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Wed Feb 14, 2018, 12:43 PM

Millions of Americans Demand $130,000 for Not Having Sex with Trump

Millions of Americans Demand $130,000 for Not Having Sex with Trump

By Andy Borowitz

https://media.newyorker.com/photos/5a84522556b75c08a3e5b84e/master/w_813,c_limit/Borowitz-Millions-Americans-Demand-130000-for-Not-Having-Sex-with-Trump.jpg



WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans on Wednesday demanded that Donald J. Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael D. Cohen, issue them checks in the amount of $130,000 for not having sex with Trump. After Cohen revealed that he had issued such a check to Stormy Daniels, a porn star who he claims never had intimate relations with his client, there was widespread outrage among other Americans who had also not had sex with Trump but had not been paid for not doing so.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for Stormy Daniels,” Tracy Klugian, a florist in Santa Rosa, California, said. “I just want my check, too.”

Harland Dorrinson, a bank teller in Akron, Ohio, said that he had already e-mailed Cohen to demand payment. “I have never come close to having sex with Trump, and that should be worth something,” he said. “Specifically, $130,000.”

But, even as millions of Americans clamored to be compensated for abstaining from sex with Cohen’s client, others, like Carol Foyler, of Tallahassee, Florida, took a different view. “Never having sex with Donald Trump should be a reward in itself,” she said.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/millions-of-americans-demand-130000-for-not-having-sex-with-trump?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20021418&CNDID=49507232&spMailingID=12931975&spUserID=MTkwMDE4MjcxNzQyS0&spJobID=1341291132&spReportId=MTM0MTI5MTEzMgS2

38 replies, 1886 views

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Arrow 38 replies Author Time Post
Reply Millions of Americans Demand $130,000 for Not Having Sex with Trump (Original post)
niyad Feb 2018 OP
sheshe2 Feb 2018 #1
niyad Feb 2018 #3
SoCalMusicLover Feb 2018 #2
niyad Feb 2018 #4
Major Nikon Feb 2018 #6
dchill Feb 2018 #24
The Velveteen Ocelot Feb 2018 #5
niyad Feb 2018 #7
PearliePoo2 Feb 2018 #9
KY_EnviroGuy Feb 2018 #17
sprinkleeninow Feb 2018 #30
sarge43 Feb 2018 #31
RestoreAmerica2020 Feb 2018 #8
niyad Feb 2018 #10
getagrip_already Feb 2018 #15
Gothmog Feb 2018 #11
Floyd R. Turbo Feb 2018 #12
Binkie The Clown Feb 2018 #13
niyad Feb 2018 #14
sprinkleeninow Feb 2018 #32
niyad Feb 2018 #33
sprinkleeninow Feb 2018 #36
dchill Feb 2018 #16
world wide wally Feb 2018 #18
niyad Feb 2018 #19
IronLionZion Feb 2018 #22
calimary Feb 2018 #28
Hermit-The-Prog Feb 2018 #20
niyad Feb 2018 #21
Hermit-The-Prog Feb 2018 #25
fierywoman Feb 2018 #23
niyad Feb 2018 #29
redstatebluegirl Feb 2018 #26
sprinkleeninow Feb 2018 #37
calimary Feb 2018 #27
niyad Feb 2018 #35
dlk Feb 2018 #34
Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin Feb 2018 #38

Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 12:47 PM

1. I want my check too!

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #1)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 12:50 PM

3. huggggggs. so good to see you. I think we should get at least double that amount, because

of all the bs we DO get from him.

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 12:49 PM

2. But She Did Have Sex With Him

 

The payoff was for not talking about it.

Sorry to say, but first you have to have sex with Orange Man, then you get the payoff.

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Response to SoCalMusicLover (Reply #2)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 12:51 PM

4. but the orange bloat says he never did. so the article stands.

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Response to niyad (Reply #4)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 01:03 PM

6. His lawyer also said the payout didn't mean she had sex with him

So obviously carnal knowledge isn't a requirement

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Response to Major Nikon (Reply #6)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:32 PM

24. If You See Kay....

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 01:00 PM

5. Paying rather than getting paid not to have sex with him makes more sense to me.

I can't think of anything more disgusting than having that blob of orange suet sweating and panting on top of me, and if I had to I'd pay to avoid it. It would be a sort of anti-prostitution.

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Response to The Velveteen Ocelot (Reply #5)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 01:22 PM

7. I nearly spit out my coffee!! THANKS!!

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Response to The Velveteen Ocelot (Reply #5)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 01:38 PM

9. Blob of orange suet. A good and apt description!

But at least suet can provide nourishment to our feathered friends. BLOTUS provides NOTHING to others....EVER.

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Response to PearliePoo2 (Reply #9)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:19 PM

17. K&R. LOL, not for my beloved birds.

If I hung him in one of my trees, all my lovelies would leave the county and a flock of buzzards would suddenly appear.

Thanks, you just reminded me I need to put out suet cakes!

...............

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Response to PearliePoo2 (Reply #9)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:48 PM

30. Perhaps it was entrails and fat that became rancid and not fit for consumption by any living

creature. Destined only for the trashcan.

[I made myself ill with that one.🤤]

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Response to The Velveteen Ocelot (Reply #5)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:50 PM

31. Just seeing The Blob shuffling around in a ratty half open food stained bath robe

would cause any normal human being to run screaming into the night.

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 01:35 PM

8. Anyone here know the significance of 130K. Why not hold our for more?

Last edited Wed Feb 14, 2018, 05:18 PM - Edit history (1)

Or was the 130K the last installment of an agreed amount back in 2006. Also, if Ms Daniels broke the confidentiality agreement signed in exchange for payment what could possibly happen to her?

Daniels should just spill the sopa ( details, gossip) and write a tell all book, sell movie rights, hell would make a salacious Spanish novela, where in the end (novelas end unlike our American soap operas) the evil powerful group, person always get their just rewards.

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Response to RestoreAmerica2020 (Reply #8)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 01:39 PM

10. you make most excellent points!!

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Response to RestoreAmerica2020 (Reply #8)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:12 PM

15. it was all the markets would bear...

She was shopping her story around to various outlets. She probably didn't have a lot of offers, certainly none exceeding $130k.

She just signed up with the highest bidder. She could have held out a little longer, but the day after election day her story would be worth a whole lot less, especially since most people thought he would lose.

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 01:40 PM

11. I love good satire

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 01:41 PM

12. If it came down to it, I would

sell everything I own and pay to not have sex with it!

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 02:01 PM

13. The least he could do is give us each fifty bucks for not shaking hands with him. nt

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Response to Binkie The Clown (Reply #13)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 02:01 PM

14. yes, that would be a good start. and maybe a hundred every day we don't actually listen to him.

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Response to niyad (Reply #14)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:53 PM

32. Even have your tv dispense 💵💵💵 each time the face/voice shows up.

Compensation for daily pain and suffering.

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Response to sprinkleeninow (Reply #32)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:54 PM

33. I am sure we can come up with a figure for every moment of the day, in every medium.

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Response to niyad (Reply #33)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 04:03 PM

36. He is in debt bigtime and not with his floppy 'businesses'.

Class action suit.🤔

😉

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:16 PM

16. Now THAT'S good!!!

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:21 PM

18. We all get screwed by him everyday! Has to worth something.

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Response to world wide wally (Reply #18)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:21 PM

19. you are absolutely correct!!

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Response to world wide wally (Reply #18)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:27 PM

22. And we talk about it. Would he pay us to keep quiet?

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Response to world wide wally (Reply #18)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:42 PM

28. You just won the internet!

Outstanding point!

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:23 PM

20. equal opportunity hush money?

TrumPutin surely wouldn't be guilty of sexual discrimination! That would be illegal.

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Response to Hermit-The-Prog (Reply #20)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:25 PM

21. welcome to du--you have a most excellent point.

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Response to niyad (Reply #21)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:34 PM

25. thanks

Tell that thing to gimme my money!


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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:31 PM

23. I love you guys! I think we should get universal basic income out of this.

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Response to fierywoman (Reply #23)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:43 PM

29. excellent idea!

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:37 PM

26. Lord, I think all of us need our money now

I would be celibate forever if he was the last man on earth.

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Response to redstatebluegirl (Reply #26)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 04:06 PM

37. The thought....

Makes one wanna 🤤 and 🤧. For real.

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:41 PM

27. Hey can I get in on that?

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Response to calimary (Reply #27)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:54 PM

35. we are starting a list here, along with all our other demands.

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 03:54 PM

34. Sign Me Up!

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Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 10:07 PM

38. Nasty thought though



I mean I'm a straight but even if I was gay I'd still think sex with Trump would be repulsive.

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