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Mon May 25, 2020, 05:37 PM

Jokes my brother sends me - church bulletin edition

You have probably seen many of these before, but how about a summer rerun?

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church
ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced at church services:


*覧覧覧覧覧覧*

*The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. *

*--------------------------*

*Scouts* *are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children. *

*--------------------------*

*The sermon this morning: * *'Jesus Walks on the Water.'* *The sermon
tonight *'Searching for Jesus.' *

*-------------------------- *

*Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.*

*--------------------------*

*Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.*

*-------------------------- *

*Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.*

*-------------------------- *

*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.*

*-------------------------- *

*Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.*

*-------------------------- *

*Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days. *

*-------------------------- *

*A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.*

*-------------------------- *

*At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.*

*--------------------------*

*Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.*

*-------------------------- *

* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.*

*-------------------------- *

*The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility. *

*--------------------------*

*Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.*

*-------------------------- *

*The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. *

*-------------------------- *

*This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. *

*-------------------------- *

*The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.*

*-------------------------- *

*Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the
back door. *

*--------------------------*

*The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.*

*-------------------------- *

*Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance. *

*------------------------*

*And this one just about sums them all up * *The Associate Minister
unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge -
Up Yours.'*]

18 replies, 1610 views

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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 18 replies Author Time Post
Reply Jokes my brother sends me - church bulletin edition (Original post)
rurallib May 25 OP
Sherman A1 May 25 #1
alwaysinasnit May 25 #2
underpants May 25 #3
2naSalit May 25 #4
Doodley May 25 #5
Wounded Bear May 25 #6
Aristus May 25 #7
gopiscrap May 25 #8
grumpyduck May 25 #9
murielm99 May 25 #10
crickets May 25 #11
NNadir May 25 #12
LAS14 May 25 #13
rurallib May 25 #14
madamesilverspurs May 25 #15
Canoe52 May 25 #16
homegirl May 25 #17
Fla Dem May 26 #18

Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 05:40 PM

1. GREAT!

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 05:42 PM

2. K&R Excellent posting. Hilarious!

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 05:47 PM

3. Hilarious

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 05:50 PM

4. Those are funny.

I'd be suspicious if they all came from the same church.

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 05:54 PM

5. Hilarious!

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 06:09 PM

6. To be fair, Hamlet is a tragedy...

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 06:11 PM

7. "Intramural baskeball season starts this week!

Come Thursday Night and watch us kill Christ the King!"

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Response to Aristus (Reply #7)

Mon May 25, 2020, 07:17 PM

8. was that in a Catholic Church in the Tri Cities?

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 07:30 PM

9. LOL and then some!

Thanks for posting.

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 08:10 PM

10. LOL

We need all the laughs we can get these days.

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 08:13 PM

11. Priceless! Thanks for sharing this.

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 08:16 PM

12. Misplaced modifiers are beautiful things. Love it! Thanx. n/t.

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 08:23 PM

13. I can't believe there are so many I haven't heard before!! Thanks! nt

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Response to LAS14 (Reply #13)

Mon May 25, 2020, 08:25 PM

14. Gawd works in mysterious ways through confused heads

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 08:33 PM

15. Years ago our church newsletter included this brow-raiser:

"Last Saturday's Wine and Cheese party was a great success. Would the person who backed into the bishop's car afterward please contact the church office."


.

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 08:34 PM

16. I knew a member of that last church, he still had the tshirt from that pledge drive

and he showed it to me. The front said 的 Upped My Pledge the back said 填p Yours

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Mon May 25, 2020, 08:34 PM

17. Many thanks

I really needed a few good laughs this afternoon.

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Response to rurallib (Original post)

Tue May 26, 2020, 01:23 PM

18. "Chuckle Award" winner!!!!

Awarded to any post that actually makes me Laugh Out Loud. Laughed at several of them. Thanks!

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