm not an introvert, I was just socially and conversationally awkward. It's been my experience that's true of about 50% of people who think they're introverts. Reality is introverts nearly never feel this way, it's a sign of unwanted social isolation: "Feeling left out from social situations" (They don't, they abhor them and want to avoid group social situations for the most part.)

I used to feel this way "for whatever reason, you are not wanted or needed by other people." It's recognition of a problem and one that can be fixed. If you don't want to read the book, you can start with:

1.) Initiating conversations. (I say "hello" to everybody. With a smile and eye-contact. It's amazing what it can do for you.)
2.) Small-talk is the gateway to further conversation. (It's not purile, but everybody loathes it to some extent. You're not really talking about the weather, you're establishing rapport and feeling-out subjects to converse.)

Initiating conversations with strangers is consistently listed as the least-favorite part of their job in surveys of sales professionals. But mastery of the conversational art will make you king of your social scene. I dominate every room I'm in now because I know how to work a conversation, be the charming intelligent rogue that everybody wants to talk to: brilliant, flirtatious, fun, cheerful, witty. At this point, I should point out that I'm a pasty chubby 30-something with little hair, thick glasses and chipped-front-teeth.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Conversation-Neglected-Pleasure/dp/1592404979/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1351694920&sr=8-7

[TeamPooka]

19. great suggestion!