NRA unveils new semi-automatic rifle that shoots thoughts and prayers
FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA – Responding to the latest mass shooting that has rocked the United States, the National Rifle Association today unveiled a new AR-15 assault rifle whose ammunition will be the thoughts and prayers of lawmakers who oppose gun control.
“This new ‘thoughts and prayers’ assault rifle is the perfect weapon for Americans to protect themselves from crazed individuals who are attacking them with assault rifles,” said NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre at a press conference today. “Fortunately, thoughts and prayers are something that American lawmakers have in ample supply, particularly following these increasingly regular mass shootings.”
The gas-powered Colt XM-15-TnP carbine is capable of firing 45 thoughts or prayers per minute. The manufacturer’s advertising explains that “these thoughts and prayers used to only be for destroying powerful speeches on gun control from widowers or the parents of children killed by gun violence. But now, the NRA has finally found a way to effectively weaponize them for civilian use.”
“We’ve had so many mass shootings in the US this year alone, I’m practically swimming in thoughts and prayers,” said U.S. Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell. “Plus, I’ve accepted over $922,000 in donations from the NRA, so it’s nice to finally donate some of my deadliest thoughts and prayers back to the gun-owning community.”
https://www.thebeaverton.com/2016/06/nra-unveils-new-semi-automatic-rifle-that-shoots-thoughts-and-prayers/
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