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Mon Jul 9, 2018, 07:53 AM

Do you bring your college aged kids on vacation?

My parents sure didn’t, but that was in the 1980s.

The problems faces are daughter, 22, wants us to also bring her BF, and pay for all but airfare, and son, 19, sleeps during the day and is up at night.

We did a road trip a few years ago and the daughter and BF went off on their own and son spent most of it in bed, sleeping. It was very disappointing.

Hubby and I never went anywhere alone, and I kinda feel like I’m done with the kids, until maybe they’re in their 30s and have a different perspective.

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Reply Do you bring your college aged kids on vacation? (Original post)
onlyadream Jul 9 OP
Ohiogal Jul 9 #1
TexasTowelie Jul 9 #2
Bluepinky Jul 9 #3
onlyadream Jul 9 #9
Bluepinky Jul 9 #14
woodsprite Jul 9 #4
onlyadream Jul 9 #10
Fla Dem Jul 9 #5
TexasBushwhacker Jul 9 #12
FSogol Jul 9 #6
onlyadream Jul 9 #11
smirkymonkey Jul 11 #38
blueinredohio Jul 9 #7
mnhtnbb Jul 9 #8
Generic Brad Jul 9 #13
Luciferous Jul 9 #15
onlyadream Jul 10 #17
DFW Jul 10 #16
onlyadream Jul 10 #18
DFW Jul 10 #20
onlyadream Jul 10 #21
DFW Jul 11 #24
onlyadream Jul 11 #25
DFW Jul 11 #31
onlyadream Jul 11 #36
crazycatlady Jul 10 #19
lunatica Jul 10 #22
onlyadream Jul 11 #26
mercuryblues Jul 10 #23
onlyadream Jul 11 #27
mercuryblues Jul 11 #34
onlyadream Jul 11 #35
mercuryblues Jul 11 #37
vi5 Jul 11 #28
greymattermom Jul 11 #29
smirkymonkey Jul 11 #39
JenniferJuniper Jul 11 #30
JDC Jul 11 #32
dawg day Jul 11 #33

Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 08:08 AM

1. We always did

But I have 3 sons and we went on "guy" vacations, that is, a place where they rode dirt bikes, went water skiing, and fishing and boating. We stayed in a cabin and also brought our dog. Sometimes it was a problem getting them up early enough to do things, but not a huge one. But, in your case, I'd say leave them at home if they don't appreciate a vacation, and don't feel guilty about it!

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 08:15 AM

2. "Hubby and I never went anywhere alone."

This may seem like a silly question since you have two children, but who was with hubby and you?

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 09:44 AM

3. I recently went on a bus tour of Yellowstone for a week with my two kids, 20 and 22 years

It was great, because everyone had to get up early every am and be on the bus. Nobody wanted to be the last person that a bus load of people were waiting for. I didn’t know how any of us would like being on a tour, but we really liked it, even my 20 year old son who initially didn’t really want to go. We saw a lot of places we wouldn’t have seen if we weren’t with a tour group. It was a bilingual tour company and very economical. I would recommend you try a tour with older kids, they won’t want to act up in front of others, they’ll have to be on time and they will need to follow directions from the tour guide.

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Response to Bluepinky (Reply #3)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 07:02 PM

9. That's a very good idea! Thanks!

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Response to onlyadream (Reply #9)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 09:59 PM

14. It worked out really well for us. I'd like us to go on another one next year, maybe to Yosemite.

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 10:28 AM

4. Just got back from one with our 25yo daughter and 18yo son.

Hubby and I have't been on a trip alone since our daughter was 3yo. We've been talking about planning a weekend one, and need to do that in the near future. We spent 4th of July week in the Boston area - whale watch, aquarium, Quincy Market, Salem, Newburyport. On our way home we stopped for a couple of nights in Philly to go to the zoo and watch the fireworks. At each of those places we stayed at a Holiday Inn Express because hubby and I can get up and have a leisurely breakfast and the kids can straggle down later. Breakfast is over at 9:30 or 10:00 most of the time, so we're on the road after that. We do the same thing when we head to Florida to visit family in the winter. When we get down there, we have a house we've rented and I am more than happy to hang out by the pool waiting for the kids to get up and going. Other than beachcombing and visiting family, we don't really do much sightseeing down there (Englewood).

The other times we go someplace we camp in our fifth wheel. There are 4 bunkbeds in there and the kids friends have gone with us at times. As a family we get along pretty well so I'm happy to have both kids go with us as long as they want to.

We are planning a 2021 trip to Disney's Fort Wilderness to celebrate our son's 21st birthday and intend to ask our daughter's friend and her mom to fly down and meet us there. They can stay with us in the camper. You really couldn't ask for a sweeter more caring person than her Mom. We get along really well together BUT she's conservative (Trump voter). Her daughter is bi, liberal, and a vegetarian with a gluten allergy. Oh, and they're Catholic. The only reason I mention that is because they were surprised we were so nice AND Presbyterian. Should be an interesting and fun trip, as long as we keep politics and religion out of the conversation.

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Response to woodsprite (Reply #4)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 07:04 PM

10. Well, hopefully you'll all stay friends after the trip.

That’s really nice that your kids are good about doing all that with you.

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 10:32 AM

5. What about accommodations? Will daughter and BF being staying in their own room?

Then they should pay for their own room. But besides that, I think you and your husband have earned the chance to go on vaca together. Just the 2 of you, to enjoy your time together.

I agree. Once I was in my 20's I went on my own vacations with my friends. Mom and Dad did their own thing.

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Response to Fla Dem (Reply #5)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 08:01 PM

12. I went on my first vacation by myself when I was 19!

Sorry, but once the kids are old enough to stay home on their own, the parents deserve to get away by themselves. I stayed home for a week one summer when I was 20 and my brothers were 14 and 16 while my parents went to the UK. We made meal plans and divied up the chores. My brothers had a 10 pm curfew and I agreed to be home by midnight.

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 10:53 AM

6. We do. We let them do their own thing.

My kids (now in their 20s) were free-range, outdoor kids. We go on hikes and visit museums together, but if they want to head off somewhere, it's ok with us. They can join us for meals or are on their own.

The mother-in-law is the bigger problem. She wants to come on trips, but wants to spend the whole time in the hotel room resting and watching her shows. Then, my wife gets pressured to bring her meals, spend time with her, etc. That can wreck a vacation.

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Response to FSogol (Reply #6)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 07:05 PM

11. That's horrible!!!

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Response to FSogol (Reply #6)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 07:48 PM

38. Sounds like a nightmare.

If people can't do their own thing on vacation and expect you to entertain them, they should just stay home.

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 10:53 AM

7. Most of my siblings go on family vacations.

We don't do it because we will be paying for everything, they're grown with their own kids so I refuse.

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 01:29 PM

8. The last trip we did with our 18 and 14 year old boys was London for Thanksgiving

in 2004.

We had a 2 bedroom apartment and the boys had to share a sofa bed. They acted up in the British Museum (disciplined by staff for riding the elevators up and down) and the oldest went off pub hopping/clubbing one night and forgot the Underground stopped running at 1 am. Didn't know the address of where we were staying, but directed the taxi back to the Gloucester Rd tube station and then found his way back to the apartment, rolling in about 4 am.

That was the last time we took them on vacation and stayed in the same place with them!

There have been some other trips in the last 6-8 years where I arranged separate hotels or hotel rooms for them, or we stayed in a beach house together, but no more traveling together and staying in the same place!

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 09:47 PM

13. We did in two vacations

I took her to Washington, D.C. for a week to fulfill a dream of hers. And my wife and I took her to Kauai for a week. Those beat the vacations we took her on when she was younger. Pre-college she was more concerned with texting/calling her friends and it wouldn't have mattered where we took her. She would have been self absorbed and bored anywhere in the world.

I am so glad she is an adult now. She is very appreciative and fun to be with.

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Mon Jul 9, 2018, 10:48 PM

15. Sounds like you deserve a vacation with just the 2 of you! My daughter is 19, and when we went to

Savannah last spring she stayed with the dog and our youngest went with us. I wouldn't object to bringing her with us, but if she expected to bring her boyfriend he would be paying his own way!

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Response to Luciferous (Reply #15)

Tue Jul 10, 2018, 06:51 AM

17. We do, lol. Been together since 1990 and only our honeymoon.

The other aspect of leaving them home is that they can water the plants and take care of the pets, 2 cats and a dog.

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Tue Jul 10, 2018, 02:32 AM

16. We didn't bring them, but they usually visited

With our hectic schedules, we are happy when we can stay in one place for more than 48 hours in a row. When our kids were in college, they had their own summer plans, but they usually stopped by for a week or so if they were on the same continent, not always. This year, with the younger one just having had her first child, she is not planning to subject a six week old baby to a transatlantic trip. The other one who already lives in North America, will probably come up for a long weekend or two. It's all good.

My wife and I take short trips alone when we can. Down to Spain for a few days, up to Scandinavia. There are a few places in Italy and the UK we haven't seen yet. But all that is nearly local, less than a 2 hour flight to everywhere. Alaska we did by ourselves, and when we ever get around to Australia and New Zealand, we'll probably be doing that on our own as well.

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Response to DFW (Reply #16)

Tue Jul 10, 2018, 06:54 AM

18. My kids live at home

And go to the university that’s one town over, the same one hubby and I met at (so it’s a family thing, lol).
If you don’t see your kids, a vacation would be a great way to reconnect. I guess for me, I need a vacation from them, lol.

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Response to onlyadream (Reply #18)

Tue Jul 10, 2018, 02:10 PM

20. I understand. Completely different for us.

The younger one left the house at age 16 to go to school half-way around the world (literally! 12 time zones--any farther than that and you start to come back from the other direction). It was supposed to be for one year, but she loved being there (Hawaii) and stayed on an extra year and graduated there. She has not lived at home since except for a two month period when she was clerking for a Düsseldorf law firm during one summer of Law School. From Hawaii, she went to undergrad in Washington, DC, and to Law School in Westchester County, New York. She got her dream job back in Germany (makes over twice what I do, and is half my age!), and now lives and works in Frankfurt, a two hour drive from us.

The elder one left for college late (by US standards) at 20, but unlike her sister, she graduated from high school in Germany, which has one year more than we do. She went to college in the USA also, first two years in Los Angeles, the last two years in New York City, which she loved so much, she said "this is home," and has lived there ever since.

So, we are glad to see them when we can, but we know they are both happy, and that counts for a lot.

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Response to DFW (Reply #20)

Tue Jul 10, 2018, 09:42 PM

21. Just wondering why you're in Frankfurt?

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Response to onlyadream (Reply #21)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 05:12 AM

24. I'm not in Frankfurt. My daughter is

I'm in Düsseldorf--when I'm home, that is, which is practically never (coming to you today live and in color from Paris).

As for why: this is why:
[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

Many years ago, the woman with this smile told me that America was a nice place to visit, but she didn't want to live there. "Come live with me on the banks of the Rhein," she said. What was I say to that? "No" was not one of the answers I came up with. I had to ask the outfit I worked for if it was OK, but since I spoke the necessary languages (I speak nine), it was OK with them, and now I'm director for Europe, so it all worked out.

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Response to DFW (Reply #24)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 07:26 AM

25. Ah, I see, you moved for love ❤️

And with a smile like that, how could you not? 🙂


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Response to onlyadream (Reply #25)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 08:40 AM

31. I did indeed

Talk about an offer I couldn't refuse! It seemed that waking up next to her every morning was worth just about any inconvenience. I had the good fortune that a post was open in Europe for someone with my qualifications. I said "I'm your man," and they said, "make it work, and it's yours." I made it work.

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Response to DFW (Reply #31)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 10:49 AM

36. Then you know that was meant to be!

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Tue Jul 10, 2018, 11:03 AM

19. I went on one family vacation when I was in college

And TBH I regret it. The accommodations were better designed for families with elementary school aged children, and despite being 21, I was treated like a child the entire time.

I'm now in my 30s (and not married) and will never go on vacation with my family again. I'd get a cot in the living room (as opposed to private accommodations) due to not being married, and their idea of a vacation (going somewhere hot in winter) is the total opposite of mine (somewhere to escape the heat).

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Tue Jul 10, 2018, 09:56 PM

22. Look at it this way

When will you and your husband have the right to be alone on your vacation? When was the last time it was just the two of you? Your honeymoon? Maybe you have the right to a second honeymoon vacation for just you two.

And don’t invite your kids on a vacation until you have grandchildren. It’ll be fun then.

Your kids will still love you so don’t worry on that account.

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Response to lunatica (Reply #22)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 07:28 AM

26. Yes, and it'll be hubby's 50th bday coming soon,

A great reason for that second honeymoon!

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Tue Jul 10, 2018, 10:32 PM

23. Leave them behind

take a vacation by yourselves, phrase it as a finally! a 2nd honeymoon. If they ask to come, laugh and ask them if they really want to come on your 2nd honeymoon?

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Response to mercuryblues (Reply #23)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 07:30 AM

27. Daughter just wants a free trip with her BF

But, yes, a second honeymoon is definitely well deserved!

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Response to onlyadream (Reply #27)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 09:30 AM

34. definately leave them behind

My youngest is 17 and I give him the choice if he wants to go with us if we are only going for a few days. Time to let them fend for themselves. When they get left behind, they will appreciate it more when you invite them along and participate in family activities.

My dilemma right now is my youngest wants to go to Scotland, when he graduates. How to handle that with his 2 siblings. Are we going to invite them along - One can afford to pay her own way, the other not quite so much and he will most likely be married by then. If we ask them to come it doubles the price for us. Right now I am leaning towards asking the older ones to pay at least 1/2 of their cost and have their own spending money.

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Response to mercuryblues (Reply #34)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 10:48 AM

35. How would your youngest feel going without the siblings?

Personally, I think the less people the better, unless everyone is super chill. My kids are very stubborn and one is a vegan, so it can be difficult.

On my honeymoon, a tour of Italy, a mom and her 15yo son were together. She told us that every year one parent takes one kid somewhere. I thought that was a great idea, they were so cute together.

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Response to onlyadream (Reply #35)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 11:31 AM

37. He adores his siblings

but is fine without them. They are 29 and 25 years old so he is used to them not being around all the time.

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 08:04 AM

28. My parents did, but....

....my brother and I were not late sleepers and for the most part enjoyed doing a lot of the stuff they did. And if we didn't then they went and did their own thing and we met up for dinner or whatever.

But it sounds like in your situation you would be perfectly justified in saying no if that is how they are going to be, and also if you are going to have to pay for it.

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 08:07 AM

29. I like to rent a 2 bedroom condo at Siesta Key in January or February

I stay the whole time and invite my daughters (both in their 30s) and husbands or bfs to come for a few days. I works out well because I get to see the daughter who lives in Denver without having to deal with winter or with her work schedule so much. I usually pay for the food and they pay for the airfare and any extras, but the meals are a gift because I'm not much of a gift giver at Christmas or birthdays. My brother from "the cities" usually comes too, so it's a mini reunion, and that works well because he has a friend in Bradenton with a boat. A 2 bedroom condo isn't much more than a 1 bedroom, and everyone does whatever they want to do.

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Response to greymattermom (Reply #29)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 07:58 PM

39. My parents stay in Siesta Key through the winter until the end of April and they

usually invite us down but not every year. We are all well out of college and can afford our own vacations (well, it's a stretch for me) and it's a really nice place on the beach, but once you are used to having complete freedom, it's kind of tough to live by someone else's rules again. They are early risers and love to spend the whole day at the beach.

I am not a morning person and they get angry with me if I sleep past 7am. They also don't understand if I don't want to spend all day at the beach and I have grown to hate the beach. It's a beautiful beach, but being in direct sun for more than a short period of time makes me nauseated and my skin is much more sensitive than theirs. I would be perfectly happy lounging around the pool for an hour or two, going out for a leisurely lunch, reading, going on-line, watching movies, going into town, etc. I just get bored with the whole beach thing.

My parents and siblings also go on ski vacations together with the whole family, but my skiing days are over due to a number of accidents/surgeries and all they do is ski, eat and drink so it's not much fun for me and I usually pass. I don't drive so I feel stranded. I also don't make as much money as they all do and can't afford it. They offer to cover me, but I don't like feeling like a mooch and I feel like my siblings' spouses resent it.

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 08:08 AM

30. They wouldn't come if we asked.

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 09:03 AM

32. Yes, but its just the family. It gets harder as they get older

Nothing wrong w just the 2 of you though, you deserve it.

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Response to onlyadream (Original post)

Wed Jul 11, 2018, 09:17 AM

33. Yes-- I like it

I travel alone, with friends, with the spouse, with the kids-- with anyone who will go with me!

I really like to travel, and have a lot of vacation time, so I'm always looking for a companion, preferably one who will do some of the driving.

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