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Fri Feb 3, 2023, 08:29 AM

Any Advice On Assisted Living?

My brother and I were room mates until he passed away a few months ago. I compare it to living on the Love Boat except you don't have to worry about it sinking.

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Reply Any Advice On Assisted Living? (Original post)
pressbox69 Feb 3 OP
Auggie Feb 3 #1
deRien Feb 3 #2
MLAA Feb 3 #3
Jirel Feb 3 #4
pressbox69 Feb 8 #5
Niagara Feb 8 #6

Response to pressbox69 (Original post)

Fri Feb 3, 2023, 08:56 AM

1. My two cents:

privately-owned facilities over publicly-traded ones.

Publicly-traded facilities would prioritize profits over people. Not that private facilities wouldn't either, however you might get lucky and find one that really does care about people.

I helped find a memory facility for an in-law and recommended the older, shabbier facility over the newer one. Reason? The staff was better trained, more mature, and sincerely dedicated. The newer one had the nicer interior and nicer rooms, but the staff made me feel like I was in a fast food restaurant.

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Response to pressbox69 (Original post)

Fri Feb 3, 2023, 09:21 AM

2. I would visit several places

1. Are you within walking distance of any amenities (if you like to and are able to walk)?
2. Some places base their cost on the square footage of the room
3. How much space do you need?
4. Is there a nurse at the facility?
5. If you needed more care, does the facility provide options or different levels of care
6. Money issues ~ should you need to go on Medicaid, does the facility take Medicaid? Many do not.
7. Some places use a "point" system ~ it costs this many points to do xyz. This can add up.
8. If you have a car, is there parking available? Is there a charge for a parking space?

And then there is just the feeling that you like a place as soon as you walk in... this happened with my mother-in-law.
Just my 2 cents worth...

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Response to pressbox69 (Original post)

Fri Feb 3, 2023, 09:44 AM

3. My dad was in a nice one with staff that seemed to care.

I would ask to spend the day there. Or ask to have lunch there and then just spend the rest of the day being invisible. Dadís had a couple public rooms. Find one and stay in the corner and observe the interaction between staff and residents and residents and residents. I would go back several times to do that.

Find out if they offer memory care should you ever need that and full nursing care in addition to assisted living.

Dad early had considered a Military place shortly after my mom died, there was a special name for it that I canít remember. However shortly thereafter he met and married a women and they both moved into assisted living. They did very well there. I know several people who have lived or ad relatives who lived at a place they really, really liked it was run by a Christian non-profit 501c foundation. Iím not much for organized religion, but this place got excellent reviews. So maybe you could find something similar.

Keep us posted in your search and best wishes.

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Response to pressbox69 (Original post)

Fri Feb 3, 2023, 11:56 AM

4. Do you have enough money for a good place?

Many are little more than not-quite-nursing-homes with inattentive staff snd minimal support.

Good ones can start at $3,000/month. I helped my father move into a terrific one when he moved to my state. That one had 3 sections - a completely independent living section with extra supports (bi-weekly cleaning, emergency call, etc.), assisted living on a couple floors of the condo, with the ability to order in food, get help with meds and other health needs, and so on, and a single-floor memory care unit on the other end. The amenities were posh - lots of activities led mostly by residentsí clubs or individual residents, a gym, pool, fitness training and consultation, free transportation for both basics and medical (and activities as available), a barber, commissary, small resident-run library, and post office on-site, rather ritzy full-service dining room for 2 meals per day included, a deli-style restaurant and bar for people and their families to enjoy in the building, and more.

Make sure you ask about a bunch of things before deciding, at whatever price level:

1) What happens if you get sick? Do they have a standard med-alert that will get someone on-site to respond, or will you just wind up taking an expensive ambulance ride with no staff help? What about an on-site nurse you can just talk to if you donít think you need an ER or Urgent Care?

2) What transportation do they offer? My dad had a car and no interest in the vans when he moved in, but quickly fell in love with the ability to go to his appointments stress-free. He was able to get a ride home from ER and a procedure requiring sedation, as well. No need to bug family or arrange a ride, when the residence will handle it routinely.

3) Food. This is a big deal. Some places have crapola food offerings, school cafeteria level at best. Some places are practically posh restaurants. If youíre going to likely have 2 meals a day with their cooking, youíd better be happy with it! A good place will even set your tour appointment so you can sample lunch.

4) Policies. Some are more restrictive than others. Some are no-pet, and for others itís no problem. With smoking, most do not allow smoking indoors, even in a personís own apartment. Some allow it on a personís balcony. There are lots of little rule details you may want to check on.

5) is there a thriving resident community? Whether you can afford a Cadillac residence with every amenity including pool, etc., activities and community matter. Good residences support lots of resident clubs and resident-led classes and activities, including group trips to the movies or plays, and more. If that isnít part of the deal, run! While people may have medical or aging problems, they all need stimulation, friendship, and a great life. If no such community exists, usually because it isnít fostered by the residence, or they donít want to spend money to provide space, transportation, printing calendars, or other support activities, this is going to be a dull, unpleasant place to live under the roof of a slum lord.

Good luck. My dad (and a friendís) were lucky enough to live in a residence where even my husband muttered that if not for the cats being able to go outside, heíd be jealous and want to move in, too. There is such a range of quality, that you have to research well online, and then go visit and tour the ones that make the first cut.There is no point paying a premium on your rent, only to feel miserable where you live.

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Response to pressbox69 (Original post)

Wed Feb 8, 2023, 04:00 AM

5. Thanks

For the advice everyone. Seems I bought My bug problem with me but they are taking care of it. I thought I was bug free because I no longer have bites but I guess I was wrong but not really certain it was me. I now I didn't bring the mice with me. Got along fine at first with my room mate but now I decided to just stop talking to him. He grouches about everything and tries to twist everything I say into an argument. He says he wants to leave in June, I hope he does. He can moan all he wants about the money hungry 'rabbis" who run the place.(His word, not mine) The Oriental tech who keeps getting his first and last name mixed up and The Grammy Awards ( I thought his head was going to explode during Sam Smith) He talks about shooting people but I think it's just the bluster of a tired old man. It started when I said people don't care about pro athletes playing touch football on TV and he said I know nothing about football. Then he said he boxed and came over to my bed and asked twice "CAN YOU FIGHT?" with a heated tone. I said I won't fight you and he said "Because you can't fight and know nothing about football." I asked if he was threatening me and he wouldn't reply. Then he talked about being a street person and street people watch to take advantage of weak people. That's when I shut him off. If it gets worse, I'll have to transfer. No big deal but I'll try to stick it out till June.

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Response to pressbox69 (Reply #5)

Wed Feb 8, 2023, 10:18 AM

6. Are you currently living in assistant living or

Do you have a roommate to help with affordability? If so, can you apply for Section 8 housing? Do you have any family that can take you in, only if temporarily?



I would take this psycho roommates threats seriously. This bully sounds like several DUers that I've had to block.


Please keep us posted.



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