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Tue Dec 5, 2017, 05:00 PM

Pet Researchers Confirm 100% Of Owners Who Leave For Work Never Coming Back

https://www.theonion.com/pet-researchers-confirm-100-of-owners-who-leave-for-wo-1820122953

WASHINGTON—Announcing their findings amongst a series of whimpers and yelps, pet researchers confirmed Friday that 100 percent of owners who leave for work are never coming back. “Our data show conclusively that every human who says they’re going to work is, in fact, gone forever the very moment they shut the door behind them,” said a West Highland terrier named Nugget, adding that the findings applied equally to trips to the grocery store or the movies, both of which represented a decision to leave and never return again. “In fact, any instance in which an owner scratches a dog or cat on its head and says, ‘Be back soon, buddy!’ before exiting the house is a certain indication that the animal has been left to fend for itself and will eventually die unloved beside its empty food dish.” At press time, an elated Nugget danced on his hind legs, reporting that 100 percent of owners who pull into the driveway at the end of the day came back for their pets after all.


You gotta see the hilarious photo at the link.

6 replies, 2961 views

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Reply Pet Researchers Confirm 100% Of Owners Who Leave For Work Never Coming Back (Original post)
geardaddy Dec 5 OP
Gothmog Dec 5 #1
GallopingGhost Dec 6 #2
lastlib Dec 6 #3
geardaddy Dec 6 #4
GallopingGhost Dec 6 #5
Nitram Dec 7 #6

Response to geardaddy (Original post)

Tue Dec 5, 2017, 05:45 PM

1. I love the Onion

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Response to geardaddy (Original post)

Wed Dec 6, 2017, 03:52 AM

2. LOL, love the dog.

Secret Life of Pets.

One of the best movies ever.

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Response to geardaddy (Original post)

Wed Dec 6, 2017, 07:02 AM

3. Love the goldfish!!

But how did they get a golden retriever to wear a Lab coat?

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Response to lastlib (Reply #3)

Wed Dec 6, 2017, 10:41 AM

4. LOL I know!

Love that they all have mics too!

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Response to lastlib (Reply #3)

Wed Dec 6, 2017, 10:52 AM

5. Ha!

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Response to geardaddy (Original post)

Thu Dec 7, 2017, 08:25 AM

6. LOL

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