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Wed Oct 4, 2017, 05:06 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-16: The Wrong Remains The Same Edition

Last edited Wed Oct 4, 2017, 06:41 PM - Edit history (3)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-16: The Wrong Remains The Same Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots. Man this has been a shitty week. RIP Tom Petty too – I mean man damn. Let’s liven things up with some comedy shall we? You know let’s talk about Halloween – you know that time of year when the hot secretary gets together with the dorky guy from IT dressed like the dragon from Game Of Thrones, only she doesn’t know he’s the dorky guy from IT, just that she’s into dragons. First off – the movie IT. Yeah we love creepy clowns here. But do we really need girls painting their nails in the style of Pennywise The Clown? Yeah that’s a thing that is happening right now, and if you have a family member who is doing this, you might encourage them to seek counseling ASAP, and I do mean ASAP. The other thing is costumes. This is that time of year when girls get to dress as the sexy whatever, and there’s a company called Yandy that is responsible for a good majority of these. I mean do we really need the sexy pregnant reality star? Thank you sound effects guy for that really graphic vomiting sound. I’m not sure we needed that. But my point about sexy costumes – is the ultimate in WTF. I’m of course talking about the Sexy Fake News costume. And it’s not really that sexy either. Thank you 2017! You have officially been proven to be the weirdest year ever! Bravo well done! OK enough of the intro. We need to lighten things up a bit because there is a lot of shit out there. But first Bill Maher is back and he goes full CSI to link Trump to Russia:

The number one slot this week is going to go to Alex Jones, who in the wake of the terrible Las Vegas attack, has some choice theories on why it happened. In the second slot is Bill O’Reilly who also isn’t helping make things better – the GOP loves to rub salt in the wound. You know – as motivation. At number 3 slot is Donald Trump (3) and his reaction to the shooting was well, about what you would expect from Fearless Leader at this point. At number 4 is also Donald Trump – and switching subjects, we’re going to talk about what he did on Saturday before the massacre. Remember when the worst thing we had to worry about was a devastating hurricane? Yeah well Trump made a complete ass of himself at the President’s Cup. At number 5 we’re going to bring back our favorite segment denouncing the religious right – “Holy Shit”. Because in the wake of the worst terrorist attack on US soil, they crazy, and they are bringing the crazy extra hard. At number 6 is the Alt Right – and there’ s a lot of crazy also surrounding the alt right. Mainly our old friend Vox Day has a line of comic books he wants to sell you. At number 7 we’ve got another installment of “How Is This Still A Thing?”. This week – Fake News (7) – how is this still a thing? At number 8 we're going to debut a new segment called "Beating A Dead Horse" because the right loves to beat dead horses until you can't kill them anymore. This week's dead horse is Trump Vs The NFL (8) because he still won’t let that shit slide. I mean really Donald, let it go. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’re going to bring back “I Need A Drink”. And man do I need a drink this week – holy shit. And I need a drink that’s just perfect for fight night – Steven Segal vs. George Foreman! I need some popcorn and a nice PBR for this one! Finally this week its’ more of the Top 10 World Tour (10). This time I’m coming home, people! We are going to be covering the conservative idiocy in my home state of California! Plus we’ve got some live music for you from one of the biggest bands in the world – California’s Green Day! They just finished their Revolution Radio tour and they are amazing live, and they are stopping by our crappy show! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
[br] [/font]

! I mean… Jesus. How do you try to do comedy in the wake of the terrible tragedy that happened in Vegas this week? You know I had almost considered not doing a Top 10 this week. But then I’m reminded that the original Top 10 was started in response to how poorly the conservative’s response to the terrible tragedy in San Bernardino – which was almost 2 years ago. Then there was the Bataclan in Paris. And then there was Alex Jones who went full crazy in his attempt to tie liberals and Antifa to this horrible tragedy.

ALEX JONES: About 20 minutes ago, ISIS took responsibility for the attacks, and the police have confirmed that he had -- the reported shooter had recently personally threatened them and posted videos threatening them, saying that he had joined ISIS, joined Al Qaeda, and that he was basically a leftist, just like [alleged NSA leaker] Reality Winner, and just like so many others that had converted to Islam, that was so angry about Trump and everything that was happening that he went out and carried out this attack. Now, again, clearly it looks like he had help, but we saw the October 1st event of the 100 years of the Bolshevik Revolution coming up, and I had been predicting starting October 1st that we'd see terror attacks.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Yeah so they give Hillary a bunch of shit for attempting to politicize this tragedy, but then turn around and praise Alex Jones for doing the same. WTF… it just.. I can’t even fathom how low you have to stoop. But he goes lower:

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist who once claimed that the 2012 attack on Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, was staged, is now making similarly preposterous claims about the murder of at least 58 people at a country music concert in Las Vegas Sunday night.

Jones used his radio program on Monday to counter assertions made by Nevada law enforcement authorities that the gunman was Stephen Paddock, a 64-year-old white male who apparently acted alone and without any political or ideological motive.

Easily shedding the trappings of reality, Jones concocted a customarily lurid and complex tale involving the Islamic State group (ISIS), former Vice President Albert Gore and former CIA official Philip Mudd, among other imagined malefactors. Jones also alluded to “the literal grandchildren of the folks that financed the Bolshevik Revolution out of New York and London,” an elaborate allusion to Jews that none of his devoted fans could have missed.

Yeah that sounds about right. But how low will Alex go to defend his precious killing machines? How about they bring up past beefs with David Letterman on the subject?

The Las Vegas massacre certainly made for a busy day for free-form bullshit artist and internet beacon of freedom Alex Jones. First he explained that the shootings were part of some kind of ISIS/antifa/communist insurrection. Then he came back a little later in the day in a video to sell some Trucker Speed, explain how Saturday Night Live is a “psy-op,” and talk with Genuine Former CIA Operative Kevin Shipp, whom the CIA once tried to kill for knowing too much, but that’s not really the point here. Jones talks with Shipp about his career in black ops, then says there’s just so much about the shooter and the shooting that just doesn’t add up:

At about the nine-minute mark, Jones notes that O.J. Simpson was released from prison in Nevada just 20 hours before the shooting, so all the media would be in Nevada, and rants about “this whole climate where the Democrats are saying ‘We’re gonna have a revolution, we’re gonna kill Trump supporters, we’re gonna kill Trump.'”
Read more at https://wonkette.com/623777/alex-jones-and-guest-yell-at-david-letterman-for-thing-david-letterman-didnt-say-about-las-vegas#lrDvVIXrtRFkblKO.99

Really? We’re going to kill Trump and his supporters? When did we ever say that? Oh right WE NEVER SAID THAT, YOU JACKASS!!!! And if you’re reading this anonymously, Alex, fuck you too. But it gets worse!

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist shock jock heading Infowars, claimed that last night’s mass shooting in Las Vegas was “the first Islamic attack on a conservative group” in a larger plot to destroy America.

Today, Jones spent most of his airtime at Infowars imagining various conspiracies that would prove that when alleged gunman Stephen Paddock fired an automatic weapon into a large crowd at a country music concert in Las Vegas, it was an act of liberal violence. Jones doubted the authenticity of official reports of the mass shooting and attempted to tie it into a vague prediction he made on Friday that liberals would use a major attack, along with racial tensions, to destroy conservatives like him “Bolshevik-style.”

“Why does the left bring in the very groups that are trying to kill you?” Jones asked, referring to Muslims.

Where do they get this shit from? Bolshevik revolution? Destroying conservatives? I mean WTF… are they just making things up? Because nobody talks out of their ass more than Alex Jones does!

David Knight, host of a morning program on Alex Jones’ Infowars channel, suggested on Monday that the massacre in Las Vegas could be a false flag operation designed to strip Second Amendment gun rights from Americans.

During his morning broadcast, Knight reported on the breaking news that over 50 had been killed and over 400 injured by a shooter in Vegas.

“As we look at the 100 year anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution and as we talk about last week,” Knight said. “Talking about multiple groups saying, ‘It’s coming Nov. 4. We have a new civil war that is coming to overthrow the government.’ Talking about how these Antifa communists are training with weapons, etc. So, there was a lot of stuff that was on the horizon.”

But the host said that he suspected legislation in Congress was the true motive behind the massacre.

Dude, Alex. You attempted to justify KILLING CHILDREN. You are the lowest fucking form of scumbag on the earth. What? You can’t move enough Infowars brand Tactical Body Armor? And now you’re trying to play to the most paranoid among us to drive up gun sales. There’s more to life than fucking guns!!! But it didn’t take him long to justify it:

While a Sandy Hook parent squarely blamed Congress for the Las Vegas mass shooting — in which Stephen Paddock killed at least 58 people (with over 515 more injured) — unrepentant Sandy Hook “truther” Alex Jones wasted no time in hatching a new conspiracy theory. Jones, of course, famously claimed that the 2012 Newtown shooting was a “false flag” attack that was orchestrated by the government (with “actors” filling in for grieving parents), and he stayed consistently insane here. As seen in the above InfoWars clip, Jones claims that he predicted (last week) that the Vegas massacre would take place.

Not only that, but Jones accuses “Deep State” Democrats of orchestrating the Vegas mass shooting to launch a new Civil War in the U.S. He believes the event was planned around the 100th year of Russia’s Bolshevik Revolution, which was led by Vladimir Lenin against the existing government. Before Jones comes around to mentioning O.J. Simpson (for real), he says this:

“The literal grandchildren of the folks that financed the Bolshevik Revolution out of New York and London are now bragging saying Bolshevik 2 is launching. I told you over and over again that I believe their November 4th launch terror date was a smokescreen for them to begin launching terror attacks in October. They will get successively more intense until you basically come punch-drunk to them, then they’ll launch their main attack.”

Oh and then. It get worse! So much worse! Alex Jones wants to be Donald Trump’s BFF so badly that he has a direct line! Yes, they JUSTIFIED THE MURDER OF CHILDREN!!!! And they talk to Trump directly:

Infowars radio host and conspiracy theory architect Alex Jones cited his relationship with President Trump to support his claims that the mass shooting in Las Vegas yesterday was the result of a liberal conspiracy and that the accused shooter was a “patsy and he was set up.”

Today, Jones hosted right-wing activist Laura Loomer, who claimed to possess an internal memo from the Mandalay Bay hotel, where the shooter booked a suite overlooking the country music concert he planned to attack, announcing it would match employee donations to anti-extremism organizations such as the Anti-Defamation League, Human Rights Campaign, and Southern Poverty Law Center following the violent white supremacist Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, Virginia. That memo, the duo claimed, somehow validated theories that the shooter was connected to militant Islamist and Antifa groups.

Loomer told Jones that she thought the accused shooter, Stephen Paddock, was a “hardcore leftist with Antifa connections who became radicalized through ISIS” and that she believed ISIS’ claim that it was responsible for the mass shooting, despite the FBI’s statement that the attacker had no known ties to foreign groups.

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[font size="8"]Bill O’Reilly
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You know that Led Zeppelin song “The Song Remains The Same”? This is kind of like that, but the wrong remains the same. The worst mass shooting in US history was almost immediately met with opposition from gun nuts. Alex Jones as we already found out is a worthless fucking asshole. And now Bill O’Reilly is definitely not helping things.

Bill O'Reilly, the disgraced former Fox News host who was fired after sexual harassment allegations, penned a blog post on his site about the massacre in Las Vegas that left at least 58 people dead.

"Once again, the big downside of American freedom is on gruesome display," the post on billoreilly.com begins.

"The murderer had a number of deadly weapons in his room and you can count on the gun control debate to ramp up," he wrote. He says he's covered many mass shootings and that gun control will not stop them from happening.

"This is the price of freedom," he wrote. "Violent nuts are allowed to roam free until they do damage, no matter how threatening they are. The 2nd Amendment is clear that Americans have a right to arm themselves for protection. Even the loons."

And that price is not only wrong, it’s dead wrong. And I really hate to use the word “dead” here but sometimes it must be used. And guess where O’Reilly

After former Fox News host Bill O'Reilly—ousted from his nightly show earlier this year following allegations of sexual harassment—described the blood-soaked massacre at a Las Vegas music festival on Sunday night that left 59 people dead and hundreds wounded as "the price of freedom," the good people of the nation had a simple response: No, you heartless and mindless idiot.

"Once again," O'Reilly wrote on his personal blog Monday, "the big downside of American freedom is on gruesome display." Later, he argued that mass murder at the hands of people with automatic assault rifles is simply "the price of freedom" because "violent nuts are allowed to roam free until they do damage, no matter how threatening they are."

Though a classic construction of right-wing demagoguery, that thinking is betrayed by serious academic research which shows that when strict gun control laws are put in place, these kinds of attacks are incredibly rare compared to what the United States—hostage as it is to the nation's gun industry lobby and the NRA—has been forced to experience in recent decades.

And Bill O’Reilly is definitely wrong here. As is all the assholes, Trump trolls, fake news, /pol/ posts on your social media feed attempting to justify this horrifying tragedy as not being the fault of the guns. It is the fault of the guns! But that’s not the only thing Gramps O’Reilly is pissed at. What else is the cranky old guy pissed at? Let’s break it down.

Festivus came early this year as Bill O'Reilly returned to Fox News on Tuesday night to make accusations and air grievances.

Appearing on "Hannity," O'Reilly made his first appearance on the conservative news network since multiple sexual-harassment allegations led to his ouster in April.

O'Reilly's time with Sean Hannity, promoted as a way to promote his latest book, "Killing England," primarily devolved into a discussion of things that have upset O'Reilly in the five months since viewers saw him last.

Here, in no particular order, are a few things that grind O'Reilly's gears:

So what is he pissed at? You know they just wont this damn NFL feud go. I mean really in the list of things to worry about I’d place NFL protestors somewhere between McDonalds discontinuing the 2 for $5 menu and stores running out of the SNES Classic. What do you mean I have to pay extra if I want a Big Mac and Chicken Nuggets in the same order????


In generally unsurprising news, O'Reilly is very offended by peaceful protests in the NFL that involve kneeling during the playing of the national anthem.

"It’s a mob mentality. It is an anti-Trump demonstration," O'Reilly said of the protest that Colin Kaepernick ignited during the Obama administration. "That’s what it’s morphed into."

Both Hannity and O'Reilly both invoked the troops in their arguments that protests involviing the the American flag and national anthem are offensive, despite the fact that such speech is protected by the 1st Amendment.

Really Mr. O’Reilly if you have a problem with this:


But not with this:

You’re part of the problem. Speaking of which he’s also got a beef with racism. Yes racism! Again… not helping!


Hannity was anxious to hear O'Reilly's thoughts about how the left uses racism as a "wedge issue," and the former host of "The O'Reilly Factor" was more than happy to oblige.

"The media and the entertainers drive it," O'Reilly said in response to Hannity's assertion that accusations of racism are dividing the country along racial lines in a way that is "hurtful to the country."

Wait – let me get this straight! You just denounced NFL protests and then in the same breath denounce “media racism”? GTFO!!! And would you be surprised to learn that he’s got a problem with that damned mainstream media? Yes he does! Hey O’Reilly – I got news for ya – YOU ARE THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA NOW!!! Get over yourself, jackass!

That darn mainstream media

O'Reilly and Hannity both had plenty of scorn to pile onto other purveyors of national news.

"I have never seen any institution in America that is so corrupt, so bitterly ideological, that’s so one-sided," Hannity opined. "All they want to do is destroy this president."

"We’re living in a time with no more journalistic rules, and I can back that up 50 different ways, but I’m not going to bore everybody tonight," O'Reilly responded. "But I will someday."

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Oh hey look everybody! President Squirrel tweeted something again! Or he said something stupid. Either way it’s hard to tell which is which anymore. But his response to the Vegas shooting might be the most Donald J. Trump thing yet.

President Trump said Tuesday that the quick response of law enforcement during the deadliest mass shooting in modern American history was “in many ways, a miracle.”

“Look, we have a tragedy. What happened is, in many ways, a miracle,” Trump said as he departed the White House for a trip to Puerto Rico on Tuesday morning. “The police department, they’ve done such an incredible job. And we’ll be talking about gun laws as time goes on. But I do have to say, how quickly the police department was able to get in was really very much of a miracle. They’ve done an amazing job.”

At least 59 people were killed and more than 500 others were injured in Las Vegas late Sunday when Stephen Paddock, a 64-year-old retiree who lives in the area, opened fire on an outdoor country music festival from the windows of a 32nd-floor hotel suite. For at least five minutes, and perhaps as long as 15, bullets rained down on the concertgoers and the panicked crowd rushed to escape. As Paddock fired round after round, gun smoke filled the hotel suite and set off a fire alarm, allowing a SWAT team to zero in on Paddock’s position in about 20 minutes. As officers closed in, Paddock killed himself.

Even Mr. Erhmantraut agrees! I mean do you know what the word “miracle” entitles? A miracle would have been – NOBODY dies! That would have been a fucking miracle! Oh and of course we shouldn’t talk about guns. Or racism. Or any of the right wing’s trigger issues. These people are the real snowflakes!

“We have a tragedy. What happened in Las Vegas is, in many ways a miracle,” President Donald Trump said outside the White House this morning, before heading to Marine One en route to Puerto Rico.

“The [Vegas] police department has done such an incredible job,” Trump told reporter, adding, “and we will be talking about gun laws as time goes by.” He did not elaborate and returned to his first theme:

“I do have to say how quickly the police department was able to get in was really very much of a miracle. They’ve done an incredible job.”

The gunman who murdered 59 people and wounded another 500+, was “a sick, demented man” with “a lot of problems I guess and we’re looking into him.”

Sigh… you guess we’re looking into him? You either know… or you don’t. And just say you don’t know, Trump! It’s not that hard! You don’t know! There, I said it! I mean I don’t know what the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow is, but at least I’ll admit it! But then there was Stephen Colbert. Look, we love you Stephen but this ain’t happening.

In the wake of a lone gunman’s slaughter of 59 people in Las Vegas Sunday night, Stephen Colbert opened Monday’s The Late Show challenging President Donald Trump be the president he promised to be, and pass gun control legislation.

“This afternoon the president called [the mass shooting] an act of pure evil. And I think he’s right,” Colbert began. “So what then are we willing to do to combat pure evil?” Colbert wondered.

Addressing Trump, Colbert said, “Doing nothing is cowardice. Doing something will take courage.”

“Now, President Trump, you said you want to be a transformative president, who doesn’t care about the way things have always been done in Washington D.C.” Colbert reminded.

“This is your chance to prove it. And I mean this sincerely. You do not owe the Republicans anything. You know the Republicans tried to stop you from being president. Well, screw ‘em!”

Oh and by the way Trump’s latest word salad didn’t go unnoticed. Just like Sarah Palin, he likes his word salad with extra cheese and a double helping of croutons!

Yesterday morning, Donald Trump addressed the nation on the mass shooting in Las Vegas, and managed to stick to the carefully written script on his teleprompter. There were no asides, no tangents, no tantrums, and none of the staples of this president’s approach to communicating with the public.

Many observers exhaled deeply when it was over, relieved that Trump didn’t use mass murder to say something offensive. Some in the media were a bit too effusive in their praise of the remarks, probably because they were pleasantly surprised the president resisted his usual impulses.

The trouble, of course, was that Trump’s speech didn’t sound anything like Trump. The Atlantic’s David Frum, a former George W. Bush speechwriter, explained, “Speeches are watched as well as heard, and the viewer saw a president who wished he were somewhere else because he had been compelled to pretend something so radically false to his own nature.”

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Yeah so this year has just royally sucked hasn’t it? Can we get a do over on 2017? Please god? Do you have a rewind button? Can we go back to the election last year and reelect Hillary Clinton? Damn. That was our planet!!!! Damn you all to hell!! OK I’m stalling enough. Hurricane season has come and gone and of course our president isn’t helping things. You know most of the Caribbean was leveled and it seems like San Juan got the worst of it. And Trump isn’t helping.

Washington (CNN)President Donald Trump praised Puerto Rico Gov. Ricardo Rosselló on Tuesday, saying he wasn't "playing politics" -- an apparent swipe at San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulín Cruz, with whom he has publicly feuded over the past several days.
"I just want to tell you that right from the beginning this governor was not playing politics," Trump said as he huddled with local and federal officials on the island for a briefing on recovery efforts. "He was giving us the highest grades."
Trump attacked Yulín Cruz on Saturday for criticizing the White House's hurricane relief efforts in Puerto Rico, accusing her of "poor leadership" and suggesting that the island's residents are not doing enough to help themselves.

Not playing politics? Dude, you LITERALLY JUST PLAYED POLITICS! Let’s go to the tweet!


Sorry, Donnie but by calling it “fake news”, you are literally playing politics! I mean do we need to point this out?

President Donald Trump on Tuesday said the humanitarian aid response in Puerto Rico following the devastation of Hurricane Maria has "thrown our budget a little out of whack," during a visit to the Caribbean island.

"I hate to tell you, Puerto Rico, but you've thrown our budget a little out of whack, because we've spent a lot of money on Puerto Rico," Trump said.

He quickly added that the money was well spent.

"That's fine, we've saved a lot of lives," he said.

Trump went on to compare the devastation in Puerto Rico to that of Hurricane Katrina in the US, saying relatively few people have lost their lives as a result of the storm and ensuing loss of power, destruction of infrastructure, and widespread flooding.

You know Mr. President there’s some things you could cut out of the budget – like your ridiculous wall for instance! Or maybe the increased and utterly ridiculous ICE funding! Or the million+ times you’ve attempted to repeal Obamacare! Thank you! But here’s where it gets weird – Trump went to the PGA’s Presidents Cup tournament to dedicate the President’s Cup to the city of Puerto Rico. I swear you need a flow chart for his treatment of Puerto Rico! Unfortunately I don’t have that ready.

The Presidents Cup, a golf tournament started by the PGA Tour in 1994 and won by the United States this weekend for the seventh time in a row, somehow necessitated the appearance of President Trump on Sunday. After the U.S. victory, Trump took the shiny trophy, and dedicated it to Americans in Texas, Florida, and Puerto Rico affected by hurricanes in recent months.

Well if there is a plus side, the residents of San Juan can use the giant cup to scoop out the raw sewage they are wading through. Thank you. But Trump couldn’t be more dead wrong.

President Trump visited storm-ravaged Puerto Rico on Tuesday to survey damage and talk to residents, while also meeting and briefly praising the San Juan mayor following their feud over the administration's response to Hurricane Maria.

The president, accompanied by first lady Melania Trump, participated in a packed briefing on storm recovery shortly after landing at Luis Muñiz Air National Guard Base in San Juan.

San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulin Cruz, who has repeatedly criticized the president’s actions since the storm wreaked havoc on the U.S. territory last month, was seen shaking Trump's hand and joining him for the briefing in a hangar.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

Yes friends! Gather around, friends! Pass the collection plate, friends!!! Yay, during this most troubling of times we once again turn to the holiest among us. But unfortunately we realize that the holiest among us are full of…

Today, in the most darkest of times, after the most horrifying of mass shootings, we are once again turning to the most godly among us. And we are very much finding out that the godliest among us are also the craziest among us. To start this segment, we have our old friend – the guy who goes out of his way to pretend he’s a coach, Dave Daubenmire. Who offered this batshit craziest of theories about the shooting.

On his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning, Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire said last night’s mass shooting in Las Vegas, in which 50 people were killed and hundreds more were wounded, was just the latest example of “the wrath of God” being unleashed on America for being such a wicked nation.

“In the world of America, where guys climb up on towers in Las Vegas and pick off people at a concert,” he said, “where people indiscriminately kill one another, the wrath of God [is] being revealed. See, the wrath of God being revealed means that the things that the Lord used to prevent, He doesn’t prevent so much any more. He doesn’t prevent them. Maybe He doesn’t cause them, He doesn’t cause a hurricane to come into Houston, but He doesn’t prevent it. That’s for sure.”

“Maybe He doesn’t cause that guy to shoot people, but He doesn’t prevent it,” Daubenmire continued. “We used to have a sense of spiritual covering over us but it’s rapidly disappearing because, even though I stand for the Pledge of Allegiance, the American government is pretty wicked.”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! These two things have absolutely nothing to do with each other, just like Dave has nothing to do with being an actual coach. I mean come on David, we can tell you're standing in front of an obviously fake blue screen stadium backdrop. Can we rolleth thy tape on that?

But then Dave not only doesn’t back down, he doubles down on his theory and suggests that Stephen Paddock might have been a government controlled assassin:

Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire used his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning to address the pressing question of whether the person responsible for last weekend’s mass shooting in Las Vegas might have been a victim of government mind control.

Daubenmire said that we all know “about mind control being used to create super soldiers, hidden assassins that are going to emerge” and so people must admit that “this is real.”

“Whether this guy was a mind-controlled assassin, we don’t know that,” Daubenmire said, “but the idea that he was a mind control assassin is not far out. It’s not far out, folks. And if you’re foolish enough to think that this is tinfoil hat stuff and this isn’t going on, I don’t know what to tell you.”

“We know this stuff is real,” he said later in the broadcast as he tried to connect the issue of mind control to Antifa, Barack Obama and George Soros.


David, I believe my son, that you have been hitteh in thine head too many times. You know this stuff is real? Do you haveth thine proof? No? Then sit back down! Next up we have Pat Robertson. How is it that we lost Frank Zappa back in 1993 but Pat Robertson is still alive? Jesus must think he’s a real jerk.

On “The 700 Club” today, televangelist Pat Robertson linked last night’s mass shooting in Las Vegas to a disrespect for President Trump, the national anthem and God.

“Violence in the streets, ladies and gentlemen. Why is it happening?” he asked. “The fact that we have disrespect for authority; there is profound disrespect for our president, all across this nation they say terrible things about him. It’s in the news, it’s in other places. There is disrespect now for our national anthem, disrespect for our veterans, disrespect for the institutions of our government, disrespect for the court system. All the way up and down the line, disrespect.”

“Until there is biblical authority,” Robertson continued, “there has to be some controlling authority in our society and there is none. And when there is no vision of God, the people run amok … and we have taken from the American people the vision of God, the whole idea of reward and punishment, an ultimate judge of all our actions, we’ve taken that away. When there is no vision of God, the people run amok.”

Next up we are switching subjects. You know Alabama’s senate candidate Roy Moore? You know he is among the craziest of us. Apparently false religion beith a thing that exists, and he is combating something that apparently is not a problem.

CNN reported recently on a February speech in which Moore suggested that the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks were God’s judgment on America for having “distanced ourselves” from God, including efforts to “legitimize sodomy” and “legitimize abortion.”

Moore has long warned that God is judging America. In a 2012 speech, Moore said that Satan was behind marriage equality and legal abortion, which is why God “has a controversy with the inhabitants of this land, and until we reject those evils, we shall suffer accordingly”:

Yay, what are these people even angry about? Do they even know anymore? They’ve been lied to for so long they don’t know what they’re mad about. I mean really is the right’s argument about gay marriage even valid anymore? Well there’s Bryan Fischer – who believes that the right way to solve a gun problem is guess what? More guns!

American Family Radio’s Bryan Fischer said on his radio show yesterday that the problem at the heart of the recent mass shooting in Las Vegas is that too few people had guns.

Fischer told a caller who wondered if the massacre could have been stopped if armed guests in the Mandalay Bay hotel had burst into the shooter’s room and killed him that “that was a good question to raise.”

While admitting that breaking down a hotel room door in order to confront a heavily armed assailant in the midst of carrying out a massacre “might have been difficult” for an average hotel guest, Fischer said “it certainly would create the possibility if there was somebody next door with a weapon, maybe this thing could have been stopped before 55 people were dead.”

“The problem is not too many guns,” Fischer said, “but too few.”

Really these people couldn’t be more stupid if they had tried. That comes with the problem of not thinking for thyself. But finally while on the subject of persecution – the right wing are the most paranoid among us, friends! And there is Sandy Rios.

Religious Right radio host Sandy Rios claimed that the term “alt-right” was constructed by liberals to denigrate conservatives, especially those like her who speak out “in the name of Jesus.”

While speaking with pro-Trump Religious Right leader Robert Jeffress this morning, Rios asked for his thoughts about a letter evangelical pastors sent to the White House asking that President Donald Trump take more steps to condemn the white supremacist alt-right movement. Jeffress told Rios he thought the letter was unnecessary.

“Let’s be clear. The president has soundly denounced racism,” Jeffress said, citing Trump’s signing of a joint resolution of Congress that renounced white supremacist and other hate groups. The letter evangelical leaders sent, Jeffress said, “is continuing to pick at a scab that does not need to be picked at.”

Rios said she agreed with Jeffress and that a lot of the “good men on this letter” didn’t fully understand what they had signed.

Yes, they just get crazier and crazier! They really are a special kind of stupid, aren’t they? But they need a lesson in how real life religion works as their treatment of our president!

As the Religious Right coalesced behind Donald Trump’s presidential campaign last year, various narratives began to emerge that Trump had found God—or at least “opened himself” to Christianity—thanks to his proximity to conservative evangelical leaders.

George Barna, a conservative Christian pollster who is out with a new book arguing that Christians brought about Trump’s election in what he has called a “major miracle” sent by God, added to this narrative in a recent interview with Virginia talk radio host Rob Schilling, saying that the conservative religious leaders who Trump has surrounded himself with in the White House have brought about a “major change” in “the heart and hopefully the soul of this man who’s now our president.”

You can’t really change a soul when that individual had no soul to begin with! Thank you very much for attending! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That is it for this week, friends! Now sayeth it with thy self:

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[font size="8"]The Alt Right
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So anyone remember back in Idiots #25, I covered the alt right troll-o-sphere led by conservative firebrand and guy named after a holiday new car sales event, Vox Day. Come check out our new Lexus Vox Day specials at your local Lexus dealer! Terms and conditions may apply! Well, Vox is back in the news. It seems he is trying to “trigger” the left with some new comic books.

After spending weeks hyping a new comic book series promising to spark outrage among progressive comic book fans, alt-right activist Theodore Beale—known online as Vox Day—has delivered: A trailer for the “Alt-Hero” comic book series has been released.

Beale managed to raise more than $32,000 overnight after releasing the trailer, meeting what he said was his first fundraising goal toward the creation of the comic series. The fundraising page claims the comic is “intended to challenge and eventually replace the SJW-converged comics of DC and Marvel.” (“SJW” is Alt-Right shorthand for “social justice warrior.”)

Beale told his fans that major comic makers are “methodically, purposefully, absolutely attempting to destroy every value—every American value, every Western value, every Christian value that they can get their hands on” by creating spinoffs of popular comic series that depict classic characters as black, female and Muslim. Beale’s answer to that perceived attack is to fund the creation of a comic series that features “triggering” white characters that smoke cigarettes, wear Confederate flag costumes and combat left-wing protesters.

Yes it is. And here's the thing Vox - if you want to be in the comic book industry, take it from the GOAT, Stan Lee - make comics that people actually want to read! Thank you! I mean why the fuck would anyone buy this? He’s only going to be preaching to the choir. And then there’s this douchebag – James Allsup, who offered this batshit crazy theory about the Vegas shooting:

YouTube personality and alt-right sympathizer James Allsup, who uses his platforms to cater to white nationalist and white identity politics, reacted alongside other alt-right figures to news of the mass shooting in Las Vegas last night by floating conspiracy theories and attacks on the shooter’s immigrant wife.

Fifty people were killed and hundreds were injured after a gunman, identified as 64-year-old Stephen Paddock, fired an automatic assault weapon into a large crowd at a country music concert off the Las Vegas strip. After police identified the shooter as an older white man, Allsup began ginning up possible conspiracy theories.

First, Allsup theorized that the mass shooting was “professional work” and not the act of a “lone wolf” attacker, despite reporting at the time from Las Vegas police:

But the bovine excrement is much more pure than that. In fact the bovine excrement is so strong that they think they can take down Canada. You know some psychiatrist out there has to know what makes these morons rage against liberals. I mean there’s something out there isn’t there?

"We Have a Right to Exist," declares the slogan, under a picture of a young white man and woman, on posters found last week on university campuses in New Brunswick, Canada.

The posters—decried as white supremacist hate speech by college authorities—were found on the University of New Brunswick campus in Fredericton, only days after "alt-right" activists defaced a First Nations welcome sign at the nearby St. Thomas University.

Even Grumpy Cat wants you to go away! But now there’s calls on Trump to denounce his hardcore base – the alt right.

President Donald Trump needs to be crystal clear in his condemnation of the so-called alt-right, a group of Southern Baptist and other evangelical leaders said in a letter addressed to the commander in chief. The document, first obtained exclusively by CNN and published September 29, urges Trump to “join with many other political and religious leaders to proclaim with one voice that the ‘alt-right’ is racist, evil, and antithetical to a well-ordered, peaceful society.”

The letter—drafted by the Reverend William Dwight McKissic, senior pastor at the Cornerstone Baptist Church in Arlington, Texas, and Keith Whitfield, a professor and dean at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary—comes in the wake of Trump’s varied and widely criticized responses to white nationalist rallies that turned violent in August in Charlottesville, Virginia. The president alternated between blaming both sides for the violence and condemning groups like white supremacists and the Ku Klux Klan.

Oh oh… the alt right is getting played off by Keyboard Cat! Oh the humanity!!! The alt right’s presence has even caught fire with the evangelical community! They want them to go away!

President Donald Trump needs to be crystal clear in his condemnation of the so-called alt-right, a group of Southern Baptist and other evangelical leaders said in a letter addressed to the commander in chief. The document, first obtained exclusively by CNN and published September 29, urges Trump to “join with many other political and religious leaders to proclaim with one voice that the ‘alt-right’ is racist, evil, and antithetical to a well-ordered, peaceful society.”

The letter—drafted by the Reverend William Dwight McKissic, senior pastor at the Cornerstone Baptist Church in Arlington, Texas, and Keith Whitfield, a professor and dean at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary—comes in the wake of Trump’s varied and widely criticized responses to white nationalist rallies that turned violent in August in Charlottesville, Virginia. The president alternated between blaming both sides for the violence and condemning groups like white supremacists and the Ku Klux Klan.

The events in Charlottesville “reminded us of a time years ago when such brazen displays of bigotry and white supremacy were common and were upheld by political leaders,” reads the letter, which is now also available on a site where leaders beyond the original 39 signatories can add their names. “We have overcome much racial injustice, but we fear that without moral clarity and courageous leadership that consistently denounces all forms of racism, we may lose the ground that we have gained toward the racial unity for which so many of us have fought. Our nation remains divided racially and ideologically.”

You tell ‘em!

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[font size="8"]Actual Fake News
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It’s time once again to ask:

This week: Fake News. How is this still a thing? Ever since Trump pointed out fake news last year, it’s been all over the news. And RIP Tom Petty! So let’s get it out there. And in this entry we will be playing all Tom Petty songs instead of our stupid memes. I mean we live in a world where facts don’t matter anymore. So let’s start with Tom Petty. I mean it really sucks that he died on Monday. But did he die or didn’t he die? Or did he have a heart attack and then was in a coma? Or did he die and then we just weren’t informed of the right time? So many questions! And no answers.

Tom Petty died on Monday night, but inaccurate news of his death made its way around the internet much earlier in the day.

According to Tony Dimitriades, longtime manager of Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, the legendary rocker "died peacefully at 8:40 pm PT surrounded by family, his bandmates and friends" after suffering cardiac arrest.

That was hours after some media outlets had already reported on his death -- a mistake that prompted one of Petty's daughters to vent her anger about it on social media.

An Instagram account believed to belong to AnnaKim Violet Petty featured a post with a blistering message to Rolling Stone magazine, which reported Petty had died on Monday afternoon.

But there’s fake news everywhere folks. I mean it is crazy. Facebook in particular is one of the largest offenders of fake news and they may be single handedly responsible for the downfall of society

When they woke up and glanced at their phones on Monday morning, Americans may have been shocked to learn that the man behind the mass shooting in Las Vegas late on Sunday was an anti-Trump liberal who liked Rachel Maddow and MoveOn.org, that the F.B.I. had already linked him to the Islamic State, and that mainstream news organizations were suppressing that he had recently converted to Islam.

They were shocking, gruesome revelations. They were also entirely false — and widely spread by Google and Facebook.

In Google’s case, trolls from 4Chan, a notoriously toxic online message board with a vocal far-right contingent, had spent the night scheming about how to pin the shooting on liberals. One of their discussion threads, in which they wrongly identified the gunman, was picked up by Google’s “top stories” module, and spent hours at the top of the site’s search results for that man’s name.

In Facebook’s case, an official “safety check” page for the Las Vegas shooting prominently displayed a post from a site called “Alt-Right News.” The post incorrectly identified the shooter and described him as a Trump-hating liberal. In addition, some users saw a story on a “trending topic” page on Facebook for the shooting that was published by Sputnik, a news agency controlled by the Russian government. The story’s headline claimed, incorrectly, that the F.B.I. had linked the shooter with the “Daesh terror group.”


How is 4chan still a thing? They are fucking insane! And it’s insane that they would stoop to the low of trying to frame someone for a crime they didn’t fucking commit! But Fake News goes further than that – it appears they’ve been driving Trump’s focus on San Juan because he’s so easily manipulated.

"Carmen Yulin Cruz, the Trump-bashing, terrorist-supporting Mayor of San Juan, diverted $20,000 worth of government money to fund a violent protest against the establishment of a Federal Fiscal Board," one site claimed under the headline "BUSTED: Anti-Trump Mayor Of San Juan Spent $20,000 In Public Funds To Bankroll Violent Protest."

"In September of 2016, Cruz admitted that she and the San Juan People’s Assembly had financed the violent protest to the tune of $20,000," the article reads.

But Cruz never funded protests over federal bailout plans for the cash-strapped island. Rather, she allocated San Juan municipal funds to clean up and provide a semblance of order to an encampment set up by protesters outside a federal court in Hato Rey; the local money was not used to encourage protests or exacerbate demonstrations.

"The municipality collects their trash, offers two latrines and brings them ice. That’s all. What’s the crime in picking up trash? What’s illegal about cleaning two latrines? What’s wrong with bringing them ice made by the municipality?" Cruz said at the time. "It is worth noting that at that camp there hasn’t been a single violent incident. In fact, that camp is a living reminder of the violence being perpetrated in our country with an unjust, colonial and abusive law."

Yes, it was on Facebook so it must be true! I’m sure you’ve been hearing that line a lot this week. But in fact Fake News has been used so much that not only is it tearing us apart, it’s become its’ own logical fallacy.

On the evening of October 30, 1938, a seventy-six-year-old millworker in Grover’s Mill, New Jersey, named Bill Dock heard something terrifying on the radio. Aliens had landed just down the road, a newscaster announced, and were rampaging through the countryside. Dock grabbed his double-barrelled shotgun and went out into the night, prepared to face down the invaders. But, after investigating, as a newspaper later reported, he “didn’t see anybody he thought needed shooting.” In fact, he’d been duped by Orson Welles’s radio adaptation of “The War of the Worlds.” Structured as a breaking-news report that detailed the invasion in real time, the broadcast adhered faithfully to the conventions of news radio, complete with elaborate sound effects and impersonations of government officials, with only a few brief warnings through the program that it was fiction.

The next day, newspapers were full of stories like Dock’s. “Thirty men and women rushed into the West 123rd Street police station,” ready to evacuate, according to the Times. Two people suffered heart attacks from shock, the Washington Post reported. One caller from Pittsburgh claimed that he had barely prevented his wife from taking her own life by swallowing poison. The panic was the biggest story for weeks; a photograph of Bill Dock and his shotgun, taken the next day, by a Daily News reporter, went “the 1930s equivalent of viral,” A. Brad Schwartz writes in his recent history, “Broadcast Hysteria: Orson Welles’s War of the Worlds and the Art of Fake News.”

That’s enough to make you ask – “Fake News”:

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[font size="8"]Trump Vs. The NFL
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It’s time to debut our brand new segment:

Remember last week when the worst thing we had to worry about is whether or not NFL players were sitting or standing during the national anthem? Those were good times. Or maybe not . The point of this segment is that there’s no one who’s better at beating dead horses like the GOP. Like the myth that there’s a liberal media out there. Let’s face it – conservatives own most of this country’s newspapers. They own the big 3 TV networks they love to bash and decry as fake news. They own most of this country’s newspapers. They own nearly every local TV station thanks to Sinclair Broadcasting. Nearly 95% of AM radio is conservative leaning talk shows. The American clergy preaches right wing politics. They own Twitter and Facebook. Every political book on every bookshelf is written by a conservative author with the intent of trashing liberals. Fox News is played in more public places than CNN or MSNBC. Even CBS president Les Moonves famously said that Trump isn’t good for the country but he’s good for ratings. Now witness Sean Hannity who continues to beat the dead horse known as the "liberal media" into the ground:

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I see what Hannity is doing here – he’s channeling his inner Joseph McCarthy. I’ll tell you what Hannity – we can do one better – how about we go after your advertisers and get them to pull their sponsorship of your hate-filled show? Thank you, and I think my audience would agree with me! But the GOP loves to beat dead horses. Like the liberal media and they’ve been peddling that lie for 40 years. And this week – the one dead horse they love to beat is the controversy surrounding NFL anthem protests. But the controversy that will never die, well, is never dying. And Trump trolls are like King Midas only in reverse – everything they touch turns to shit!

The Seattle Seahawks were on the field for the national anthem before their game on Sunday night against the Indianapolis Colts, but a group of six players, led by Michael Bennett and Cliff Avril, sat on the bench for the duration of the song. The rest of the Seahawks were standing, scattered on the sidelines in a far more disorganized grouping than most teams have chosen, while the Colts were on the sidelines with locked arms. Andrew Luck, the injured Colts quarterback, was shown during the NBC broadcast singing along to the song.

Rather than wait in the locker room, like they did during last week’s anthem, the Seahawks decided instead to create a fund with the goal of building a more compassionate and inclusive society, calling it the Players Equality & Justice for All Action Fund.

Here is a quick look at what each team did during the playing of the national anthem on Sunday:

Yeah I’m using Zoidberg memes because that will make this funny. But it gets crazier than that. Lets’ face it folks – we’re in it for a long four years. And I do mean long. Trump has only been in office… 224 days and I feel like I have already aged four years! But Trump just can’t help himself poking the hornets’ nest!

WASHINGTON — Most Americans say the protests by NFL players during the National Anthem are appropriate, a USA TODAY/Suffolk University Poll finds, and they say, by overwhelming margins, that President Trump's heated criticism of them are not.

Two-thirds in the poll of registered voters, by 68%-27%, say Trump's call for NFL owners to fire the players and fans to boycott their games is inappropriate. That includes a third of Republicans as well as nine of 10 Democrats.

By 51%-42%, those surveyed say the players' protests are appropriate.

"They certainly have the right to express whatever they want," says Ryan Doyle, 19, a college student and Democratic-leaning independent from Manhattan Beach, Calif., who was among those surveyed. "It doesn't call for violence; it doesn't call for pain; it doesn't call for any dramatic act."

Yeah this thing is turning into as much of a distraction as the squirrels in Up!. I mean really, are we going to go through this shit every single week now? Are we going to make reporters wear the cone of shame so they stop paying attention to this issue? I mean ESPN now has an Anthem Watch! Week4!

President Donald Trump criticized NFL players who lodge pregame protests, saying in a speech in Alabama on Sept. 22 that he wished those players would be released. He also encouraged fans who are offended to walk out of stadiums. Several players and coaches reacted strongly to Trump on social media, and players -- joined by coaches and owners, in some instances -- across the league knelt, locked arms, raised their fists and even refused to come out of the locker room during the national anthem in Week 3. Trump has continued calling for action against those who kneel during the national anthem, while owners this week scrambled to retain control.

Former San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick started the pregame protest of racial oppression and inequality in the United States last season by sitting during the national anthem before a preseason game, then kneeling during the anthem throughout the season.

But again Trump can’t stop poking the hornets’ nest. Someone really needs to take Fox News away from him!

President Trump’s ongoing battle with the National Football League over the “take a knee” controversy has raised new questions about possible criminal violations. At a rally in Alabama and then in a series of tweets, Trump suggested fans should boycott the NFL and that team owners should fire players who protest during the national anthem.

Trump’s actions quickly led to claims that his pressure on the NFL might be illegal. Particular attention focused on a relatively obscure law, 18 U.S.C. 227, which makes it a crime for a public official to wrongfully seek to influence an employment decision or practice by any private entity. Critics charged that Trump, by urging NFL owners to fire the protesting players, may have run afoul of this statute.

It is at least clear that this law does apply to the president. But don’t expect special counsel Robert S. Mueller III to add this particular offense to his already hefty playbook of potential charges.

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[font size="8"]Steven Segal Vs. George Forman

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It’s now time for:

And man do I need a drink this week! Ah, where you been? Snce we’re going to talk about Russia, I want to change pace and order a Moscow Mule. Ah, that’s a great drink. No mint. But I figured both the latter and the former will make great drinks for fight night. And why am I talking about fighting? Because there’s one brewing. And I start with former actor and guy who looks exactly like his South Park doppleganger, Steven Segal.

Actor Steven Seagal became the subject of online mockery Wednesday after he said on British television that recent kneeling protests at NFL games were both "outrageous" and "disgusting."

Speaking via satellite from Moscow, where he now lives, Seagal told the hosts of Good Morning Britain that he disagreed with the movement started by professional football players who chose to kneel during the national anthem to protest police brutality and racial inequality.

His remarks echo those of President Donald Trump, who has called the action "disgraceful" and suggested that athletes who do not stand during the anthem should be fired. Trump's remarks on Twitter calling out athletes by name have reopened a national debate about free speech and race, and pitted the president against some of the country's most influential figures in the world of sports.


But Steven be crazy. In fact he loves Putin so much that he got Russian citizenship through Putin. And this is turning him from a regular actor into a James Bond villain. Or the bad guy in a Steven Segal movie.

Seeing a washed-up star’s name trending on Twitter is a scary thing. That formerly famous person you basically forgot about could be dead—or, worse, ranting to Piers Morgan about his good friend Vladimir Putin.

During Wednesday’s edition of Good Morning Britain, two white men connected via Skype to express their shared disappointment in NFL players who are taking a knee in protest of police brutality and racial inequality. What set this particular interview apart from legions of similarly structured cable news shows were the two players: London sewer monster Piers Morgan, and ’80s action hero Steven Seagal. Even for a Piers Morgan interview—the man has made a career out of getting mad at female celebrities for showing too much cleavage—this exchange is painful.

To summarize: Seagal, speaking live from Russia, squints through a pair of comically small glasses to condemn “Obama-ites” and “the enemies within” America. He goes on to say that, while he believes in free speech, he doesn’t believe in these football players’ “outrageous, disgusting” protest, adding, “I myself have risked my life countless times for the American flag and I don’t understand or agree with this kind of behavior.”

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Steven Segal has risked his life for the American flag? Has he *watched* Under Siege? Thank you audience! But how do not talk about politics when your BFF is Vladimir Putin? Alex Jones has got to be green (or an even brighter shade of red) with envy!

American movie star and recent Russian citizen Steven Seagal told British television he’s personally acquainted with President Vladimir Putin and talks to him on a wide range of subjects, but not politics.

Seagal, who was awarded Russian citizenship by Putin last November, is one of several late-career celebrities to become naturalized after American boxer Roy Jones Jr. and French actor Gerard Depardieu.

Speaking on a British morning show on Wednesday via satellite from Moscow, Seagal said he’s had many direct dealings with the Russian president.

“Him and I started out becoming friends over the martial arts,” he told the Good Morning Britain show on the ITV television channel.

But here’s where it gets weird, and you know its’ going to! *gets out boxing announcer microphone* AND IN THIS CORNER… GEORGE FOREMAN!!! Who wants to challenge Steven Segal to a boxing match!!

Fresh on the heels of Mayweather vs. McGregor, there could be another superfight on the horizon. You asked for it (probably not) but it's coming (probably not) ...I hope you all are ready for George Foreman vs. Steven Seagal.

Foreman -- the former two-time heavyweight championship boxer and guy responsible for the grill that burned Michael Scott's foot -- took to Twitter on Monday to challenge Seagal, the martial arts movie star, to a fight.

What do we call this fight? The Fracas In Caracas? The Lost Cow In Moscow? The Fricassee in Tennessee? I could go on and on! So why is this fight happening? And Mr. Foreman wants to fight Segal in Las Vegas, because of course!

Via his Twitter account, boxing great George Foreman has challenged martial arts actor Steven Seagal to an open-rules, hand-to-hand brawl in Las Vegas.

“I use boxing you can use whatever. 10 rounds in Vegas,” the former two time heavyweight boxing champion wrote, attaching a photo of Seagal. “It’s my Jab that still works. Mayweather promotion get the first crack. PPV,” he added, with an apparent nod to the recent big-money pay-per-view fight between boxer Floyd Mayweather and mixed martial artist Conor McGregor.

Even though Aikido black-belt Seagal has offered no public response to the challenge, Foreman doubled down on his enthusiasm for the brawl when asked about it on Twitter.

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[font size="8"]World Tour Destination #16: California
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Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. We’re past the halfway mark of our tour so far. All of our hosts have been great so far. So if you want a recap of where we’ve been so far, in the last few weeks we’ve discovered that Brazil is still recovering from the Olympics disaster, Argentina is the center of a murder mystery plot, and New York’s got a gambling problem. This week I am headed home for some shore leave! Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]California[/font]

We need some music for this one!

Yeah that’s my shit! California does know how to party! I am home everybody! I of course talk frequently about my home county of Orange County, California. My state? There is tons to do here, and I do mean tons. We have Los Angeles (my home), San Diego (my home away from home), and San Francisco and the Bay Area (my new home away from home). Also Sacramento, Mendocino, Fresno (Fresno what you sippin????), Victorville (Go Raiders!), and Mammoth and Big Bear Mountains. Well we have the most professional sports teams of any state in the United States! Football? There’s the 49ers, Chargers, Rams, and we still have the Raiders for now. Baseball? There’s the Giants, Angels, Dodgers, Padres, and the A’s. That’s five teams! Soccer? There’s the San Jose Earthquakes, multiple time MLS champion LA Galaxy, and the new Los Angeles Football Club. Hockey? We got the Ducks, Kings, and the Sharks. Basketball? We got the Lakers, Clippers, Kings and the world champion Warriors. I mean come on who doesn’t love Steph Curry? College? There’s USC, UCLA, Stanford, and the university that the Trump trolls love to hate – UC Berkeley. Outdoors? We got it. Some of the best natural parks, skiing and hiking you can find in the world. You want entertainment? We got Hollywood and some of the best concert venues in the country like the Hollywood Bowl and Pantages Theater in LA and the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium in San Francisco and the Shoreline Amphitheater in San Jose. We’re also home to some of the biggest bands in the world too like the Doors, Metallica, System Of A Down, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, No Doubt, Green Day, Primus, Tool, Panic! At The Disco, Weezer, Blink 182, Linkin Park, the Deftones, Incubus, I could go on and on. And you know what? Rather than our usual hilarious memes, we're instead going to use all songs about where else? California! So what else is my state the home of? Well it's the home of the freeway standoff for starters!

A homicide suspect died in a shootout with police Wednesday in the middle of a San Francisco Bay Area freeway as stunned motorists looked on, some recording the scene on their cellphones and sharing it on social media.

Traffic came to a standstill for hours on the busy Interstate 80 that connects San Francisco with several other cities during the standoff between police and the unidentified man who had been chased about 40 miles (65 kilometers) by police.

The morning rush-hour standoff shut down all lanes of I-80 in the suburb of Emeryville. It ended when the suspect got out of a black sports utility vehicle and "officers received gun fire from the suspect," authorities said. Officers fired back at the man, who was wounded and died of his injuries at a hospital.

Yes that’s what I tell myself when I’m on the freeways here. It’s faster they say! Faster!!! You know what else California is the home of? “The big one” – the mythical 10.0 earthquake that’s bound to happen that I’ve been hearing about as long as I’ve been alive. So how much could it cost the state if it actually did happen? These numbers were released last week!

Mexico City's earthquake disaster is a reminder of the serious risk of Southern California's "Big One" striking at any time and causing widespread damage that some estimate could approach upwards of $300 billion.

Experts say Southern California is long overdue for a major earthquake along the 800-mile San Andreas Fault, which could cause extensive damage and loss of life to the nation's second-largest city and the region. It also could be a supply-chain nightmare to U.S. businesses, since the L.A./Long Beach port complex handles more than 30 percent of loaded containers that move through all U.S. ports.

"As a state, California is probably one of the better-prepared places on Earth in terms of preparation for earthquakes," said Mary Comerio, past president of the Earthquake Engineering Research Institute and a University of California-Berkeley professor specializing in disaster recovery and reconstruction. "That said, financially these things are huge hits now."

Yeah holy shit indeed! But let’s talk about sports for a minute. But you know even in one of the most liberal states in the country, you cant escape Trump and his goons. They really have it in for liberals, and they can’t stand it when liberals are in charge of anything now. This is what 40 years of AM hate radio has wrought us.

President Trump and the Republican Congress sure have it in for blue America. Last week’s immigration arrests targeted sanctuary cities only. The late, unlamented Graham-Cassidy attempt to repeal the Affordable Care Act would have decimated health insurance coverage in the preponderantly Democratic-controlled states that accepted the Medicaid expansion, and that did the best job of informing potential beneficiaries of their eligibility.

Now comes the Republicans’ so-called tax reform package, which also takes dead aim at Democratic states. By eliminating the deduction taxpayers can take on their federal forms for their state and local tax (SALT) payments, the GOP proposal socks it to those Americans who reside in states that have enacted progressive taxes to fund such basics as — see above — increasing the accessibility of healthcare.

Bill Maher was right – the republicans are the democrats’ crazy ex girlfriends. And speaking of which, would you be at all surprised to learn that the university that Trump trolls love to hate - UC Berkeley was sued by the free speech police for - wait for it - claiming their free speech rights were violated? Let's take a minute to digest the irony of this one.

The Dhillon Law Group is vowing to update its complaint after a judge dismissed its lawsuit accusing the University of California-Berkeley of denying free speech to conservatives

After riots shut down a Milo Yiannopoulos speech at UC-Berkeley in February, Young America’s Foundation (YAF) and the Berkeley College Republicans (BCRs) invited Ann Coulter and David Horowitz to speak on campus

Those events, too, were subsequently cancelled after administrators imposed numerous obstacles, prompting Harmeet Dhillon, a leader in the California Republican Party and a prominent lawyer, to file a lawsuit in April on behalf of YAF and BCRs, accusing the university of using “unconstitutionally vague” policies to prevent Coulter and Horowitz from speaking, and of infringing on student free speech based on ideological differences.

And this is especially true in California where we have one of the most batshit insane representatives in Congress representing my county – Orange County.

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-Calif.), who has come under scrutiny for his sympathetic views toward Moscow, reportedly met last year with Natalia Veselnitskaya, the same Russian lawyer embroiled in Donald Trump Jr.'s controversial meeting at Trump Tower.

Rohrabacher's meeting came two months before Veselnitskaya's with the president's eldest son. He has also met with WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, who during the 2016 campaign published leaked Democratic emails the intelligence community says were hacked by Russia.

Trump Jr. took the meeting last year in New York after being promised damaging information on Hillary Clinton, though he has denied that any was offered.

Yes what the fuck. Rohrabacher loves Russia so much that he’s also the target of General Kelly who has blocked Rohrabacher repeatedly from meeting with Trump.

WASHINGTON — California Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, a Republican known for his fondness of the Russian government and ties to WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, said he is unable to even speak to President Donald Trump due to barriers put in place by White House Chief of Staff John Kelly.

Rohrabacher told Business Insider on Tuesday that Kelly and "a coalition of people in the White House" are preventing him from having a conversation with Trump that would entail clearing Assange and the Russian government from allegations they meddled in the 2016 presidential election.

Come on you know it’s bad when Putin does it! Let’s move onto something lighter like the NFL – California is still the home of the Raiders for now, but what is the move going to look like?

Oakland Raiders’ fans can’t help themselves.

Their team’s owner can’t wait to whisk his Raiders out of Oakland and into Las Vegas, but do the fans here rise in mutiny, flipping Mark Davis the Marshawn Lynch double-barreled bird?

They do not. They pack the Coliseum for the Raiders’ first home game in one of their last seasons here, and they give their hearts to their boys.

And they are rewarded with a 45-20 thumping of the Jets, and a 2-0 start to the Super Bowl-or-bust season.

Oh, the irony. In giving their hearts and cash to the Raiders, the local fans are proving what Davis is banking on: that Raiders’ fans are so crazy in love with their team that they will overlook any insult to their loyalty and just keep showin’ up, drunk (with love) and disorderly.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

California is my home state. I live here. Which is why I wanted to include it on the World Tour. There’s tons of things to do here. If you live here and you are bored, you’re doing it wrong. If you visit here and you’re bored, you’re doing it wrong. But as long as you don’t talk politics with your neighbors you should be good.

Tourism: A
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: C+
Liberal Appeal: A-

Overall: A+

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

We’re back on the road and heading to one of the craziest countries in the world. Really, this country out crazies Florida by a nearly 5:1 ratio. I’m of course talking about the land of the rising sun – Japan!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]Green Day[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is from Northern California and they are one of the biggest bands in the world. I’m of course talking about Green Day! Playing the title track from their album “Revolution Radio”, give it up for the one, the only Green Day!

Wait they want to stick around for one more? Sure!

Yeah how about that?

Note from Initech – thanks for bearing with us this week, this was a difficult edition to do. I originally had a much different edition planned with the Wheel O’ Corruption but I realized that this wasn’t the right time for the Wheel, and I really didn’t want to do it, but I promise next week’s will be much funnier.

See you next week!

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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3-16: The Wrong Remains The Same Edition (Original post)
Initech Oct 2017 OP
Rhiannon12866 Oct 2017 #1
malaise Oct 2017 #2
Initech Oct 2017 #3
malaise Oct 2017 #4
SunSeeker Oct 2017 #5
Initech Oct 2017 #6
tblue37 Oct 2017 #7

Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Oct 4, 2017, 05:19 PM

1. K&R! Great job!

And this has not been a funny week. Even the late night comedians got serious.

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Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Oct 4, 2017, 06:05 PM

2. Get thee to the greatest page

Great job brother

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Response to malaise (Reply #2)

Wed Oct 4, 2017, 06:07 PM

3. Need a few more votes for that!

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Response to Initech (Reply #3)

Wed Oct 4, 2017, 06:30 PM

4. Done

How is Alex Jones not institutionalized?

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Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Oct 4, 2017, 06:35 PM

5. LOL K&R for the graphics alone!

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Response to SunSeeker (Reply #5)

Wed Oct 4, 2017, 06:39 PM

6. I made the "Holy Shit" one.

But the rest I pulled from Google and Youtube.

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Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Oct 4, 2017, 06:54 PM

7. K&R and thanks! nt

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