In 1791, Robert Burns laid a magnificent smackdown on a critic of his poetry:

[Are_grits_groceries]

In 1791, riled by a recent review that criticised a supposed abundance of "obscure language" and "imperfect grammar" in his poetry, celebrated Scottish poet Robert Burns channelled his anger and wrote the following magnificent letter to the critic responsible.

It really is a thing of beauty.

(Source: The Works of Robert Burns, Volume 4; Image: Robert Burns, courtesy of the BBC.)

Ellisland, 1791.

Dear Sir:

Thou eunuch of language; thou Englishman, who never was south the Tweed; thou servile echo of fashionable barbarisms; thou quack, vending the nostrums of empirical elocution; thou marriage-maker between vowels and consonants, on the Gretna-green of caprice; thou cobler, botching the flimsy socks of bombast oratory; thou blacksmith, hammering the rivets of absurdity; thou butcher, embruing thy hands in the bowels of orthography; thou arch-heretic in pronunciation; thou pitch-pipe of affected emphasis; thou carpenter, mortising the awkward joints of jarring sentences; thou squeaking dissonance of cadence; thou pimp of gender; thou Lyon Herald to silly etymology; thou antipode of grammar; thou executioner of construction; thou brood of the speech-distracting builders of the Tower of Babel; thou lingual confusion worse confounded; thou scape-gallows from the land of syntax; thou scavenger of mood and tense; thou murderous accoucheur of infant learning; thou ignis fatuus, misleading the steps of benighted ignorance; thou pickle-herring in the puppet-show of nonsense; thou faithful recorder of barbarous idiom; thou persecutor of syllabication; thou baleful meteor, foretelling and facilitating the rapid approach of Nox and Erebus.

R.B.
http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/01/thou-eunuch-of-language.html

Now that is a verbal whomping.
What an elegant way to say 'Eff you!'

[panader0]

1. I love it!

[Voice for Peace]

2. aaaahhhhhhh.. you are right, a thing of beauty

[nolabear]

3. Never, EVER piss off a poet.

He'll take you out, Bro'.

[scarletwoman]

4. "thou pickle-herring in the puppet-show of nonsense" - I gotta remember that one!

Wonderful post!

[LiberalEsto]

5. "thou pickle-herring in the puppet-show of nonsense"

That could apply to any number of frothing idiots on Faux.

[sabrina 1]

6. Lol!

thou squeaking dissonance of cadence

thou faithful recorder of barbarous idiom

thou marriage-maker between vowels and consonants, on the Gretna-green of caprice

[PassingFair]

7. I have a major crush on Robbie.

I can't read "Highland Mary" without crying.

[freshwest]

8. Republicans remind me of these from the Shakespearean Insult Generator:

Tom DeLay, Paul Ryan, Eric Cantor:

Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.

Mitch McConnell, John Boehner:

Thou fawning half-faced foot-licker!

Rick Scott:

Thou errant brazen-faced death-token!

Chris Christie, Paul LePage:

Thou churlish flap-mouthed ratsbane!

Newt Gingrich, Rick Sanctorum:

Assume a virtue if you have it not.

Mitt Romney, Rand Paul:

Thou art unfit for any place but hell.

http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html

Add the appropriate names to the list...

[pinboy3niner]

10. The "avoncular" bard!

[SwissTony]

9. In my fourth year of high school, my English teacher discovered that I had a Scottish accent.

I was born in Scotland and emigrated to Australia at the age of 10. I had (and still have) a very strong Glaswegian accent. But soon after arriving in Australia, I found that my schoolmates couldn't understand me. So, I developed an Australian accent - no different from other migrant kids who speak with one language/dialect outside of the home and a different one inside it.

My teacher overheard me talking to my cousin (not surprisingly, also Scottish) and used to haul me out in front of the class to read a wee bit o' Rabbie. I loved it, not for the attention, but it gave me an opportunity to speak with a Scottish accent.

He was a brilliant teacher (English and class teacher). My fifth year English and class teacher was also brilliant. as was my maths teacher. i owe all three a lot. I regret I can't tell them that.

What's that, Mr Romney? Fire teachers? Yeah, that's a great idea. Dickhead!!!!

[Whisp]

11. Here's an insult generator link.

I'll bookmark it to use in Meta:

http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html

Be put in a cauldron of lead and usurer's grease, amongst a whole million of cutpurses, and there boil like a gammon of bacon that will never be enough.

[monmouth]

12. OUCH!!!!

[DevonRex]

13. Ooh. "Thou wimpled toad-spotted wagtail."

[Whisp]

14. Check this one out:

There's no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine. It is all filled up with guts and midriff.

HAHAHA!

[DevonRex]

16. You talkin bout my midriff? Why I oughta...

Never thought about stuffing my bra with it before. Gives a whole new meaning to pushup, doesn't it?

[malthaussen]

15. Probably get alerted at DU

Personal attacks, and all.

-- Mal