Any clue why my particle accelerator would go "clink-bissssssh" instead of a steady hum?

[MrScorpio]

Should I be running away now?

[PoliticAverse]

1. There's probably just a loose wire somewhere. n/t

[Glorfindel]

2. Nah, nothing to fear, MrScorpio.

Mine does that when a particle is accidentally accelerated beyond the speed of light. Just unplug it, count to 30, and plug it back in. It should purr like a kitten.

[Docreed2003]

3. Perhaps the breaks are on?

At least that's the issue when my TARDIS sounds like that!

[Tribalceltic]

4. Is the Flux Capacitor.. Fluxing?

[malthaussen]

5. Too late to run now.

But if the whole universe turns inside-out, we'll never know.

-- Mal

[MissMillie]

6. Did you check the fuel gauge? (n/t)

.

[MrScorpio]

7. Looks like I misplaced an electron...

Yes, I'm positive.

[MissMillie]

8. Glad to hear you're not split on your diagnosis (n/t)

.

[PoliticAverse]

9. Have you looked in the flux capacitor? n/t

[Aristus]

10. I took a look for you, but the results are inconclusive.

I tried to assess the location of the particles, but I wasn't able to calculate their velocity. And the ones whose velocity I could calculate, couldn't have their location established definitively.

In other words, I'm very uncertain...

[FSogol]

11. Clean all the cats out.

[Major Nikon]

12. I find myself having to change the oil more often than the manufacturer recommends

You also want to make damn sure you use the lower weight oil in the summer.

[MrScorpio]

13. You're so right...

My quantum mechanic said the same thing

[OilemFirchen]

14. It's a framitz in the geegaw.

Invest in a good hackwrench, then check the Beam Rigidity section of YouTube.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

15. Some models will go "clink-bissssssh" when the semi-synchronous round-rotor generator

starts to wear at its corners. You should replace it with a fully-synchronous one when it starts going "CLANG-ztztztztztztz."

[MrScorpio]

17. Simply smashing!

[mahatmakanejeeves]

16. I'll bet you're trying to run ethanol in it, aren't you?

Bad idea. Stick with real gasoline.

[Wounded Bear]

18. Hate to tell you, but you can't run fast enough...

once the black hole forms, you're in for eternity. If you're feeling a bit taller, don't worry. That's just the spaghetification.

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

20. There once was a fellow named Fisk

Whose fencing was exceedingly brisk.
So fast was his action the FitzGerald contraction
Reduced his rapier to a disc.

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

19. ACHTUNG!

ALLES TURISTEN UND NONTEKNISCHEN LOOKENPEEPERS!
DAS KOMPUTERMASCHINE IST NICHT FÜR DER GEFINGERPOKEN UND MITTENGRABEN! ODERWISE IST EASY TO SCHNAPPEN DER SPRINGENWERK, BLOWENFUSEN UND POPPENCORKEN MIT SPITZENSPARKEN.
IST NICHT FÜR GEWERKEN BEI DUMMKOPFEN. DER RUBBERNECKEN SIGHTSEEREN KEEPEN DAS COTTONPICKEN HÄNDER IN DAS POCKETS MUSS.
ZO RELAXEN UND WATSCHEN DER BLINKENLICHTEN.

[csziggy]

21. River Song has the answer!

[NNadir]

22. You have left mayonnaise on the magnets. Stop eating lunch in the vacuum chamber. n/t.

[jmowreader]

23. You've been making that new particle everyone's talking about

It is the Trumpon. It destroys everything it touches.

Since Trumpons are only formed when the energy to your magnets is insufficient, turn up the steam on that thing and see if the problem disappears.

[eppur_se_muova]

24. Hmmm ... when was the last time you used the ferret ?

FELICIA THE FERRET PIPE CLEANER FOR AEC

By David Anderson

They tied a string to a ferret and got an atomic age pipe cleaner.

The ferret cost $35 and is 15 inches long. She helps clean the 300-foot pipes in the Meson Laboratory building now under construction at the $250 million National Accelerator Laboratory at Batavia.

They call the ferret Felicia and she has a big job. Several months from now all of the four miles of pipes will be welded together, ready for a beam of energy that will race around the four-mile course 70,000 times in 1.6 seconds.
***
As part of her contribution Thursday, Felicia went through a 300-foot-pipe dragging a string. When she came out the other end, technicians tied a swab dipped in a chemical cleanser to the string. They pulled the tight-fitting swab through and when it came out it was covered with dust and steelspecks.
***

more: https://history.fnal.gov/felicia.html

[JoeOtterbein]

27. Funny and

cool!

[Flaleftist]

25. It steady hums when you aren't watching it.

[unblock]

26. It's the coffee machine. It's always the coffee machine

[Wwcd]

28. Is there a part called the "clink-bissssssher"?

Then I'd replace that.

Best I can offer.
Good luck

[SWBTATTReg]

29. Maybe the Higgs Boson particle merged w/ a Rump particle and ...

is showing signs of resignations and retirements in the GOP?

[grumpyduck]

30. "How long will it take to fix it?"

Geordie: "Six hours, Captain."

Picard: "Make it so."

Scotty: "How long will it really take?"

Geordie: "Six hours."

Scotty: "No no no, lad. If it takes six hours you tell them it takes ten. Then when you fix it in six they'll think you're a genius."

[Shrike47]

31. Just kick it a couple times.

Works on the snack vending machine.

[AllaN01Bear]

32. sputter , sputt sputt sputt wu wu wu wu sppp spluttter sputt ,cough sputt.

[matt819]

33. I hate it when that happens

What's worse is that when you take the particle accelerator into the particle accelerator repair shop, all you get is a steady hum and no sign of the clink-bissssssh. And you still owe them $152,565,213.52 for the diagnostics.