QUESTION: Do your Facebook "friends" know if you "defriend" them?

[Amerigo Vespucci]

My Facebook page is kind of becoming my place todo my thing, and I hve a few friends I've "friended," but my guess is that they wouldn;t appreciate being along for this specific ride.

I don't want to insult them by "defriending" them, but they might be more insulted if I don't.

Your thoughts?

[dr.strangelove]

1. They do not know until then specifically check

Unless you are one of only a few friends and it would be obvious.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

2. I think I might still be better off by cutting some of them loose

I mean, I'm not posting sedition or anything destructive, but I'm howling at the moon these days, and I know the people I'm thinking about cutting loose would not be entertained by that.

[frogmarch]

3. How to Unfriend Someone on Facebook Without Actually Unfriending Them

How to Unfriend Someone on Facebook Without Actually Unfriending Them

by Let’s Learn together]Naseh Shaker[ on Sunday, January 2, 2011 at 10:44am ·

Today is National Unfriend Day. Did you delete any Facebook friends yet? How many? Do you actually know everyone on your friends list?

Are you tired of that Facebook friend who annoys you with their posts and app updates? Or do you and a friend just not have much to talk about anymore, but your Facebook connection keeps the friendship from dissolving into oblivion, like it would in real life? If deleting that person from your friends list is too cyber-confrontational for you, here's how to enjoy the benefits of unfriending them without actually unfriending them

Steps

1))If their updates are annoying or decidedly uninteresting, you can avoid their updates simply by hiding this person from your feed. Next time you see an update from this person, hover your mouse over it and a little gray "x" will show up on the upper right. Click on it and then click the "Hide..." button

2))If this person makes inappropriate comments on your updates, photos, or wall, you can become invisible (or partially invisible) to them. Perhaps they mean well, but they just don't understand that their comments cause discomfort or drama. It's possible to adjust your privacy settings so they no longer see parts of your profile that you don't want them to comment on.

more: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=168664029843442

[arcane1]

4. They will only know if they look for you in their friends list, BUT:

You can also change your settings so that they cannot see anything you post, or only certain posts, etc. That way, they are still in your list, but you have control over what you share with them.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. You could post a warning beforehand...

Just to let them know this might not suit them...

You're on Facebook???

Friend request incoming!

[Amerigo Vespucci]

6. YOU could handle it. I would LOVE to have you as a Facebook friend. PRE-APPROVED!

These are dark days. I don't want to alarm folks who know me peripherally. You know me well enough to know I'm working through the pain and brighter days are ahead.

[drm604]

7. I think you can post selectively.

When you post something on FB, I'm pretty sure that you can choose who can see it and include or exclude individual friends.

[ScreamingMeemie]

8. They can. There is a Grease Monkey app called "Unfriend finder". I don't have it but my

daughter does. The odds that they would have it are (I am guessing) 1 in about 30.

[Ikonoklast]

9. I just send over Big Lou and Knuckles to have a 'little chat' with them.

Makes it lots easier on me, way less traumatic than de-friending them.

I'm the world's greatest passive-aggressive.

[lovemydog]

10. I've reduced from 540 'friends'

to 150 in the past month. It's been great - my life's more simplified!

As for whether they can tell that you de-friended them - they can. One person complained to her sister, who told me. I told my friend to please tell her sister don't take it personally, I'm using facebook more selectively. And that I still like her, look forward to getting together, she has my number, blah blah.

[applegrove]

11. Some person who I really, really do not need in my life tried to friend me. I said no. Facebook

asked and so I said "yes" to "do you not know this person". Thankfully they will not be able to try to friend me again.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

12. I got a friend request from someone I don't know...

...but I think it might have been someone who read my quips on the TV's Frank page. I agree, I like the fact that of you day that you don't know the person, it ends there...no second requests. LinkedIn is pretty much the same.

[applegrove]

13. I do know the person but said I didn't. I don't have the capacity to have her in my life in any way.

Last edited Tue Apr 24, 2012, 12:20 AM - Edit history (1)

She may bait me if I don't do what she wants. I'm ready for that.

[HappyMe]

20. You can 'block' her.

I kept denying an obscure relative's request. Finally, I got tired of the whole business and just 'blocked' her.

[applegrove]

21. I think I did block her. Facebook said they would not be able to ask to friend me again because I

said I did not know her, even though I did.

[HappyMe]

23. Sweet! There you go.

[nolabear]

16. There's a TV's Frank page? WooHoo!

I'll be there in a minute!

[LiberalFighter]

14. It should be set up as it is in real life.

Acquaintances at work
Friends at work
Buddies at work
Acquaintances in the neighbor
Friends in the neighbor
Summer cookout friends
Recreational activity friends (fishing, bowling, euchre, etc)
Serious competition friends
Friends through children's activities
Friends through church
Acquaintances through church
Friends through charity
Acquaintances through charity
Parents
Grandparents
Female siblings
Male siblings
Other relatives
And more

There are some things you just don't talk about with others in your circles.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

15. I basically whittled it down to a small circle that I could include in any conversation

They were all friends, or I wouldn;t have "friended" them in the first place, but it's like the Japanese cultural phenomenon of "Tatemae / Honne." You have one face you show to business associates, casual friends, and acquaintences. You have another face you show to your posse. What's now left is my posse.

[lovemydog]

18. Awesome, hope it improves your life too

Life's too short for hassles.

[nolabear]

17. I'm glad you asked. I have an old acquaintence who's gone Libertatian on me.

He hijacks every political thing I post with massive screeds. He really is getting on my last nerve.

[lovemydog]

19. Yeah, a libertarian whacko

was among those de-friended. Don't need lectures from an ignoramus clogging up the news feed.

[Taylor Smite]

22. Watch out

Facebook is always trying to get you to add more friends. Look to the right of your facebook screen. Notice how it says "people you may know" or something. Well, those are suggestions facebook gives you because your friends are friends with those people. So, if you and the 'perp' share mutual friends, when you defriend them, facebook will recommend them becoming friends with you. They will see it and know you unfriended them.

[Posteritatis]

24. It doesn't, but if you still want to be in touch with them at all..

It's perfectly possible to set up sets of filters for what you post, so you can restrict who sees what. So I can, for example, do my day-to-day posting as I normally would, but if I was going really political or complaining about work or whatnot I've got smaller whitelists set up for people who I trust to behave around such posts.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

25. UPDATE: I JUST GOT BUSTED

Got a text on my phone: "What's the matter, I'm not your friend any more? I just noticed that you're not listed in my Facebook friends any more!"

So I had to do a new friend request, tell her it had nothing to do with her, and that an explanation would be there for her later if she wanted it.

Jee ZIZ.

[lovemydog]

26. At least she

likes you enough to ask.