Does anyone else get passive-aggressive gifts? How do you handle them

[tabbycat31]

For the last two years my sister and BIL have been giving me very passive-aggressive gifts and I am just sick of it. Last year it was a coat that was two sizes too big (after I had lost a great deal of weight) and this year it was edible items that they know I do not like.

My mom had the nerve to call me up today and call me ungrateful for them. She also called me cheap when I would not spend more than $10 each on them.

[undeterred]

1. Oh, I thought you meant fruitcake.

[Systematic Chaos]

2. Did they have your size when they bought the coat?

Maybe they just made their best guess, not knowing exactly how much you had lost?

As for the food items, are you equally sure that they had your not liking those things in the forefront of their minds?

I'm suggesting that just maybe these gifts weren't quite as PA as you think, although they indeed could have been.

It's also worth considering if you and this sister of yours have had a history of these types of incidences, going in one or both directions.

[tabbycat31]

5. the history is long there

It only got worse when my BIL entered the picture. It does not help that they're both corporatist toolbags who strive to be the 1%.

As for the coat last year, I told them what size to get. They are constantly yelling at me because I don't shop at Whole Paycheck and eat only organic foods (I would love to but can't afford to). They don't realize that I also have to put gas in the car, etc.

She's my only sibling, and I have no idea what it is like to have a healthy relationship with a sibling at all. I'm only dragged along for the ride because "I am not married and have no choice." Holidays have been nothing but misery because of them.

[Systematic Chaos]

8. Maybe next year you could buy yourself a restaurant gift card or something...

...then proceed to use the entire balance minus some ridiculously low amount, say $2.71 or something pretty much worthless like that.

Then give that to them for Christmas in a nice card and play dumb as hell when they come back complaining that their Red Lobster card didn't actually have $100 on it.

That should stop the bullshit right there if nothing else will.



That or tell them you're not doing Christmas gifts at all next year. It doesn't have to be true.

[Gold Metal Flake]

3. If your mom yelled at you, was it not because they complained to her?

[mysuzuki2]

4. I think passive aggressive gifts are great!

My adult son and his mother have never got along well. One Christmas she gave him a self-help book of some sort. He gave her a chia pet. I laughed for weeks.

[Tx4obama]

6. Long ago ...

The first year after I was married - one of my new sister-in-laws had bought some NON-Christmasy note cards and sent them out as holiday cards (we received one in the mail) - then she wrapped up the remaining ones she had left over and gave them to me as a Christmas present.

Well that told me what she thought of me and after that the feeling was mutual

[Ilsa]

7. It sounds like

Your family needs to reconsider gift-giving, or at least, draw names with your sister not being allowed to draw your name.

Sometimes, I really feel like this holiday shit simply isn't worth it.

[Shoe Horn]

9. Sometimes, in order to bask in the sun...

...you have to leave the chilly, disfunctional shade of the family tree.