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Tue Mar 13, 2018, 07:18 PM

Nation Marvels at Trump's Ability to Turn ExxonMobil Multimillionaire Into Sympathetic Figure

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans on Tuesday marvelled at Donald J. Trump’s ability to transform the former C.E.O. of ExxonMobil into a figure deserving of their sympathy.

Across the country, Americans expressed amazement that Rex Tillerson, who presided over the nation’s largest oil company and has an estimated net worth of three hundred million dollars, is now someone they find themselves pulling for.

“Rex Tillerson made tens of millions of dollars a year while ordinary consumers like me suffered from high gas prices,” Tracy Klugian, a hardware-store clerk in Lansing, Michigan, said. “Having said that, no one deserves to be treated the way he was today.”

“ExxonMobil had an egregious record for environmental damage and human-rights violations around the world,” Carol Foyler, a school counsellor in Santa Rosa, California, said. “Still, your heart has to go out to him.”

As for Tillerson, he bid a gracious farewell to his associates at the State Department and announced that, even though his government career was at an end, he would never stop trying to harm the world as a private citizen.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/nation-marvels-at-trumps-ability-to-turn-exxonmobil-multimillionaire-into-sympathetic-figure

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Reply Nation Marvels at Trump's Ability to Turn ExxonMobil Multimillionaire Into Sympathetic Figure (Original post)
Zorro Mar 2018 OP
RandomAccess Mar 2018 #1
GeorgeGist Mar 2018 #2
dalton99a Mar 2018 #3
murielm99 Mar 2018 #4
Joe Chi Minh Mar 2018 #5

Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue Mar 13, 2018, 08:24 PM

1. I was honestly thinking the same this earlier

 

this afternoon.

I do have to say, I thought he did pretty well with his goodbye speech.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue Mar 13, 2018, 09:46 PM

2. That makes Tillerson a ...

fucking moron.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Wed Mar 14, 2018, 01:54 AM

3. Good one

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Wed Mar 14, 2018, 11:46 AM

4. Just like Comey.

I will never forgive him for what he did to Hillary. Yet he was turned into a sympathetic figure here.

Trump is so evil he makes bizarro world real.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Wed Mar 14, 2018, 06:26 PM

5. That last line looks to have been

taken straight out of The Onion !

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