I have a family member we have expelled from our family.

[Archae]

Last edited Thu Oct 10, 2019, 06:42 PM - Edit history (1)

I'll call her "Jane Doe."

She's a chronic liar, for starters.

Constantly begging us for money.

Right now, her "bill" with me is down to $18.

She will promise and promise up and down, "I'll be over (fill in the date,) to pay you."

On the date in question, she disappears.

Shuts off her phone, leaving me, my Mom and any others just hanging.

She has a gambling habit.

Well, today we cut her totally OUT of the family, after disappearing again.

Anyone else have a relative like this?

Update: She showed up here at my place, begging for money, I flat out said no.
Her current location is in the city jail, for something we don't know what for.

[vsrazdem]

1. Have you tried an intervention and getting her help. It sounds like she needs to go to

Gamblers Anonymous.

[JonLP24]

4. I second that

Gambling is addictive.

[Archae]

8. Yes, and she lied her way out of it.

She has a good job.

But she is constantly spending her paycheck at a local casino.

[vsrazdem]

9. I understand, but you can all tell her you will not loan her any money, as this is only enabling

her addiction, but if you are all refusing to give her money, whey expel her from the family. Why not just let her know that you are there for her when she decides to get help with her addiction, but no funds from the family.

[leftieNanner]

2. This makes me think of my Dad's old expression:

"You only get ripped off by friends and family, because with everybody else, you get it in writing."

I'm sorry you are having to go through this with a family member. I understand your decision.

[redstatebluegirl]

3. Yes I have a nephew who is bleeding my sister and brother in law dry.

[TexasProgresive]

5. I don't "lend" money to people.

If I can help even though they call it a loan I just consider it a donation in my heart. I would not give or lend money to a liar/gambler/drunk/drug user. I would make sure the children have food and shelter.

[Floyd R. Turbo]

6. Yes! All of my mooching grifter siblings. Cut them all off immediately following my mother's funeral

[hlthe2b]

7. Gambling is an addiction as drugs and alcohol.

I understand the damage to family and friends, but her lying seems a lot like denial and avoidance to me.

It is easy to SAY that she needs help and very damned difficult to FIND effective help, especially if she is not willing. That said, I don't know what else you can do. Cutting her off sounds like a tough-love approach, but it can only be effective if she has both the willingness, motivation, and resources available to her to change.

I sympathize. But, I fear you'll find you can never simply shut the door and remain at peace with yourself.

[Archae]

10. Updated...