Knowing how allegations concerning Trump typically play out re: the Russian hooker story
Trump's defense will be as follows:
1. There was absolutely no truth whatsoever that Donald Trump had any type of association with Russian prostitutes while visiting Moscow in 2013. The Steele Dossier is FAKE NEWS!
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2. Okay, so Russians did offer to send prostitutes to Trump's hotel room while he was in Russia, but he rejected the offer.
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3. Okay, so prostitutes did come up to Trump's hotel room, but it was only to discuss a multi-level-marketing opportunity with Trump for weight loss shakes. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED!
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4. Okay, so the MLM pitch did involve the prostitutes having to strip down. BUT NO ONE PEED ON ANY BEDS!!!
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5. Okay, so one of the prostitutes did urinate on the bed. But it was for an unrelated bladder condition! I swear!
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6. Okay, so while the prostitute with the bladder condition peed on the bed, Trump shouted out, "That's it! That's right! Get Obama's bed all wet and stinky!" But he was just joking, of course.
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7. Okay, so he wasn't actually joking. But it was induced by temporary radiation poisoning due to a stick of uranium being placed in the hotel room by Hillary Clinton and Robert Mueller, who were outside cackling and laughing and rubbing their hands in evil glee.
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8. Okay, so Mueller and Clinton weren't actually there, but---OH SCREW IT. GODDAMMIT, KELLY, WHERE'S THE NUKE CODES?!?!? GIVE ME THE NUKE CODES YOU FOUR STARRED PIECE OF SHIT!!!! I'M GOING TO BLOW SOMEONE OUT OF THE GROUND AND I DON'T CARE IF IT'S PYOUNGYANG OR FUCKING PITTSBURGH, I JUST WANT TO NUKE SOMEBODY SOOOOOOOO BAAAAAAADDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!
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