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Wed Oct 11, 2017, 10:31 AM

Millions Of Moms Set Out On Pilgrimage To Premium Outlet Center

CENTRAL VALLEY, NY—According to reports from across the country, millions of moms set out Saturday morning on a mass pilgrimage to the premium outlet center, following in the footsteps of mothers before them who for ages have participated in the same sacred rite.

The moms, many of whom undertook arduous journeys of more than two hours, reportedly sought to attain discounts of up to 65 percent on name-brand fashions and accessories, braving the teeming throngs of fellow pilgrims who inevitably overwhelmed the parking garages and landscaped pedestrian walkways of the venerated site.

“Oh my God, it’s so beautiful. I’m in awe just being here and seeing these incredible bargains with my own eyes,” said Philadelphia-area mom Debbie Palmer, 41, as she walked her first of several ritual circles around Dior, Armani Exchange, Ralph Lauren, and two dozen other hallowed storefronts. “It wasn’t easy traveling here, but it was worth it for the opportunity to take part in something like this. It’s truly overwhelming. Everything’s on clearance, and the huge savings are just so inspiring.”

“I wasn’t prepared for just how transformational this day would be,” added Palmer, wiping away a tear as she picked up a five-piece hand towel set marked down to $23.99. “It’s a dream come true.”


It's from the Onion and not about politics, but I thought it entertaining to read.

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