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Wed May 9, 2012, 10:18 PM

Toivo and Aino jokes

Toivo and Aino are common Finnish names and the jokes are popular amongst Finns and those of Finnish descent.

Toivo and Aino head for the Motor City. When they get across the bridge they see a sign that reads "DETROIT LEFT." So they turn around and go home.

A few years back, on the opening day of deer season, Aino and Toivo went hunting together. Sure enough, as was bound to happen with Aino and Toivo in the same swamp with guns, Aino accidently shot Toivo. Well, Aino jumps into the truck, drives down to the nearest bar and calls the ambulance. Soon, the police, game wardens, fire trucks, paramedics and the ambulance all show up at the scene of the tragedy. The paramedics work frantically on Toivo while a nervous Aino waits nearby. Finally, one of the exhausted paramedics comes over to Aino. "I'm sorry," he says, "We did everything we could. We just couldn't save him." "OH NO!" cries Aino. "My best friend! What will I do? I'm so sorry, Toivo! What could I have done to save you?" "Well," said the paramedic, with a look of disgusted anger on his face, "It would've helped if you hadn't gutted him!"

Lempi took a job with Odovero Construction to paint lines on M28. The first day he painted ten miles. The boss was very impressed. The second day he painted two miles. The boss was a little disappointed. The third day he only painted 500 feet. The boss sat him down and said," Lempi, how come you paint ten miles the first day, two miles the next day, but only 500 feet today?". Lempi replied, "Well boss, each day I get farther and farther away from the paint can".

Eino just got married and he and his wife are driving down to Saginaw for their honeymoon. As they are driving, his wife slides over next to him, and he starts rubbing her leg. She says, "Honey, now that we're married you can go a lot further than that!" So Eino drove all the way to Detroit!

One day, Toivo and Eino were hunting in the woods. Toivo instructed Eino that if he got lost, to fire 3 shots into the air. Eino agreed and they went on their way. After a few hours, Eino had gotten lost. He aims his weapon into the air, fires 3 shots and prays, "Please God, let Toivo see my arrows."

An Italian, a Chippewa Indian and Toivo were hunting together in the Porkies and got lost. After many hours of wandering around trying to find their way back to camp, a genie appeared and said he would grant them each a wish. The Italian answered, "I wish I was back in Kingsford with my family". Poof! He was gone. The Chippewa said,"I wish I was back in Baraga with my tribe". Poof! He was gone. The genie turned to Toivo and asked him what his wish was. Toivo thought about it for a minute and said, "Boy, I really miss those guys, I wish they were back here with me".

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Arrow 9 replies Author Time Post
Reply Toivo and Aino jokes (Original post)
Kaleva May 2012 OP
The Velveteen Ocelot May 2012 #1
A HERETIC I AM May 2012 #2
Kaleva May 2012 #3
A HERETIC I AM May 2012 #4
Kaleva May 2012 #5
A HERETIC I AM May 2012 #6
Kaleva May 2012 #7
A HERETIC I AM May 2012 #8
nolabear May 2012 #9

Response to Kaleva (Original post)

Wed May 9, 2012, 10:28 PM

1. Ha! Sounds a lot like the Ole and Lena jokes and their spinoffs.

Same idea, only with Norwegians.

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Response to Kaleva (Original post)

Wed May 9, 2012, 10:51 PM

2. Toivo is walkng down the road with a burlap sack over his shoulder....

and Aino asks
What ya go in der, Toivo?

"Chickens" Says Toivo.

"If I guess how many you got in the sack, can I have one?" Asks Aino.

"If you guess how many are in the bag, I'll give you both of them" Says Toivo.

Are there three chickens? Asks Aino.


Toivo and Aino are looking for work and they hear the local Air National Guard Base is hiring.

They go to the personnel office to apply.

"What are your qualifications?" the officer asks Aino.

"I'm a Pilot" he says.

"Well, we certainly can use Pilots. Step right through that door and speak with the flight surgeon. And what do you do, Toivo?"

"I'm a woodcutter" Says Toivo.

"Well, I'm sorry, but we don't need any woodcutters here on the base"

"But Aino and I always work together. He can't do his job without me" says Toivo.

"What do you mean?" Asks the officer. "How is it possible a pilot needs a woodcutter to do his job?"

"Simple. I cut the wood and Aino pile it."


I'll be here all week. Tip your servers. Try the veal.

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Response to A HERETIC I AM (Reply #2)

Wed May 9, 2012, 10:56 PM

3. LOL! I haven't heard those before!

Aino and Toivo had really 'packed on de pounds' by over-eating during Christmas and New Years, so their doctor put them on the same diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day. Repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the pair returned, they shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 25 pounds each. "Why, that's positively amazing!", the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"

Aino and Toivo nodded and said, "We wanna tell ya, we taut we was gonna drop dead dat 3rd day!"

"From hunger?"

"No, yust from all dat skippin!"

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Response to Kaleva (Reply #3)

Wed May 9, 2012, 11:13 PM

4. LOL. Love it.

I had a friend who lived way up and west in Michigan's UP, on Lake Gogebic. These types of jokes were heard at every bar on the snowmobile trails!

So here's a Yooper joke, albeit not a Toivo and Aino joke.

These two South Florida game fishermen decide that ice fishing in the UP sounds like something they should try. If it's anything like fishing for Snook and Bonefish on the flats, they're all for it. So they get to the lake in the Yoop and head to the bait shop to get their kit. The old Yooper sets them up with tip-ups, a pop up shack, an auger and all they need. "You had better take one or two of these ice picks as well" says the Yooper. "They come in handy ice fishing."

So the two Floridians head down to the lake. About an hour later they show up at the shop and buy 4 more ice picks.
About 3 hours after that they come back and buy 6 more ice picks. 2 hours later and they buy every ice pick the guy has.

"Well, the fishing must be going pretty good, eh?" asks the Yooper.

"Fishing?!?" says one of the crackers. Hell, we're still trying to get the boat in the water.

:rimshot:

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Response to A HERETIC I AM (Reply #4)

Wed May 9, 2012, 11:25 PM

5. Another one

Aino decides one day to paint his house and wonders how much paint he'll need to do the job. He then remembers that Toivo had painted his own house the summer before and he had the same size house. So Aino gets on the phone and calls Toivo. "Toivo! When you painted your house last summer, how much paint did you buy?" "50 gallons!" replies Toivo. So Aino gets into his pickup truck, drives to the local hardware store and buys 50 gallons of paint. After he gets done painting, Aino has 35 gallons left over. Pissed off, Aino gets on the phone and calls Toivo. "Toivo! When I finished painting my house, I had 35 gallons left!". "Really!" replies Toivo. "That's how many gallons I had left over too!".

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Response to Kaleva (Reply #5)

Wed May 9, 2012, 11:37 PM

6. :spittake:

Toivo's face was bleeding from several open cuts, and it was covered with black-and-blue knots. He doubled-over laughing even as he groaned and writhed.

"Vot's so funny?" Aino asked.

"Dot crazy Mister Jones hit me vit a chain and said 'Take dot, you crazy Svede!' Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!"

"I don't see nuttin' funny 'bout dot!"

"Den he hit me vit de two-by-four and said 'Take dot, you crazy Svede!' Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"Vot's so funny 'bout dot?"

"Ay bane Finlander!"

Gotta love the internets.

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Response to A HERETIC I AM (Reply #6)

Wed May 9, 2012, 11:52 PM

7. A great one! LOL! Here's another.

Toivo and Aino were walking down the street when Aino falls over, clutches his chest and yells in pain. Fearful his best friend is dieing of a heart attack, Toivo runs to a nearby phone booth and dials 911.

911-This is 911. What is your emergency?

Toivo-My friend Aino! He fell over and I think he's having a heart attack! Send an ambulance now!

911-Where are you located?

Toivo-We are at the corner of Sassafras and Eucalyptus!!

911-Could you spell that please?

There is silence for a moment

911-Sir! Could you spell that please?

Toivo-Tell you what. I'll drag Aino to the corner of P-i-n-e and O-a-k and tell the ambulance to meet us there in an hour!

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Response to Kaleva (Reply #7)

Wed May 9, 2012, 11:59 PM

8. LOL>>>You win!

I like that one. Getting late. Hopefully one of the other knuckleheads in the lounge here will chime in.

I like Newfie jokes too. And Boudreaux and Thibodeaux jokes. Hell, I like jokes period.

http://www.southernthoughts.com/STBoudreaux.htm

Thanks for the laughs.

Night.

Paul

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Response to A HERETIC I AM (Reply #8)

Thu May 10, 2012, 01:34 AM

9. Yes! Boudreau and Thibodeau!!

MY people! I understand in the Middle East it's Nasrudeen. These poeple are all Holy Fools.

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