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Wed Nov 1, 2017, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-20: The David Cop-A-Feel & Friends Hour Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-20: The David Cop-A-Feel & Friends Hour Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! You know before we get started I want to take a minute and address the horrible tragedy in New York City. Sigh it sucks, and we won't address it this week as we wait for the dust to settle, but it's a terrible tragedy and we will make sure we cover it the idiots way in full next week. Of course our idiot president on the other hand deserves every bit of shit he gets for politicizing this tragedy when the GOP was in full denial mode over Vegas. And we will definitely cover that in full next week. Now back to our regularly scheduled program. We are back everybody! So can we talk sports to start with? How about that World Series first of all! Holy crap is it exhausting! But I want to talk about football. Specifically a game between my Los Angeles Chargers and the Evil Empire of football – the New England Patriots (motto: Now with 50% more cheating over the leading NFL team!). Well, the Patriots didn’t really have to cheat this week because the Chargers kind of gave them a freebie. So what happened was quite possibly one of the stupidest plays in NFL history – at least as long as I have been alive. So Travis Benjamin of the Chargers during the 2nd quarter – fumbled a punt return and then picked it up and ran into his own team’s end zone where he was quickly tackled by the Patriots and they got a safety out of it. Can we show that clip?

Well, on the plus side, Southwest just got some free material for when they do those “Wanna Get Away” ads. Now switching subjects, we got to talk about another fail that happened at the World Series – this one happened during the 9th inning when a fan caught Yasiel Puig’s 9th inning home run, then decided to throw it back! Can we show that?

Yeah throw that shit back, yo!!! And then there was this guy in Game 6. You know, if you're going to bring a glove to a game, at least make sure you know how to catch a ball!

Yeah. D'oh!!!! I can only imagine the car ride on the way home. "You know that was on TV right?". Wanna get away? OK that’s enough of the intro. We got a lot of idiocy to get to. But first John Oliver is back and he tackles the touchy subject of floods:

Taking up the first slot this week is the White Male Groper’s Club, who added two new members – and you won’t believe who they are! In the second slot is Whitefish Energy (2). Remember the movie War Dogs with Jonah Hill and Miles Teller? Well this is a case of “same shit, different day!”. In the number 3 slots is the Trump Indictments. So Mueller is about to lay the smack down and Paul Manafort is about to turn himself in. In slot number 4 is the Alt Right (4). So they held a rally in Murfressboro, Tenneessee, and it was an epic fail. Plus the Alt Right’s favorite safe space loving son Milo Yiannopolous is speaking in my home town and we have to cover it! So Dotard Trump is taking up just a single slot this week, slot #5, and we will try to recap everything surrounding the Dotard this week in a single entry. But the Squirrel Network is reporting on just about anything that has nothing to do with anything. In the 6th slot we are once again doing our due diligence on the Christian right by talking about all things holy in another installment of our favorite segment “Holy Shit” (6). At number 7 is the Houston Astros (7). Wait, what? Yeah the AL champions are finding themselves in a bit of hot water about some light racism and a controversy over their first pitch choice. In the number 8 slot is Gun Nut Apologists (8). So the full Sandy Hooking of the Vegas tragedy is in full swing, officially completing the 5th stage of Gun Nut Denial, and we will explain further. In the number 9 slot we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink”. And I’m going to need a few tall boys of Busch Light. You heard me. Because it’s the end of a national nightmare – Kid Rock’s senate campaign! Yay!!!!! Finally this week its’ more of the Top 10 World Tour (10). This time we’re hanging out in Manila and enjoying some great Filipino food and drink as we visit the Philippines! Plus we’ve got some live music for you, this time from SOJA! Their new album “Poetry In Motion” is great and they will be stopping by to play something from it! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]White Male Groper’s Club
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Holy crap, have you seen the news lately? It seems Harvey Weinstein has opened the flood gates, and the White Male Groper’s Club. And it’s not funny, we’re not making fun of the victims here. We are making fun of the news. I do want to place triple emphasis on that. But the Groper’s Club is reaching platinum status. I mean in the last year they’ve expanded their membership which includes Joss Whedon, Harvey Weinstein, James Toback, Brett Ratner, Jeremy Piven, Donald Trump, Bill O’Reilly, and now this guy can proudly join their ranks!

Four women have come forward to accuse George Bush of touching them inappropriately, including one who said this week that the 93-year-old former president grabbed her years before he began using a wheelchair.

After the second allegation, Mr. Bush’s office on Wednesday night released a statement that both acknowledged the stories that had emerged and offered an apology.

“At age 93, President Bush has been confined to a wheelchair for roughly five years, so his arm falls on the lower waist of people with whom he takes pictures,” the statement said.

“To try to put people at ease, the president routinely tells the same joke — and on occasion, he has patted women’s rears in what he intended to be a good-natured manner. Some have seen it as innocent; others clearly view it as inappropriate. To anyone he has offended, President Bush apologizes most sincerely.”

That’s right! Bet you didn’t think it was going to be him did you? Because Bush crossed the line from old man territory into full blown Herbert The Pervert territory! Oh and it gets creepier! So much creepier!

A third woman has accused former President George H.W. Bush of inappropriate touching.

Writing on Slate.com, author Christina Baker Kline says her encounter with Bush happened during a photo shoot in 2014, while she and her husband stood on either side of the former president.

Kline is the author of the novels “Orphan Train” and “A Piece of the World.” She writes that, upon learning she was a writer, Bush asked: “You wanna know my favorite book?”

“Yes, what is it?,” she replied.

“David Cop-a-Feel.”

At that point, she writes, Bush grabbed her buttocks just as the photographer snapped a photo. She said she quickly brushed his hand away.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! Ew. Ew. Ew. Wait a minute. Ew. Excuse me a minute. OK, I feel better. I really need a cold shower after that one. David Cop-A-Feel? Really? Is he some weird new sitcom character I don’t know about? Is this the “David Cop-A-Feel & Friends Hour”? Oh and you know what his response was? It was just a… “pat on the back”!

Former President George H.W. Bush has acknowledged touching multiple women inappropriately in what his spokesman called "patt[ing] women's rears in what he intended to be a good-natured manner."

Two women have reportedly accused the former president of groping them while posing for photographs with Bush in recent years.

Actress Heather Lind wrote a post on Instagram, which has since been deleted, about an incident from early 2014.

Oh and of course it gets weirder! So much weirder! Because if it didn’t get weird, I would be disappointed, and this is only the 2nd year I’ve been doing these! So how does it get weirder? Well, apparently he’s a big fan of Lady Gaga. Yes. You read that right.

Is George H. W. Bush a big Lady Gaga fan? You be the judge.

Two days after he and his fellow former presidents joined the singer for the One America Appeal fundraiser, the 41st president of the United States said he would have gladly taken the stage with her.

Barack Obama chimed in, saying Bush and Lady Gaga can "handle the singing, and we'll handle the donations."

So if creepy old man George HW Bush wasn’t creepy enough for you, there’s Kevin Spacey. Now this is kind of a tricky one because he’s an outspoken liberal and appears on the amazing show “House Of Cards”. And here’s what makes this even creepier – Family Guy predicted this would happen in a throw away joke from 10 years ago! No, seriously!

But that said there’s more to this whole thing than you could possibly ever want or care to know. Here’s what happened with Kevin Spacey:

Actor Anthony Rapp has come forward with allegations that Kevin Spacey made a sexual advance toward him when he was 14 years old, BuzzFeed reports. Rapp, currently starring in Star Trek: Discovery, was a child actor in the Broadway production of George Furth’s Precious Sons in 1986 when he met Spacey, who was appearing that year in a revival of Long Day’s Journey Into Night. According to Rapp, Spacey befriended him at an after-show party; when they ran into each other at a later event, Spacey took Rapp and a 17-year-old friend of his to the Limelight, then invited him to a party at his apartment a few days later. (Rapp’s mother had relocated to New York with him during the run of the play, but he sometimes went to work events on his own.) Rapp says he went to the party, but since he was the only child in an apartment full of adults, got bored and ended up watching TV alone in the bedroom. At the end of the night, after the other guests had left, Rapp alleges that Spacey picked him up, placed him on the bed, and lay down on top of him, forcing Rapp to push him off. Spacey, now 58, was 26 years old at the time of the alleged incident. Rapp told BuzzFeed he’s never doubted Spacey’s intentions:

Yeah so that happened. And how did Spacey himself respond? Well, he responded in quite possibly the worst way anyone could respond.

Oscar-winning actor Kevin Spacey has addressed a report that he once sexually harassed actor Anthony Rapp.

Rapp, who is currently starring in the TV series “Star Trek: Discovery” and is best known for work in the play and movie “Rent,” told BuzzFeed News that Spacey invited him to a party at his apartment in 1986. Rapp was 14 years old at the time.

Spacey’s statement, made on Twitter early Monday, included his first public declaration that he is gay. He did not deny that the incident took place, citing the passage of time and being drunk on the occasion, but apologized to Rapp for “what would have been deeply inappropriate drunken behavior.”

“I am sorry for the feelings he describes having carried with him all these years,” Spacey wrote.

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kevin-spacey-anthony-rapp_us_59f6a786e4b03cd20b827d3d?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

Can we throw that statement up there?

Congratulations, Kevin Spacey – you just did something no gay man has ever done before – picked the worst possible time to come out! I mean dude you totally broadbrushed over the fact that you're gay. That would be like a car mechanic saying "Mrs. Johnson, we changed the oil in your tank just fine. Oh and by the way, your whole engine is completely fucked and will need to be replaced. But at least the oil change went smoothly!". Yeah doesn't work like that, does it? And hey we’re not the only ones who thought this was the worst way possible that Mr. Spacey could have come out.

Kevin Spacey is facing criticism for the way he linked his sexuality to his apology about allegations of sexual advances towards a 14-year-old actor.

The House Of Cards star and former artistic director of London’s Old Vic theatre said he could not remember sexually harassing Star Trek actor Anthony Rapp in 1986.

Human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell lamented the timing of Spacey’s decision to come out as gay.

“It is tragic that it has taken allegations of sexual harassment for Kevin Spacey to finally come out as gay, after not disclosing his sexuality for decades. It is even worse that he mixes up his sexuality with inappropriate behaviour. His gayness is irrelevant. It’s his actions that have prompted concern,” he told the Guardian.

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[font size="8"]Whitefish Energy
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Did anyone see that movie War Dogs? You know the movie where Jonah Hill and Miles Teller play two well connected businessmen who somehow manage to land a gargantuan contract as government arms dealers? Well, as crazy as that movie was, that was a real life story! And now this is a real life story! There’s the town of Whitefish, Montana which we have covered many times in the Top 10 – mainly you might know this town as being the hometown of Richard Spencer. Yes, the same town as the godfather of the Alt Right. He’s also possibly good friends with Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke. Here’s more.

A small company in Whitefish has won a major contract to restore power to Puerto Rico following widespread outages from Hurricane Maria. Nicky Ouellet reports there’s some confusion over why the Montana company was chosen.

Whitefish Energy Holdings is relatively new to the Flathead Valley. The company was established in 2015. It doesn’t have an office and only lists two employees. Yet it won a bid with the Puerto Rico Power Electric Authority, or PREPA, to rebuild more than 100 miles of downed transmission lines following a near system failure after two hurricanes hit the island in September. The contract is garnering national attention. The Weather Channel had a story this week:

"Something fishy is going on in Puerto Rico, and it’s not just the name of the company involved. Whitefish Energy Holdings was awarded a contract to restore power to the island by the local power authority, but no one can figure out why," says the Weather Channel story.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????? This is War Dogs all over again! Only it’s two guys with an energy contract and a really fucked up government. I don’t remember that sitcom! But guess what? Puerto Rico is fed up and pissed off at this contract!

Puerto Rico Gov. Ricardo Rossello wants the $300 million contract that Puerto Rico Electric Power Authority signed with Whitefish Energy to be canceled "immediately," CBS News' David Begnaud reports.

Rossello's announcement comes as federal legislators plan to investigate the contract awarded to the small company from Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke's hometown.

"There cannot be any kind of distraction that alters the commitment to restore electrical power as soon as possible in Puerto Rico," Rossello said, adding that nearly $8 million has been paid to Whitefish so far.

Whitefish spokesman Chris Chiames told The Associated Press that the company would soon issue comment. Power company spokesman Carlos Monroig did not return messages for comment.

Rossello said he has requested that crews from New York and Florida come help restore power in Puerto Rico as he criticized the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers for not meeting its goals. The agency could not be immediately reached for comment.

But why? How did this happen? Why is Puerto Rico furious about it? Well, it’s two guys and an office with $300 million dollars doing… something. Just like War Dogs was two guys with an office with $300 million doing… something. Same shit, different day!

Whitefish Energy said it is "very disappointed" with the decision by Puerto Rico's power authority to cancel its $300 million contract to repair the island's crumbling infrastructure.

"The decision will only delay what the people of Puerto Rico want and deserve — to have the power restored quickly in the same manner their fellow citizens on the mainland experience after a natural disaster," Whitefish said in a statement, according to ABC News.

"We will certainly finish any work that PREPA wants us to complete," it added, referring to the Puerto Rico Electric Power Authority. "And stand by our commitments knowing that we made an important contribution to the restoration of the power grid since our arrival on the island on Oct. 2."

Whitefish continued to tout its successes during its time in Puerto Rico. It said the company brought 350 workers and was on track to have more than 500 linesmen on the island by this week.

Because of course they were disappointed. No, the teenage girl who got her prom dress ruined because someone spilled punch on her is disappointed. This is a colossal fuck up! So who gets to play these guys in the movie? I hear Jonah Hill is available! But guess what? The contract is officially cancelled!

A controversial $300 million contract awarded to a tiny Montana energy company to repair storm-damaged electricity lines in Puerto Rico was canceled Sunday amid concerns of cronyism.

The Puerto Rico Electric Power Authority (PREPA) revoked the hastily drafted contract with Whitefish Energy hours after Puerto Rico Gov. Ricardo Rosselló said he’d petitioned the state-owned utility to “immediately” cancel the agreement as it was a “distraction.”

Ricardo Ramos, CEO of PREPA, said: “We’re working in an emergency. Everybody is working on 10 things at once. I don’t want to give apologies, but those things happen.”

The contract to repair power lines to connect critical infrastructure came under intense scrutiny for several reasons:

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[font size="8"]The Trump Indictments
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It’s Mueller Time everybody!!!!! Whew!!!!! Whew!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew!!!! Whew. OK enough celebrating and popping the champagne. But we got two so far – one was pretty obvious and that is Paul Manafort, and the other is a guy who we’re going to talk about in a bit – Coffee Boy George Papadopolous. But Manafort is wanted for some serious shit. Here’s the break down:

President Trump's former 2016 campaign chairman Paul Manafort and Rick Gates, Manafort's former business associate, have been indicted by a federal grand jury in the investigation into Russian meddling in the U.S. election, according to unsealed documents released Monday.

Manafort and Gates pleaded not guilty in federal court on Monday afternoon. They entered a packed courtroom for their arraignment, accompanied by U.S. marshals, but not restrained in any way, reports CBS News' Paula Reid. Both men were asked to stand, state their names and pledge to tell the truth. Manafort's lawyer spoke for him and entered a plea of not guilty on all counts. Gates had not retained a lawyer and was represented by a public defender who said Gates intends to hire private counsel soon and entered a plea of not guilty on all counts for Gates.

And another Trump campaign aide, George Papadopoulos, has pleaded guilty to making false statements to the FBI. His statements had to do with the nature of his relationship with "certain foreign nationals whom he understood to have close connections with senior Russian government officials."

Yes give it to me now! We want more of this, damn it! There’s some high profile people in the Trump administration who have committed some high profile crimes! So what does Paul Manafort do when he’s under indictment for something this huge? Turn yourself in!

This indictment story has everything. Vladimir Putin's "niece." Carpet worth $934,350. Catfishing. Paul Manafort, whose involvement with the Trump campaign — as its chairman — apparently came as a total surprise to the campaign. At least, that's what Sarah Huckabee Sanders repeatedly reassured the American people on Monday, after reading them a bizarre and lengthy story about 10 journalists going out to buy beer together that concluded, "And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how our tax system works!" It was the worst Aristocrats joke I have ever heard. Here is her account, somewhat condensed:

First, this has nothing to do with Donald Trump.

For several months, the chairman of the Trump campaign was a man no one knew anything about and who was completely unaffiliated with Donald Trump in any way.

There is nothing less connected to Donald Trump than the campaign that worked to elect him president.

I just cant even… even the question in the headline was beyond ridiculous!!! How was Trump supposed to know that Paul Manafort is leading his campaign? I don’t know… because he’s becoming the fucking president of the United States and the guy is leading his campaign!!! The sheer stupidity of this is like… why does a car need a battery with a positive and negative charge? Because otherwise, it doesn’t fucking work!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even Manafort’s daughter was bragging about how tight he was with Trump!

Paul Manafort, the former Trump campaign chairman who was indicted on federal conspiracy and money laundering charges Monday, has a long history of ties to pro-Putin groups in Ukraine. He also has a long history of connections to Donald Trump. According to leaked texts sent and received by his daughter, Andrea Manafort Shand, the two pals were “perfect allies.”

The Trump administration has been working overtime to downplay Manafort’s role in last year’s campaign.

“Paul Manafort was brought in to lead the delegate process, which he did, and was dismissed not too long after that,” White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said Monday. “Paul was brought on sometime in June, and by the middle of August he was no longer with the campaign,” then-press secretary Sean Spicer said in March.

Spicer’s statement was untrue, and Sanders’ claim was misleading.

Excuse me a minute…

OK I just needed to grow my head back. Thank you. And in case you’re wondering how this all comes back to Russia. Yeah it does. It’s like playing a really fucked up game of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there’s just one degree, and someone in the Trump administration is connected to Russia!

President Trump’s former campaign chief, Paul Manafort, was indicted Monday on multiple charges in the United States’ ongoing special investigation into Russian interference. But the U.S. is not the only nation investigating Manafort.

An internal investigation in Ukraine concluded that Manafort earned larger sums than he previously reported as a political consultant in the Eastern European country.

Manafort was paid at least $28.5 million, far more than the $12.5 million reported last year, from “black money” funds run by the Party of the Regions, according to a source with knowledge about the investigation. The Party of the Regions served as the pro-Kremlin political base for Ukraine's former President Viktor Yanukovych, who fled to Russia in 2014.

Boy this coffee is delicious! It’s made in Russia! Hey Sally that’s a nice dress you’re wearing. Oh it’s made in Russia! Hey Steve, I like your new car! Oh it’s a Russian model! And it doesn’t take Mueller to see that Manafort is spending his Comrade Casino checks very well! All it takes is a few credit card receipts! Hey Capitol One, what’s in this guy’s wallet? I’ll give you a hint – it’s probably something Russian!

Of all the damning details in the Justice Department indictment accusing Paul Manafort, the former Trump campaign manager, and Rick Gates, a campaign adviser, of money laundering and tax fraud, the one that seems to have caught the imagination of many is the approximately $1.3 million Mr. Manafort spent during two shopping sprees in New York and Beverly Hills.

The indictment does not specify where he spent the money — the establishments are identified only as “Vendor E: Men’s Clothing Store in New York” and “Vendor H: Clothing Store in Beverly Hills, California” — nor what he bought, though The New York Times reported in September that during a raid of Mr. Manafort’s home over the summer, F.B.I. officers took many photographs of his “expensive suits.”

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[font size="8"]The Alt Right
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So the Alt Right is the big loser this week in multiple ways. I mean first off the Alt Right attempted to hold another one of their insane rallies. This time they’re targeting Murfreesboro, Tenneessee. A town that’s literally in the middle of nowhere. So why is this so intriguing to your modern day white supremacist?

White nationalists groups that rallied Saturday in Shelbyville, Tennessee, were met by a large police presence and dozens of shouting counterprotesters. Hours later, a second rally planned in nearby Murfreesboro was canceled.
The demonstrations, which organizers called the "White Lives Matter" rally, were planned by The League of the South, a Southern nationalist group, according to Brad Griffin, the organization's public relations chief. Other extreme-right and neo-Nazi groups joined them in the protests wearing black and bearing helmets and shields.
The groups had planned to start at Shelbyville and then head to Murfreesboro about 20 miles to the north, but the Murfreesboro rally was canceled, Griffin said.

And this rally was held in the middle of the day, so the local Home Depot and Lowes held onto their supply of tiki torches. For now. But you know who the real losers were in the white supremacist’s bullshit? The local businesses of Murfreesboro.

Downtown Murfreesboro merchants were forced to shut down Saturday because of the White Lives Matter rally, causing many of them to lose one of the biggest revenue days of the week. Many of them boarded up store fronts as well.

But the Murfreesboro Loves initiative created an event on all day Saturday to "Explore and Support Downtown Businesses."

"We are hoping to attract a lot of people downtown that wouldn't normally come downtown and help these businesses recover from the hate. That's what Murfreesboro Loves is all about and that's what my Muslim faith tells me to do," said Abdou Kattih, co-organizer of Murfreesboro Loves and Murfreesboro Muslim Youth.

Now, on the other hand, the alt right is also poised to be even bigger losers. Because look who’s back and he needs more safe spaces than ever, snowflakes!!

Conservative provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos has educators and police bracing for his appearance at Cal State Fullerton Tuesday.

The former tech editor for Breibart.com, who has drawn criticism over his relations with white supremacist groups in the alt-right movement as well as comments about feminism and Islam, was due to speak at 6 p.m. Tuesday on the campus. He was invited to speak by the campus College Republicans student group.

"We invited Milo because he's obviously a very provocative speaker who sheds light and brings attention to various (conservative) issues," said Brooke Paz, an event coordinator for the group.

The organization feels it is overshadowed by progressive groups on campus and wanted someone who could make a big splash, Paz said.

Dude! I mean… fucking Dude!!! Cal State Fullerton? That’s my neck of the woods, damn it!!! Really, get the fuck out of my town Milo! And take your safe spaces and snowflakes with you! But guess what? The alt right’s bullshit is causing major headaches for campus personnel!

The CSUF College Republicans club tweeted a link to the “Free Speech at CSUF” website, which includes information about what objects and behaviors will be prohibited at the “Troll Academy” event.

According to the event website, ticket holders will be subjected to a security screening to look for a number of prohibited items.

Food, beverages and large objects like skateboards, bicycles and anything larger than 30 inches by 30 inches are prohibited.

Yiannopoulos has encouraged attendees to wear costumes. However, masks, face paint and anything concealing one’s identity will not be allowed at the event.

The Alt Right loves to play chicken with free speech don’t they? When we call them out for their bullshit, they quietly run to their safe spaces with their tail between their legs when things don't go their way. But of course his speech didn't end without incident - of course there arrests and police in riot gear because that's the kind of crowd this douchebag attracts. Now he can get the fuck out of my town!

At least eight people were detained at Cal State Fullerton on Tuesday night during small but tense protests as conservative firebrand Milo Yiannopoulos spoke, blasting what he called the silencing of conservative views on college campuses.

Five people were released but told they could face trespassing charges if they returned to campus in the next seven days, Cal State Fullerton Police Capt. Scot Willey said Wednesday morning. Two people, including a student, were cited for violating the dispersal order and released.

Another protester, a woman wearing a black helmet and mask, was arrested after shooting pepper spray into the air. She was booked into the Orange County jail on suspicion of parole violations, including possession of a knife and pepper spray, Willey said.

Cal State Fullerton’s chapter of the College Republicans hosted the sold-out event at the Titan Student Union. It drew an audience of more than 800 people.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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So here’s what happens when conservatives got nothing. And they know they got nothing on their arguments against Mueller’s scathing indictments. So what happens when you’re out of time and out of patience? I know! Let’s report on some bullshit! Because Fox & Friends knows they really at this point only have an audience of one – they know Trump has Fox News on about 24 hours a day. Yeah he probably watches it in what little sleep he actually gets. So here’s what happened.

They made a nothingburger out of a cheeseburger.

As every other cable news show jumped on the story of Paul Manafort surrendering to the FBI Monday, "Fox and Friends" decided to tackle the real issue of the day: cheeseburger emojis.

While viewers of other networks learned more about how the former Trump campaign chairman had been indicted on charges including conspiracy to launder money and failing to register as a foreign agent, Vox reports that those who tuned into Fox News initially got an in-depth look at the world-shaking "crisis at Google," where the tech monolith's CEO has pledged to rearrange the cheese on the cheeseburger emoji because people are upset that the yellow-ish slice is below the meat, not above.

There you have it folks – a literal nothing burger! Thank you! So how is Trump responding to his own indictments? Well, you also make up some bullshit!

Top Senate Republicans tried to avoid questions about the legal woes ensnaring the Trump administration as they worked to keep the focus of a Monday news conference on the GOP agenda, specifically the confirmation of a batch of judicial nominees this week.
In one notable moment, Sen. Chuck Grassley literally squirmed out of the room just as reporters began asking questions about the legal problems.
"Anybody have any questions for Senator Grassley, or anybody else here, on this topic?" Senate Majority Whip John Cornyn, R-Texas, asked reporters, making clear he didn't want questions about the indictments and guilty plea involving three of President Donald Trump's campaign aides to dominate the news conference.
When reporters pressed to get on-camera comment about the legal problems facing Trump campaign aides Paul Manafort, Rick Gates and George Papadopoulos, the usually accommodating Cornyn tried to deflect, saying the issue wasn't in the Senate's "wheelhouse."

And not only is the bovine excrement strong with this one, it is really strong! And guess what? Fuhrer Trump is furious at this news! I mean… the rest of us aren’t surprised! And he’s the president!

The dramatic intensification of the Russia investigation on Monday reignited President Donald Trump's fury at the controversy clouding his presidency, prompting his aides to urgently advise him against lashing out at special counsel Robert Mueller as they work to revive a halting policy agenda.
Watching the developments unfold on the large television screens installed in his private residence, Trump was "seething," according to a Republican close to the White House.
The indictments on Monday of campaign aides Paul Manafort and Rick Gates weren't a surprise to Trump, according to people who have spoken with the President. Trump has long assumed that members of his presidential campaign would be swept up in Mueller's probe.

The revelation that another campaign adviser, George Papadopoulos, pleaded guilty to making false statements to the FBI was far less expected, the sources said. And the assumption that Papadopoulos is cooperating with the FBI's Russia probe stirred even more unease among Trump's allies.

That by the way is also the same reaction we’re having to this story! Huh uh huh uh huh… ah, you get the idea! And what are you going to do when one of your top aides is indicted for possible crimes against the United States? Dismiss him as the coffee boy! Or maybe call him the Covfefe boy?

President Donald Trump and his allies fought back Tuesday against special counsel Robert Mueller’s wave of indictments against former campaign aides, dismissing an ex-foreign policy adviser who cut a plea deal with prosecutors as a “liar” and nothing more than the “coffee boy.”

The White House was rocked on Monday after Mueller’s team went public with charges against former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort and Rick Gates, another campaign aide, including money laundering and other crimes related to the pair’s relationship with pro-Russian politicians in Ukraine.

It was also revealed that prosecutors had struck a plea deal with George Papadopoulos, a foreign policy adviser for the campaign who admitted to lying to the FBI regarding his interactions with Russia-linked contacts, including a promise of “thousands of emails” and “dirt” on Hillary Clinton.

And there was the typical reaction you might expect from Trump’s press secretary and human drapery look alike Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

“The only thing I know about George Papadopoulos, frankly, is what's in the actual indictment,” Trump's personal attorney, Jay Sekulow, told CNN on Monday afternoon. “I don't know George Papadopoulos.”

Briefing reporters a short time later, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders described Papadopoulos's role in the campaign: “It was extremely limited. It was a volunteer position. And again, no activity was ever done in an official capacity on behalf of the campaign.”

She added this: “He was a volunteer on the campaign and a volunteer member of an advisory council that met one time.”

I mean what is this? Coffee Talk with George Papadapolous? I’m getting emotional! Call now 444-4444! I’m a little verklempt! Thank you I am now verklempt!

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Yes, friends! Gather round friends! Pass the collection plate, friends!!! Yay, and in this most uncertain of times, we turn to the holiest among us. But even then we realize that the holiest among us, are full of, well…

Welcome everybody! Gather around yonder! Take a seat in the pew. Don’t be shy! Gather around! Because we have a lot of religious right lunacy to cover this week. Yay, do you hear that my sons and daughters? That is the sound of a glorious duck call! Because one of the craziest of the crazy, Phil Robertson, had this to say about one of the right wing’s favorite recording artists – Beyonce!

Phil Robertson, the “Duck Dynasty” celebrity who will soon be getting his own program on the online CRTV network, suggested recording artist Beyoncé was responsible for sexually transmitted diseases in the United States, warning that her music would lead Americans into the “microbe world” that will “rot your genitals off.”

In a social media video for Independent Journal Review shared on Robertson’s Facebook page on Friday, Robertson listened to clips of various pop songs and predictably expressed his disapproval. Things started to go off the rails, however, when Robertson listened to Beyoncé’s song “Blow.”

Robertson motioned for the song to be cut off.

“And you wonder why 110 million of us have a sexually transmitted disease at any given time?” Robertson asked.

Well young Phil, since you loveth Beyonce so much, here are some choice tracks for thine enjoyment!

See what we did there? So many STDs just on those four tracks! Rotting your genitals off? Me thinks Phil hath protest too much! Although we really wonder what he’s thinking when he’s not on camera. Next up there is Bryan Fischer, who offers this batshit crazy theory on who should be allowed to serve in Congress. First amendment be DAMNED!!!!!

On Friday, American Family Radio’s Bryan Fischer blasted Sen. Ben Sasse for condemning Alabama Republican senate candidate Roy Moore’s view that Muslims should be prohibited from serving in Congress.

Fischer said that Sasse and anyone else who would dare to criticize Moore’s position are “uninformed” about the true meaning of the Constitution, insisting that the prohibition on religious tests for office only means that elected officials do not need to be members of a specific Christian denomination.

“So when it says there can be no religious test in Article VI, you can’t have a Christian religious test that everybody has to pass in order to be eligible for federal office,” Fischer said. “It doesn’t say a single solitary thing about Islam because the Congress wasn’t even dealing with the topic of Islam when they were putting the Constitution together.”

“I believe Muslims can and should be excluded from Congress,” Fischer added, “for the same reason that Communists can and should be and legally are, because they believe in a totalitarian system, a totalitarian ideology.”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Bryan must be needing to be saved because he certainly isn’t! By the way, you know how the right loves to harp on people for disrespecting the flag and nobody disrespected the flag more this Halloween than Tomi Lahren.

Newly-minted Fox News correspondent Tomi Lahren shook the internet on Saturday with her American flag themed Halloween costume. Her outfit may have desecrated the flag, according to Twitter.

Lahren, 25, draped herself in the American flag for Halloween. She wore the flag as a cape and paired it with a fanny pack which had stars and stripes on it. Her outfit also read, "Make America Great Again," the phrase President Donald Trump coined during his 2016 presidential campaign.

"Oh LA get ready to find your safe spaces!," Lahren captioned her Instagram photo. "What am I? Well if you’re a conservative, I’m American AF. If you’re a lib, I’m 'offensive.' Let’s go. #TeamTomi #halloween #MAGA #Merica #makeHalloweenGreatAgain."

Can we show that costume?


Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! That to me is disrespecting the flag more than kneeling for the National Anthem is! A flag draped over “Make America Great Again”? She’s a duck call short of being a full right wing douchebag. Speaking of safe spaces, going back to our old buddy Phil Robertson he had this to say about Harvey Weinstein.

“Duck Dynasty” patriarch Phil Robertson responded yesterday to the allegations of sexual assault against Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein by going off on a rambling rant about how AIDS is God’s punishment for “perversion.”

Robertson joined EWTN’s “The World Over” yesterday, where host Raymond Arroyo asked him to comment on the numerous reports of sexual misconduct by Weinstein.

Robertson asked sarcastically who would expect “rank sexual immorality and perversion” in Hollywood before moving on to discuss sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS, which he suggested are divine punishment for “perversion.”

“Worldwide, almost 40 million, 35 to 40 million individuals are now deceased because of AIDS,” Robertson said. “That’s caused by perversion, that behavior. I’m not making this up. You say, it’s dangerous to your health. Well, yeah. So to answer your question, just look at the sexually transmitted disease rate and say, know what? This is really—they receive in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. You say, it really is physiological debilitating.”

Yeah really even JAY SUS has had enough of your bullshit, Phil! Time for thou to be smited by the LORD OUR GOD CREATOR OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!!!!!! PHIL ROBERTSON HAS SINNED AND HE NEEDS TO BE CLEANSED OF HIS SIN!!!!! Well, his sin of being a douchebag, anyways. And speaking of douchebags, there is Gordon Klingenschmitt who apparently does not speak to too many women, or any Muslims for that matter:

On a recent episode of his “Pray In Jesus Name” program, Religious Right activist Gordon Klingenschmitt applauded a law recently passed in Quebec that requires anyone providing or receiving any state service—including “boarding a bus, borrowing a book from the library or picking up a child at day care”—to do so with their face uncovered. Obviously, this has a dramatic impact on Muslim women who wear a burka or a niqab and you would think that someone like Klingenschmitt, who claims to care deeply about protecting religious liberty, would be outraged.

But you’d be wrong, since Klingenschmitt apparently only cares about protecting the religious liberty of conservative Christians, as he celebrated this new law for breaking “the spirit of slavery” that is at work in Islam, declaring that forcing Muslim women who chose to wear such garments to uncover their faces is intended to “liberate those women.”

“That liberates these women from the oppression of their false religion,” he said. “It’s actually the government protecting their right to uncover their face in public, in fact, insisting on freedom for women. This is not an anti-Muslim law, this is a pro-woman law and thank God. I discern the spirit of God on the people in Quebec who are liberating these women from the oppression of their abusive husbands.”

For even JAYSUS can’t bare himself to look at the epic failure that is Gordon Klingenschmitt! I mean can we sayeth some prayers and pass the collection plate? Your generous donation will help today! Because the lord our god needs your money to help him build a paradise! Can we get an amen from my gospel choir? How about that! And then there is Trump’s favorite pastor Robert Jeffress who offers this theory about Harvey Weinstein:

Last week, President Trump took to his Twitter account to promote a new book by Robert Jeffress, a Dallas pastor and fervent Trump supporter who has a long record of anti-LGBTQ extremism and hostility toward religious minorities, including Mormons and Catholics.

A few days later, Jeffress hosted Fox News personality Sean Hannity at his church’s Sunday service, where he also gave a sermon denouncing the Supreme Court decisions that have allowed for legal abortion and marriage equality and disallowed government-sponsored prayer in schools, which he said will eventually cause the country’s “implosion.”

Jeffress even linked the 1962 Engle v. Vitale decision on school-sponsored prayer to the numerous allegations of sexual assault against Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein, saying that what Weinstein is alleged to have done was the “natural result” of the nation having “untethered itself from the absolute truths of God’s word” when “secularists” and “infidels” removed state-sponsored prayer from schools.

Yeah seriously the fail is strong with this one! And then finally this week there beith Pat Robertson who thinks Trump can just pardon his way out of this:

On “The 700 Club” this morning, televangelist Pat Robertson reacted to the news that former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort had been indicted by special counsel Robert Mueller as part of his investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election by calling on President Trump to issue a blanket pardon of everyone who might be implicated in the probe and to then shut down the investigation entirely.

Robertson absurdly claimed that Mueller’s investigation has been inexorably “tainted” by the fact that the Clinton campaign and DNC reportedly helped to fund an opposition research dossier during the campaign that alleged connections between the Trump campaign and Russia, insisting that any indictments that result from the Mueller’s investigation must therefore be dismissed and the investigation quashed.

Yay, that is it for mass this week, my young children of JAYSUS! May you go in peace! That is it this week for:

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[font size="8"]World Of Sports
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So it seems sports has a bit of a racist problem, and it’s not Fox News who’s instigating it. Yeah you can make the argument that Fox is trying to hijack the narrative on the national anthem protests in the NFL, and well, spoiler alert – yes they are! But it’s more than just football that’s got a race problem! It’s spilling out into baseball, hockey, and basketball! And this week it started with the World Series and the Houston Astros.

Houston Astros first baseman Yuli Gurriel is being punished after he was caught by cameras Friday night making a racially insensitive gesture toward Dodgers pitcher Yu Darvish during Game 3 of the World Series.

Major League Baseball tweeted Saturday that Gurriel will be suspended without pay for the first five games of the 2018 regular season. MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred said Saturday that there is "no place for this type of behavior in our game."

Gurriel in a statement posted on Twitter by the Astros on Saturday apologized and called the gesture "indefensible."

The incident started when Gurriel kicked off the second inning of Game 3 by smashing a home run off of Darvish, giving the Astros a 1-0 lead. But the run was immediately overshadowed when the first baseman returned to the dugout and was filmed pulling the corners of his eyes in an offensive jab at Darvish's Japanese heritage.

Well, you’re not wrong. I mean it is Texas. No offense, Texas democrats! But it’s not just the Astros who are dealing with a race problem – that team that plays right across the street from Minute Maid Park is also having a racist problem. But not with the players, with their owner!

HOUSTON (AP) — Bob McNair, the chairman and chief executive of the Houston Texans, apologized Friday after a report said he declared "we can't have the inmates running the prison" during a meeting of NFL owners over what to do about players who kneel in protest during the national anthem.

McNair said he regretted using the expression and that he was "not referring to our players."

"I used a figure of speech that was never intended to be taken literally," McNair said. "I would never characterize our players or our league that way and I apologize to anyone who was offended by it."

Texans left tackle Duane Brown told reporters that he was "sickened" by McNair's words.

Yeah if you’re not racist but then you have to clarify it – guess what? You’re a racist! But then guess what happened? The whole team kneeled in protest not just because of Colin Kaepernick, but also to protest Bob McNair’s blatant racism!

SEATTLE – More than 30 members of the Houston Texans took a knee and several sat during the anthem before Sunday’s game against the Seattle Seahawks in protest of owner Bob McNair's comment that "we can't have the inmates running the prison."

At least seven Seahawks players – five in uniform and two inactive players – sat during the anthem, continuing the protest Michael Bennett started earlier this year.

“It was a lot of emotions. Just a huge sense of unity I think that we all felt,” Texans left tackle Duane Brown said. “Just coming out and playing for each other, forgetting everything else. Once kickoff started, we tried to block out any other distractions.”

And then we have to talk about this incident from New Jersey – what happens when Trump trolls run the show. And yes these people are real, no they are not Russian bots. Let’s explain further.

A father and son who were part of an officiating crew assigned to work a New Jersey high school football game walked off the field in protest after members from one of the teams took a knee during the national anthem Friday night.

Ernie Lunardelli, the head linesman, said he and his son, Anthony, a line judge, stood on the field with their hands on their hearts while the anthem was played prior to Monroe’s home game against Colts Neck and that both left the field immediately after the anthem because they saw four Monroe players take a knee.

“Anybody that disrespects the flag, in my eyes, it’s not right,” said Ernie Lunardelli, a veteran scholastic football official in his 18th season. “What they are doing with this kneeling and everything, they have the right do to that, but the national anthem has nothing to do with them kneeling. The flag has got nothing to do with why they are protesting. If they want to protest, let them protest, but don’t disrespect our country, the flag and the armed forces.”

It’s not disrespecting the flag, you idiots! It’s about protesting racism! And by the way, would you be surprised these dolts disrespected an American president? Yeah I know I’m not!

An official who walked off the field in protest Friday after seeing players from Monroe High School kneel during the national anthem made racial and insensitive comments on social media but claimed his account was hacked, NJ Advance Media has learned.

On a Facebook post from Jan. 21 showing a picture of President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama, Ernie Lunardelli wrote: "Yea! Thanks for f***ing up the country!! Back to the zoo!!"

On another Facebook post about the Obamas on Jan. 20 -- President Donald Trump's inauguration day -- Lunardelli also posted: "Back to the zoo!!!"

Meanwhile, his son and the other official, Anthony Lunardelli, described Giants quarterback Eli Manning as having "jew luck" in a Facebook comment on Feb. 5, 2012.

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[font size="8"]Gun Nut Apologists
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Sigh… this is why we cant have nice things. The gun nuts. Yes, and they seem to be getting more and more fanatical. You know Australia voluntarily disarmed after a horrible mass shooting back in 1996 and gun crimes have gone down and their quality of living has gone up. Well, not in the United States, where gun nuts take the line “SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED!!!!!1!!!1!” just a little too literally. Well, the Sandy Hooking of the Vegas tragedy has begun, with the Gun Nut Apologists doing what they do best: harassing the victims.

A Canadian man who survived getting shot in the head during the massacre at a Las Vegas country music festival has been bombarded with death threats from online conspiracy theorists.

Braden Matejka barely escaped the Route 91 Harvest festival with his life after Stephen Paddock fired a barrage of bullets from the 32nd floor of the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino down on the outdoor concert below. The 64-year-old gunman killed 58 people and injured hundreds more, Matejka among them.

“You are a lying piece of s--- and I hope someone truly shoots you in the head,” one person wrote to Matejka on Facebook in the days after the worst shooting in modern U.S. history.

Another wrote: “Your soul is disgusting and dark! You will Pay for the consequences.”

Sigh… only in America can you survive a mass shooting, only to get a death threat from someone who wishes they were the one who pulled the trigger first! Ain’t the second amendment grand? Thank you! I mean these fucking people. Yes ma’am? Oh it gets worse! So much worse!

Las Vegas shooting victims recovering from the worst mass shooting in modern U.S. history earlier this month now face death threats from conspiracy theorists convinced that the massacre was a hoax, and that wounded individuals were crisis actors.

“You are a lying piece of shit and I hope someone truly shoots you in the head,” a Facebook commenter wrote on the page of Braden Matejka, a 30-year-old concertgoer from British Columbia who took a bullet to the back of his head and survived. Posts like this began to populate quickly alongside messages of support from friends and family, forcing Matejka to delete both his Facebook and Instagram accounts.

“I’d be happy to talk to these people, but it seems there’s no reasoning,” Matejka told the Guardian. “A really sad part of this is that a lot of these people think they’re fighting the good fight and exposing truth.”

But there is some good news at least. While there hasn’t been a motive established yet and the NRA is trying to bury the lead on this one, doctors are examining Stephen Paddock’s brain to figure out why he snapped:

LAS VEGAS -- Scientists are preparing to do a microscopic study of the Las Vegas gunman's brain, but whatever they find, if anything, likely won't be what led him to kill 58 people in the worst mass shooting in modern U.S. history, experts said.

Stephen Paddock's brain is being sent to Stanford University for a months-long examination after a visual inspection during an autopsy found no abnormalities, Las Vegas authorities said.

Doctors will perform multiple forensic analyses, including an exam of the 64-year-old's brain tissue to find any possible neurological problems.

Oh and here’s something that will make you sick if you’re not already is that the Alt Right were celebrating this horrific tragedy and they are almost the source of most of the misinformation and conspiracy theories that came out of it:

“I have something horrible to say,” Gavin McInnes, the Vice co-founder-turned-“alt-lite”-rabble-rouser, told viewers of his daily video rant, Get Off My Lawn, on Tuesday. “Something sick and wrong.”

For McInnes’s legion of white nationalist fans, there was no surprise in that: The U.K.-born Canadian, who also founded the bullyboy “fraternity” Proud Boys and formerly starred on far-right Rebel TV, has made a career of saying unspeakable things about practically everybody who’s not a right-wing white man. But in the wake of the murder of anti-fascist protester Heather Heyer at the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, McInnes—one of the first alt-right rats to flee the ship and embrace the “lite” label once Nazi salutes began to tarnish the brand—had announced that he was leaving Rebel and “going mainstream.”

But if any of his angry young white male fans worried that McInnes would stop pulling his punches now that he’d matriculated to CRTV, the platform that hosts such “mainstream” stalwarts as Mark Levin, Michelle Malkin, and Steve Deace, his response to the Las Vegas massacre was about to provide some reassurance. “I thought, yesterday, ‘Oh, good!’” McInnes said. “Sorry, I know it’s a horrible word to use in such a catastrophe. But I thought, ‘The narrative may have switched now. Right-wingers are no longer the murderers of Heather Heyer. Now we’re the victims of Stephen Paddock.’”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! If a mass shooting happens and your first thought is “how can we blame this on democrats”, you are truly fucked in the head and should be under intensive psychiatric care! Well who needs ISIS when we have Infowars?

Milo Yiannopoulos, the right-wing provocateur and former Breitbart News editor, has gone on Australian television network Sky News Australia to make unsubstantiated allegations about the mass shooting in Las Vegas earlier this month, in which 59 people were killed. Law enforcement agencies have concluded that shooter Stephen C. Paddock acted alone, though they have not determined his motive.

The persistence of conspiracy theories surrounding the Las Vegas attack is a testament to the quickness and ease with which misinformation can be disseminated in the Information Age. And while unflattering but accurate reports are deemed "fake news," conspiracy theories are peddled as brave truth-telling ventures of the kind establishment media outlets are purportedly no longer willing to undertake (or underwrite).

Some, for example, have suggested that Paddock was a fundamentalist adherent of the Islamic State, while others believe that he was a liberal, noting that he chose to attack a country music concert, where the audience would have presumably been right-leaning.

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[font size="8"]Kid Rock
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It’s now time for:


And boy do I need a drink this week. Whew. Man there’s a lot of sexual harassment stories, there’s a lot of Trump bullshit, a lot of well, everything. So what shall I order? Waitress, can I see the drink menu please? I’ll have a tall boy of PBR please. No, fuck it. I’ll have a tall boy of Busch Light. That’s right – I managed to find the one beer cheaper than PBR! So why am I drinking Busch Light? It’s to celebrate this news!

It was all a goof. Kid Rock admitted on Tuesday morning (Oct. 24) that his tease about running for Senate in Michigan was all a joke to promote his upcoming album, Sweet Southern Sugar (Nov. 3). "Fuck no I'm not running for Senate. Are you fucking kidding me? Who fucking couldn't figure that out?" Rock (born Robert Ritchie) told SiriusXM host Howard Stern. The "Devil Without a Cause" rapper stirred up speculation this summer that he could become the latest celebrity to jump into politics when he launched the kidrockforsenate.com site and began selling merchandise.

Saying he was going to run was “the worst advice that I ever gave myself, but it’s been the most creative thing I’ve ever done, and I gotten to see everyone’s true colors," Rock, 46, was proud that he had gotten endorsements from the White House, former Trump whisperer Steve Bannon, former New York Gov. George Pataki as well as fans from "all over the world" for his fake run. He especially got a laugh out the fact that some of the people in his own inner circle bought the gag that he was going to take on Democrat Debbie Stabenow.

Whew!!!! Yeah!!!! Kid Rock is *NOT* running for Senate! Aw, but part of me really wanted to hear him scream “Bawitdaba” on the Senate floor! But guess what? Not only that, he admitted that it was all just a publicity stunt!

According to The Pulse Of Radio, Kid Rock admitted in an interview with Howard Stern what many suspected all along: he's not running for the U.S. Senate seat in Michigan and the whole fake campaign — including concerts resembling rallies, a KidRockForSenate web site and political speeches — was a publicity stunt for his upcoming studio album.

Rock told Stern: "Fuck no, I'm not running for Senate. Are you kidding me? Who couldn't figure that out? I'm releasing a new album on November 3rd. I'm going on tour too. Are you fucking shitting me?"

Apparently a number of Rock's supporters thought the campaign was more than just fake news, even speculating on a Rock run at the White House down the line.

The singer said that staging the fake campaign was "the worst advice that I ever gave myself," but added, "It's been the most creative thing I've ever done, and I got to see everybody's true colors."

Read more at http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/kid-rock-admits-senate-run-was-publicity-stunt.html#B5VhOHUMv2u6KB9F.99

So here’s the thing people are asking – what can we learn from a fake run for senate by a fake senate campaign that produced some shockingly scary poll numbers? Here’s what!

By now you’ve heard, perhaps, that Kid Rock — the alter ego of Robert Ritchie known for “Bawitdaba” and other mellifluous music — is not, in fact, running for Senate in his home state of Michigan.

“F— no, I’m not running for Senate,” Kid Rock said on “The Howard Stern Show” on Tuesday morning, putting to bed months of rumors that he was making a bid to join the world’s most exclusive club. “I’m releasing a new album. I’m going on tour, too.” And, of course, this is as it should be: We’re all better off with the soothing sounds of “American Bad A–” and “Cowboy” and “Born Free” caroming off of our arena walls than Kid Rock’s five-point plan for tax reform blasting from the hustings.

But if we’re going to be honest with ourselves — and we’re all friends here, so that’s okay — the reason Kid Rock’s shenanigans weren’t dismissed out of hand as little more than free publicity for a singer looking to make a few extra dollars is that, well, it all made a bit too much sense, didn’t it? Not solely because of the election of Donald Trump to the presidency, mind you, though the similarities between the two are obvious; one imagines that Mr. Rock’s co-opting of a variety of no-nonsense pandering to working-class whites could have led him to victory in the state Trump carried 47.6 percent to 47.3 percent.

But here’s the thing – haven’t we had enough of Kid Rock’s bullshit? Yeah he’s repeatedly insulted LGBT people and denounced Colin Kaepernick, and shot grills with bazookas, and was giving the proverbial finger to Hillary Clinton when he was at the White House. But could this be the last straw?

Haven’t we had enough of Kid Rock?

He’s the performer who once told protesters to “kiss my ass” over his use of the Confederate flag.

He’s the devil without a cause, with the exception of soaking America in good values like cheap beer and racism.

He’s the Detroit rapper turned country music star who released his own line of pro-Trump merchandise and was rewarded with the opportunity to mock a portrait of Hillary Clinton in the White House alongside Sarah Palin and Ted Nugent, completing the Holy Trinity of “right-winging, bitter-clinging, proud clingers of our guns, our God and our religions.” (Only, you know, one of them starred in a porno with that guy from Creed and screams lyrics like, “Now if you wanna be fucked then step up, bitch / I’m gonna pack my dick all up in your shit / Now I don’t like rubbers, they hold me back / Instead I roll like Tonto and ride bareback.”

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[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #20: The Philippines
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Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that Japan has a nuclear problem, South Korea might go nuclear, and China’s falling space station will most likely kill a whole bunch of us. Literally. Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]The Philippines[/font]

Welcome to Manila everybody! The Philippines are home to some of the world’s most beautiful beaches in the Pacific Ocean. The kind where you can sit out in a hut and overlook the blue ocean and white sand beneath your feet. It’s also home to lots of active volcanos if you’re in to that sort of thing. Manila is also the home to the Manila Ocean Park – an actual underwater aquarium – in the ocean! The Philippines is also the home of the Human Island Resort – a small island that we can only imagine is what it would be like if you actually stayed on the island from “Lord Of The Flies” but with hotels and flat screen TVs. It’s also the home of one of the world’s largest active volcanoes – the Camiguin. And Manila isn’t the only major city in the Philippenes – it’s also the home of the city of Cebu – a modern metropolis where you can also kick back with your favorite cocktail in a tiki hut overlooking the amazing looking blue oceans that you can see for miles. But what else is the Philippenes the home of? Well it’s the home of Donald Trump’s new BFF in the dictator world – Rodrigo Duterte! And we’re going to show you “Trumps Around The World”.

MANILA (Reuters) - Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte on Wednesday defended his bloody war on drugs, telling Southeast Asian lawyers he had been “demonized” and denying allegations of state-sponsored killings of drug dealers and users.

Duterte’s crackdown has caused international alarm, and domestic polls have shown growing scepticism about the 16-month old campaign that has killed thousands of mostly urban, poor Filipinos.

His government’s human rights record has been strongly criticized by Western countries, and is one of the issues U.S. President Donald Trump plans to raise on a visit to Manila next month to attend a regional summit.

“I know that I have been demonized,” Duterte said, invoking God and his oath as a lawyer as he offered his assurance. “The extra judicial tag that has been placed on me is simply not true.”


We don’t feel for you one bit, you ruthless dictator scumbag. In fact this may be where Donald Trump is getting his plan to have military parades coming to your town. Yes – another sure fire sign of fascism!

MANILA (Reuters) - Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte on Thursday ordered the new army commander to recruit and organize 10 new infantry battalions to crush remnants of pro-Islamic State militants, days after they were defeated in a southern city.

The military on Monday declared victory over the Maute group, which seized control in Marawi City on May 23, after killing the last 40 remaining militants, including a few foreign fighters.

More than 1,100 people, including 165 soldiers, died in the five-month conflict.

“We were instructed to organize ten additional battalions,” new military chief Lieutenant-General Rey Leonardo Guerrero told reporters after Duterte installed him to head the 130,000-strong armed forces. One battalion comprises about 500 soldiers.

But eh at least it’s good to see Duterte has his priorities straight! I mean it doesn’t matter that the Philippines has been overrun by a ruthless, Putin-esque dictatorship hell bent on destroying most of the country and suppressing the opposition. Kind of like the republican party. You know what he’s giving back to the people? Faster internet! Yes, we are not making this up!

MANILA, Philippines — Alibaba founder and executive chairman Jack Ma looked upbeat after a meeting with President Duterte at Malacañang yesterday despite reports that he complained of the slow internet connection in the country.

Duterte and Ma talked about bringing in platforms to boost the mobile technology, internet banking and e-commerce industry in the Philippines, officials who attended the meeting told The STAR.

Noting the slow local connection, Ma also expressed interest to help boost internet services for the Philippines.

“Perfect! Excellent meeting,” Ma told reporters at the Palace grounds when asked how his meeting with Duterte went.

But guess what? America isn’t the only ones suffering from a fake news problem. You know who else suffers from a fake news problem? That’s right. And I’m normally not against war, but I would like to see one well placed missile target Putin’s troll army in the Kremlin. Can we at least wish for that?

MANILA — Yen Makabenta, a veteran journalist now at The Manila Times, wrote a prominent column last month about the American ambassador to the United Nations, Nikki Haley, who enthusiastically praised President Rodrigo Duterte of the Philippines. “The Philippines is suffocating,” Mr. Makabenta quoted the ambassador as saying. “We must give President Duterte the space to run his nation.” Ms. Haley, he reported, warned of “destructive forces” that “have calibrated their plot to ouster movements” against Mr. Duterte.

Mr. Duterte no doubt appreciated Ms. Haley’s support. The only problem: It wasn’t true. Mr. Makabenta had based his column on a fake story from a website whose web address, grammatical errors and far-fetched assertions should have made clear that it was a counterfeit of Al Jazeera.

As it has around the world, the internet in the Philippines has become a morass of fake news and conspiracy theories, harassment and bullying. This has muddied public discourse and cultivated a populist attitude toward democracy. What is true, or legal, is no longer important as long as the majority supports it. Responsibility has been discarded for partisanship.

But if you’re thinking of visiting or even relocating to the Philippines, I would say don’t. They’re in the midst of a very brutal conflict between Islamic factions that have taken over the region. And the government is having its’ own George W. Bush “Mission Accomplished” moment!

MANILA — Flanked by soldiers and officers, President Rodrigo Duterte of the Philippines on Tuesday declared the southern city of Marawi “liberated from terrorist influence,” five months after Islamic militants stormed the town, killing scores and sending thousands fleeing.

The president’s visit to Marawi came one day after the authorities declared government forces had killed the insurgency’s leaders in a gunfight. But gunfire could still be heard in pockets of the city, where about 30 militants, some of them foreigners, continued a last stand. At least 20 civilians remain hostages, the authorities said.

Those remaining fighters, officials said, were led by Mahmud bin Ahmad, a Malaysian terrorist who has helped fund the fighting in the Philippines’ restive south. Mr. Ahmad was a close associate of Isnilon Hapilon, an F.B.I.-wanted terrorist who was killed in Monday’s fighting. Mr. Hapilon was the leader of Abu Sayyaf, a terrorist group linked to the Islamic State.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

Yeah you’re probably better off skipping this country for now. If you’re from here… great! If you want to visit, be sure and don’t do drugs! If you’re thinking of moving here, well at least the real estate will be cheap once the dust settles from the war!

Tourism: C-
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: F
Liberal Appeal: F

Overall: F

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

Ooh this is going to be a fun one – we are off to the land of the Taj Mahal, the home of Ghandi and Bollywood as we visit India! Plus we may have some live Bollywood music for you! Or not depending on what I can find.

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]SOJA[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, I love our next guest, they are a forward thinking reggae rock band from Washington, DC and their latest album is called “Poetry In Motion”. It just came out last week! Playing their song “Bad News”, give it up for SOJA!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week! If we still live through this week that is!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Ice House, Pasadena, CA
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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-20: The David Cop-A-Feel & Friends Hour Edition (Original post)
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Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Nov 1, 2017, 05:27 PM

1. Love the Credits

Get thee to the greatest page

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Response to malaise (Reply #1)

Wed Nov 1, 2017, 05:31 PM

2. I'd love to actually be able to record one in front of a live audience!

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