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Wed Nov 29, 2017, 06:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-24: The Ungrateful Fool On The Hill Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-24: The Ungrateful Fool On The Hill Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Be sure to stop by your local Top 10 Dealer for our Winter Leverage Sales Event! Lease a new Top 10 for $3999 down and $399 a month payments for 36 months. We are back everybody! So… Avengers, right? I mean how fucking insane does this movie look?? In case you haven’t heard Marvel practically broke the internet last night when it dropped the trailer for Avengers: Infinity War. This movie has everything and as a huge fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I can’t wait to see how this plays out. You have Tony fighting Thanos. You have Hulk, the Winter Soldier, Captain America, and Black Widow teaming up with Black Panther. You have Spiderman kicking some ass. And then to top it off? Why not Thor with the Guardians of the Galaxy!!! This whole thing is absolutely insane. 10 years of movies coming together, and I’ve been a fan since the first Iron Man was out back in 2008. I like that Kevin Smith said “You know I cry at everything but I’m bawling at this!”. I mean I love the Avengers movies, and recently we had Thor: Ragnarok which was absolutely amazing. We also had Spiderman: Homecoming which was great, and Guardians Of The Galaxy 2, which was also great. But those are just building blocks to the first part of the grand finale of this whole universe. Seriously I could go on all day talking about the Avengers movies, and the whole Marvel universe in general. But we got a lot of idiocy to get to. You know what? Fuck it, I’m stalling enough. I mean normally this is where we’d play a clip from a talk show, but since all the good talk shows are on vacation, let’s just show the trailer for Infinity War and bask in its’ glory:

Ladies and gentlemen, after a long absence, Dotard Trump comes back to the number one spot! Bravo, take a bow! So in the first slot is Dotard Trump (1). So this week the White House Christmas decorations are unveiled. But he wasted no time embarrassing the country in front of a group of Native Americans. In the second slot is Dotard Trump (2). Because he continues to pick a fight with passionate UCLA sports father LaVar Ball, and the dude can’t keep his mouth shut. In the second slot is Mr. Ball, and it’s insane (2). In the third slot is our old friend Project Veritas (3) who got owned at their own game, trying to catfish the Washington Post! Ha ha! At number 4, we’re going to explore a new news outlet that is a favorite of the Dotard called “MAGA Pill”. If only Trump fans knew what the Matrix actually means! At number 5 is our weekly due diligence on all things holy, which of course is “Holy Shit”. This time my inner pastor is going to take a look at a little known provision in the Trump tax plan, and well, frankly, this could send the country into a tail spin. At number 6 is Roy Moore (6). His allegations aren’t going away, and he’s picked up some surprising (NOT) endorsements! At number 7, we’ve got a new installment of “This Fucking Guy”. And we’re going to take a look at crazy far right conspiracy theorist lunatic and certified rape enthusiast Mike Cernovich (7). In the number 8 slot is Gun Nut Apologists (8). Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned in the Top 10 – is that this country loves it some guns, doesn’t it? Especially on Black Friday which we should start calling Red Friday. In the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink” and we’re going to talk about Flat Earthers. Yes, I do love the flat earthers because they’re a special kind of crazy. We talked about this in the monologue last week but we need to go into it in some more detail this week. Finally this week its’ more of the Top 10 World Tour (10). This time we’re going to the land of wealth and excess in the desert – full of tall buildings, excess wealth, and egregious human rights violations as we visit the Unite d Arab Emirates. Plus we’ve got some live music for you from one half of Oasis – Liam Gallagher! His new album “As You Were” is excellent, definitely check that one out! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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So Trump was strangely quiet over the Thanksgiving weekend. I guess he spent too much time eating shitty food and golfing. But now that he’s back in the White House, he’s ready to get back to work embarrassing the country! And how did he embarrass the country this week? Well, in just 24 hours, he managed to put up the extremely tacky White House Christmas decorations. Can we show that picture?

Which by the way, I love this that I saw on Twitter:

So are they decorating for Christmas, Halloween, or both? But that wasn’t the most embarrassing thing that happened this week. Leave it to Trump to embarrass the US in front of a group of actual Native Americans:

President Trump on Monday referred to Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) as “Pocahontas” at an event honoring Native American Code Talkers who served in World War II.

"You were here long before any of us were here,” Trump said, standing beneath a portrait of former President Andrew Jackson. “Although we have a representative in Congress who they say was here a long time ago. They call her Pocahontas.”

Turning to the veterans, Trump said "but do you know what? I like you."

The president made the remark in the Oval Office standing beside three Navajos who helped the U.S. Marine Corps develop a secret code during WWII.

You know this is like that old comic from Highlights Magazine – Goofus and Gallant. Gallant would not have done what Trump had done yesterday and respected their culture. Goofus, on the other hand…

The prominent placement of an Andrew Jackson portrait during an event meant to honor a group of Native Americans at the Oval Office on Monday has raised questions about the White House’s message.

Jackson is known for his harsh treatment of Native Americans as president, famously signing the Indian Removal Act, which led to thousands of Native American deaths as tens of thousands were forced to relocate. Some observers thought the juxtaposition of his portrait during the event with the stated purpose of honoring three Navajo code talkers was strange.

And you know we don’t know what to expect either, but the consistent thing here is that Trump is constantly embarrassing himself. And you know what’s equally embarrassing? The defense coming from the republican party. Yes this is an insult. No, it’s not the same as Disney releasing a historically accurate movie!

Mike Huckabee is more than just the former Governor of Arkansas. He is also the father of White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, a Fox News contributor, and a full-throated defender of President Donald Trump, regardless of what may come out of his mouth.

During an appearance on Fox & Friends this morning, he was asked to comment on the current dust-up surrounding Trump’s “Pocahontas” dig at Senator Elizabeth Warren during a White House ceremony honoring Native American Code Talkers who were heroes of World War II, which many saw as an unnecessary, inappropriate, and even racist dig at one of his political rivals.

Warren has claimed Native American ancestry which her detractors believe she used to gain advantageous status as a minority, particularly during her time at Harvard. There is a lot that is unsettled in this story: does Warren actually have indigenous people lineage? Is Trump racist for mocking her as “Pocahontas”? In other words, it is perfect fodder for opinion-based cable news programming as there is plenty of outrage to go around.

Add a few more “nos” to that. Because Mike Huckabee, you know him as Twitter’s least funny comedian, wasn’t the only one who made this bullshit comparison. I give you Qusay Trump:

Eric Trump on Tuesday appeared to compare President Trump's comments calling Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) "Pocahontas" to Disney profiting off of a movie of the same name.

"The irony of an ABC reporter (whose parent company Disney has profited nearly half a billion dollars on the movie 'Pocahontas') inferring that the name is 'offensive' is truly staggering to me," Eric Trump tweeted Tuesday.

His comments come after Trump called Warren "Pocahontas" during an event honoring Native American code talkers.

During the event honoring three Navajos who helped the U.S. Marine Corps develop a secret code during WWII, Trump said: "You were here long before any of us were here."

"Although we have a representative in Congress who they say was here a long time ago. They call her Pocahontas," he said.

I think this edition is going to be very Arrested Development happy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! Well there is something wrong with the way republicans continue to defend this racist bullshit:

Fox New host Laura Ingraham rushed to President Donald Trump’s defense after he called Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) “Pocahontas,” by treating her radio listeners to a “war whoop” and creating an offensive stereotypical Native American name for the Massachusetts Democrat.

Monday afternoon, Trump made the comment during a ceremony honoring Navajo “Code Talkers” who served during World War II which outraged many, including the family’s of the honored men.

That didn’t stop Ingraham, who along with Fox host Sean Hannity is one of Trump’s biggest and most unapologetic boosters, from doubling down for the president by introducing her segment with the war whoop and a sarcastic diatribe, caught by Media Matters.


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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Let me ask you this my fair Top 10 fans! What happens when you get two completely unhinged, egomaniacal, self praising lunatics in the same room? Well when you get Donald J. Trump and wannabe billionaire LaVar Ball in the same room, expect their egos to create the biggest implosion known to man! See, LaVar Ball is a guy who is famous for fathering 3 insanely talented basketball playing sons, but more importantly, he is known for trash talking. But then again, so is our president! What happened exactly?

President Trump can't stop thinking about LaVar Ball.

One is a garrulous, self-promoting businessman who launched a company named after himself and often engages in public feuds.

The other is a garrulous, self-promoting businessman who launched a company named after himself and often engages in public feuds.

Together, they seem locked in a war of words that may never end.

More than 24 hours after Ball downplayed the president's role in freeing his son, UCLA basketball player LiAngelo Ball, after a shoplifting incident in China this month, Trump lashed out on Twitter to declare Ball an "ungrateful fool."

Yeah so if LaVar Ball is the “ungrateful fool”, would that make Trump the “Ungrateful Fool On The Hill?” Thank you! Come on Beatles fans, sing it with me! “The ungrateful fool on the hill… sees the sun going down, OK?”. But you ever wonder why Trump is so obsessed with LaVar Ball? Well here’s some insight.

Have you ever done a good deed for someone? Can you think of something particularly generous you did to help someone who really needed it? I’m not just asking rhetorically: Put that deed in your mind.

Now imagine, after doing that good deed, you go on Twitter and say how grateful the person you helped should be — and even ask publicly if they are going to thank you for it.

That’s gross, right?

Now imagine being the president of the United States and being so starved for attention — so deeply needy for adulation and praise, so hooked on being in the spotlight — that after you did a rather simple good deed, you got on Twitter and made clear how good your deed was, and how much you wanted that person to be grateful for your good deed.

But we’re not wrong here, Donald! So Trump says he should have left LaVar Ball’s son and his friends in a Chinese prison! Because you know, that’s the compassionate conservative side of Trump talking. But let’s think about this here, and I would love to see these two in a steel cage death match, WWE style:

At the start of this year, if you would have told me I’d be interviewing a China scholar about a deal in which President of the United States asks his Chinese counterpart, Xi Jinping, for help to free three UCLA basketball players who’ve been held in a Chinese hotel for allegedly stealing sunglasses, I would have scoffed. If you said that one of those UCLA players was LiAngelo Ball, son of LaVar Ball — proprietor of $495 shoes, controversial and outspoken father of Los Angeles Lakers rookie Lonzo Ball — I would have laughed even harder.

Bet the under on that one, since I had to call up UCLA’s Shirley Wang Endowed Chair in US-China Relations & Communications, Min Zhou, to talk about LaVar Ball.

But have no fear! Mr. Ball is going to make things all better! You know how? Shoes! That’s right – Mr. Ball thinks that a pair of shoes is going to make it all better! Because everybody loves a new pair of some nice shoes, don’t they? And I hate to sound sexist, but I think the ladies in the crowd would agree with me there, am I right?

The beef between President Donald Trump and LaVar Ball is the epitome of exactly what 2017 has been — but it isn’t over.

The first shipment of Lonzo Ball’s signature ZO2 shoes were reportedly shipped out by Big Baller Brand on Friday and LaVar Ball took his family out to celebrate. While out, Ball ran into a TMZ reporter and was asked to comment on the thought that he was “beating Trump at his own game.”

But according to Ball, that’s nonsense. Instead, he said, the president needs to calm down. To help him calm down, Ball said he’d personally ship Trump a pair of ZO2’s to wear.

“I gotta ship some to Trump so he can calm down a little bit. Get him some ZO2s so he play on the court. Not in the court, but on the court,” Ball said.

You know Mr. Ball, something tells me that Mr. Trump isn’t exactly what one would call the basketball playing type. I mean just look at him! The dude can barely climb up a hill looking for a golf ball!

But you know – you get two turkeys in a room, what do you expect? I mean how can you actively eat a turkey dinner on Thanksgiving when you have two giant turkeys in the room?

Civility, grace and gratitude are deader than Charles Manson. God has become a four-letter word. But we are blessed with plenty of turkeys.

LaVar “Big Baller” Ball this week ran verbal trapezoids around a tongue-tied Chris Cuomo on CNN. Ball is a media creation (thanks, ESPN) whose obscene methods of self-promotion have succeeded beyond any imaginable goal.

Ball steadfastly refused to acknowledge or credit President Trump for his role in getting LiAngelo Ball and two other UCLA basketball players released from China after they were arrested for shoplifting.

“Tell Donald Trump to have a great Thanksgiving, because Big Baller is,” Ball said.

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[font size="8"]Project Veritas
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Conservatives, let this be a lesson. Here’s what happens when you get owned attempting to troll – just retreat to your troll cave with your tail tucked between your legs. So let me explain – conservative activist and before picture in a Viagra commercial, James O’Keefe, attempted to troll the Washington Post, much like he attempted to troll CNN a few months ago (see: Idiots #3-4. And well, this time the Washington Post caught him red handed.

The Washington Post says that they caught a “Project Veritas” undercover video sting operation that was meant to discredit their reports on Roy Moore by feeding them a false story about the GOP candidate for Alabama’s U.S. Senate seat.

The Post reports that a woman came to their offices and said that Roy Moore impregnated her when she was a teenager.

“In a series of interviews over two weeks, the woman shared a dramatic story about an alleged sexual relationship with Moore in 1992 that led to an abortion when she was 15,” they reported. “During the interviews, she repeatedly pressed Post reporters to give their opinions on the effects that her claims could have on Moore’s candidacy if she went public.”

They confronted her about inconsistencies in her story, and did not publish the story that would have almost certainly damaged Roy Moore. When they saw that she was entering the New York offices of “Project Veritas,” they concluded that she was a part of a sting operation in a “scheme to deceive and embarrass” the news outlet.

Yeah so Project Veritas was attempting to catfish the Washington Post and failed miserably! What was that line from Homer Simpson? “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably! The lesson here is never try!”. So how bad was the failed sting operation?

A woman falsely accusing Alabama Republican U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore of impregnating her at 15 years old approached The Washington Post with her story in what appeared to be a sting effort to deceive the news organization.

The woman, Jaime T. Phillips, appears to work with Project Veritas, an organization that attempts to secretly record deceptive conversations with journalists in an effort to discredit mainstream news outlets and expose what they claim to be media bias.

The Post interviewed her over the course of two weeks, identifying falsehoods and inconsistencies in her story along the way. In her unsubstantiated story, she claimed to have a sexual relationship with Moore as a 15-year-old, which she claimed led to an abortion.

In the interviews, Phillips would ask reporters for their opinions on how her false story, if made public, could affect the Moore campaign.

I really don’t think that one needs a “congratulations” but… yeah you failed. So the failure of Project Veritas proves just how batshit crazy conservatives are and they are willing to stop at nothing to get Roy Moore elected, because, reasons. But this isn’t the first time Project Veritas embarrassed themselves, this is just the first time they got caught!

One Bit of Good News About the News: Some amazing Washington Post reporters caught a goon from Project Veritas trying to trick them into publishing a false story about a woman who claimed to have a sexual relationship with Roy Moore as a teen, and the pure schadenfreude of watching her squirm on camera as reporter Stephanie McCrummen grills the liar is worth however much money you have in your wallet right now. All the little details about the way they caught the woman are incredible, as is the feeling of gratitude that surfaces when you realize that there is a phalanx of journalists dedicated to telling the truth, even as they're undermined by the powers that be and literal fake news generators like Project Veritas. Do not relegate this one to the tabs graveyard, and please subscribe.

Now to be fair, if you want to see a hit piece that actually does deserve to get a lot of shit, look no further than the New York Times and their extremely horrible “Nazi Next Door” piece. Look, we don’t need to normalize Nazis! And we certainly don’t need to discredit Roy Moore’s accusers! Both things are equally horrible, like that pile of your neighbor’s dog shit on the street that they’ve been refusing to clean up the last two months!

The New York Times published a profile over the weekend of an Ohio man named Tony Hovater, a co-founder of the white supremacist Traditionalist Worker Party. The piece, by reporter Richard Fausset, was meant to say something profound about the banality of evil—This man shops for groceries! He has a Twin Peaks tattoo! He has both a wife and cats!—but it came across instead as an exercise in making evil sound banal.

In one of two follow-up pieces the Times ran to try to explain the story, the paper’s national editor, Marc Lacey, wrote, “We recognize that people can disagree on how best to tell a disagreeable story. What we think is indisputable, though, is the need to shed more light, not less, on the most extreme corners of American life and the people who inhabit them.”

Yet Fausset spent so much time staring at Hovater eating a turkey sandwich, he didn’t get around to shining much light on the particular corner his subject occupies. The Times managed to miss or gloss over a whole batch of facts and questions that might have lent both context and color to what purported to be a definitive profile of a white nationalist “foot soldier.” Here are a few of them:

By the way, the usual Alt Right suspects rushed to defend professional asshole James O’Keefe, and you know you can always tell a lot about a person by the company they keep:

After reporters at The Washington Post unmasked yet another botched undercover sting operation headed by James O’Keefe’s organization Project Veritas, right-wing pundits put their eagerness to undermine mainstream media outlets above all else and took to providing cover for O’Keefe and his organization.

Yesterday, the Washington Post revealed that a Project Veritas operative had attempted to dupe reporters with a false story claiming that Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore impregnated her as a teenager. After reporters found inconsistencies in the operative’s stories and spotted her entering the Project Veritas headquarters, they connected the false account to O’Keefe. O’Keefe’s prior faceplants include being exposed attempting to lure a CNN reporter onto a boat full of dildos to then record the reporter and humiliate her, sabotaging his own attempt to dupe the Open Society Foundations and failing to entrap Hillary Clinton supporters into doing anything more scandalous than selling campaign merch to a Canadian.

But that didn’t stop the most ardent anti-mainstream media pundits from defending O’Keefe’s operation.

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[font size="8"]MAGA Pill
[br] [/font]

When you have an ultra fanatical, ego maniacal, self praising, batshit crazy lunatic like Trump in the White House, you’re going to get some resistance to what you do. But then for the self praising Trump, who has repeatedly called himself “Your Favorite President”, he tends to favor news sources that well, kiss his ass 100%, no less. Can we throw that tweet up there?

And then there was this:

Think of it this way – this is like when a dog marks its’ territory in your house. When it happens, it’s totally natural instinct. When it happens, it’s a pain in the ass to clean up. And when it happens, you will most likely wind up stepping in shit. But Trump is just spreading his awareness of fake news, but that’s Russia’s job, damn it!!! So let’s talk about Trump’s new preferred source of news: MAGA Pill.

President Donald Trump tweeted his thanks last night to a website that listed all of his accomplishments – “Fired corrupt and incompetent FBI Director James Comey,” made the list. “Wow, even I didn’t realize we did so much,” wrote Trump. “Wish the Fake News would report! Thank you.”

The site he thanked is Maga Pill – the name, with ties to white nationalism, combines Trump’s Make America Great Again catchphrase with a Matrix reference – and if “Fake News” sites followed its lead, they’d be posting content on their Twitter pages that link Kevin Spacey with Pizzagate and claim that a Hillary Clinton porn tape found on Anthony Weiner’s laptop was so horrific it made grown men on the NYPD cry.

Trump’s tweet-thanks to Maga Pill came three days into the president’s Thanksgiving holiday weekend in Florida, a getaway stuffed with golf and media rumination. On Friday, he tweeted his you-can’t-fire-me-I-quit missive about Time magazine’s Person of the Year non-offer, and on Saturday re-stated his not-secret preference for Fox News over CNN.

So it’s no secret that Trump prefers to watch Fox News 24 hours a day. Now if only Trump fans understood what the Matrix actually meant!

The name MagaPill is a riff on “red pill,” a term popular with white nationalists and others on the far right. A metaphor based on a plot line from The Matrix, it refers to the process of normalizing extreme views. MagaPill is also active on Gab, a social network favored by white nationalist and banned from the Google app store violating its hate speech policy.

But while Trump presents MagaPill as the antidote to “fake news,” the site regularly traffics in unhinged conspiracy theories. Just a few hours before being endorsed by Trump, MagaPill posted a video from Liz Crokin, a fringe figure best known for pushing the Pizzagate conspiracy. In the video, Crokin claims there is a sex tape of Hillary Clinton with an underage girl on Anthony Weiner’s laptop.

By the way in case you’re keeping score at home, Trump has attacked CNN so many times it’s absolutely insane, and now touts a lunatic fringe conspiracy theory website. But we all know that Fox & Friends has an audience of one now, and let’s face it – they’re just fucking with Trump at this point.

President Trump could have plausibly claimed that his first tweet of the day was an original thought.

Sure, it mirrored an argument presented exactly 14 minutes earlier on “Fox & Friends,” a program the president is known to watch regularly, but who could prove that wasn't a coincidence? Great minds think alike, right?

In two subsequent tweets, however, Trump made clear that he was parroting the talking points he saw on TV, when he mentioned @foxandfriends and quoted one of the show's guests directly.

Oh come on Trump, this is like the movie Kingsman where they just start fucking with their prospective candidates. Fox hated that there was a president who didn’t listen to them for 8 years. Now we have one who *ONLY* listens to them! Who needs fake news when you have a fake news network playing you like a fiddle?

President Donald Trump once again tweeted along to Fox News' morning show, Fox & Friends, this time complaining about an NFL player they criticized and quoting their cyron during a segment about the economy.

Trump tweeted about NFL player Marshawn Lynch sitting during the U.S. national anthem about 15 minutes after Fox & Friends ran a segment on Lynch’s decision to sit during the anthem. At 6:07 a.m., Fox & Friends discussed Lynch’s decision to sit during the U.S. national anthem and stand during the Mexican national anthem at a November 19 game played in Mexico City. Co-host Brian Kilmeade called Lynch’s decision “an international embarrassment,” urged the NFL players’ union to “crack down” on those who refuse to stand during the national anthem, and claimed that, because of NFL player protests, NFL “attendance is down. Ratings are down.”

Yeah so Fox & Friends plays Trump like a fiddle. They know that if they feed him a bullshit story, he’ll tweet it to his hundreds of thousands of Russian bot account followers. And there might be a few actual twitter posters that follow him as well. We do! Oh come on, how else am I going to keep up with his bullshit? But in case you’re wondering the kind of quality journalism that MAGA Pill reports on, here’s some stories they’ve recently covered!

The word MAGAPill appears to be a portmanteau combining the Trump campaign slogan beloved by white nationalists with the symbol of an internet forum for men who believe they are sexually oppressed by feminists, so that’s a promising start. And here, with a hat tip to Judd Legum of ThinkProgress, is a sampling of some of the subjects that MAGAPill has covered in past weeks:

Lady Gaga’s involvement in Hillary Clinton’s child-sacrifice practices
The Vatican’s knowledge of “ancient occult magic”
The encroachment of sharia law
The government’s coverup of evidence that the recent massacre in Las Vegas was actually carried out by multiple shooters
The Jews (click here to see a MAGAPill tweet which deploys the anti-Semitic triple parentheses dog whistle that's often deployed by far-right writers)

By the way, why do the conservative conspiracy theorists hate Lady Gaga? We might have to do a deep dive on this subject. I’ll end this with some Lady Gaga, because why not?

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Yes friends! Gather around, friends! Pass the collection plate, friends! Yay, in this darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us. But even then we are reminded that the holiest among us are full of, well…

How is my beautiful congregation this fine Wednesday? How are you all doing tonight? Because the Good Lord would want us to gather and sing the light in his holy presence! Can I get an amen? Thank you! Well, you know last week we spent our sermon touring the good holy lord Jesus Christs’ new temple in Washington, DC. Well, now we have something to tell you that Jesus himself will not approve of!

WASHINGTON — For years, a coalition of well-funded groups on the religious right have waged an uphill battle to repeal a 1954 law that bans churches and other nonprofit groups from engaging in political activity.

Now, those groups are edging toward a once-improbable victory as Republican lawmakers, with the enthusiastic backing of President Trump, prepare to rewrite large swaths of the United States tax code as part of the $1.5 trillion tax package moving through Congress.

Among the changes in the tax bill that passed the House this month is a provision to roll back the 1954 ban, a move that is championed by the religious right, but opposed by thousands of religious and nonprofit leaders, who warn that it could blur the line between charity and politics.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! You know, I am just a man of the cloth and I know my Bible. And I can’t recall a single verse in it where Jesus would approve of this sort of thing. Because greed is a SIN!!!!! And SINS MUST BE CLEANSED!!!!! In the name of all that is good and holy for our lord Jesus Christ! Can I get an amen??? Let us sing his holy name in praise now!!! Thank you to the Official Top 10 Gospel Choir! But even our Jewish friends hate this because the referendum seems to only attract one particular type of worshipper!

The Republican tax bill that recently passed the House of Representatives contains an obscure provision that many right-wing Christian activists have been advocating for — a repeal of the Johnson Amendment, a 1954 law that prohibits churches and synagogues from engaging in political activity.

Currently, pastors who endorse candidates from the pulpit could risk having their house of worship lose its tax-exempt status with the Internal Revenue Service.

The House version of Trump’s tax reform legislation does away with this limitation and would permit tax-exempt religious institutions to both endorse candidates and urge congregants to vote for them.

Read more: https://forward.com/fast-forward/388375/will-trump-tax-cuts-allow-rabbis-to-preach-politics-from-the-pulpit/

Even the lord our god, creator of all that is good and holy, cannot take much more of this madness! I mean… do you even know what this is going to do? No, because the GOP does not read or thinketh with thine brains.

For evangelical groups in particular, the provision is a huge victory. The language written by chairman Kevin Brady, R-Texas, "puts an end to the IRS’s role of policing the speech of churches, and non-profit organizations," said Tony Perkins, president of the conservative Family Research Council. "The IRS has no constitutional basis to monitor and then censor speech that doesn’t meet with the approval of government bureaucrats."

Some political donors might then shift their contributions from political organizations that are not tax-exempt to churches or other charities that are tax-exempt to save themselves a little extra money, said Thomas Barthold, chief of staff for the congressional Joint Committee on Taxation.

But saving donors a little extra money would cost the U.S. treasury about $2.1 billion over 10 years, the joint committee predicted. The modified language cut the estimated cost to about $900 million by making the provision effective for only five years, but it is not clear that estimate accounts for the vast expansion of the universe of charities that could ramp up political activity.

Yes because the Lord Our God is angry, and when he is angry, he is really angry!!! But this isn’t just GOP arrogance on full display, and arrogance is a sin punishable by Satan in the most unholy of ways. And they must be cleansed of this sin!!!! And yes it does specify churches, which means things could get very, very ugly!!!

Somewhat buried in the deluge of Thursday’s 429-page tax proposal from the House of Representatives was Sect. 5201, permitting churches to make political statements during the ordinary course of religious services. The section, the second to last of the bill, runs counter to the Johnson Amendment, which has prohibited partisan political activity among all 501(c)(3)s since 1954.

The section’s wording has been met with confusion and opposition from some nonprofit leaders and civil rights groups. The term “church” is used twice in the provision with no mention of other houses of worship. A Capitol Hill staffer speaking to The NonProfit Times on background declined to speculate as to whether the language in the section might be changed in subsequent drafts.

The section specifically states that churches, integrated auxiliaries, and organizations described in 508(c)(1)(A) — which also refers to churches, integrated auxiliaries, and conventions or associations of churches –“shall not fail to be treated as organized and operated exclusively for a religious purpose, nor shall it be deemed to have participated in, or intervened in any political campaign on behalf of any candidate for public office, solely because of the content of any homily, sermon, teaching, dialectic, or other presentation made during a religious service or gatherings . . .”

Can we pass the collection plate please????????????? Because if I declare the Top 10 a church, I can then raise enough money to buy some candidates! Or maybe not. We do have a budget of zero. Yes the GOP wants to do away with all non profit groups, and that could potentially be disastrous!

There's no doubt that the main purpose of the Republican tax bill, in both its House and Senate forms, is to slash taxes for corporations and the rich while making the rest of the country pay for it. But Republicans are also stuffing a wish list of right-wing goals into the bill. One provision of the House legislation that has gotten relatively little media attention has the potential to drastically remake our campaign finance system, and tilt the already unfair playing field even further toward the Republicans.

Ever since 1954, a legislative add-on known as the Johnson Amendment has prevented charities, social welfare organizations and, perhaps most importantly, churches from endorsing candidates. Such institutions may lose their tax-exempt status if they engage in electioneering. The House bill would functionally dismantle the Johnson Amendment, thereby opening the door to pastors endorsing candidates from the pulpits and for charities large and small -- even the Red Cross or Salvation Army -- to openly support political candidates or causes in the course of their official charitable work.

Oh shit!!!! I just realized that if I declare the Top 10 a religious organization, that I too shall be held to the same standard as churches are! Does that mean that I don’t have to pay taxes? Sweet! Can I get an amen???? We cannot let them get away with this!! Even our president does not know what he speaketh!

Religious leaders and clergy across the nation — including those in Omaha — are carefully watching what happens to one part of tax legislation that’s making its way through the U.S. House and Senate.

The House version of the bill includes a change to the Johnson Amendment, the 1954 law that prohibits tax-exempt nonprofits such as churches from endorsing political candidates. A stipulation at the end of the 429-page bill would make it legal for ministers to endorse candidates from the pulpit.

The House passed its tax bill on Nov. 16, and a Senate version is still pending.

At the National Prayer Breakfast in February, President Donald Trump said he would “totally destroy” the Johnson Amendment. That vow was aimed at people — mostly conservative Christians — who oppose the 1954 law partly because they believe that it violates First Amendment rights. Trump issued an executive order in May directing the Internal Revenue Service not to penalize clergy members for political speech.

Yay, I hope it did not get too intense for you there! Because what Trump and his merry band are proposing is dangerous, and I hope you leave this sermon with this information in tact! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That is it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Roy Moore
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If there’s one thing we love here at the Top 10 Home Office, it’s a good train wreck. Which so far is the entire calendar year 2017. But in that calendar year 2017 – there’s the Alabama Senate elections, which is between Roy Moore and Doug Jones. This election is a train wreck within a train wreck. And come on, Alabama! You’ve heard the arguments! Now go and get out the vote against Moore! But would you be surprised in the least to learn that Judge Moore has picked up some surprising endorsements? Well…

Matthew Hale, the imprisoned white supremacist convicted of plotting to kill a Chicago federal judge, endorsed Republican Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore on Monday.

“There is no evidence Roy Moore committed sexual harassment against any of the woman (sic) that have made these accusations or that Roy Moore is a sexual predator,” a news release with the headline “Political Prisoner Matt Hale endorses Moore” states.

The news release, issued by Hale’s mother, compares Matthew Hale’s legal woes — insisting that he’s innocent — to the sexual harassment accusations against Moore.

“Anybody can accuse anyone of anything but that doesn’t make it true,” Hale, who is serving a 40-year sentence at a supermax federal prison in Florence, Colo., is quoted as saying. “I know from my own experience.”

That’s right – Roy Moore just scored an endorsement from a guy who was convicted of attempted murder of a federal judge! Yeah, you know what they say about always telling a guy by the company they keep! But now there’s a challenger in the mix!

When retired Marine Col. Lee Busby read it was too late for a write-in candidate for the Alabama senate race, he said, “Hold my beer, we will just see about that.”

Busby told The Daily Beast on Monday he is launching his long-shot bid to stop Republican nominee Roy Moore from reaching the Senate.

“I have no idea if the allegations against him true or not, but I don’t see anything within his experience as a judge that qualifies him for the job.”

Busby said his state needs a choice other than Moore or Democrat Doug Jones.

I fucking love this. Roy Moore is so polarizing that he’s receiving challengers within his own party – just days before the election! If that doesn’t hand the election over to Doug Jones, what will? Maybe Ringo Starr?

A Breitbart editor attempted to defend the sexual misconduct allegations against Alabama Republican Roy Moore by referencing a Ringo Starr song.

"You know, in 1973, Ringo Starr hit No. 1 on the billboard charts with the song ‘You’re Sixteen, You’re Beautiful and You’re Mine,'" Breitbart's Joel Pollak said on CNN. "And it was a remake of an earlier song. He was 30-something at the time, singing about a 16-year-old. You want to take away Ringo Starr’s achievement?"

CNN's Chris Cuomo looked incredulous at Pollak's remark.

"You can't be serious," he told Pollak. "You think that Ringo Starr’s song is supposed to be a nod towards allowing 30-year-old men to prey on teenagers? You don’t believe that, Joel. You’re a parent. You don’t believe that."

Really? That’s the best you got? An extremely creepy Ringo Starr song from the 60s? Calling this election a train wreck at this point, is an insult to train wrecks. But this is 2017 here! If this weren’t a train wreck, I would be very disappointed! I mean what’s Trump’s opinion on this shit?

President Donald Trump won't be hitting the campaign trail for Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore in Alabama after all, the White House said Monday.

"The president is not planning any trip to Alabama at this time. Frankly, his schedule doesn't permit him doing anything between now and Election Day," White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters, referring to the Dec. 12 election.

Trump, who denied accusations of sexual assault or misconduct by more than a dozen women when he was a candidate, hinted last week that he might hit the trail for Moore, who has been accused of sexual misconduct by numerous women. Trump told reporters he’d let them know this week if he was going to hit the campaign trail.

Yeah Sarah, that’s because we all know how well Trump’s campaign for Luther Strange went. But that’s all well and good, you might ask, but what about the women? How do the women of Alabama react to this madness? Well… sadly some of them still support him.

HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Andrea McCafferty pulled into the parking lot of Sugar Belle, curious why the coffee shop would be so crowded on a Tuesday. The big draw was Louise Jones, whose husband, Doug Jones, is the Democratic Senate nominee. After grabbing some tea, McCafferty took a seat near the front of the room and gave Jones some advice.

“Make sure the Republicans understand that they can vote in this election if they don’t like Roy Moore,” she told Louise Jones. “There are a lot of people who want to vote for Jones, but don’t want to cross the party.”

In the closing days of Alabama’s unexpectedly close race ahead of a special election, a battle is emerging for voters like McCafferty: white suburban women who typically support GOP candidates but who, unlike many of their male counterparts, have become uneasy about Moore.

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[font size="8"]Mike Cernovich
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It’s time once again for:

This week’s “This Fucking Guy” is Mike Cernovich. You may not know the name. He’s a frequent contributor to Infowars. He’s the guy who brought you Pizzagate. He’s also that guy at any political rally who scares children. But he probably more scares women. This week, Mikey was on Infowars where he made an astonishingly stupid claim about Roy Moore, but guess what? He clearly said what people who are part of the ultra far right cult are thinking!

Mike Cernovich, a right-wing pundit infamous for his role in elevating the “Pizzagate” conspiracy theories, claimed that General Michael Flynn has been subjected to investigation by the “deep state” and criticism by media elites because he had investigated pedophilia.

While discussing recent floods of sex abuse allegations against powerful men with Infowars host Alex Jones today, Cernovich explained that media figures who once praised alleged sex abusers such as Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein were complicit in a “conspiracy of silence.”

Cernovich then made a hard pivot to claim that Flynn’s investigation into pedophiles is what made him the target of a “deep state” investigation, rather than his suspected involvement in a Russian influence operation during the 2016 election that may end in his indictment.

“That’s why they all hate Trump and that’s why they hate General Flynn, because they were investigating the pedophiles and the pedophilia,” Cernovich said. “That’s the real big story nobody wants to talk about.”

There’s so many things wrong with this statement. I mean first off The Pedophiles And The Pedophilia sounds like the name of a day time soap opera doesn’t it? Excuse me a minute… But this isn’t the first time Cernovich has made such a batshit crazy claim. They really are obsessed aren’t they?

Mike Cernovich, an Infowars contributor and right-wing personality who has pushed the “Pizzagate” conspiracy that a child sex ring was operating underneath a Washington pizza restaurant, agreed with Infowars host Alex Jones yesterday that the “deep state” wants to censor their speech because they discuss conspiracy theories involving pedophilia.

On yesterday’s episode of “The Alex Jones Show,” Cernovich accused liberal Hollywood actors of spreading conspiracy theories involving Russian president Vladimir Putin because Putin is opposed to pedophilia.

Cernovich speculated, “What I think is actually going on here is Putin is actually very anti-pedophile and has done a lot of things to fight the –“

Jones interrupted, “Oh no, that’s what it is. There’s a global anti-pedophile network. Now if you’re not for the pedophiles, you’re against them and that’s what it is. And anybody for the deep state is now a pedophile.”

“Deep state is definitely part of the pedophile networks and they are pro-pedophile. There’s no question about it,” Cernovich said.

Let’s think about this here, Alex and Mike. There’s no one here on this world who’s pro pedophile. Really, even actual pedophiles like Jerry Sandusky are most likely regretting their actions in prison! Is there anyone on this earth pro pedophile? I mean except for maybe that one guy running for the Senate from Alabama. Thank you! But you know I think Mr. Cernovich might be the one who protests way too much.

Mike Cernovich, a self-described “New Right” pundit infamous for his role in the “Pizzagate” conspiracy hoax, claimed that what he perceives as attacks on him and Infowars host Alex Jones from mainstream media outlets are actually attacks on every nuclear family in America.

On Jones’ program last week, Cernovich and Jones discussed the Senate testimony of a lawyer representing Twitter, who said that the platform had attempted to suppress perceived interference in the 2016 election by suppressing tweets that promoted Wikileaks releases with the hashtags “#DNCLeak” and “#PodestaEmails.” The duo interpreted the statement as validation of their longstanding warnings that conspiratorial globalist forces are using digital platforms to censor and silence their worldview.

“This is not an attack on you and me,” Cernovich told Jones. “We’re just puppets to the globalist pedophile masterminds. You and I, they’re attacking us because we’re public figures. Ultimately, this is an attack on every nuclear family in America. They’re trying to destroy the nuclear family. They’re trying to enslave people.”

Holy shit! I mean… dost thou protest too much there, Mikey? These guys are like the crazy ex of a pedophile trying to prove they did it. They’ve got the GPS trackers, they’ve got mine detectors, they’ve got tin foil hats… you know, the Douchebag Survival Kit. I mean you have an ACTUAL PEDOPHILE who might become the next SENATOR FROM ALABAMA!!! And what is your opinion on this?

What about an unrelated Democratic senator?

“If the 14 year old girl stuff about Roy Moore is true, zero of my people will have that. Issue is WaPo has fabricated stories, ignored Menendez underage sex accusations. Trust issue.” ― Right-wing media personality Mike Cernovich

Yeah seriously! What the fuck!!! So you’re giving Roy Moore a pass but still talking about Robert Menendez? I mean is this a pedophile sting operation, or dare I say it… a democratic… witch… hunt? I mean you do know he’s under investigation for bribery and not pedophilia, right? I mean it is the state of New Jersey we’re talking about here!

Newark, New Jersey (CNN)As jurors continue to deliberate in New Jersey Democratic Sen. Bob Menendez's bribery and corruption trial, CNN has assembled the highlights of the 10-week trial. Jurors heard from nearly 60 witnesses and were shown almost 300 pieces of evidence.
Jurors must determine under federal bribery law whether or not Menendez performed "official acts" by pressuring other officials to help Florida ophthalmologist Dr. Salomon Melgen. Both men deny all charges against them.

These people are absolutely obsessed with pedophilia. I mean really it’s like playing a really fucked up game of Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon. Except there’s just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is a pedophile from the Deep State!! I mean look at what Cernovich’s buddies Paul Joseph Watson and Jack Posobiec did at a recent appearance at Columbia University. Talk about obsessed! :

Posobiec is a media personality known for his endorsement of conspiracy theories and orchestration of hoax news events. In the last year, Posobiec has sent trolls to a net neutrality rally with signs calling for the shutdown of conservative media outlets, and distributed fake flyers at another net neutrality event claiming that participants endorsed “Satanic porn.”

The New Right pile-on over the suppose NAMBLA banner is reminiscent of the movement’s formative days in the midst of the Pizzagate conspiracy theory, which alleged that Democrats were operating a child sex ring underneath a pizza parlor. New Right activists and conspiracy theorists are absolutely obsessed with pedophilia and have used false allegations of pedophilia to attack their opponents and dissenters before.

Infowars editor-in-chief Paul Joseph Watson even wrote that if the sign was “pro-Cernovich people and handed to Antifa demonstrators to make them look stupid” it wouldn’t matter because “protesters didn’t even bother to check what was written on the giant banner before marching behind it.”

Excuse me a minute… These people are trying to convince you they’re not pedophiles aren’t they? I mean that’s how deep their obsession goes! But guess what? The Alt Right and the “New Right” are fighting each other! And when that happens, get a giant bucket of popcorn ready!

Activists and media figures who call themselves “New Right” have been trying to disassociate themselves with the white supremacist alt-right ever since an alt-right protester murdered a liberal counter-protester in Charlottesville earlier this year. But these New Right figures—people like Mike Cernovich and Gateway Pundit’s Lucian Wintrich—have become increasingly reckless with the social media networks they’ve created, using their platforms to elevate without critique people who espouse the extremists views they claim to disavow.

In a video released today, Cernovich appeared on Milo Yiannopoulos’ podcast “The MILO Show” to discuss his acquisition of the “Shitty Men in Media” list that has been circulating among female journalists at major publishing outlets. Cernovich’s appearance, unsurprisingly, featured no mention of the recent Buzzfeed exposé that revealed direct ties between Yiannopoulos and explicit white nationalists, which led former White House strategist and current Breitbart leader Steve Bannon to declare Yiannopoulous to be “dead to me.”

By the way if you want to know how Mike Cernovich feels about things like rape, here’s some light reading for you for some of his greatest hits:

Holy shit! So yeah… rape apparently when it doesn’t come to actual rapists. That’s Mike Cernovich, this week’s:

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[font size="8"]Gun Nut Apologists
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OK people… next week is the second anniversary of when I started the Top 10. Yeah I know, two years goes by quickly hasn’t it? And you know what? We haven’t learned a god damned thing. Because if you remember in Idiots #3, I reported how the FBI was reporting that on Black Friday of 2015, they had their highest record of background checks for new gun sales ever. Cut to two years later. Well…

For decades, the term “Black Friday” has conjured up distinct images: turkey-stuffed consumers awake at insanely early hours of the morning, bursting into big-box stores to fight over flat-screen TVs.

But in a muzzle flash, it seems, a new image may be replacing that stereotype. It involves a trigger and, possibly, a scope.

On Friday, the FBI received 203,086 requests for instant gun background checks, according to USA Today — nearly a 10 percent increase from the year before and a new record for background checks in a single day.

That’s not an anomaly. According to the FBI, the previous two records for background checks were also set on the day after the federal holiday in which Americans give thanks for the year’s blessings.

Come on, gun nuts, you know it’s bad when Judge Judy does it! So come on Lexus, you want to sell more luxury cars during the December To Remember sales event? Just include the promise of a semi automatic rifle with it! I mean you’re already paying $55,000 or more for your new Lexus, you can modify your new GX460 to go full Mad Max! I love that graphic!

Shoppers hunting for Black Friday deals seemed to include a record number of those in the market for firearms; the FBI says it fielded 203,086 background check requests for gun purchases on the day after Thanksgiving — the highest daily total ever, reports USA Today.

"Background checks are considered the best available proxy for gun purchases since overall sales numbers are not made public," reports NPR's Uri Berliner.

But the number of firearms actually sold on Friday was probably higher than 203,086 because a buyer would require just one check but could purchase multiple firearms in a single transaction.

It is a popular time of year to buy guns. The previous record of 185,713 background checks was set one year earlier on Black Friday.

But there’s more to this insanity of putting out the gun problem with more guns. Ah who am I kidding? I know what country I live in! ‘MERICA!!!! So what better way to tell grandma you didn’t like her giblet gravy than by busting a cap in her ass?

What is the ideal thing to do the day after stuffing your face with turkey and giving thanks for all that is good in the world? For a record number of Americans, the answer seems to be to buy a firearm. The FBI received 203,086 requests for background checks on Black Friday, marking a substantial increase from the previous high of 185,713, which was set on the day after Thanksgiving last year. The record before that had also been set on Black Friday, 2015, when there were 185,345 checks.

The number of background checks shouldn’t be seen as a precise barometer for sales because one person can buy several firearms with one transaction. But it does suggest that firearms could have been the exception to what appeared to be generally sluggish Black Friday sales in brick-and-mortar stores. Online sales, however, soared 17.9 percent to $7.9 billion, according to Adobe Analytics.

I know what you’re thinking… did I eat six drumsticks or only five? You know fuck Black Friday, it should really be called Red Friday!

For decades, the term “Black Friday” has conjured up distinct images: Turkey-stuffed consumers awake at insanely early hours of the morning, bursting into big-box stores to fight over flat screen TVs.

But in a muzzle flash, it seems, a new image may be replacing that stereotype. It involves a trigger and, possibly, a scope.

On Friday, the FBI received 203,086 requests for instant gun background checks, according to USA Today – nearly a 10 percent increase from the year before and a new record for background checks in a single day.

That’s not an anomaly. According to the FBI, the previous two records for background checks were also set on the day after the federal holiday in which Americans give thanks for the year’s blessings.

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[font size="8"]Flat Earthers
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It’s now time for:

And man do I need a drink this week. Tell me, bartender… what goes good with talking about science? I know! Why don’t I get a glass of Walter White’s favorite whisky – a Dimple Pinch? Oh yeah on the rocks, neat. So why are we talking about science? Because it’s time to talk about one of my favorite subjects – flat earthers. I love the flat earthers. You know we talked about this in the monologue last week, but I feel that we need to expand on this a bit more. And this flat earther is a particular kind of crazy!

Science is littered with tales of visionaries who paid for pioneering research to prove their theories, and this weekend “Mad” Mike Hughes is hoping to join them. He plans to launch a homemade rocket in California as part of a bid to eventually prove that the Earth is flat.

Hughes has spent $20,000 (£15,000) building the steam-powered rocket in his spare time, and will be livestreaming the launch over the internet. The self-described daredevil says he switched his focus to rockets after twice breaking his back doing stunt jumps in cars.

“I don’t believe in science,” declared the 61-year-old. “I know about aerodynamics and fluid dynamics and how things move through the air. But that’s not science, that’s just a formula.”

The rocket, which Hughes aims to reach an altitude of 1,800ft (550 metres) over California, will be launched from the back of a converted motorhome purchased from Craigslist. It is sponsored by a flat Earth research group, and Hughes plans a subsequent trip to try and observe the flatness of the Earth for himself.

Yeah there’s so much wrong with this story where do I begin? You have a guy who doesn’t believe in science building a rocket after breaking his back doing stunt jumps. He’s not a flat earther – he’s your racist uncle! Can we show a picture of the rocket?

Look at how janky the welding looks on that rocket! I mean was it built by Acme corporation? But here’s why Flat Earthers are a special breed of crazy:


Flat Earthers, as they call themselves, are not religious fundamentalists, but instead appear sincerely convinced they are victims of a massive cover-up.

The sheer number of websites and YouTube accounts dedicated to the cause is enough to make your head spin. One YouTube account run by theory advocate Mark Sargent has 43,952 subscribers.

The first Flat Earth International Conference was held this month in Raleigh, North Carolina - featuring speakers from "all over Flat Earth".

Earlier this year, an American Flat Earther approached a NASA employee at a Starbucks in an attempt to reveal the conspiracy theory he was protecting.

Yeah I can imagine that’s how it is going to go! But yeah… in case you’re wondering, Mr. “Mad Mike” doesn’t need to launch a rocket to prove the earth is flat.

The flat-Earth believer "Mad" Mike Hughes postponed his plans to launch himself in a homemade rocket thousands of feet in the air—but there is plenty of evidence that already reveals the Earth is indeed round, not flat.

Humans figured out that the Earth was round thousands of years ago—and without all the fancy space technology we have today to take photos of the Earth from above. Hughes, along with another notable flat-Earther, rapper B.o.B., are wrong—and there’s plenty of evidence why.

As early as 500 B.C., the ancient Greek philosopher Pythagoras proposed the concept of a spherical Earth but without much concrete physical evidence, according to the American Physical Society. A few hundred years later, Aristotle noted several arguments showing that the Earth was round—including ones that people with doubts could see for themselves.

By the way, I love that Neil DeGrasse Tyson trolled the flat earthers good in this regard:

That is hilarious. Oh and by the way, Mr. Hughes’ insane little experiment is being postponed because of – wait for it - the government! Yes it’s that danged gubmint that’s always the problem!

Unfazed by an official ban to launch himself in a homemade rocket over a California desert in a bid to prove that Earth is flat, Mike Hughes remains confident that he will eventually fly to the atmosflat as part of his ambitious flat-Earth project.

Hughes said he was postponing the flight, scheduled for Saturday, after he failed to get permission from the Bureau of Land Management to conduct it on public land.

He added, however, that he planned to launch sometime next week on private property in the Mojave Desert in Southern California, The Washington Post reported.

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[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #24: The United Arab Emirates
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Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that India has a cyber crime problem, Australia is a few steps away from nationalizing gay marriage, and Saudi Arabia has begun a real-life purge. Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]United Arab Emirates[/font]

Welcome to Dubai everybody! We’re doing a live show from the world’s largest building – the Burj Khalifa! Not to be confused with Whiz Khalifa, good sir! But that’s not the only thing that the Emirates has. It is where all the money in the United States is going as its’ chief export is the black gold. Texas tea – oil, that is! Dubai is the home of the world’s most expensive hotel – the Burj Al Arab. It’s also the home of two huge man made islands – one resembling a giant palm tree and the other resembling a map of the world. Dubai also has a place where you can ski indoors 24 hours a day and one of the world’s first completely underwater hotels. Just try to find it on Google Maps, I dare you! The UAE is also home to two of the world’s most profitable airlines with the most expensive first class seats in the industry. I’m told aviation is a huge deal in the UAE because they’re the only ones who can afford to fly these laps of luxury in the sky. I’m talking about Etihad Airlines out of the nation’s capital Abu Dhabi, and Emirates which operates out of Dubai. The UAE is also the home of the W Motors corporation that manufactures the world’s most expensive car known as the Lykan Hypersport – one of which was destroyed in the movie Furious 7. But what else is the UAE the home of? Well it’s the home of some uber wealthy financial mud slinging for starters!

United Arab Emirates Fund CEO Throws Shade at JP Morgan’s Jamie Dimon

شركة مبادلة (Mubadala Development Company PJSC), an Abu Dhabi-based state holding company, appears receptive to the global phenomenon sweeping through professional finance circles that is bitcoin. Its CEO, when asked about Jamie Dimon’s comments calling the decentralized currency a “fraud” that will “blow up,” answered that it was too soon to dismiss Satoshi’s creation.

“I have still have not formed a clear view on this,” Khaldoon Khalifa Al Mubarak, CEO and Managing Director of the Abu Dhabi company, began with regard to the technology undergirding bitcoin. “We’re still getting educated on this. The area I would have concern on, still, is the regulatory side. How is this going to be regulated?” he asked rhetorically.

Mubadala is an Abu Dhabi state holding company operating within a joint-stock scheme with assets well above 100 billion USD. The fund is proposed as “a pioneering global investor, deploying capital with integrity and ingenuity to accelerate economic growth for the long-term benefit of Abu Dhabi,” according to its website.

So with excess wealth comes excess greed. I mean come on, we should know that living in America – which is a country that’s spiraling out of control toward a wealthy oligarchy. And with excess greed comes excess spending on, well… bullshit!

The UAE, a country where millions live off desalinated ocean water, says its next survival challenge will be figuring out how to grow fruits and vegetables on the surface of Mars. Obscene amounts of money are being invested by its space agency on a massive facility where they’ll use their desert mastery to cultivate lettuce, tomatoes, strawberries, and dates in their own backyard — which, they’ve realized, isn’t so different from Mars. The plan was announced at this week’s Dubai Airshow, where officials posed the very legitimate question of who, besides them, the space industry could trust to potentially blow millions on a big Matt Damon Martian lab?

In its pitch, the UAE Space Agency explained the similarities “between Mars and the desert,” adding $5.5 billion has been funneled into the nation’s colonization program to date. Construction on the desert facility — called Mars Science City, near Dubai — has already begun, and it constitutes one of Earth’s biggest interplanetary projects. Almost 2 million square feet, it’s expected to cost around $150 million, and is literally supposed to simulate being inside a Mars colony. Researchers will live under a series of domes that also house laboratories devoted to agriculture (among other things). Officials say they picked lettuce and those two fruits because scientists have already established those types of produce might work on the Red Planet, and then there’s the date palm “for its symbolic links with the region.”

Come on, you guys do know that the Martian was fantasy, right? And at some point you’re going to run out of ranch dressing for all that lettuce! And really, why do restaurants automatically assume you want ranch dressing with everything? Do they get paid by the ranch dressing industry under the table? Well, moving on. So why are the UAE so obsessed with space? Well, here’s the answer.

One thing you can't accuse the United Arab Emirates of lacking is vision.

First they unveiled plans to launch a Mars probe. Then it was an ambition to colonise the Red Planet.

Now the UAE has a new aim - to become a centre for space agriculture and the promotion of research into how food might be grown on Mars.

The space sector is a huge feature of the Dubai Airshow, with exhibitions, conferences, and speakers that include former Nasa Apollo 15 astronaut, Al Worden.

Maybe that’s what they’re building toward – a real life Mars University. But some good news – the WWE is getting it’s own franchise in the UAE! They’re only one step away from getting their own Fox News!

DUBAI: Some of the world’s best wrestlers are set to do battle in the Middle East when they pile-drive their way to the UAE for WWE LIVE Abu Dhabi on Dec. 7 and 8.

The contest in the capital features superstars such as, among others, Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Braun Strowman and Sheamus.

“We are excited to bring WWE LIVE back to Abu Dhabi following overwhelming demand from our large, passionate fan base in the region,” said Carlo Nohra, WWE Middle East vice-president and general manager.

I hope the UAE doesn’t head in the direction that the US is in – we’re only a few steps away from President Camacho. Although if you do visit this glorious desert metropolis, you might want to not venture away from the tourist areas too much.

While the ruling family of the United Arab Emirates (UAE) seeks to promote a bright image of a civil state that respects the civil and human rights of its citizens, the reality on the ground — for an increasing number of human rights defenders, activists and academics — is much darker.

One landmark example is a case now known as the UAE 94, a group of human rights defenders, political activists, businesspeople, students, bloggers and others, all of whom were arrested and ill-treated – and some of them tortured — for calling for democratic reforms in the Emirates. This peaceful and legitimate exercise of freedom of association and freedom of expression was not treated as such.

The trial of the UAE 94 detainees began on 4 March 2013 before the Special Security Chamber at the Federal Supreme Court in Abu Dhabi, where they were charged with establishing an organization aimed at overthrowing the regime, a charge they all denied. Confessions extracted by force were accepted and considered satisfactory by the court despite the defendants’ objections and their declarations that torture was used to extract these confessions by the State Security Apparatus.

But there is one key benefit of living in the UAE – you will have perfect teeth! I mean have you ever seen any Arab Sheikhs with any flaws in their teeth? Neither have I!

Dubai: In an unprecedented achievement in the world, the UAE has obtained the Canadian diamond accreditation for all specialised dental centres of the Ministry of Health and Prevention, becoming the first country in the globe other than Canada to get this high accreditation.

The ministry announced that the accreditation has been granted to its dental centres after a Canadian team of experts conducted a thorough evaluation of all of them. The evaluation included examining the centres’ commitment to international standards related to adherence to quality, patient safety, drug management, infection control and occupational safety.

The evaluation process found that the Ministry of Health and Prevention has a 97 per cent rate of commitment to these international standards, an official said on Saturday.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

This is kind of a tricky one. On one hand the UAE has Dubai and Abu Dhabi – which are some pretty awesome cities to visit with tons of things to do. And like Vegas, there’s something new every time you visit. However, beyond those cities something very disgusting lies underneath.

Tourism: A+
Culture: B+
Political Spectrum: D-
Liberal Appeal: C-

Overall: C-

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

We’ve got just 3 stops left before we are done with the first leg of the World Tour. Next up – we have a stop in the land of hockey, poutine, and curling as we visit the Great White North – Canada! Plus we’ll have some live music for you from Canada’s own Death From Above 1979!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Liam Gallagher[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest has a great new album out called “As You Were” and he is ½ of the group formerly known as Oasis. Playing his song called “Wall Of Glass”, give it up for Liam Gallagher!

See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: American Comedy Club, San Diego, CA
Special Thanks To: American Comedy Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
UAE Hosting: Emirates Productions, Dubai
Liam Gallagher Appears Courtesy Of: Warner Music Group
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-24: The Ungrateful Fool On The Hill Edition (Original post)
Initech Nov 2017 OP
malaise Nov 2017 #1
Initech Nov 2017 #2
malaise Nov 2017 #3

Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Nov 29, 2017, 06:33 PM

1. You amaze me

Here you are at exactly 5.00pm week after week.
I see flat earther rocket man is back


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Response to malaise (Reply #1)

Wed Nov 29, 2017, 06:44 PM

2. Yeah I was amazed I was able to get this one done this week!

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Response to Initech (Reply #2)

Wed Nov 29, 2017, 06:47 PM

3. LOLI'm amazed every week

Great stuff - still reading - ;chuckle:

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