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Wed Nov 22, 2017, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-23: Return Of The Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein Edition


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-23: Return Of The Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! So tonight we’re doing something a bit different – we’re honoring our host country Saudi Arabia by adhering to the strict customs and traditions of the Islamic religion. So unfortunately there will be no ladies in the audience tonight. I really hope that I don’t get sued for this one! But we’re in Saudi Arabia. We are back everybody! So normally I’d save this one for “People Are Dumb” but this one is so good that it’s hard to let it sink in with all the other categories of stupid people. So we got to talk about one of my favorite groups of stupid people – flat earthers. Yes, we have discussed flat earthers a lot on this program. But this guy might take the cake as far as one of the stupidest I’ve ever seen. And this is in my home state of California at that! This Saturday – in the Mojave Desert, a man named Mike Hughes is going to launch himself in a homemade rocket that will take him 1800 feet in the air to prove the earth is flat. Yes, this guy is building his own fucking rocket to launch himself into space! God bless America, am I right? Let’s show the picture of the rocket:



So is the rocket going to be made by Acme Corporation? Is the rocket just what you need for catching that pesky road runner? Does it come with free Acme Brand dynamite? By the way, I love that this was at a “flat earth conference” where this was announced and that included discussing such topics as “NASA being controlled by round-earth Freemasons” and “Elon Musk is building rocket ships from blimps”. This is all real by the way. And I love that he is going to “shut the door on this ball earth” once and for all damn it! By the way, I think I have a preview of how this might be going:



We’ll keep an eye on this story for next week, but man do I love making fun of flat earthers because they are a special kind of crazy. OK that’s enough of the intro, we got a lot of idiocy to cover this week! But first – we got to play Chance The Rapper’s song about Obama coming back from Saturday Night Live last week – it was a thing of beauty!



Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!! So before we ship off for the holidays, we’ve got some much needed idiocy to cover! Number one this week is Steve Bannon (1). So apparently Al Franken is now a member of the White Male Groper’s Club but the more you peel back the layers of this story, the more it looks like a carefully orchestrated reich wing power grab, and guess what? It was! At number 2 this week is also the White Male Groper’s Club (2) because they have been busy adding tons of new members including Transparent’s Jeffrey Tambor, Sly Stallone, and a few other creepy perverts. At number 3, speaking of creepy perverts, is President Donald J. Trump (3). Because the billionaires are demanding their return on investment when they bought Congress and the presidency in the 2016 elections, and Trump is determined to give it to them. At number 4 is also President Trump (4) who managed to do something no human being has been able to do – make LaVar Ball, father of the Los Angeles Lakers’ star Lonzo Ball, likeable! In the 5th slot we’ve got a new installment of “How Is This Still A Thing”, and we’re going to ask: The Presidential Turkey Pardon: How Is This Still A Thing? At number 6 is a now regular feature on the Top 10 – our weekly due diligence on all things holy as we present all the fucked up shit that the Christian right has been up to in “Holy Shit”. But this week we're going to break from the formula of poking holes in the religious rights' arguments, and instead tour the insane new $500 million, Hobby Lobby sponsored Bible Museum in Washington DC. At number 7 is Gene Simmons (7). Yes, that Gene Simmons of KISS fame. Did you know he’s a creepy pervert and got banned from Fox News for life? Neither are we! It’s insane. At number 8, we’re going to lighten things up and talk about penises. Specifically, the penis that was drawn in the sky over the state of Washington – by a military pilot! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) installment we’ve got another installment of People Are Dumb because, well, people are dumb! Finally this week we’ve got another stop of the Top 10 World Tour. This time we’re heading to the land of Mecca – Saudi Arabia! Uh oh, I hear they don’t have much of a sense of humor in that country! I hope we make it out alive! I will try to make it tasteful. Plus since we’re going to the desert, we have some live desert rock for you (see what I did there?) from Queens Of The Stone Age! If you don’t have their amazing new album “Villains”, well, get out of my audience! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]The Al Franken Hit Job
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So I spent the weekend trying to figure out how to carefully broach this one. Because the White Male Groper’s Club has been all over the news. It seems every single day there’s someone new accusing a celebrity of sexual harassment, abuse, or something more horrifying. And you really can’t joke about it, so for a comedy show how do we talk about this shit? And even worse when it’s one of our own who’s being accused? You know what happened last week, and so we have to talk about it.

When I saw the script, Franken had written a moment when his character comes at me for a ‘kiss’. I suspected what he was after, but I figured I could turn my head at the last minute, or put my hand over his mouth, to get more laughs from the crowd.

On the day of the show Franken and I were alone backstage going over our lines one last time. He said to me, “We need to rehearse the kiss.” I laughed and ignored him. Then he said it again. I said something like, ‘Relax Al, this isn’t SNL…we don’t need to rehearse the kiss.’

He continued to insist, and I was beginning to get uncomfortable.

He repeated that actors really need to rehearse everything and that we must practice the kiss. I said ‘OK’ so he would stop badgering me. We did the line leading up to the kiss and then he came at me, put his hand on the back of my head, mashed his lips against mine and aggressively stuck his tongue in my mouth.

Read more: http://www.kabc.com/2017/11/16/leeann-tweeden-on-senator-al-franken/




Yeah… well who does like you, Al? Well this is a very fucked up situation. Because on one hand this comes as the democrats have been attacking Roy Moore hard on his stance that he’s a creepy sexual predator with a history of abuse and allegations. I mean come on, even Al’s own former show – Saturday Night Live – was making fun of this!

Al Franken was part of “Saturday Night Live” for the first half its history, from the mid-1970s through the mid-’90s, but that didn’t quite absolve him from a “Weekend Update” poke — especially since there was supporting evidence in the form of a picture (an awful one).

“So much to be thankful for this year,” began co-anchor Colin Jost last night. “Unless you’re a human woman.” Cut to a rogue’s gallery picture — which now includes the onetime Stuart Smiley, longtime show writer and now Democratic senator from Minnesota who also stands accused of groping and tonguing. (Is there a better word than “tonguing,” but one that’s equally repulsive? Please let me know.)

Jost then went straight to the setup joke everyone was waiting for, also thereby potentially leading to an answer to this question — would Franken, an OFOL (“Old Friend of Lorne”) escape the wrath of “SNL,” or would he not?
https://www.newsday.com/entertainment/tv/snl-al-franken-1.15046653




Yeah really, do you believe this shit? But despite the abuse allegations, Al is not resigning. You know the photo that’s been circulating. You’ve seen it. We don’t need to show it. But here’s the difference between Al Franken and Roy Moore:

Washington (CNN)Minnesota Democratic Sen. Al Franken has no intention of stepping down, a Franken staffer told the Star Tribune on Saturday.
A spokesperson for Franken told the Minnesota paper "no" when asked if the senator would resign in the wake of a woman saying Franken forcibly kissed her and groped her while she slept in 2006.
"He is spending time with his family in Washington, DC, and will be through the Thanksgiving holiday," the spokesperson said. "And he's doing a lot of reflecting."

Franken's office did not immediately respond to a request to confirm or clarify the spokesperson's comments to the newspaper.
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/19/politics/al-franken-minnesota/index.html




The difference is Al Franken knows to keep his mouth shut. Roy Moore on the other hand – who we’ll talk about later – is going frothing at the mouth batshit crazy accusing everyone of going on a witch hunt against him! But really, the news is just coming about Al Franken, do we really need to do this now?

Al Franken gets edited out of Letterman tribute

Al Franken is being edited out. As much as possible, that is. PBS has confirmed with USA TODAY that it will broadcast an updated version of David Letterman: The Mark Twain Prize on Monday (8 p.m. ET/PT; check local listings). The ceremony was taped at the Kennedy Center in Washington on Oct. 22. "Senator Al Franken participated in the event, but will not appear substantially in the PBS program airing nationally," says a statement sent to USA TODAY by Cecily Van Praagh, WETA national programming publicist.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/11/20/5-things-you-need-know-monday/878975001/




OK I needed that laugh. Maybe we could send a few of these guys to their own planet and let them grope each other? Maybe that’s why Elon Musk and other crazy billionaires are so interested in space exploration all of a sudden! But come on, don’t ask whether or not Al Franken should resign, as the republicans put it every time there’s a mass shooting – it’s too soon to talk about it!

Should Senator Al Franken resign following revelations of sexual harassment? Michelle Goldberg, writing in the Times, says yes, in order to preserve the momentum of “the current movement toward unprecedented accountability for sexual harassers.” Writing in the Washington Post, Kate Harding says no: as a legislator, Franken has done good things for women, and, as a repentant sexual harasser in politics, he could do even more. Both arguments clearly have merit, and both of the writers acknowledge that the opposing view is compelling. But maybe “Should Al Franken resign?” is the wrong question.

The question frames the conversation in terms of retribution, but it is not possible to hold to account every man who has ever behaved disrespectfully and disgustingly toward a woman. Nor even every senator, or every comedian. And, even if it were possible to punish every single one of them, what would be accomplished? Punishment, especially when it is delayed, is not a very effective deterrent.
https://www.newyorker.com/news/our-columnists/should-al-franken-resign-is-the-wrong-question




And yeah that one actually is wrong! But now that you think about it… is it really OK to joke about this sort of thing? I mean when you look over the joke history of Saturday Night Live… well, it seems a lot of the jokes now aren’t so funny!

The photo that emerged last week of the senior senator from Minnesota pawing the breasts of a sleeping woman was heinous, but it wasn’t unfamiliar. Nor was the mugging grin on Al Franken’s face as he grabbed her, or his initial response that he was trying to be funny. Sexist jokes have long been considered acceptable in American culture — and not only acceptable, but funny, in a way that a certain sketch comedy show perfected.

Franken is, after all, not only a politician, but a creator of “Saturday Night Live.” He was one of the show’s first writers in 1975, and was a producer from 1985 until 1995. While there, he reportedly once pitched a skit about “60 Minutes” correspondent Andy Rooney drugging and raping Lesley Stahl. Perhaps it’s not surprising that someone who thought that rape could be appropriate material for a network TV joke also thought it would be funny to sexually assault a colleague on a USO tour, eyebrows raised, smile wide. More to the point, though, that sort of base humor is in the very DNA of SNL, where frat-boy bluster and aggressive male sexuality have been enshrined for more than four decades.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/posteverything/wp/2017/11/20/al-frankens-saturday-night-live-era-was-full-of-jokes-disparaging-women/




But then there’s our 45th president. You know – him. Who this week said this about Al Franken just after the news broke:

WASHINGTON — Last fall, Donald J. Trump inadvertently touched off a national conversation about sexual harassment when a recording of him boasting about groping women was made public at the same time a succession of women came forward to assert that groping was something he did more than talk about.

A year later, after a wave of harassment claims against powerful men in entertainment, politics, the arts and the news media, the discussion has come full circle with President Trump criticizing the latest politician exposed for sexual misconduct even as he continues to deny any of the accusations against him.

In this case, Mr. Trump focused his Twitter-fueled mockery on a Democratic senator while largely avoiding a similar condemnation of a Republican Senate candidate facing far more allegations. The turn in the political dialogue threatened to transform a moment of cleansing debate about sexual harassment into another weapon in the war between the political parties, led by the president himself.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/17/us/politics/trump-sexual-harassment-debate.html




Come on, Trump! Really – this is what it’s come to. Trump has attacked Al Franken, but remains silent on Roy Moore. Can we throw that tweet up there?




Al Frankenstein? Is this Frankenstein’s Monster? Or maybe it’s Young Al Frankenstein! Or maybe it’s The Son Of Young Al Frankenstein. Or maybe it’s the Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein. Or maybe it’s Return Of The Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein! Thank you! I’ve been waiting a week to tell that joke! Because you know, the first rule of comedy is timing! Oh and by the way he spelled Frankenstein wrong!

The first President of the United States to have boasted on tape about being so famous he could grab women “by the p*ssy” tweeted Thursday evening, “Where do [Al Franken’s] hands go in pictures 2,3,4, 5…”

This, after a conservative radio host on Thursday morning published a photo from 2006 in which Franken held his hands at her breasts as she slept on a flight they were taking from Afghanistan back to the United States after a USO tour. The former Saturday Night Live writer/performer was elected to the U.S. Senate in 2008.

Donald Trump also tweeted that Franken’s photo – here, the President calls him “Al Frankenstien” – is “really bad,” adding, “and to think that just last week he was lecturing anyone who would listen about sexual harassment and respect for women.”
http://deadline.com/2017/11/donald-trump-al-franken-tweet-harassment-photo-1202210529/


I’ll just leave this here.




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[font size="8"]White Male Groper’s Club
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So now that we got the news about Al Franken out of the way, let’s talk about some other serial harassers. I mean come on, this is a news comedy show, and we can’t get away from this in the news at all! I mean it’s insane. Not just every week, it seems every day there’s someone new who’s being accused of sexual harassment. The latest? Jeffrey Tambor – you know him best as George Bluth from Arrested Development, or maybe recently Maura Pfefferman of Transparent:

“Playing Maura Pfefferman on Transparent has been one of the greatest privileges and creative experiences of my life,” the Emmy winning actor told Deadline on Sunday. “What has become clear over the past weeks, however, is that this is no longer the job I signed up for four years ago,” Tambor added of his role as the lead on the Jill Soloway created show.

“I’ve already made clear my deep regret if any action of mine was ever misinterpreted by anyone as being aggressive, but the idea that I would deliberately harass anyone is simply and utterly untrue,” Tambor asserted as well. “Given the politicized atmosphere that seems to have afflicted our set, I don’t see how I can return to Transparent.”

While a stunner on one level, this move by Golden Globe winner Tambor comes as the show itself was seemingly gearing up to shuffle him off the show.

As Deadline was first to report on November 14, since the first allegation against Tambor was made by his former assistant and transgender actress Van Barnes earlier this month, there have been discussions about writing the actor’s transgender Maura character out of the show for the upcoming fifth season. With a tiny bit of wiggle room for what may be legal reasons, it seems today that Jeffrey Tambor just made those talks a reality for the writers’ room.
http://deadline.com/2017/11/jeffrey-tambor-leaving-transparent-sexual-harassment-allegations-amazon-jill-soloway-1202211711/




Oh come on, Jeff! You know the classic rule in the showbiz world is to go out while you’re on top, right!
This might not be the best time to exit, that’s all I’m saying. But you know who else has been accused of entering the groper’s club? Sly himself – that’s right – Rocky has been accused of sexual harassment!

Rocky star Sylvester Stallone denied allegations that he sexually assaulted a 16-year-old girl in the late 1980s.

The Daily Mail reported on Thursday that a 16-year-old filed a police report that alleged she had been “intimidated” into having sex with Stallone and his then-bodyguard Michael De Luca at a Las Vegas hotel in 1986. The Daily Mail published a copy of the purported police report.

A spokesperson for Stallone denied the report in a statement to the Hollywood Reporter. “This is a ridiculous, categorically false story,” Michelle Bega, the actor’s rep, said. “No one was ever aware of this story until it was published today, including Mr. Stallone. At no time was Mr. Stallone ever contacted by any authorities or anyone else regarding this matter.”
http://time.com/5029300/sylvester-stallone-sexual-assault-allegations/




Well yeah you know I can’t people are accusing me, Rocky, of sexual harassment. And you know what I can’t believe it either. YOU WANT TO FIGHT THE FIGHT???? I’lLL FIGHT THE FIGHT!!!! You all are GREEDY AND LAZY!!! By the way, you know what? Don’t say things you won’t regret when it comes to scandals and assault. I’m looking at you, Morrissey!

Morrissey has invited fresh criticism over comments he made about Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey.

The former Smiths frontman spoke about the ongoing sexual harassment scandal in Hollywood, reportedly calling claims against Spacey "ridiculous" and arguing that definitions of harassment and assault have become too broad.

“As far as I know, he was in a bedroom with a 14-year-old. Kevin Spacey was 26, boy 14. One wonders where the boy’s parents were," he told Der Spiegel, according to a translation cited by AV Club.
http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/morrissey-harvey-weinstein-kevin-spacey-comments-victims-der-spiegel-interview-rape-backlash-a8063476.html




You know what else doesn’t work in these situations? Logic! I mean soon there won’t be any good music, movies, books, anything if it continues! Or even media as there was a writer from the New York Times who got suspended!

The New York Times said on Monday it is suspending White House correspondent Glenn Thrush while it investigates allegations in a new report from Vox that he made unwanted sexual advances toward young women, including colleagues from his time working for POLITICO.

Three women, including the piece’s author, Laura McGann, a former editor at POLITICO, alleged forms of unwanted contact or kissing by Thrush, while a fourth described an encounter that she said was consensual but nonetheless left her feeling shaken because of Thrush’s powerful position at POLITICO at the time. The incidents, which occurred in the last five years, all involved women in their 20s, Vox reported.
https://www.politico.com/story/2017/11/20/glenn-thrush-sexual-misconduct-allegations-250340?lo=ap_a1




We’ll get to Holy Shit in a few minutes, but the list of sexual predators keeps growing and growing, you know – like that pile of dog shit on the street outside your house:

After multiple women came forward to accuse Harvey Weinstein, the Hollywood producer, of sexual misconduct, at least 30 high-profile men in a variety of industries have also been accused. Since then, a number have resigned, been fired or experienced other fallout after claims ranging from inappropriate text messages to rape.

Here is a list of such cases that have been brought to public attention since the Weinstein scandal broke on Oct. 5. We’ll update this list periodically as we get new information.
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/11/10/us/men-accused-sexual-misconduct-weinstein.html




I also have to do a mention of Charlie Rose as well – and this one is a shock. But it is what it is, and next week we will do a deep dive on this as well as what that douchebag Mike Cernovich did.

An internal memo at CBS, which announced its move first, said the decision "followed the revelation yesterday of extremely disturbing and intolerable behavior."

CBS suspended Rose shortly after The Washington Post published a 5,000-word story on Monday about alleged harassment, based on interviews with eight women who described "unwanted sexual advances."

Rose said in a statement that he "deeply apologized" for what he admitted was "inappropriate behavior."
http://money.cnn.com/2017/11/21/media/cbs-news-fires-charlie-rose/index.html





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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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There’s two things in life that are certain – death and taxes. And you can bet that since the 2016 election, the GOP’s billionaire investors have been begging and pleading for a return on their investment. And well, the GOP’s tax plan is much like that box of Omaha Steaks that’s been sitting in your freezer the last two years – the more you peel back the layers, the more you’re going to find something disgusting underneath.

White House aide Kellyanne Conway on Monday suggested Alabama voters should support embattled Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore because he would vote for the GOP's tax reform legislation making its way through Congress.

“Doug Jones in Alabama, folks, don’t be fooled. He will be a vote against tax cuts. He is weak on crime, weak on borders. He is strong on raising your taxes. He is terrible for property owners," Conway said on "Fox & Friends."

“So, vote Roy Moore?” host Brian Kilmeade interjected.

“I’m telling you that we want the votes in the Senate to get this tax bill through,” Conway said, calling Jones a “doctrinaire liberal.”

Read more: http://thehill.com/homenews/senate/361164-conway-on-moore-we-want-the-votes-to-pass-tax-reform




That’s right – the GOP controlled Congress is so dead set on giving the billionaires their precious refund that they’re courting the vote of a serial child molester like Roy Moore! Let that sink in for a minute! I mean it would be like the town from Family Guy where they have a tie breaking vote on anything, and the only guy who can cast the vote is Herbert The Pervert. But like I said the more you peel back the layers the more it stinks.

The Trump tax cuts are zipping through Congress at the legislative version of light speed. House Republicans unveiled their plan for overhauling America’s tax code on November 2; they passed it two weeks later. The Senate GOP revealed its (actual) tax bill last Tuesday; Mitch McConnell plans to vote it out of the upper chamber the week after Thanksgiving.

The frenetic pace of the GOP’s tax “reform” push has left some of the party’s own members short of breath. “You’re rewriting a tax code for a generation, and you are doing it in ten days,” Republican congressman Peter King said Thursday. “In [1986], it took two years to put together a tax reform bill.”

King’s exasperation is warranted. A couple of weeks might be enough time for legislators, policy analysts, and voters to consider the legislation’s first-order effects: Whose taxes will go up, whose will go down, and how much revenue will be lost in the process. But it’s far too brief an interval for lawmakers (let alone, the public) to comprehend the broader consequences of those changes.
http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/11/how-the-trump-tax-cuts-would-reshape-our-economy.html




Now you know that the Trump tax plan is full of shit. But really – is it acceptable for any president to attack a member of their OWN party for not being loyal enough?

President Donald Trump lashed out at Sen. Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.) after he was heard over a hot mic saying the Republican Party would be “toast” if it stuck with the president and Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore.

Trump tweeted Sunday that “Jeff Flake(y)” was “unelectable.” The president claimed that Flake was “caught (purposely) on ‘mike’ saying bad things about your favorite President.” Trump also said he expects Flake to vote against the GOP tax reform package.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-slams-jeffflake-as-toast_us_5a122ec5e4b0e97dffee2a29


Can we throw that tweet up there?




Can someone please teach Trump how to properly use quotations if he’s trying to be funny? You know Twitter might want to rethink the whole 280 characters thing. But you know this is why the rest of the world is laughing at us – think about it. We have two leaders of their own party fighting over the proper usage of the word “toast”.

Sen. Jeff Flake, a frequent sparring partner of President Donald Trump, continues to make enemies in his own party after calling the GOP "toast" while unaware he was still on a live mic.

Flake, R-Ariz., was at a tax reform event in Mesa, Arizona on Friday night when he was caught bashing the president in a conversation with friend, Mesa Mayor John Giles.

"If we become the party of Roy Moore and Donald Trump, we are toast," Flake was caught saying by ABC affiliate KNXV.
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/republican-senator-caught-live-mic-gop-toast-leadership/story?id=51239423




Attention Jeff Flake! Attention Jeff Flake! The GOP has already become the party of Roy Moore and Donald Trump! This tax plan is so controversial that even the guy that New Jersey elected last week is already causing fights!

TRENTON -- Incoming Gov. Phil Murphy wasted little time in igniting a feud against the only federal lawmaker from New Jersey who supported the House Republican tax bill that would curb the deduction for state and local taxes.

Murphy, a Democrat, this weekend singled out U.S. Rep. Tom MacArthur, R-3rd Dist., who backed the legislation even as the state's other four House Republicans and seven House Democrats did not.

"I don't for the life of me understand why Rep. MacArthur voted for it," Murphy told News 12 in his first sit-down television interview since winning the Nov. 7 election to succeed Republican Gov. Chris Christie. "The other four Republican congressmen did not, to their credit."
http://www.nj.com/politics/index.ssf/2017/11/murphy_vs_macarthur_shots_fired_over_trump_tax_plan.html





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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Our esteemed president… excuse me a minute… Donald J. Trump, this week managed to do one thing that no one in history has ever done. He managed to make a guy who’s generally perceived as unlikeable, and he managed to make them likeable. Yeah he’s the opposite of King Midas – everything he touches has the opposite effect. And I do mean by that it turns to shit. So by now you know the story of the UCLA basketball players who got arrested in China. And if there’s one guy who you don’t want to fuck with, it’s discount Michael Jordan, LaVar Ball.

(CNN)President Donald Trump on Sunday shot back at Lavar Ball, the father of one of the UCLA basketball players arrested in China, for belittling the President's role in the students' release.
"Now that the three basketball players are out of China and saved from years in jail, LaVar Ball, the father of LiAngelo, is unaccepting of what I did for his son and that shoplifting is no big deal," Trump tweeted. "I should have left them in jail!"
Later Sunday evening, the President tweeted again, saying, "Shoplifting is a very big deal in China, as it should be (5-10 years in jail), but not to father LaVar. Should have gotten his son out during my next trip to China instead. China told them why they were released. Very ungrateful!"
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/19/politics/trump-response-lavar-ball/index.html




Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Dude, you’re the president, you don’t threaten to leave private citizens in a foreign jail in a country known for egregious human rights violations! Oh and apparently he was just being sarcastic, y’all!

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump was being "rhetorical" when he said that he should have left the three UCLA basketball players arrested in China in jail, the White House said Monday.

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said Trump was "happy to intervene" on behalf of the American student athletes detained on suspicion of shoplifting, and that his tweets were "less about the players" and instead focused on one of the players' father, LaVar Ball.

Ball, a former basketball player, seemed to question Trump's role in his son's release in an interview with ESPN on Friday.

"Who? What was he over there for? Don't tell me nothing. Everybody wants to make it seem like he helped me out," Ball said of Trump.
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/trump-tweets-about-ucla-basketball-players-rhetorical-white-house-says-n822651




Zapp Brannagin must take his cues from Trump! Because Trump is that guy, all he wants is your undying loyalty and you must not question dear leader! By the way, LaVar Ball was interviewed on CNN and he did not hesitate to go completely unhinged.

(CNN)On Monday night, CNN's Chris Cuomo took on a difficult task: Interviewing talker-in-chief LaVar Ball about his son's arrest in China and the role -- or lack thereof -- that President Trump played in the release of LiAngelo Ball as well as two other UCLA basketball players. LaVar Ball -- as is his reputation -- let fly some doozies about Trump and, well, almost everything else too.
Below, my favorite 39 lines from the self-described "Big Baller." (You can check out the full transcript -- and it is looooooong -- here.)
1. "It's not like he was in the US and said, OK, there's three kids in China, I need to go over there and get them? That wasn't the thought process, right?"
This is the logic that allows Ball to justify not thanking Trump for helping to secure the release of his son and two other players. Trump was already in the middle of a pre-planned trip to Asia. It's not like he flew over there to save LiAngelo Ball alone! He just talked to the president of China about it! I mean, I guess?

2. "I don't have to say, to go around saying thank you to everybody."
Boom. Nailed it.
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/21/politics/lavar-ball-chris-cuomo-amazing-lines/




By the way who else wants to see a Trump and LaVar Ball steel cage death match in Trump’s favorite sport – the WWE? As the late great George Carlin said – fuck cable, put this shit on Pay Per View! I would gladly pay the $49.99 to see that!

The president isn't on the list of people the Ball family is going to be thankful for this holiday.

Stephen Colbert talked about Donald Trump's weekend tweets about the UCLA basketball players and the president's beef with LaVar Ball on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

The incident involved the UCLA basketball players shoplifting in a China mall and Trump's plea to get them release. The father of one of the players, LaVar Ball, responded to Trump's involvement in getting his son released with the Mariah Carey approach. His one-worded response didn't sit well with President Trump.

Trump tweeted he should've left the players in jail which made the late night host end the segment with "Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump. I know you're upset, but maybe now's not the time to be applying that someone's kid should go to jail for what their dad did."

Trump might need some ice for that third degree burn.
http://mashable.com/2017/11/21/late-show-stephen-colbert-lavar-ball-trump/#IsvnNVQCFmqN




And by the way Trump fans, I know you're in a cult and you've been brainwashed into thinking that people shouldn't question Dear Leader Trump, because he is the know all, end all infinite knowledge of the universe guy, but if you're going to be angry at LaVar Ball, at least know who it is you're angry at *BEFORE* directing your misguided anger! But I do have to give props to LaVar Burton for having a sense of humor about the whole thing!

Never let spelling get in the way of a good Twitter rant.

“Star Trek” actor LeVar Burton has been receiving hate mail intended for LaVar Ball in the middle of his feud with President Trump.

“You're a has been actor with a thief for a son and Trump is the president of the United States. Get the picture?” one person tweeted.

“LaVar Burton broke the rules of good manners. He insulted our president and the president of China. He should be ashamed that his son dishonored him by stealing,” tweeted another.

Burton has laughed off the confusion.
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/angry-trump-fans-yelling-levar-burton-not-lavar-ball-article-1.3649534?utm_content=buffer6b5a0&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer




Oh and by the way Trump fans, we're laughing *AT* you, not with you!


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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Time once again to ask:



This week: The Presidential Turkey Pardon. How Is This Still A Thing? Can we please admit that in 2017, that the presidential turkey pardon is one of the stupidest traditions in American history? Especially when a giant turkey currently occupies the Oval Office? I mean what business does Trump have pardoning a turkey when he is one? And anyone remember how lavish his Thanksgiving spread was? And they call Hillary the elitist. But like one of our favorite traditions – the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest (‘Merica!!!) on July 4th, the presidential turkey pardon gets more ridiculous every year, and it really makes one wonder why the terrorists hate us. This year adds a turkey fashion show:

What makes a good presidential turkey? Showmanship. A readiness to strut his stuff and gobble on command, yet enough restraint to stay on a table for the big photo op.

So say a Minnesota turkey farmer and 4-H kids who raised the turkey that will go to the White House for an official pardon from President Donald Trump on Tuesday. It's the 70th anniversary of the National Thanksgiving Turkey tradition. Here's a little deeper look at the event and what goes into it:

THE TRADITION

White House archives show that Americans have sent presidents holiday turkeys at least since 1873 under President Ulysses S. Grant. But the National Thanksgiving Turkey dates from 1947, when the National Turkey Federation became the official supplier and presented a 47-pound gobbler to President Harry Truman. In those days the turkeys were destined for dinner.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/ct-trump-thanksgiving-turkey-pardon-20171121-story.html




I like that one! Excuse me a minute… By the way, if you want suggestions for a centerpiece maybe don’t ask Ivanka Trump, because at a Thanksgiving dinner, you want people to come to the table, not run away from it screaming in horror!

The lifestyle brand named after the first daughter tweeted out a blog post on Thursday featuring ideas from interior designer Allison Domonoske on how to create a memorable Thanksgiving centerpiece. But instead of being trendy and popular, the suggestions were nightmarish and widely mocked.

IvankaTrump.com called the creation a "beautiful, bold and unexpected Thanksgiving tablescape," but the internet disagreed. It not only tore apart Domonoske's concept—a giant clam shell filled with pumpkins, moss, milkweed, pine cones and driftwood—but also searched for hidden meaning in the project.

Several Twitter users noted that even the pumpkins Domonoske selected were white, linking the choice to Donald Trump's anti-immigrant rhetoric, repeated Muslim ban proposals and his perma-tanned skin. Some compared the over-the-top nature of the decoration to the president's $100 million gilded penthouse in New York City. And others simply pointed out the differences in the priorities of the first family versus everyday Americans.
http://www.newsweek.com/ivanka-trump-thanksgiving-table-centerpiece-wtf-716052


Can we show that?




Yeah that doesn’t say “beautiful and unexpected”, that says “I’m going to eat your children in their sleep and give them nightmares!”. Back to the subject at hand – the presidential turkey pardon. Pundits are already speculating that this might be the weirdest Thanksgiving ever. Thanks Putin for ruining my favorite holiday for me!

Drumstick and Wishbone have been living it up in Washington, D.C. – but only one has what it takes to be the National Thanksgiving Turkey.

President Donald Trump will pardon one of the gobblers at 1 p.m. on Tuesday at the White House, as part of a tradition that may date as far back as Abraham Lincoln. This ritual will mark the 70th year the National Turkey Federation has presented the president with a turkey.

Trump will either pardon either Drumstick or Wishbone, depending on the results of a poll from the White House. (While just one will be used for the ceremony, both will be spared from the Thanksgiving table.)

The two turkeys appear to be living a life of luxury as they await the ceremony in the capital. Photos of both birds posted on the White House’s Twitter and Instagram accounts showed them staying at the Willard InterContinental Hotel, a five-star hotel just blocks away from the White House.
http://time.com/5033050/trump-pardons-national-thnaksgiving-turkey/




How about this – maybe don’t name turkeys after the food they will ultimately will become, let’s not torture the poor birds! But here’s the main difference between the democratic and republican Thanksgivings, and can you be shocked at how the other one lives? And they have the nerve to call the democrats elitist!

This is probably why it feels like we’re gearing up for a very weird Thanksgiving this year, under Trump. It’s the most American of holidays, and it’s the most humanizing of presidential celebrations, as, usually, we get to see the president doing what presidents have always done, despite their political gains and losses. But Donald Trump has already shown how awkwardly (if not offensively) he performs the least polemicized of presidential duties, like calling the family members of fallen soldiers or visiting with the victims of natural disasters. Not to mention, how he managed to make a visit from trick-or-treating children on Halloween as uncomfortable as possible.

The White House Thanksgiving is epitomized by the presidential turkey pardon in the Rose Garden, one of those bizarre, off-kilter traditions that are next-to-impossible to fully explain to foreigners, like trying to convey the meaning of a particularly wonky idiom. On Tuesday, Trump will pardon two turkeys (as usual, a chosen turkey and a back-up) though we have yet to know their names. It’s difficult to imagine this will go very smoothly for him, with his strange history with animals. Not only are his offspring famous for shooting them, Trump had that very odd and oft-memed photoshoot with a bald eagle for Time magazine (the eagle could clearly sense something was wrong). And many people have remarked that Trump is the first president in several decades not to have a dog (or cat or fish or bird), despite a member of his Palm Beach cohort seemingly rearing one (Patton) expressly for that purpose
https://www.vogue.com/article/weirdest-thanksgiving-ever-under-trump




Yes – how do you explain this to foreigners? You can’t even really explain it to children. See kids? That turkey has been fed a steady diet of hardcore steroids and growth formulas! That’s why it’s big enough to be the national turkey! But we can’t eat it! And a new study shows that Trump and turkey don’t mix:

Turkey and Trump don’t mix, and now we have the data to prove it.

Economists M. Keith Chen of UCLA and Ryne Rohla of Washington State University used location records from 10 million smartphones and precinct-level voting data to prove that Donald Trump’s election shortened Thanksgiving dinners by 62 million hours nationwide in 2016. Their working paper is currently under review by the journal Science.

The research showed that politically divided families cut their parties short by an average of 20 to 30 minutes and that Republican voters were more likely to leave parties in Democratic households than Democrats were to leave Republican ones. The partisan divide was even more pronounced in areas with heavily targeted political advertising.

Chen and Rohla started their research by using anonymized data from Safegraph, which collected more than 17 trillion smartphone location markers in November 2016. These statistics allowed “observation of actual (not self-reported) movement behavior, at extremely precise spatial and temporal levels,” they write.
http://observer.com/2017/11/thanksgiving-politics-trump-data/




And guess where Trump is having his first ever Thanksgiving dinner? We’ll give you a hint – it ain’t at the White House, that is for damn sure!

Plans appear to be underway for President Trump to spend Thanksgiving at his Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida.

The Federal Aviation Administration issued a "VIP Movement Notification" for Palm Beach, Fla., Tuesday night, flagging dates between Nov. 21 and 26 for flight restrictions.

The notices are typically issued ahead of planned visits by the president to give other pilots advanced warning of possible restrictions in a particular area.

The latest FAA notice was first reported by the Palm Beach Post.
http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/360414-trump-expected-to-travel-to-mar-a-lago-for-thanksgiving




So there you have it – a perfect storm of meat sweats, terrible Thanksgiving decorations, and an actual turkey in the White House. That’s enough to make you ask – the Presidential Turkey Pardon:




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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Yes friends! Gather around friends! Pass the collection plate friends! Yay, in this darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us. But now we must be reminded weekly that the holiest among us are full of well…



This week, we’re going to do something a bit different from our weekly nonsense of trashing the religious right. Instead, we’re going to head to Washington DC, my sons and daughters because there they are opening up a new tourist attraction!

When the Museum of the Bible throws open its bronze doors Nov. 17, it will invite the world to engage with the Great Book free.

But not everyone will get in.

Washington’s newest museum is expecting capacity crowds for its opening celebration, beginning with a formal dedication Friday and stretching through the weekend. All of the timed tickets for Saturday and Sunday have been distributed, officials said, and most weekend tickets have been snapped up through mid-December. Midweek spots are available as soon as Monday afternoon.

Advance tickets are available free on the museum website. They are not required for entry, but they will take the gamble out of a visit, officials said.

“We’re going to do everything we can” to get people in, a museum vice president, Steve Bickley, said. “But we strongly encourage tickets.”
https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/museums/bible-museum-expects-capacity-crowds-for-opening/2017/11/10/17d02030-c596-11e7-afe9-4f60b5a6c4a0_story.html




So they do realize that giving away free tickets means that the museum is only going to lose money, am I not right about that? Never mind for it has the backing of thine billionaires! But apparently there beith a wicked bible that was printed specifically for this museum of all things holy!

The “Wicked Bible” omits one crucial word from the Seventh Commandment.

“Thou shalt commit adultery,” the Wicked Bible commands.

Definitely not the message conveyed on the stone tablets Moses brought down from Mount Sinai, according to the Book of Exodus. The Ten Commandments made liberal use of the word “NOT.”

The doozy of an error in Exodus 20:14 was discovered a full year after the King James Bible was published in 1631 in London.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/retropolis/wp/2017/11/17/the-new-bible-museums-wicked-bible-thou-shalt-commit-adultery/




And speaking of not, the Bible museum apparently has everything – because that is what THE LORD OUR GOD would want, and he is the creator of all that is holy in this world! Can I get an amen! But placing such a lavish palace of all things holy in DC is *NOT* about inserting religion into thine politics!

The leadership of the Museum of the Bible has been working hard in the run-up to this weekend’s opening to emphasize the inclusive, academic, apolitical nature of the museum, which organizers say will be the world’s largest dedicated to the Bible and sits just off the Mall.

And so its opening black-tie gala Thursday night is presenting a challenge: The $50,000-a-table fundraising event is at the Trump hotel.

Officials at the nonprofit museum say the decision was for pragmatic, scheduling reasons but some museum employees and academic consultants refused to enter the hotel affiliated with the controversial president.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2017/11/15/washingtons-huge-new-bible-museum-says-it-wants-to-stay-out-of-politics-but-its-opening-gala-is-at-the-trump-hotel/




Yes!!!! Because if I remember correctly GREED IS A SIN!!!! And the greediest of the greedy must be cleansed of this sin!!!!! Because that’s what the LORD OUR GOD would want, creator of all that is holy in this world! Can I get an AMEN!!!! But their might be some fakeness on their part! I mean not everything in this museum can be genuine, can it?

The Museum of the Bible finally opened its Genesis-inscribed doors Friday (Nov. 17) in Washington, D.C. But questions still linger over the authenticity of some of its star artifacts: fragments of the Dead Sea Scrolls.

The private museum is supporting research into the manuscripts to find out whether they are legitimate, 2,000-year-old scraps of the ancient Hebrew Bible or modern forgeries.

The original Dead Sea Scrolls, which make up the earliest surviving pieces of the Old Testament, were found between 1947 and 1956 in the Qumran caves of the Judean Desert. Many of the texts were sold to archaeologists through a local antiquities dealer, Khalil Iskander Shahin, who went by the name "Kando."This was a time before a 1970 UNESCO convention made it illegal to dig up and sell such cultural artifacts.)
https://www.livescience.com/60985-dead-sea-scroll-forgeries.html




So the “actual” Dead Sea Scrolls might actually be fake? I am shocked, shocked I tell you!!! But now this question must be asked of the Bible Museum: Where beith thine Jesus?

Visitors to Washington, D.C. will now be able to add the Museum of the Bible to their sightseeing to-do lists. The museum, which cost $500 million to build and opens Friday, proclaims its purpose is, “to invite all people to engage with the history, narrative and impact of the Bible.” However, the Museum of the Bible and its founder Steve Green have been entangled in politics, making the high-tech, 430,000-foot space more controversial than it may appear. It's all part of a larger pattern of the mixing of politics and religion in spaces that are billed as being for entertainment or education.

In an interview with Philanthropy Roundtable, Green said the museum is “not evangelical. It’s more informative.” However, Green, who is the CEO of Hobby Lobby, footed the bill for the museum and is the chairman of the museum’s board. The Green family provided artifacts—while Hobby Lobby has faced legal action over the smuggling of artifacts. The museum's other controversial board members include Gregory S. Baylor, who works at Alliance Defending Freedom, a designated hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.
https://www.alternet.org/news-amp-politics/new-museum-bible-dc-totally-connected-christian-right-agenda




Oh Jesus! I mean you have a ½ billion dollar museum dedicated to him, but does not have much mention of him! And do I dare sayeth what we are thinking about the people who fund this museum?

Eight years ago, Hobby Lobby president Steve Green found a new way to express his Christian faith. His family’s $4 billion arts and craft chain was already known for closing stores on Sundays, waging a Supreme Court fight over birth control and donating tens of millions of dollars to religious groups.

Now, Green would begin collecting biblical artifacts that he hoped could become the starting point for a museum.

On Friday, that vision will be realized when the 430,000-square-foot Museum of the Bible opens three blocks from the U.S. Capitol in what marks the most prominent public display of the family’s deep religious commitment. The $500 million museum includes pieces from the family’s collection from the Dead Sea Scrolls, towering bronze gates inscribed with text from the Gutenberg Bible and a soundscape of the 10 plagues, enhanced by smog and a glowing red light to symbolize the Nile turned to blood.
http://thesouthern.com/news/hobby-lobby-owner-readies-million-bible-museum/article_544d9c7d-9960-5a8b-8bd9-c98ce6bed0e7.html




Yay, there you have it – a Bible museum funded by Hobby Lobby but without much mention of Jesus. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That is it this week for:





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[font size="8"]Gene Simmons
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We need some music for this one.




Is heavy metal music allowed here in Saudi Arabia? OK that’s good. So why am I playing I Wanna Rock And Roll All Night for this entry? Well we got to talk about Kiss frontman and your creepy uncle’s creepy uncle, Gene Simmons. You know he’s got that insane $25,000 box set coming out in the next couple of months. But would you be surprised at all to learn that Gene Simmons is a member of the White Male Groper’s Club? Well neither are we. But add him to the other Groper’s Club – Fox News, and it’s a toxic mix waiting to happen. I mean what do you have to do to get banned for life from Fox News? Other than admit you voted for Hillary? Hey o!!!

According to a report by the Daily Beast’s Lloyd Grove, who first reported the news, “Fox finally had enough of Simmons after he crudely insulted female Fox staffers, taunted them and exposed his chest, and otherwise behaved like the “demon” character he plays on stage.”

The specific instance which broke the camel’s back took place when Simmons charged into a closed 14th floor meeting at Fox and opened his shirt.

“Hey, chicks, sue me,” Simmons told the assembled staffers, according to the Daily Beast, which reported that he also joked about Michael Jackson and pedophilia and disparaged the intelligence of network employees.

Representatives for Simmons were immediately available for comment.
http://www.chron.com/entertainment/the-wrap/article/Kiss-Frontman-Gene-Simmons-Banned-for-Life-From-12365414.php




By the way if you’re banned for life from Fox News for some extremely creepy behavior, maybe don’t go on a European talk show for some equally creepy behavior!

Legendary hell-raiser Gene Simmons was an unlikely guest on early morning TV, and the Kiss guitarist did not disappoint in the shock stakes.

The Rock N Roll star began his interview with a war of words with host Piers Morgan, with the latter reminding him of the time he beat Gene on the celebrity version of the Apprentice.

Then Piers asked him to whip out his famous tongue - which is reportedly insured for $1 million.

Gene was initially reluctant and flatly declined, saying it would lead to scores of complaints.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/gene-simmons-leaves-viewers-gagging-11557015




But would you be shocked at all that Gene joined the coveted White Male Gropers’ Club this week as two women accused him of sexual harassment? This list just keeps growing!

When allegations began surfacing against Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein, and then later other famous men like Louis CK, Jeremy Piven, and even CBS News anchor Charlie Rose – it wasn't easy to wonder when musicians would be called out for their inappropriate behavior. We've already seen allegations against a few musicians, and today Gene Simmons has been put in the hot seat.

Simmons was banned from Fox News last week, after acting inappropriately towards some women who worked there. Shortly after being asked about the Weinstein allegations on a show, and claiming to support women, Simmons barged into a conference room, unbuttoned his shirt to expose his chest and started yelling “Hey chicks, sue me!” According to a report from The Daily Beast, "he starting telling Michael Jackson pedophilia jokes, and then bopped two employees on the head with his book, making derisive comments about their comparative intelligence according to the sound their heads made when struck." Simmons was escorted out of the building and now there is a photo of his at the front security desk, with an advisory not to be let onto the premises.
http://www.metalinjection.net/metal-crimes/two-women-accuse-kiss-gene-simmons-of-sexual-harassment




But it’s all good! Apparently Gene issued an apology to Fox News because why wouldn’t you? And this is after he promoted his column about how money buys you happiness. Does it?

Gene Simmons has issued a statement apologizing for "unintentionally" offending female staffers during his appearance on Fox News and Fox Business.

It was reported late last week that the KISS bassist/vocalist was banned for life from Fox due to lewd behavior following his appearance last Wednesday (November 15) on the right-leaning cable channels. The Daily Beast reported Simmons was on hand to promote his latest book, the financial self-help guide titled "On Power", on both "Fox & Friends" and "Mornings With Maria". Gene, who, during the "Fox & Friends" appearance, took the opportunity to aid meteorologist Janice Dean in her weather report, later on spoke frankly about the various sexual misconduct scandals in Hollywood.

Having previously boasted about his sexual appetite and decades of consensual conquests, Simmons said during the panel on "Mornings With Maria": "I'm a powerful and attractive man and what I'm about to say is deadly serious. Men are jackasses. And from the time we're young, we have testosterone. I'm not validating it or defending it. Guys need to be trained from their very, very young ages from their mothers and their loved ones that half the world's population are female, and they need to be treated with respect."

Read more at http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/gene-simmons-apologizes-for-unintentionally-offending-members-of-fox-team.html#srxCt2FP7SjJM5oT.99





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[font size="8"]Penis In The Sky
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Let’s lighten things up and talk about penises, shall we? Because we haven’t talked about sex enough this week! It’s OK to joke about penises here in Saudi Arabia, isn’t it? OK sweet! Because I am going to let the dick jokes fly in this one. And as the late great George Carlin once said, what would a comedy show be without some dick jokes? Well, specifically we go to Washington for this one, and well, it’s a huge one!

Residents of Washington state turned their eyes to a clear blue sky Thursday and found themselves staring at a cartoonish rendering of male genitalia, sketched in airplane exhaust by at least one Navy EA-18G Growler jet.

The image stretched hundreds of feet high over the Okanogan Highlands, based on photographs shared on social media. It has spawned a full Navy investigation, with a senior officer, Vice Adm. Mike Shoemaker, promising to examine the issue fully and respond.

“The American people rightfully expect that those who wear the Wings of Gold exhibit a level of maturity commensurate with the missions and aircraft with which they’ve been entrusted,” said Shoemaker, who oversees naval air operations, in a statement released by the service. “Naval aviation continually strives to foster an environment of dignity and respect. Sophomoric and immature antics of a sexual nature have no place in Naval aviation today.”
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/checkpoint/wp/2017/11/17/a-navy-pilot-drew-a-penis-in-the-sky-its-not-the-first-time-something-like-this-has-been-investigated/




So it’s not the first time a NAVY pilot drew a dick in the sky? But it looks like this one was very poorly planned. I mean the balls don’t even match up! Can we show that?



Come on sing it with me! So I owe it all to the penis in the sky… penis in the sky!!! That’s where I’m gonna ejaculate when I die… when I die!!! I could do this all day! But did the Navy really have to ground the whole damn crew just for one stunt? I guess that’s what we call a… dick move?

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A US Navy air crew was grounded on Friday after using their advanced fighter jet to draw a giant image of a penis in the sky with the exhaust, officials said.

The incident took place in skies over Okanogan County in Washington state on Thursday, when a Navy E/A-18 Growler warplane flew the unusual air pattern.

Images of a condensed air trail in the shape of a penis immediately went viral on social media. A local television station said one mother in Okanogan County was concerned she might have to explain them to her young children.
http://www.businessinsider.com/r-us-navy-crew-grounded-after-pilot-draws-penis-in-the-sky-2017-11




Excuse me a minute… dick move!!!!!!!! So this was a practical joke that went bad, and apparently that type of thing doesn’t fly in the Navy. And hey that’s a double pun, damn it!

Okanogan residents told The Spokesman-Review that they saw the male genitalia deliberately being drawn in the skies above their town by a jet around noon Thursday.

Images of the drawing were quickly posted to social media, residents said, and sent around town through text message.

The Naval Air Station in Whidbey Island has claimed responsibility for the drawing, calling it “unacceptable” and “of zero training value.”

The base’s public affairs office on Friday referred questions to the Navy’s Pacific Fleet headquarters in San Diego, where Lt. Cmdr. Leslie Hubbell said the crew involved in the sky-drawing would be held accountable.
http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2017/nov/16/military-says-zero-tolerance-for-pilot-who-traced-/





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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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You know what time it is? It’s time for this!



Yes – by now you should know that people are people, and people are dumb. And who’s stupid this week? Why it’s idiots with guns! And when a gun accidentally goes off, can you be surprised at all that there’s no good guys with guns to stop the shootings from happening? Well, we go to the Volunteer State, Tennessee for this insane story.

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — A man accidentally shot himself and his wife at an east Tennessee church on Thursday while he was showing off his gun during a discussion on recent church shootings, police said.

A man in his 80s pulled out a .380 caliber Ruger handgun and said, "I carry my handgun everywhere," according to Parks.

He removed the magazine, cleared the chamber, and showed the gun to some of the men in the church. He put the magazine back in, apparently loaded a round in the chamber, and returned the gun to its holster, Parks said.

"Evidently he just forgot that he re-chambered the weapon," Parks said.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/11/16/two-accidentally-shot-church-while-discussing-church-shootings/873053001/




Next in People Are Dumb – the movie Borat. Yeah it’s been 10 years since that movie was in the theaters, and frat boy idiots and comedians like me *STILL* quote that movie. But if you ever actually go to Kazakhstan, maybe don’t do this! I hear they hate that movie in Kazakhstan.

(PRAGUE) — Six Czech tourists who dressed up in skimpy swimsuits made famous by Sacha Baron Cohen’s “Borat” have reportedly been detained by authorities in Kazakhstan’s capital Astana.

Sporting lime green “mankinis” and black wigs, the men had hoped to take a picture in front of the “I Love Astana” sign.

But local police took action, detaining them on Friday and fining them 22,500 tenge ($68) each for committing minor hooliganism, according to the Kazakh news website informburo.kz.
http://time.com/5026484/tourists-detained-borat-kazakhstan/




Oh and by the way, Sascha Cohen himself offered to pay the guys' legal fees in Kazakhstan, which only fueled the local's hatred for the movie!

Sacha Baron Cohen has volunteered to come to the rescue of six tourists in Kazakhstan, who were arrested for wearing “mankini” swimsuits made famous by the comedian in his 2006 movie Borat.

The Czech tourists were arrested and fined 22,500 tenge ($68) after posing for photographs in the skimpy green one-pieces in the Kazakh capital of Astana earlier this week.

Baron Cohen offered to foot the cost of their prank in a Nov. 21 Facebook post.

“To my Czech mates who were arrested. Send me your details and proof that it was you, and I’ll pay your fine,” the actor and comedian wrote , directing injuries to “arrestedforwearingyourmankini@gmail.com.”
http://time.com/5034568/borat-sacha-baron-cohen-mankini-kazakhstan/?xid=homepage




I love that e-mail address by the way! Next up – we go to Sweden for this one. And what do you think of when you think of Sweden? I know – Swedish meatballs! Man, I love a good plate of Swedish meatballs!

Swedish meatballs are always a welcome sight on the dinner table, but less so when 20 tonnes of them block the road in front of you.

This is the spectacle that faced unwary drivers on 15 November along the Skara-Lundsbrunn road in southwest Sweden, when icy evening conditions meant that the trailer of a lorry skidded into a ditch, taking the meatball mountain with it, Skara Lans Tidning reports.

The lorry itself remained on the road, but all the meatballs needed to be first offloaded onto the carriageway before the trailer could be hauled out of the ditch.

"The trailer was heavier than the lorry itself, and it is very slippery out there," police officer Tommy Emriksson told Swedish TV.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-42027986




Bork! Bork! Bork! Ah, I love the Swedish chef! Next up in People Are Dumb, we go to Utah, where this man is trying to get the name of a local high school’s mascot changed because of a truly bizarre reason!

The mythical namesake of Arizona's capital and biggest city has appeared in countless pieces of literature, on flags and in even comic books, but one Utah parent is concerned that the phoenix should not be the mascot of a new high school in his town.

Farmington High School is set to open in 2018. Kyle Fraughton, of Farmington, doesn't think phoenix should be the school's mascot because the word sounds similar to "penises" when pluralized.

Chris Williams, a district spokesman, said administrators remain confident students will mirror the reputation of the mascot.

"We don’t see anything about the plural version of phoenix having anything to do what’s going to be happening at the school or on the football field," he told Salt Lake City's Fox 13. "We think students are going to rise to the occasion."
http://www.azcentral.com/story/entertainment/people/2017/11/14/z-utah-school-mascot-phoenix-plural/861982001/




Next up in People Are Dumb – I can kind of see why conservatives make fun of liberals for needing safe spaces, and this one really doesn’t help. Is Steve Martin’s classic SNL bit about King Tut really *THAT* offensive? Well…

Steve Martin’s seminal “King Tut” sketch is being blasted as cultural appropriation by a group of students at a prestigious liberal arts college in Oregon after the classic "Saturday Night Live" parody was played in a humanities course.

The sketch, created by Martin in 1978 to parody the hysteria and commercialization surrounding a traveling Tutankhamun exhibit, has outraged students who say the sketch is the cultural equivalent of blackface because one of the side actors emerged from a sarcophagus with his face painted gold.

"That’s like somebody … making a song just littered with the n-word everywhere,” a member of the group, Reedies Against Racism, told The Atlantic. “The gold face of the saxophone dancer leaving its tomb is an exhibition of blackface.”

Students first took issue with the video when it was played during a humanities course, which is designed for students to “to engage in original, open-ended, critical inquiry.” Students said they should not be forced to take the course until different coursework is given because the sketch is racist.
http://www.newsweek.com/steve-martins-king-tut-sketch-causing-controversy-one-college-campus-717418




Yeah fucking seriously. I love Steve Martin, I’ve seen him perform this song live. And you know what? I wasn’t offended! Yeah don’t get offended people! Finally for People Are Dumb this week, psychopaths. Yes, psychopaths are a thing. Can you guess which musician is most popular with your average psychopath? Bet you didn’t think it was gonna be him did you!

A new study has found that psychopaths are more likely to enjoy the music of Justin Bieber.

The Washington Post reports of a recent study conducted by Pascal Wallisch, Psychology professor at New York University, and Nicole Leal, a recent NYU graduate.

The study tried to determine a correlation between music taste and psychopathy, with more than 190 NYU psychology students asked to rate their own level of psychopathy and then to rate tracks they were played.

Songs found to be more popular with those deemed more likely to be psychopaths included Bieber’s ‘What Do You Mean’, Eminem‘s ‘Lose Yourself’ and ‘No Diggity’ by Blackstreet.

Read more at http://www.nme.com/news/music/psychopaths-like-justin-bieber-2159358#GmxpW2e2QzAfg9Lv.99





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[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #23: Saudi Arabia
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Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that the Philippines is in the middle of a nasty civil war, India has a huge cyber crime problem, and Australia is a couple of steps away from making national gay marriage a reality. Here’s the tour schedule:



[font size="6"]Saudi Arabia[/font]



Welcome to the Middle East everybody! We’re hanging out in the Saudi Arabia capital of Riyadh, a place where Trump touched the magic orb. Yeah I don’t even know what this is but it’s pretty fucking weird. Oh , can I say the word “fuck” here? My producer is telling me it’s OK to do so. But look at all the fine Saudi gentlemen in the audience! Not a woman in sight! Can I joke about that? OK. Sorry, having a bit of a back and forth feud with my producer on what’s acceptable here. You know what’s not acceptable here unfortunately? Drinking. Yeah so we have to do this entry dry. But don’t worry, I’ve got some backup booze. So moving on. Saudi Arabia is the home of Mecca, the capital and holy city for the religion of Islam. It’s engrained in the Islamic tradition that all followers of the religion must make a pilgrimage to the holy city at least once in their lifetime. It’s also the home of the Great Mosque Of Mecca, and the great Mosque of, and I hope I am pronouncing this right – Al-Masjid an-Nabawi, a mosque that is believed to have been built by the prophet Muhammad. The capital Riyadh includes all sorts of museums and forts to visit. While other cities include Mecca, Jeddah, and of course the world’s largest airport that is being built in Riyadh. Aviation is a huge thing in the Arab worlds, because you guys are apparently the only ones who can afford those insane suites that are on most Middle Eastern airlines. But what else is the Arab holy country the home of? Well, if America doesn’t bomb the shit out of Iran, Saudi Arabia might beat us to it!

From the start, the case of the missing Lebanese prime minister strayed wildly from the mainstream of the Middle East's usual plots.

Everything that has followed Saad Hariri's sudden and reportedly forced resignation last week has struck the same startling tenor: his apparent house arrest, the Saudi Arabia-Lebanon mutual accusations of declaring war, the French president's sudden in-person intervention.

Hariri's first interview since all of this started was no exception.

Nearly 55 minutes into the interview Sunday, there was a mysterious man, caught briefly on camera, holding a piece of paper in Hariri's line of sight.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/lebanon-saad-hariri-saudi-arabia-1.4400464




No it’s not the end of the world yet. I mean we barely made it out alive from South Korea. Hey, I know who our president is, don’t get me wrong. But Saudi Arabia is in the midst of a purge – it’s locking its’ billionaire princes in prisons, and among them is billionaire investor and real life Goldmember, Prince Alwaweed Bin Talal:

On Nov. 5, Saudi authorities arrested dozens of the kingdom’s royal, political and business elite. Security forces sequestered princes, cabinet ministers and billionaires in Riyadh’s Ritz-Carlton, as the city’s private airport was shut down to prevent escape by private jet. The detainees face various charges of corruption issued by an all-powerful commission decreed by King Salman mere hours before the arrests and headed by his son, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

Among the detainees was Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, founder and owner of Kingdom Holding, global businessman, media mogul and one of the world’s wealthiest individuals. Alwaleed was joined in detention by Saleh Kamel, billionaire and owner of Dallah al-Baraka, and Walid al-Ibrahim, brother-in-law of the late King Fahd.

Since the Arab satellite revolution began in 1991, Saudi Arabia has increasingly dominated Arab television, radio, cinema, music and publishing. This month’s developments have serious implications for an already highly consolidated Arab media sphere.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/monkey-cage/wp/2017/11/16/why-did-saudi-arabia-target-billionaire-media-tycoons-in-its-purge/




Well, you wouldn’t be far off! Because let’s go over the facts. First up is the fact that Saudi Arabia wants to become a major commodities player and it will stop at nothing to achieve that.

Saudi Arabia is on its way to becoming a meaningful influence on global commodity prices. It doesn’t produce a broad array of raw materials like the U.S. or China, and it’s not a consumer on the scale of its neighbor, the United Arab Emirates. Yet the economic and political developments in the kingdom have bullish ramifications for the commodity sector and for trade flow.

The need to bolster the economy: Saudi Arabia’s economy is driven almost entirely by petroleum, which accounts for almost 90 percent of revenue. Still, crude remains at almost half its mid-2014 price, leaving the kingdom desperate to fire up its economy to buttress plummeting gross domestic product. And it is on the road to doing so.
https://www.bloomberg.com/view/articles/2017-11-15/saudi-arabia-is-set-to-become-a-bigger-commodities-player




The second is world domination – their next door neighbors are Isreal, who are in a seemingly never ending war, and Iran – who are also in a seemingly never ending war.

The head of Israel’s armed forces revealed Thursday he’s willing to work with fellow Middle Eastern U.S. ally Saudi Arabia to thwart the interests of their common foe, Iran, which has been vying for influence in the region.

In his first-ever interview with an Arabic-language newspaper, Lieutenant General Gadi Eisenkot, chief of staff of the Israeli military, said he viewed the majority-Jewish state and ultraconservative Sunni Muslim kingdom as natural allies due to their mutual enmity for revolutionary Shiite Muslim Iran. Israel has labeled Iran an existential threat, and Tehran’s growing influence across the Middle East and beyond has also outpaced Saudi Arabia’s own efforts to dominate the region, establishing an informal axis between the U.S., Israel and Saudi Arabia that’s gone largely unspoken until now.
www.newsweek.com/israel-says-wants-work-saudi-arabia-defeat-iran-713690




So yeah you have war on one side and greed on the other. Gotta love that country! Am I not right, guys? Yeah that’s it! So the catalyst for World War III may not be a Donald Trump presidency after all! Instead it’s a really fucked up chess game between Saudi Arabia, Isreal and Lebannon.

In Saudi Arabia, even chess is being turned into a game of power plays and palace intrigue.

Top players around the globe are accusing the World Chess Federation of “total moral degradation” for letting Saudi Arabia host this year's world speed championship. Around 150 players plan to boycott the event, known as the King Salman World Rapid and Blitz Chess Championships, over concerns that players could face human rights abuses in the ultra-conservative Sunni Muslim nation.
http://www.newsweek.com/saudi-arabia-chess-championships-boycott-713571




But then Saudi Arabia is playing chess with the whole Middle East! Yes – they are gearing up for a major war with Yemen – never mind the wars they are already in. holy shit, that sounds just like the USA doesn’t it? Holy shit, and I thought America was the warmongering capital of the world! But hey, they’re a peaceful country! Phrasing!

The greater Middle East has experienced unprecedented political turmoil and violence in the wake of the so-called Arab Spring. The political order as we knew it was upended in 2011 and the region has not yet fully recovered from that disruption.
The resulting political and humanitarian crises have been difficult to resolve, not only for the people most affected but also for their neighbors, and the wider international community. And while countries such as Saudi Arabia have used every means at their disposal to bring an end to the violence, resolve political disputes and alleviate human suffering, others have exploited the political and security vacuums that have emerged to advance their own narrow self-interests, at the expense of the people of these countries.
Non-state actors, militant organizations, terrorist groups and state actors who routinely violate the norms, conventions and laws of international relations by interfering in the domestic affairs of other nations and by adopting policies that destabilize other countries and entire regions are largely responsible for the continuing instability.
http://www.arabnews.com/node/1194016




Even Saudi Arabia’s origin story sounds like Satan is in charge. I mean talk about your fire and brimstone, this recent discovery was made!

Images taken from a helicopter flying at low altitude have shown in never-before-seen detail the mysterious neolithic structures dubbed the Saudi Arabian "Gates of Hell" and may shed more light on archaeological treasures yet to be uncovered in the Gulf kingdom.

The hundreds of 9,000-year-old structures initially baffled experts when they were seen in satellite imagery. The Stone Age walls, found built in volcanic fields in Saudi Arabia’s remote Harrat Khaybar region, were named the Gates Of Hell because their short, thick connecting piles of brick resembled barred gates when viewed from above.
http://www.newsweek.com/saudi-arabia-gates-hell-new-images-reveal-secrets-ancient-mystery-structures-712300




[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

So I would say how I feel about Saudi Arabia, but in the interest of leaving this country with all my limbs in tact I will say:

Tourism: A
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: A
Liberal Appeal: A

Overall: A+



Now that we’re back in the states, I can tell you how I really feel:

Tourism: C
Culture: B-
Political Spectrum: F
Liberal Appeal: F

Overall: F-

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

We’ve got one more stop in the Middle East – we’re hanging out in Saudi Arabia’s next door neighbor, the UAE! With a live show from the world’s largest building, the Burj Al Dubai!


[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Queens Of The Stone Age[/font]

Ladies and… oh wait, I forget there aren’t any ladies in the audience tonight. Gentlemen, my next guest has one of 2017’s best albums. They are from a California desert town called “Palm Springs”. It’s called “Villains”. Playing their song “The Way You Used To Do”, give it up for Queens Of The Stone Age!





Wait – they want to stick around for one more? Sure!




Happy Thanksgiving everybody! See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!

Credits

Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: UCB Theater, Hollywood, CA
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Queens Of The Stone Age Appear Courtesy Of: Matador Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-23: Return Of The Son Of The Bride Of Young Al Frankenstein Edition (Original post)
Initech Nov 2017 OP
Kirk Lover Nov 2017 #1
Initech Nov 2017 #2
malaise Nov 2017 #3
Initech Nov 2017 #4
malaise Nov 2017 #5

Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Nov 22, 2017, 05:17 PM

1. WOW that's a lot of stuff.

 

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Response to Kirk Lover (Reply #1)

Wed Nov 22, 2017, 05:20 PM

2. Yeah there's too much news right now!

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Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Nov 22, 2017, 05:29 PM

3. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Darwin's flat earther made it


Off to read the rest

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Response to malaise (Reply #3)

Wed Nov 22, 2017, 05:46 PM

4. Oh I wasn't going to let that one go!

Can't wait for Saturday!

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Response to Initech (Reply #4)

Wed Nov 22, 2017, 05:49 PM

5. I hope there is live coverage

even on the net

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