I overheard someone call me "weird" at work today

[alarimer]

I feel devastated, actually. It makes me worried about what else they might say about me when I'm not around. I know I'm not like the others. They are mostly extroverts and I am definitely not, but "weird", that just hurts. I feel like I'm in high school again. Once again I don't belong. I never will, not anywhere it seems. People don't like me, no matter how hard I try.

[petronius]

1. I like you

Don't much like your co-workers though - cliquey backbiting jackasses...

[alarimer]

6. Yes there is quite a bit of that

I haven't worked in such a large office before, so I was taken aback.

I've also been somewhat appalled at the general lack of professionalism here compared to my last workplace.

[seabeyond]

2. i am odd. own it. it is what it is. and who the fuck cares what the others think of you.

they do not know you. you like you. those that love you like you. your friends like you.

fuck them.

you just need that paycheck. it isnt a popularity contest. you are out of highschool and thankfully done with that.

or not.

i dont think you are weird.

[ohiosmith]

3. Well put!

[alarimer]

4. Thanks

There is a lot of gossip in any office I suppose, and I am not sure it was intended maliciously. Still it kind of stu

That is good advice.

[lunatica]

12. Right there is the problem. It's an office full of gossipers

Just ignore them. Gossips are horrible people who love to say the worst things they can think of about people and they're back stabbers and mean. They're vicious.

Just do your work and stay out of their way. They're not nice people.

[slackmaster]

15. A gaggle of gossips can provide a great deal of entertainment

For example, leave sitting on the copier a fake financial data spreadsheet - A staffing plan suggesting that the company is going to be taken over, and that they're all going to be laid off. Make sure that the biggest gossip finds it.

[alarimer]

19. LOL

Well I work for state government, but I could have fun with this still.

hmmm.

[LiberalEsto]

5. Weird is wonderful!

Normal is boring.

I've been considered weird almost my entire life. It certainly wasn't fun back in junior high school or high school, but I wish I could tell my younger self to embrace the weird and have fun with it.

[HipChick]

7. I'm weird...

I'd leave this on their desk..I stopped trying to fit in a long time ago, I am who I am..

[img][/img]

[Kali]

26. BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!

I love it!! I sure as hell would leave that for some asshole, that would hang proudly from my rear view mirror!!!

[bluesbassman]

8. I hate office drama...

You belong here alarimer, and I'm sure you belong where people outside the office scene know you.

Keep your head up, and walk around the office like you own the joint. Heck with them.

[polly7]

9. Weird is just what people say when they're too lazy or shallow

to try to understand someone else. I wouldn't take it too hard, they probably call each other worse behind their backs.

[Populist_Prole]

17. That's precisely it

'Slackmaster' further on down is right as well when he said it's just a juvenile sign and a lack of a vocabulary. The shallow and stupid are always at a loss for succinct words when met with a persona unlike their own. Same crap at my workplace, though not in an office. I tend to hang and associate more with the deep thinkers and deal with the jerks only as professional situations dictate. I've heard people being referred to as "weird" just for being witty/droll/clever where lame vapid humor or interests seems the norm.

It's worse yet when someone who should know better goes along with the herd when they feel it is socially advantageous to do so. I took one to task for "piling on" and asked him WTF? What is he supposed to do to get your approval or fit in? Act like an imbecile bellowing stupid buzzwords shit of the day shit like "Git 'er Done!" or "HEY, DID'JA SEE THE ( insert name of latest stupid TV show ) LAST NIGHT!" or "HOW 'BOUT 'DOSE PANTEHRS.....WOOHOOO"?

Don't sweat it. Feel rightfully snobby to be of a superior mind than those jerks. Some people are so despicable I would actually consider it to be a character flaw to be able to get along with somebody like that.

[becca da bakkah]

10. Consider it a Compliment.....

...and wear it like a badge of honor. I mean, after all....it's the BORING people who never get noticed!

[Bucky]

11. I'd say congratulations are due.

What do you wanna be, typical?

[slackmaster]

14. I want to be a unique individual, just like everyone else!

[slackmaster]

13. Calling someone weird is about the most juvenile put-down that exists in our culture

At best it shows a lack of empathy, and a limited vocabulary.

Once again I don't belong. I never will, not anywhere it seems. People don't like me, no matter how hard I try.

A suggestion based on more than 50 years' experience being regarded as an eccentric person:

Stop trying. Once you let go of caring about whether or not people accept you as you are, you will find that there actually are people who do; and they are your real friends. The most important of those people is you. Trying to change yourself to fit other peoples' preconceived ideas about how a person should look or behave is a sure path to self-image problems.

In other words, be yourself and adopt the mantra "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!"

[alarimer]

20. I agree basically

Sometimes it just gets to me though.

This is a small town, the smallest I've lived in for years. And it's full of people that are not like me at all, but I have found a few already. A group of heathens that hangs our regularly in a bar (where else?) once or twice a month. They are outliers in the community, just like I am.

So it isn't all bad.

[antigone382]

43. The thing is, one person calling you "weird" hardly means that you don't fit in.

It is one person's version of reality. Even if they were talking to others, and even if those others seemed to sympathize, they were likely just doing what people do...going along to get along, avoiding confrontation, etc. It is very easy to file a single, insignificant occurrence, such as one person's off hand comment, as part of some huge and inescapable pattern. The reality is that merely by believing such a pattern exists, you create a self-fulfilling prophesy wherein you act like an outsider because you believe you will inevitably be perceived as one.

Two critical points: you are an inherently valid individual, with an inherently valid way of approaching the world. You have as much power as anyone else to define various behaviors or individuals as "weird" or "normal." Secondly, work cultures are dynamic, just as all cultures are. While there is something to be said for gaining a nuanced understanding of the culture in which you now find yourself, that culture is malleable and depends entirely on the beliefs and behaviors of the individuals within it. You are one of those individuals. If you choose to stay with this company, your norms can and will become a part of the culture.

Were I in you shoes, I would be tempted to confront the situation directly in a tactful and open way. I would let this person know that I overheard their comments, and because I want to be on a good standing with my coworkers, I would like to understand what motivated this person to think of me as "weird," and clarify that they are welcome to ask me respectful questions about who I am and what I am about at any time, as long as it doesn't interfere with my productivity.

That doesn't mean I think that's what you should do. I have over the years developed less of a fear for such situations, and more skill at dealing with them in a way that does not generate hostility. That isn't easy for everyone to do. I would say that in general, when you can assert yourself in a non-aggressive way, with honesty, clarity, openness, and the same level of respect that you would like to receive, the kinds of anxieties you are currently experiencing do not seem to crop up as often, and when they do, they are easily remedied.

[alarimer]

47. There is a lot about this job that is completely new for me

And I have been overwhelmed sometimes by it and by the culture in the office, which is far more casual than any place I have ever been. So my anxieties are already working overtime.

I've decided, though, that I am not going to spend any more time thinking or worrying about this.

[Worried senior]

16. I've felt like that many times

in my life, from school thru many situations. Now, I am getting older and really don't care all that much anymore.

My husband, kids and dog likes me, that's all that counts.

[HopeHoops]

18. Take it as a compliment.

[irisblue]

21. Trish called me 'quirky' once. I thanked her.

I am an introvert, and I chose to stay quiet about my life, choices and what I do when I'm off the clock. Work is for money, My time is for my life. It can be hard when you are dragging in in the cold dark winter mornings, knowing that those coworkers are there, but we're here and waiting...welcome home...

[NNadir]

22. In many places of employment, that would represent a very high compliment.

My wife works in such a place. Come to think of it, so do I.

Enjoy it.

[Populist_Prole]

23. But in all too many others, it's a "do not hire" flag.

Stupid Meyers-Briggs tests that are designed to weed out introverts seem all the rage these days. You have to flat out lie, and consistently, to beat this "test" just to get in the door.

[NNadir]

24. Well, I have to admit, I'ver never taken one of those.

American business is really caught up in exercises in stupidity. It probably goes a long way to describing the source of our economic difficulties in modern times.

[alarimer]

48. Well they didn't do one of those for this job.

I've always worried a little bit that my personality would make it difficult to get hired, especially in a position as a supervisor.

I think they chose me for other strengths I have and were just hoping that everything else would fall into place. I've struggled a little bit and been afraid that they may be regretting their choice.

There is a lot I still have to learn.

[Mopar151]

25. Back when I hired people

I was explaining to our new plant manager our choices in hiring "We aren't a top payer, so we're left with 2 main choices - second-rate, or a little eccentric - I'll take eccentric every time.", Or, as I wrote in a guy's review "There are far worse things you can be than a fussy electrican!"

[Lisa0825]

27. Some of my favorite people are weird.

And in some ways, I am sure *I* am too! I like people who are different. I find them interesting. They have unique points of view and often have ideas that other people wouldn't come up with to solve problems.

Be proud of being different. You are not on this earth to please other people. You are fabulous, just the way you are. I bet I would adore you if I knew you.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

28. Wear that "weird" as a badge of honor.

I was often considered "weird," too, and I probably am. And what I think about that is, "So fucking what?" The people who do like you are the ones who deserve your friendship. Screw the rest of 'em.

[MiddleFingerMom]

29. I like people who are different. Anyone who would use the word "weird" as a synonym for...

.
.
.
... "different" -- well, that's much MUCH more a negative reflection on that person than
it is on you.
.
.
My 4-or-5-year-old niece and I were coloring on their playroom floom, MiddleFingerMomSis
near enough to us to overhear our conversation. In my peripheral vision, I could see my
niece staring at me with a puzzled look on her face. She was a very bright precocious child
and I knew she was trying to work out SOMETHING'S place in her universe, so I just kept
on coloring.
.
She finally asked, "Uncle MFM, you're... (a very very LONG pause)... different aren't you?"
.
Her mom burst out laughing.
.
I just said, "Yes. Yes, I am." And she went back to her coloring.
.
.
.
.
I still consider it one of the nicest compliments I've EVER gotten in my life.
.
.
.

[wendylaroux]

30. I live in a small town too alarimer

and I know people think I'm weird. LOL.I love that I am nothing like those assholes. Just smile at them,and be yourself. Those people probably have the personality of a rock.

[DebJ]

31. Two things:

1) As a child in Catholic school, my teachers, Sisters of Notre Dame said,
Since most of the world is going to hell, why do you want to be like everyone else and end up there too?

2) I once worked in an office with 100 ladies. I was a supervisor. One of my employees (I had a very small department of five) advised that two rumours were circulating about me: 1) I was gay and 2) I was pregnant. Now, wouldn't that have been a fascinating comingling of status back in 1988? I never brought my boyfriend to the office, and whenever I have gained weight, it has always gone straight to my gut. I had a great laugh over that one. I didn't care what they thought, as long as the work went well...

[kentauros]

32. The etymology of the word "weird" is quite cool :)

weird
O.E. wyrd "fate, destiny" (n.), lit. "that which comes," from P.Gmc. *wurthis (cf. O.S. wurd, O.H.G. wurt "fate," O.N. urðr "fate, one of the three Norns&quot , from PIE *wert- "to turn, wind," (cf. Ger. werden, O.E. weorðan "to become&quot , from root *wer- "to turn, bend" (see versus). For sense development from "turning" to "becoming," cf. phrase turn into "become." The modern sense of weird developed from M.E. use of weird sisters for the three fates or Norns (in Germanic mythology), the goddesses who controlled human destiny. They were usually portrayed as odd or frightening in appearance, as in "Macbeth," which led to the adj. meaning "odd-looking, uncanny," first recorded 1815.


So, you might thank her personally for believing you to be turning into one of the three Germanic goddesses of fate and controlling all of human destiny!

[Mopar151]

33. Johnny Cash and friends explain it well

[Rincewind]

34. I am 58 years old,

in that time, I have met a very few completely normal people. They are boring as all hell. All of the fun, interesting people are strange, or weird in some way. Just like me.

[hobbit709]

35. So what's wrong with being weird?

[pipi_k]

36. So....

I've been considered somewhat "weird" most of my nearly 60 years also.

And whenever I know someone has talked about me in some disparaging way, I remember what Oscar Wilde said...

"The only thing worse than being talked about is NOT being talked about"


There is far too much vanilla in this world


We need more mint chocolate chip with beer-battered bacon bits and blueberry sauce...

[HappyMe]

37. Eh, fuck 'em.

The judgemental office gossips is one reason I quit working in offices. I don't do office politics.

I'm weird, and I know a bunch of weird people. I like them BECAUSE they are different. Everybody is weird in their own way. Don't worry about their small-minded asses. Snark usually has a way of biting the snarky right back.

[LeftinOH]

38. People call me weird; I wear it as badge of honor.

As for you... you're probably not weird, you are your own person; lots of 'extroverted' people seem to be reflections of who they think they should be.

[spin]

39. I tend not to worry about what people think of me. ...

I am what I am and I've never been ashamed of it. I have had a few friends in my lifetime but I am basically an introvert.

I do try to treat all people with respect and have often found those who others avoid because they don't quite fit are often very intelligent and insightful. Many have found me to be "weird" and I have always taken that as a compliment. I like to be unique and find my own lifestyle to enjoy and my own path to walk. I have little or no interest in being like everybody else.

In high school I definitely was never part of the "in" group nor was I a jock. I went to high school in the early sixties and I had fairly long hair while all the other guys had crew cuts. I grew up in a very conservative area of Ohio where everybody was Republican and I was one of the very few young Democrats. An English teacher once called me a communist because I supported Social Security. My parents were strong Democrats and I had learned a lot from them. I feel I held my own in the debate with the teacher and had a lot of fun making my points to counter hers.

My friends were all also guys who didn't fit in well but we were all unique in our own way and quite different from each other. None of my friends ever worried about fitting in and we didn't. Oddly except for the fact that we were rather eccentric and strange we had little else in common. We never tried to look or act the same as some kids do today.

I did get bullied in high school as I was different and short. I suffered it for a while but fortunately I had been taught the basics of boxing by my father. I finally grew tired of all the harassment and broke a bully's nose with a couple of left hooks. After that the tough guys left me alone. (In some of today's high schools I might be ended up being shot or knifed.)

Later I became friends with one of these tough guys and I asked him why they targeted me. He said, "When we used to walk down the hallway everybody, including teachers would step out of our way except for one little bastard and that was you. You would walk right between us and we couldn't figure you out."

My father taught me that the only person you have to please is the person you face in the mirror.

[ismnotwasm]

40. If you overheard something like that

Than you are not the one that's 'weird'--that is a toxic, nasty thing to say. My guess is, without knowing you, that the people you are around are emotionally selfish and insensitive, not the kind I'd have for friends in the first place.
There are good, kind, loving and accepting people out there. Keep your standards high, and you will find them, or they will find you. Any person who thinks it's acceptable to cause pain like what you are experiencing is not the kind of person you want to cultivate in the first place.

That was an asshole move. You are not the problem.

[LNM]

41. I agree with the other posters on this thread,

I'd take it as a compliment but I'd like to add that I'm sorry you were hurt. That was a really shitty thing for someone to do to you.

[Tsiyu]

42. (((((alarimer)))))

GO AWAY Bad self-talk

And don't come back!!!!!



I concur with those who say you will care less and less as you get older about what the "crowd" thinks.

The "crowd members" project their own fears onto others.

You are very likeable.


Be weird. Be proud.

[hamsterjill]

44. "People don't like me"

No, it's THESE people who don't UNDERSTAND you. From "Desiderata"...."You are a child of the universe. No less than the trees and the stars. You have a RIGHT to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

For someone to have called you "weird" within hearing distance means the speaker is either a total jerk, or at the very least, someone who needs an etiquette lesson for manners in a professional setting.

Don't let these idiots get to you. Sometimes, it is a good thing not to fit in, when what you are trying to fit into is totally different from who you (naturally) are. Be yourself and be proud of who you are. And don't let these bozos define you because they are still trying to recapture THEIR high school cliques.

I truly wish you well!

[raccoon]

45. Consider the source. Is this a person whose opinion you value? Somehow I get the feeling

that it isn't.

And, just because someone calls you something doesn't make it true. I heard once, "If someone
called you a chair, would that make you a chair?"

I had an experience recently that definitely made me feel like the odd one out. I know that feeling of not belonging. I have an issue about it too.

[alarimer]

49. It's neither my supervisor nor my staff

So it doesn't really matter. It's someone I've found to be somewhat abrasive anyway, so I've decided to shrug it off.

[dawg]

46. If you are a little weird, that would just make me like you better.

All the people that I like the most are a little weird. Probably because I'm weird myself.

You seem like a perfectly likable woman, and I'm sure that even the people who think you are "weird" also happen to like you nonetheless.

Who wants to be normal? Normal is boring!