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Wed Dec 7, 2016, 01:17 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-4: The Election From Hell: The Art Of The No Deal Edition

Last edited Wed May 3, 2017, 12:23 PM - Edit history (1)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-4: The Election From Hell: The Art Of The No Deal Edition

Hey everyone! This is officially the one year anniversary of the Top 10! We made it one year!!! Yes an entire year of following Donald Trump around documenting every failure and lie he's told! And I didn't want to throw my computer out the window! Woooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Are you a conservative white male over 50 years old with lots of disposable income who wants to hide the fact that they’re aging very poorly? Or maybe you’re the CEO of a large corporation, speaker of the house, or you’re the future president elect of the United States. Well have no fear, the Bronzer Club for Men is here! For just four payments of $200, you too can look just like former speaker of the House, John Boehner, or the 45th president of the United States, Donald J. Trump. Just slather this giant tub of goo that you will receive weekly with your membership to your face and voila! Youth restored! Just imagine the beautiful young ladies that you will pick up to accelerate the process of divorcing from your third trophy wife! Just a quick phone call will make you look 10, 20, or 30 years younger! It will give you the perfect excuse to use those Viagra single packs that you got from your sketchy online pharmacy in Tijuana that you can use on the cruise to Puerto Vallarta that you just booked, am I right guys? Just call our hotline today at 1-800-FUT-RUMP. That’s 1-800-FUT-RUMP. Remember – Donald Trump isn’t just the founder of the club, he’s also a member! Don’t delay, order today! Ah, that’s enough of that nonsense. Let’s get to it shall we? First though our amazing current VP stopped by Colbert and said he wouldn’t rule out running against Trump in 2020:

Do it Mr. Biden!!!

So where do we begin this week? The top slot this week is not going to go to returning champion Donald J. Trump, but to Alex Jones (1). Yes, Alex Jones knocks Donald Trump out fo the top spot this week. Turns out his fearmongering of the Pizzagate scandal – which has been proven to be fake news – has led to real violence! Holy shit! Of course slots 2 – 4 are going to our returning champion Donald J. Trump. In the second slot we’re going to discuss how he plans to start WWIII by throwing 40 years of diplomatic relations between Taiwan and China down the toilet. In the third slot we’re going to discuss the “deal” reached with Carrier and how he plans to save jobs – by shipping them to Mexico and giving the boss a bribe! In the fourth slot, we’re going to discuss SNL taking their Twitter war with Donald Trump meta. Taking the fifth slot is Breitbart. Last week we talked about how Breitbart lost one of their biggest sponsors – Kelloggs, well cue the world’s tiniest violin because they are hopping mad, and it’s only causing more sponsors to pull out. In the number 6 spot, is the NRA (6). Should we change Black Friday to Red Friday? Because Black Friday sales were lackluster in most areas (partly because people are sick of it), but the one thing people bought more of than any other thing? Guns! In the number 7 seed is Sears. Sears is in deep shit financially thanks to their CEO’s Ayn Randian policies that have tanked the once mighty chain. Yay! At number 8, we are going to talk about the War On Drugs – and the GOP and especially Donald Trump – definitely aren’t helping things. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot, is the Trump Effect. This time, Trump’s Brown Shirts are taking on the Mall Of America in Minneapolis – for – gasp – a black Santa! The horror! Finally this week we’re going to do something radically different from anything we’ve ever done. You know the holidays are a thing that is happening right now as we speak. What, the non stop barrage of Lexus, Mercedes, Best Buy, and Zales ads haven’t beat you over the head with it already? Well many of you are going to be traveling for the holidays and are probably going to be visiting your ultra conservative relatives. So we’re going to be channeling the “For Dummies” series of books and giving you advice on how to talk to your relatives, in a new segment we are calling “Trump For Dummies!”. Plus since you’re nice for listening to my schtick, we have some live music again for you – and this time how about some live music from Puscifer? They have a great new album out called “Money Shot” that you really should listen to if you get a chance. It’s the stuff of pure genius. And their video for the song they’re going to play – “The Remedy” – has won awards! How about that? And they will be stopping by later! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Alex Jones[/font]

Ugh… do I really have to talk about Infowars? Shit. No I don’t want to! Make me. I know you are but what am I? Takes one to know one! OK fine. Fuck it. So one of the things that came out of the worst election ever was the fact that more people paid attention to fake news than real news. Like there’s this guy.

Social media played a huge role in this year's election. Our president-elect Donald Trump is notorious for his use of Twitter, and some of his biggest supporters are now being suspended from the social media platform because of hate speech. Facebook also had a big impact on the election: in the last three months of the election, fake news had more engagement on Facebook than real news. Trump benefited from many of those fake news stories, like one claiming Pope Francis endorsed Trump. (Here's a list of sources that you should be skeptical of.) Now, even the people who write the fake news admit, "I think Donald Trump is in the White House because of me."

Great! I have just one thing to say to you, if WWIII is the work of Donald Trump, and judging from his misadventures in diplomacy this week, it sounds like it’s inevitable at this point. So that’s on you. And I have one thing to say:

You know who else isn’t helping? Alex Jones. You may have heard about a “scandal” brewing called Pizzagate. Now the jist of it is that allegedly Hillary Clinton and her campaign manager John Podesta allowed a pizza restaurant in Washington DC called Comet Ping Pong to run a child sex ring underneath the restaurant. Except that it has been proven to be not true. And these poor people have been subjected to endless harassment from alt reichers. And Alex Jones wont shut up about it.

And yesterday the second shooting happened under Alex Jones’ name (the first was the Las Vegas cop shooting back in 2015 started by Infowars fans). This guy is going to start a fucking war if we’re not careful.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A man fired a rifle on Sunday inside a Washington pizza restaurant that has been subjected to harassment based on false stories tying it to child abuse, the police said. No one was hurt, and the man was arrested.

The man, Edgar M. Welch, 28, of Salisbury, N.C., told the police that he had come to the restaurant, Comet Ping Pong, in northwest Washington, to “self-investigate” what is being called Pizzagate, an online conspiracy theory asserting, with no evidence, that the restaurant is somehow tied to a child abuse ring. He entered the restaurant shortly before 3 p.m. with a rifle and fired it at least once inside, the police said.
The misinformation campaign about Comet began when the email account of John D. Podesta, an aide to Hillary Clinton, was hacked and his emails were published by WikiLeaks during the presidential campaign. Days before the election, users on the online message board 4chan noticed that one of Mr. Podesta’s leaked emails contained communications with James Alefantis, Comet’s owner, discussing a fund-raiser for Mrs. Clinton.

So to extrapolate the “logic” of Infowars fans, because Hillary Clinton had planned a fundraiser at this pizza place, it’s all of a sudden the center of a child molestation investigation confrontation? Well it isn’t true. There’s nothing funny about that, and there’s nothing funny about the endless harassment going to the owner and employees of Comet Ping Pong coming from Infowars fans. And of course since the actual violence happened, Alex Jones isn’t helping things. Here’s what the bloviating asshole had to say before the shooting happened.

At midnight last night, Alex Jones posted a special message on his Facebook page about “Pizzagate,” the bizarre conspiracy theory popularized by fake news websites and right-wing conspiracy outlets—including Jones’s InfoWars—that a Washington, D.C., pizzeria houses a secret pedophile ring led by Hillary Clinton and her closest advisers.

While Jones did not mention it in his video, an armed man was arrested yesterday after entering and firing shots inside the restaurant, claiming he was there to “self-investigate” the Pizzagate claims. The restaurant and nearby businesses have faced harassment and threats for weeks as false claims have spread through the far-right news swamp that the restaurant hosts an underground tunnel network where the rich and powerful abuse and traffic children.

During the presidential campaign, Donald Trump surrogate Michael Flynn—now the president-elect’s pick to be national security adviser—shared a fake news website’s sorry that claimed that Clinton was part of a pedophile network. Flynn’s son, who is involved with Trump’s transition team, continued to promote Pizzagate claims on the day of the incident.

In the video he posted last night, Jones, standing next to a Christmas tree, criticized CNN and other major news outlets, insisting that they are the real purveyors of fake news while InfoWars and other Pizzagate investigators are merely trying to uncover the truth.

Jones claimed that a number of political figures, including President Obama and Hillary Clinton’s campaign chairman John Podesta, participate in child sex acts, a conclusion that Jones arrived at after he uncovered supposed pedophile code words in emails from Podesta that were released by WikiLeaks. He claimed that elites have parties “where they’re drinking blood and they bring little kids to the party—I don’t know if it’s human sacrifice but they have little kids at these parties.”

Yes there is video of this. Unfortunately I couldn’t find a link it’s probably been taken down from Youtube (seriously fuck Alex Jones). But it definitely isn’t helping that the son of the guy who Trump picked to be National Security Adviser fucked up and passed this crap around Twitter:

The son of retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, President-elect Donald Trump's pick for national security adviser, on Sunday appeared to spread a conspiracy theory that Hillary Clinton and her campaign chief ran a child-sex ring in a back room of a D.C. pizza shop.

Michael Flynn Jr. on Sunday tweeted about the false story after an armed man entered Comet Ping Pong in Northwest D.C. and claimed to be investigating the story.

Until #Pizzagate proven to be false, it'll remain a story," Flynn Jr. tweeted on Sunday.

"The left seems to forget #PodestaEmails and the many coincidences tied to it, he added.

Read more: http://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/308723-flynns-son-spreads-conspiracy-theory-about-dc-pizza-shop

You know what’s underneath the Comet Ping Pong restaurant? A fucking sewer! And the alt reich is in it!!!!! Really how fucking stupid are you? Oh yeah they think “ice cream” is code for “male prostitute”!!!!! Ah, the stupid it burns!!!

The Internet Idiot ConspiracySphere and real life collided Sunday, this time resulting in actual gunfire, but happily no injuries or loss of life. Seems a heavily armed North Carolina gentleman, Edgar Maddison Welch, just had to find out for himself whether there was any truth to fake internet stories about a child sex ring being run by Hillary Clinton, John Podesta, and several thousand others, all operating out of a Washington DC pizza place, Comet Ping Pong. So he did the logically natural thing: He drove to DC, went into the restaurant with two guns, pointed a gun at an employee, fired at least one shot into the floor, and after employees and customers fled, commenced to “investigate” whether there was any pedophile slave ring evidence to be found in the restaurant. You know, like the network of tunnels and sex dungeons under the restaurant that a bunch of Trumpers, with an assist from Wikileaks, said was definitely there. You really can’t blame the guy. He read it on the internet, after all.

Welch was arrested without further incident after scaring the shit out of several blocks of northwest DC, after police had surrounded the restaurant for about 45 minutes. According to police reports, Welch was armed with an AR-15 variant semiautomatic rifle, and police also seized a shotgun and a .38 caliber handgun; one of those other weapons was found in Welch’s car, although it’s not clear which. Welch told police he’d gone to Comet Ping Pong to “self-investigate” the online fake news stories about the incredibly stupid conspiracy theory known as “#pizzagate,” the basics of which are summarized with remarkable patience by the BBC here. Despite the lack of any police investigation, identifiable victims, or physical evidence, a whole swath of the internet is absolutely certain there’s irrefutable proof that a pedophile ring run by Hillary Clinton and John Podesta has been running out of the popular family pizza restaurant. Why? Because Wikileaks published some emails by Podesta mentioning pizza, the restaurant, and its owner, James Alefantis. Obviously, a high-powered Democratic operative like Podesta would never simply hold fundraisers at a pizza restaurant or be in contact with its owner, who’s a big supporter of the Democratic party, so it all added up to one completely obvious conclusion: every mention of “pizza” in the Podesta emails was code for child molestation and trafficking. There’s even this irrefutable proof: some idiot posted a list of “well-known pedophile code words” on Twitter:


Yeah so the Pizzagate gunman was a fan of Infowars and Alex Jones:

The real-life consequences of a made-up conspiracy theory swirling around a popular D.C. pizzeria became all too real when a gunman walked into the venue Sunday afternoon.

During the presidential campaign, some elements of the alt-right began fueling the conspiracy that Comet Ping Pong was in fact the site of a pedophilia ring used by high-ranking members of the Democratic Party, dubbing that supposed conspiracy “Pizzagate.”

The D.C. Police Department arrested 28-year-old Edgar Maddison Welch of Salisbury, North Carolina, outside the kid-friendly pizza and music venue. Witnesses say that Welch went through the restaurant carrying an AR-15 and tried to enter a staff area in the back of the building. He reportedly fired multiple shots inside, though no one was injured. He reportedly told the police that he’d come to “self-investigate ‘Pizza Gate,” which the department noted is “a fictitious online conspiracy theory.”

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

If you haven’t seen the current season of South Park, you must. It takes on Twitter trolling and Donald Trump:

Let’s lighten things up and talk about WWIII, shall we? Do I dare ask for some appropriate music?

Thank you!!!!!

Well it’s the end of the world as we know it folks, and I feel fine. Well REM’s song was only 25 years too early. Because the man who will most likely be responsible for the end of the world is none other than our actual future president Donald J. Trump. So before we dive into this head first, you are aware that Taiwan has been in a diplomatic feud with China over its’ independence and control of the South China Sea, right? Plus we have some long standing diplomatic ties to China. So here’s how Donald J. Trump is involved in this whole thing.

When President-elect Donald J. Trump spoke on the phone with Taiwan’s president on Friday, he was wading into one of Asia’s longest-running and sensitive issues: the dispute between Taiwan and mainland China.

Though the call alarmed experts, who say it risks upending decades of American efforts to manage the dispute, nonexperts could be forgiven for scratching their heads about the uproar. What follows, then, is a guide to the China-Taiwan issue: why it is so delicate, what role the United States has in the matter and why the phone call is significant.

Whoa let’s stop there. Yeah you are wrong there, Donald. So what is the whole controversy between Taiwan and China?

What is the China-Taiwan issue?

Both players claimed, at least formally, to represent all of China — which they considered to include each other’s territory. That created problems, including periodic risks of war, for decades.

The disagreement dates to 1927, when civil war broke out in the Republic of China. The war culminated in Communist revolutionaries, led by Mao Zedong, mostly defeating China’s Nationalist government in 1949.

But the Nationalist leaders fled to Taiwan, which their forces still controlled. Though fighting eventually stopped, both sides continued to claim all of China. The Taiwan-based government considered mainland China to be controlled by illegitimate Communist rebels. The Beijing-based government considered Taiwan a breakaway province.

In this sense, the civil war was never fully resolved. Thus, Taiwan’s formal name is still the Republic of China. Mainland China — controlled by the Communist government in Beijing — is called the People’s Republic of China.

That’s not wrong Donald, that’s exactly what happened. So why does this phone call matter?

Why does the phone call matter?

The call does not in itself change policy, but it implies the possibility of a shift, forcing both China and Taiwan to guess at Mr. Trump’s intentions.

Mr. Trump’s transition team, by categorizing his call with Ms. Tsai of Taiwan alongside calls with other heads of state, implied that Mr. Trump recognized her as the leader of a sovereign state. Mr. Trump also wrote on Twitter that he had spoken to the “President of Taiwan.”

Recognizing Ms. Tsai as a sovereign leader would communicate that the United States considered Taiwan an independent nation.

Such a position would force both Taiwan and Beijing into a difficult choice. Either ignore American policy on the issue — perhaps ending the decades-long American role in balancing cross-strait relations — or confront Taiwanese independence, which Beijing has said would provoke war.

Holy fucking shit! So with one phone call, Donald Trump may have escalated 40 years of diplomatic tensions! By the way, does it seem odd to anyone else that all the world’s problems seem to have started around oh 1980? Maybe Reagan’s election was the nexus of the universe! Of course I’m surprised we didn’t see time travelers on election night. But there’s more!

BEIJING — China warned President-elect Donald J. Trump on Monday that he was risking a confrontation over Taiwan, even as Mr. Trump broadened the dispute with new messages on Twitter challenging Beijing’s trade policies and military activities in the South China Sea.

A front-page editorial in the overseas edition of People’s Daily, the official organ of the Communist Party of China, denounced Mr. Trump for speaking Friday with Taiwan’s president, Tsai Ing-wen, warning that “creating troubles for the China-U.S. relationship is creating troubles for the U.S. itself.” The rebuke was much tougher than the Chinese Foreign Ministry’s initial response to the phone call, which broke with decades of American diplomatic practice.

So Beijing has told Donald Trump that he’s treading on extremely thin ice here! So he might be the catalyst for World War III after all! He’s already nominated the other three horsemen – Bannon, Sessions, and DeVos to his cabinet! So what else is coming because of this?

Either Donald Trump misled all of us about his conversation with Taiwan's leader, or his team is trying to rewrite history so the whole thing doesn't come off as a giant diplomatic blunder.

In today's Washington Post, Anne Gearan, Philip Rucker and Simon Denyer cite inside sources who say the call was months in the making and intentionally provocative in regard to China.

That was apparently news to Trump, who on Friday night, as the controversy erupted, dismissively tweeted as if it were a small matter in which Taiwanese President Tsai Ing-wen phoned him to offer her congratulations, and he took the call as a courtesy.

So of course Trump retreats to his old friend Twitter for some angry 3:00 AM toilet Tweets. Like these:

Those are the actual Tweets. Of course making ones up is my job, damn it!

And apparently this whole thing has been planned for a long time:

Donald Trump’s protocol-breaking telephone call with Taiwan’s leader was an intentionally provocative move that establishes the incoming president as a break with the past, according to interviews with people involved in the planning.

The historic communication — the first between leaders of the United States and Taiwan since 1979 — was the product of months of quiet preparations and deliberations among Trump’s advisers about a new strategy for engagement with Taiwan that began even before he became the Republican presidential nominee, according to people involved in or briefed on the talks.

The call also reflects the views of hard-line advisers urging Trump to take a tough opening line with China, said others familiar with the months of discussion about Taiwan and China.

Which prompted the White House to do some major damage control:

White House officials say they have spoken with Chinese leadership following President-elect Donald Trump's call with Taiwan President Tsai Ing-wen.

Federal officials called to reassure the country that the US still adheres to the "One China" policy, which does not recognise Taiwan as its own sovereign nation.

White House spokesperson Josh Earnest said officials "do not understand why" Mr Trump's conversation with Taiwanese leader took place, but assured reporters that there would be no change in the official US position on the policy.

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

That was so brilliant. So the art of the deal… or in this case the Art Of The No Deal. As in what Donald Trump did to the Carrier Air Conditioning manufacturing company based in Indiana. So here’s what happened:

About 1,400 Indianapolis workers who've spent months grieving the impending loss of of their high-wage manufacturing jobs received a shocking dose of hope Tuesday as the incoming Trump administration scored its first major victory.

Their jobs might be saved.

Carrier Corp. has reached an agreement with President-elect Donald Trump to keep "close to 1,000 jobs" in the city, scrapping a plan to shift all of its Indianapolis operations to Mexico. The heating and air conditioning giant confirmed the agreement on Twitter, but did not provide details

Except it didn’t.

Today, about 1,000 Carrier workers and their families should be rejoicing. But the rest of our nation’s workers should be very nervous.

President-elect Donald Trump will reportedly announce a deal with United Technologies, the corporation that owns Carrier, that keeps less than 1,000 of the 2,100 jobs in America that were previously scheduled to be transferred to Mexico. Let’s be clear: It is not good enough to save some of these jobs. Trump made a promise that he would save all of these jobs, and we cannot rest until an ironclad contract is signed to ensure that all of these workers are able to continue working in Indiana without having their pay or benefits slashed.

In exchange for allowing United Technologies to continue to offshore more than 1,000 jobs, Trump will reportedly give the company tax and regulatory favors that the corporation has sought. Just a short few months ago, Trump was pledging to force United Technologies to “pay a damn tax.” He was insisting on very steep tariffs for companies like Carrier that left the United States and wanted to sell their foreign-made products back in the United States. Instead of a damn tax, the company will be rewarded with a damn tax cut. Wow! How’s that for standing up to corporate greed? How’s that for punishing corporations that shut down in the United States and move abroad?

I like that one! Yes so if we extrapolate Donald Trump’s logic, he saved 1400 jobs that United Technologies, a company he personally owns stock in, from going to Mexico – a country that he plans to build a wall around, by negotiating the number down to 1200. Those jobs are still gone. And Carrier gets some nice tax breaks out of it.

Donald Trump just got his first presidential P.R. coup, and he hasn’t even taken office yet. The question is what did he have to offer. More importantly: Was it worth it?

The President-elect announced via Twitter that he and Vice-president elect, and current Indiana Governor, Mike Pence, had reached a deal with air-condition and heating systems manufacturer Carrier to keep roughly 1,000 high-paying manufacturing jobs plus office workers and executive jobs in the state. “Big day on Thursday for Indiana and the great workers of that wonderful state,” Trump wrote on Twitter. “We will keep our companies and jobs in the U.S. Thanks Carrier.”

And here’s where things get really scary – this was no victory. Instead I believe the technical term that we’re looking for is “clusterfuck”.

President-elect Donald Trump's speech about his deal to keep Carrier jobs in the United States was "absolutely the worst speech," economic policy analyst Jimmy Pethokoukis told CNBC on Thursday.

Trump boasted about his deal to keep about 1,100 Carrier jobs in Indiana, and also took aim at other companies who may be thinking about moving jobs out of the country.

"Companies are not going to leave the United States anymore without consequences. Not going to happen. It's not going to happen, I'll tell you right now," Trump said on Thursday.

Pethokoukis, a scholar with the conservative-leaning American Enterprise Institute, called it the worst economic speech since Democratic presidential nominee Walter Mondale promised to reverse Reaganomics in 1984.

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

So what does Donald Trump do at 11:30 on a Saturday night? I’m guessing he is not attending the Green Day concert and going on an all night bender followed by a 3:00 AM quickie in an alley way by the concert venue. And no that’s not how I spent my night at that show! No, he’s a family man, and is probably watching TV on the couch. And if he hates the show that much, you know Donald, there’s a whole world of TV out there! Oh wait, he must have a DVR alert for shows about him, which might explain why he hates Alec Baldwin so much. Let’s roll tape first.

So what did Trump himself have to say about this?

The feud between Donald J. Trump and “Saturday Night Live” reached a new metalevel when the president-elect responded on Twitter to the show’s mockery of his reckless tweeting.

The show’s cold open on Saturday depicted Mr. Trump (portrayed by Alec Baldwin, as usual) retweeting various people while in a security briefing. As Mr. Trump fawns over the Twitter bio of a 16-year-old named Seth and retweets him, Kate McKinnon (playing Kellyanne Conway) breaks the fourth wall to look directly into the camera and address the audience: “He really did do this.”

Ms. McKinnon’s Conway tries to explain Mr. Trump’s penchant for tweeting: “He does it to distract the media from his business conflicts and all of the very scary people in his cabinet.” But Mr. Baldwin’s Trump has another reason: “I do it because my brain is bad.”

Let’s throw that Tweet up there shall we?

Yes that’s the actual Tweet. Now let’s throw up Mr. Baldwin’s response, shall we?

JUST IN: Baldwin offers to stop 'SNL' impersonation if Trump releases taxes http://hill.cm/sre5WED

Alec Baldwin is offering to end his impersonation of Donald Trump on “Saturday Night Live” if the president-elect releases his tax returns.

The actor’s tweet came early Sunday in response to one from Trump, who said Baldwin’s impersonation “just can’t get any worse

No it’s not wrong. That’s exactly what happened. And in fact Trump got even further beat down by another activist on Twitter:

When, in fact, it was actually very funny – and got a lot of fanfare for making fun of Donald Trump’s tweets, no less! Pretty ironic that he angrily tweeted about a show making fun of his tweets!

Well – with that said – one woman by the name of Danielle Muscato ended up going off on Donald Trump in his twitter feed in response to this latest outburst of his.

It was such a glorious beat down – that we had to write about it and share with you.

Her message was instantly received by thousands and rose to the top of the Twitter feed for all to see. No doubt, by the time this article is received – hundreds of thousands of people will be receiving her message – and they should. It’s worth every bit of your time to read.

Danielle Muscato just said what half of America has been thinking for months now.

And in case you were wondering what the official position from Team Trump is, look no further than his campaign manager:

Former Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway recently declared on CNN that Donald Trump’s election win meant that his behavior on Twitter was automatically “presidential.”

During a forum at the Harvard Kennedy School’s Institute of Politics last week, a student questioned Trump’s use of Twitter as a communications strategy. In recent tweets, Trump made false claims about election fraud, attacked reporters and complained about his portrayal on Saturday Night Live.

“I will tell you that the president-elect looks at his social media accounts — combined 25 million, probably more at this point, users on Twitter and Facebook — as a very good platform which to convey his messages,” Conway explained. “He’s a unique person who’s been following his instincts and his judgement from the beginning.”

[font size="8"]Breitbart[/font]

So if you’ve been paying attention, you know last week we talked about how Kellogg’s and other advertisers are pulling their sponsorship of Breitbart. You know Breitbart – that internet site that is the internet site of racist uncles everywhere. So Kellogg’s, as they say drew first blood. And now Breitbart is going off the rails at Kellogg’s.

Breitbart News is going to war with Kellogg's after the cereal maker decided to pull its advertisements from the far-right news site in protest of its political views.

Describing Kellogg's decision as an insult to what it claims are 45 million monthly readers, Breitbart launched a petition Wednesday afternoon aimed at encouraging readers to stop buying all Kellogg products, including Frosted Flakes, Pringles and Eggo waffles.

"For Kellogg's, an American brand, to blacklist Breitbart News in order to placate left-wing totalitarians is a disgraceful act of cowardice," Alex Marlow, the site's editor-in-chief, wrote. "Boycotting Breitbart News for presenting mainstream American ideas is an act of discrimination and intense prejudice. If you serve Kellogg's products to your family, you are serving up bigotry at your breakfast table."

Who does Brietbart think they are? Rambo? THEY DREW FIRST BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, they’re just a bunch of losers. 85 million losers, as their site claims their readership is. Might want to get out the Sad Hulk Music. And the world’s tiniest violin.

Breitbart News, an ultraconservative website that has served as a platform for the white nationalist “alt-right” movement, is touting its growing readership and “main street American values” as a reason advertisers should stick with it.

Some marketers, however, are heading for the exits, directing their advertising dollars away from Breitbart amid the publication’s call for a boycott against Kellogg’s (K), which has pulled its ads from the site. That prompted Breitbart to declare “war” on Kellogg’s: Editor-in-Chief Alexander Marlow said on the site that “to blacklist Breitbart News in order to placate left-wing totalitarians is a disgraceful act of cowardice.”

Breitbart’s campaign against Kellogg’s is unusual on a number of fronts, not in the least because news organizations traditionally maintain a separation between their business operations and their editors and reporters so that journalists can operate independently from business interests.

I like that one! But in case you’re wondering where this is going, what the possible legal ramifications of this are, well here’s what an actual 1st Amendment lawyer says regarding this issue:

A boycott may have a negligible impact on Kellogg’s sales, but some legal experts say Breitbart’s actions put it on sketchy legal ground.

There have been other boycotts called for by both pro- and anti-Trump supporters. But Ted Boutrous, a First Amendment lawyer at Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher in Los Angeles, said Breitbart’s actions could violate laws barring unfair business practices because it’s calling for a massive group boycott of an advertiser to further its competitive position.

He said a possible precedent is a case where a group of attorneys representing poor defendants boycotted for higher pay, and the Supreme Court held their action to be price fixing.

“It’s clearly intended to deter other advertisers from withdrawing their business and to ensure costs and prices don’t go down for Breitbart,” Boutrous said of the boycott. “It’s a serious issue to boycott in the commercial sphere.” Neither Breitbart nor Kellogg’s have replied to requests for comment.

You know Breitbart, when you’re in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging!!!!

Ooh, I like that one!

[font size="8"]The NRA[/font]

So going back to the first entry this week, never mind that a gun nut shot up the Comet Ping Pong pizza parlor in Washington DC based on a bullshit, non existent conspiracy theory that has no basis in reality and has been proven false by Snopes:

magery widely believed to be code for pedophiles to signal one another was a common theme in the myriad Pizzagate theories. Purported symbols such as butterflies and spirals were increasingly spotted in unrelated places, creating the impression that conspiracy was as vast as it was nebulous.
(As we have noted in the past, fear of "pedophile code" imagery is occasionally the basis for panic, but law enforcement officials believed that the symbols themselves are used among adults to signal preferences, not as labels for children, not as markers placing them in any danger.)
On 6 November 2016, Washington City Paper summarized the claims, noting that the rumors originated with long-circulating claims about Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein, and confirming Alefantis' link to Brock:

Finally! That one is wrong! And you know how the fuck do the people “investigating” Pizzagate know these things? Who the fuck knows what code words pedophiles use? I don’t! And if you know and you continue to post these things out in the open, you probably should be investigated by the FBI! Thank you very much! But I’m getting carried away here. You know Black Friday is a thing that happened this year and you know what happened? This:

At least six people were shot across the country during Black Friday sales, including a Walmart customer who died in a fight over a parking space.

Four separate shootings — at a New Jersey Macy’s, two Tennessee malls and a Nevada Walmart — killed two people and wounded four more. All the attacks happened outside of the stores as holiday shoppers inside loaded up on door busters and deals.

Demond Cottman, 20, was shot and killed around 1 a.m. in front of a mall in Mays Landing, CBS Philadelphia reported.

Maybe we should start calling it “Red Friday”. It seems no one wants to go to the malls or camp out at Wal-Mart despite that they air ads like this:

But you know what people bought more of anything on Black Friday? Be afraid, be very afraid, folks!

Black Friday, a day of commercial consumerism. The lines are wrapped around the buildings waiting for the deals of a lifetime. While you might think most consumers are out there waiting for the latest new toy or the biggest TV, many buyers on Black Friday are buying something totally different.

Black Friday is apparently the day to buy guns. Lots of guns!

According to the FBI spokesman Stephen Fischer, Black Friday shattered the single-day record for gun sales – with 185,713 background checks processed in a 24 hour period. Fischer told Business Insider that nearly 400 more transactions were processed on Black Friday than in 2015.

Black Friday has predominately been the biggest day of the year for gun sales. Buyers can’t resist the temptation of the deep discounts. Gun ownership still remains a hot topic politically. While many breathed a sigh of relief that a Democrat will not be in the White House, many remain concerned about the potential loss of their Second Amendment rights.

As expected, gun sales skyrocket whenever Washington takes an anti-gun approach or states propose a law to make it harder for gun owners to purchase.

[font size="8"]Sears[/font]

John Oliver does it much better than we do! But seriously – Ayn Rand – how is this still a thing in 2016?? Well we know Paul Ryan is a huge Ayn Rand fan – and that should be pretty obvious! But also how is this still a thing – Sears? I thought they went out of business a long time ago. But they’re still around and very slowly tanking. Here’s what happened:

The company is shutting down dozens of Kmart stores this month and two of its highest-ranking executives left this week in the midst of the key holiday shopping season.

This comes following speculation among Sears and Kmart employees, suppliers, and several banks that the retailer will soon go bankrupt — something Sears has repeatedly dismissed.

Jeff Balagna, formerly Sears' executive vice president, left the company Wednesday, "in order to focus on his other business interests and pursue other career opportunities," Sears said in an SEC filing dated November 23.

Balagna did not respond to a request for comment. Sears declined to comment beyond what was stated in the filing.

Sears President and Chief Member Officer Joelle Maher also left the company this week, Sears confirmed to Business Insider. The company declined to give a reason for her departure.

The timing of the departures — so close to Sears' upcoming third-quarter earnings report and in the middle of the holiday season — is "highly unusual," according to Mark Cohen, director of retail studies at Columbia Business School and the former CEO of Sears Canada.


This sounds like another classic Borders or Tower Records – take the money and run!

And here’s where Ayn Rand comes into play. If you guessed that this backfired on Sears’ CEO, you are correct sir / madam! You get points!

In July 2016 he held 28% of shares in Sears Holdings Corp worth of approximately $408 million.


Lampert is an avid follower of Ayn Rand and has used elements of Rand's philosophy to guide his business decisions.


Which really sucks. You know Sears has always been dedicated to American manufacturing which is why their Craftsman line was always popular with machinests and construction workers and home improvement enthusiasts (hear that, Trump?), and it does kind of suck that they’re going under at the hands of an asshole.


Matthew Rocco Published August 25, 2016 Retail FOXBusiness

Sears Holdings (SHLD), which booked another loss in the second quarter, has received interest from a variety of companies eyeing the floundering retailer’s familiar appliance, tool and auto brands.

The Illinois-based company has grappled with challenges at Sears and Kmart, two chains that struggling to turn things around in a tough environment for retailers. Target (TGT), Kohl’s (KSS) and others have recently reported weaker sales as shoppers spend more online. Sears is facing some broader issues. The company has posted red ink for the last six fiscal years, and 78 additional Sears and Kmart stores will be closed by the end of the summer.

In May, Sears announced plans to seek out buyers or partners for its Kenmore, Craftsman and DieHard brands, hoping to unlock the value of three brands that are well-known in their respective categories. The company provided an update on Thursday, saying it continues to explore strategic alternatives for the brands—housed under a division known as KCD—and Sears Home Services. Sears is considering “potential partnerships or other transactions that could expand distribution of our brands and service offerings to realize significant growth,” the company said in a statement.

So far, Sears has heard from domestic and international retailers, original equipment manufacturers, investors and other firms. Sears expects to continue its assessment over the next few months.

[font size="8"]The War On Drugs[/font]

Marijuana. That thing that keeps Cypress Hill employed.

I kid, I kid. But just when you think we’re making strides toward legalization with nearly 8 states approving the use of legalized weed, along comes Donald Trump and appoints this guy as his new Attorney General, who promises to roll back decades of marijuana progress.

Jeff Sessions’ Coming War on Legal Marijuana
There’s little to stop the attorney general nominee from ignoring the will of millions of pro-pot voters.
By JAMES HIGDON December 05, 2016

By nominating Senator Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III for attorney general, President-elect Donald J. Trump is about to put into the nation’s top law enforcement job a man with a long and antagonistic attitude toward marijuana. As a U.S. Attorney in Alabama in the 1980s, Sessions said he thought the KKK "were OK until I found out they smoked pot.”

In April, he said, “Good people don't smoke marijuana,” and that it was a "very real danger" that is “not the kind of thing that ought to be legalized.” Sessions, who turns 70 on Christmas Eve, has called marijuana reform a "tragic mistake" and criticized FBI Director James Comey and Attorneys General Eric Holder and Loretta Lynch for not vigorously enforcing a the federal prohibition that President Obama has called “untenable over the long term.”

In a floor speech earlier this year, Senator Sessions said: "You can’t have the President of the United States of America talking about marijuana like it is no different than taking a drink… It is different….It is already causing a disturbance in the states that have made it legal.”

Holy fucking shit! Wait let’s extrapolate this for a minute. So Jeff Sessions is against marijuana because he found out that the KKK smokes pot. Maybe you’re unaware of this, Jeff, but your new boss got elected with overwhelming support from white supremacists, hardcore racists, the KKK, neo Nazis, and racist uncles everywhere. I mean even the next entry we are going to get into discusses this. But here’s where Donald Trump isn’t helping things:

(CNN)President-elect Donald Trump told Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte that he is going about his controversial fight against drugs "the right way," Duterte said.
Duterte says he was greatly pleased with the "rapport" he had with the newly elected U.S. president..

Duterte made the comments to reporters in Davao City on Saturday after a brief phone call last night with President-elect Donald Trump. Government officials earlier passed along snippets of their conversation.
"He was quite sensitive to our war on drugs and he wishes me well in my campaign and said that we are doing, as he so put it, 'the right way,' " the President said.

So how did the Philippenes deal with this? Yeah they pretty much murder anyone who they suspect might be a drug dealer:

When I visited Chief Inspector Paulito Sabulao in September, he was getting heat from his boss — who was getting heat from his bosses — about why Sabulao's men hadn't killed any drug suspects in the two months since the drug war began.

Sabulao is not in trouble anymore.

"We've recorded 12 dead," he says, with dozens more arrested. In one of the most recent encounters, Sabulao had a close call when a suspect fired at him with a .38 caliber revolver.

His vest saved him, Sabulao says, unbuttoning his shirt to show me the bruise. One of his men was wounded in the shoulder.

"Did you shoot the guy who shot you?" I ask.

"Twice," Sabulao says with a laugh. "I shot him until he was down."

Nothing funny about that. But there is some breaking news that I can make fun of!

There's a shake-up at Gurney Productions, the company behind A&E's Duck Dynasty.

Scott and Deirdre Gurney — the founders of the reality TV production company which in 2012 was purchased by ITV for $40 million — have been temporarily suspended amid an internal fraud investigation, The Hollywood Reporter has learned.

Staff at Gurney Productions were told Monday afternoon that the Gurneys have been placed on a short-term leave of absence amid the internal probe. No charges have been filed. Sources tell THR the investigation concerns potential billing irregularities associated with Gurney programs.

In the interim, ITV has tapped 5x5 Media co-founder Craig Armstrong to serve as interim CEO of Gurney Productions. ITV America COO Chris Valentini also will help oversee Gurney Productions alongside Armstrong. Armstrong will continue to oversee unscripted producers 5x5, where it remains business as usual.


[font size="8"]The Trump Effect[/font]

So we here at the Top 10 are going to say goodbye. Hey, wait, you didn’t let me finish. We’re going to say goodbye to a long standing policy on this show of using the number 9 (NEIN!!!!!) slot to call out white supremacists and white supremacy. Because the election of Donald Trump, white supremacists are coming out of the woodwork. They’re everywhere, folks! White supremacy is now mainstream! Emperor Palpatine won, and Americans are starting to embrace the Dark Side! Yes I realize I am using way too many Star Wars references this week. Especially because we’re a week away from a movie that I am very much looking forward to. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. Instead from here on out, the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot is going to be used for what I call “The Trump Effect”. Because of this:

BERLIN -- The German government expressed revulsion Wednesday at Nazi-style salutes such as those performed at a recent far-right event in Washington, but said it was confident the United States can tackle the issue. Video published by The Atlantic showed participants at the event Saturday raising their arms in salute during a speech by Richard Spencer, head of the white-nationalist National Policy Institute.

"Speaking generally, whenever we see videos from anywhere showing people raising their hand to do Hitler salutes we are repulsed," German government spokesman Steffen Seibert said Wednesday after being asked about the clip .

White-nationalist groups have existed in the United States for decades but drew increased attention last summer when activists showed up at the Republican National Convention to celebrate Donald Trump's nomination as the party's presidential candidate.

Spencer, who is credited with coining the term "alt-right," was filmed Saturday saying "Hail Trump, hail our people, hail victory!" to cheers from the audience.

Read more: http://www.ctvnews.ca/world/germany-repulsed-by-hitler-salutes-at-u-s-far-right-event-1.3173306

Because you know when the Germans are alarmed at our white supremacy, and use of Nazi imagery, you know it’s becoming a problem. It’s like that mole on your back. It was fine when you checked it a year ago, but now it’s becoming a problem that we can no longer ignore. Which is why I’m changing the name to “The Trump Effect” because he created this problem. And here’s a perfect example of what I am talking about.

Police in Roxboro, North Carolina, will hold a press conference Monday to address community concerns after a band of KKK members drove through the small town Saturday celebrating President-elect Donald Trump’s victory in the recent election.

The parade was originally going to take place in Pelham, 40 minutes away from Roxboro. But organizers moved the event after protesters gathered in Pelham Saturday morning to confront the Klansmen, according to the Charlotte News Observer.

Two men were also arrested on Friday night after a stabbing at a KKK meeting in Caswell County, where Pelham is located.

Can we show that photo?

Worst ticker tape parade ever, by the way!

But this is why I wanted to do this entry this week. We head to the great city of Minneapolis for this one. So it starts out innocent enough:

BLOOMINGTON, Minn. - For the first time ever, the nation's largest mall is featuring a black Santa Claus.

Kids visiting the Mall of America this weekend will have the chance to bring their wish lists to Larry Jefferson, who has been hired as Kris Kringle from Thursday to Sunday, as part of the mall's Santa Experience.

"All of the kids I have looked at and reviewed on my Santa list are all on the nice list," Jefferson said Friday. "They're doing great. Minnesota has a lot of great children."

Sigh. And here’s where the internet comes in. See the alt right thinks of diversity the same way that Ron Burgundy does.

Which if you can guessed what happens next, you get points good sir / madam!

Larry Jefferson — an army veteran from Texas and the Mall of America's 24th St. Nick — would seem to be an eminently talented, qualified and dedicated Santa. He attended a "premiere Santa school," according to the Star Tribune, and is a member of the Lone Star Santas, an all-volunteer organization that brings toys to children whose families have been affected by natural disasters. Also, his beard is real, which is important — but most important of all are his deeply held, Santa-ly convictions:

"It's a positive experience," Jefferson explained in a video accompanying the Star Tribune's article. "I want to help inspire them to think good things about Santa, about the world in general: hope, love, peace, caring. It's about meeting the people and listening to them and making them smile and laugh."

In hiring Jefferson, Landon Luther — co-owner of the mall's Santa Experience — had hoped to give families a more representative Kris Kringle. "We want Santa to be for everyone, period," he told the Star Tribune. Jefferson signed on for a four-day stretch and was completely booked Saturday and Sunday.

Good god these people fucking suck. And these people are the people who really hate America if they’re attacking vets. If you do that, fuck you, OK? And they’re going to be running the country for the next four years. Excuse me a minute…

[font size="8"]Trump For Dummies[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, LGBT and gender non conformers. Gather around. So we have come to the end of one of the most volatile, hostile, and batshit insane election cycles in history. And our new president is a guy who might just be the biggest asshole on the planet. Now many of you are planning on traveling for the holidays, and going back home, wherever your home may be. And that means that you have to deal with your conservative relatives. So we here at Trump For Dummies are going to teach you about how do you deal with that? This is going to be the first part of an ongoing series in how to talk to Donald Trump fans. Let’s get out our texts shall we?

[font size="6"]Chapter 1: Perception Vs. Reality[/font]

Donald Trump and his most hardcore followers live in fantasy world. A world where facts are meaningless. In fact his most hardcore fans even said so themselves:

"And so Mr. Trump's tweet, amongst a certain crowd—a large part of the population—are truth. When he says that millions of people illegally voted, he has some—amongst him and his supporters, and people believe they have facts to back that up. Those that do not like Mr. Trump, they say that those are lies and that there are no facts to back it up."

Yes there you have it. Straight from the mouths of his most hardcore fans. Drop the mic.

So I don’t need to tell you already that Donald Trump won the coveted title of Time Magazine’s Man Of The Year. Which means that he joins the ranks of other famous dictators including Hitler and Stalin that have graced the cover of the annual magazine. But once again, Donald Trump wins the election but loses the popular vote. Hey o!!!! Who did win the popular vote? It’s India’s prime minister Narendra Modi!

New York: Prime Minister Narendra Modi has won the online reader's poll for TIME Person of the Year 2016, beating out other world leaders like US President-elect Donald Trump, incumbent US leader Barack Obama and Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Modi won with 18 per cent of the vote when the poll closed last night, getting significantly more votes than his closest contenders, including Obama, Trump and Wikileaks Founder Julian Assange, who all received 7 per cent of the 'yes' vote.

Modi was also placed far ahead of other prominent figures of this year, like Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg (2 per cent) and US Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton (4 per cent), Time said.

Time's editors will decide the final Person of the Year later this week, but the online poll results provide a look at how the world sees these figures and Modi emerged as the most influential figure in 2016, according to the online poll.

Well… since Donald Trump tends to speak like he Tweets, and that is in short sentences with lots of hyperbolic language, and your racist uncle may not know or care who the prime minister of India is, you can explain it like this:

Modi was appointed chief minister of Gujarat in 2001, due to Keshubhai Patel's failing health and poor public image following the earthquake in Bhuj. Modi was elected to the legislative assembly soon after. His administration has been seen as complicit in the 2002 Gujarat riots,[1][2][3][4][5] or otherwise criticized for its handling of it, although a court found no evidence to prosecute Modi. His policies as chief minister, credited with encouraging economic growth, have received praise,[6] and several industrial projects were begun during his tenure. His administration has been criticised for failing to significantly improve health, poverty, and education indices in the state.[4][5]

Modi led the BJP in the 2014 general election, which gave the party a majority in the Lok Sabha, the first time a single party had achieved this since 1984. Modi himself was elected to parliament from Varanasi. Since taking office, Modi's administration has encouraged foreign direct investment in the Indian economy, increased spending on infrastructure, and reduced spending on health and social welfare programs. Modi has encourages efficiency in the bureaucracy, and centralized power through the abolition of the planning commission. Modi has begun a high-profile sanitation campaign, and loosened environmental and labor laws. A Hindu nationalist and member of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), Modi remains a controversial figure domestically and internationally.[4][7][8][9][10][11][12]

[font size="6"]Chapter 2: Twitter[/font]

As we pointed out in Chapter 1 – most of Donald Trump’s insanity comes from his racism, sexism, and xenophobia. And as we also said Donald Trump tends to speak like he Tweets – very loud, very angry and with lots of hyperbole. Even Donald Trump’s favorite punching bag the New York Times isn’t above this. Just look at what happened during Donald Trump’s victory tour:

CINCINNATI — He boasted about himself in the third person. He sneered at the opponents he had vanquished. He disparaged journalists and invited angry chants from the crowd, grinning broadly at calls of “lock her up” and “build the wall.” He ridiculed the government’s leaders as stupid and dishonest failures.

In his first major address since winning the presidency three weeks ago, Donald J. Trump soaked up the adulation of thousands of his supporters at a campaign-style rally here, unabashedly gloating about the “great” victory he had secured. If there were any question about whether his evolution to president-in-waiting would temper his presentation or moderate his tone, the rally offered a forceful answer: Not a chance.

And here’s what actually happened:

It’s not entirely clear what Donald Trump thought he was going to accomplish by continuing to hold campaign rallies three weeks after the election, but it is fairly clear that he’s not getting the results he was hoping for. Trump held a kickoff event in Cincinnati, Ohio on Thursday evening at the kind of arena he used to have no trouble filling during the campaign. But now that he’s shockingly been named the “winner” and the reality has perhaps set in that an unstable sociopath may be about to take the White House, it appears even his fans have begun abandoning him.


Pro tip: Donald Trump supporters don’t like being talked down to, especially when you quote things like facts, or his Twitter feed. When talking to a Trump supporter, it’s best if you speak in their language. A fake Trump Tweet might get their attention like this:

Which you can use to literally say anything. You can even make him sound liberal!

Who are we kidding? Has Trump ever apologized for anything? Hell no! And he’s about to ignite World War III. Now your racist uncle may read Breitbart and listen to Infowars on the claim that it speaks to them. Well if you explain to them that shit rots your brain, you are correct sir / madam. So Donald Trump might be the most embarrassing thing to happen to the White House.

OK second most. Yes that’s former president Lyndon Johnson telling a pants manufacturer about his bunghole and the area where your nuts hang. I’m getting off topic here. But I’d much rather hear LBJ talk about his bunghole than I would hear Donald Trump talk about well, anything.

[font size="6"]Chapter 3: Fake News[/font]

There’s a lot that came out of the worst election in American history. And one of the biggest is that more Americans paid more attention to fake news than they did to real actual news. Sites like Infowars, Prison Planet, and Breitbart won. So Trump fans do not like logic, facts or reason. In fact they won’t have any of it, and instead will resort to quoting Infowars, Prison Planet, and Breitbart. So when you bring up this:

On Monday morning, a man shoved a New York City Transit worker down a staircase at Grand Central Terminal in Manhattan, screaming that she was a terrorist. Two days earlier, in Brooklyn, another man threatened an off-duty police officer with his pit bull, telling her and her son to “go back to your country.” Both women were wearing hijabs.

Hate crimes in New York City have risen in the weeks since Donald J. Trump won the presidential election, a noticeable spike that encompasses ethnic minorities, Jews, whites and people for their sexual orientation. In New York City, 43 episodes have been deemed possible hate crimes by the Police Department’s Hate Crime Task Force since Election Day, more than double the number reported for the same period last year.

To date, there has been a 35 percent increase over last year. The incidents range from vicious graffiti to physical violence.

Much of the hatred has shown in graffiti. Several swastikas were discovered Saturday on a No. 1 train. The scrawls followed the appearance of two swastikas, graffitied with the words “Go Trump,” in a Brooklyn Heights playground last month, prompting a communitywide demonstration.

Read more: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/05/nyregion/hate-crimes-are-on-the-rise-in-new-york-city.html

They’ll counter with this:

And then you can counter with images like this:


And they will still counter with:

[font size="6"]Chapter 4: When Trump Talks About Himself[/font]

Donald Trump loves to talk about himself. And man does he love to talk about himself. And he talks in short sentences. And they are the best sentences. Nobody uses better words than he does. He uses the best words! And the best hyperbole!

Pro Tip: Having an article that is well researched with facts to back up the argument helps, especially when we live in a world where “there’s no such thing as facts anymore”. So you can counter with an argument like this:

It strikes me as vaguely ironic that Trump supporters, who so badly want to want to Make America Great Again, are relying on the old standbys of this country’s recipe for success: racism and violence. Genocide, slavery, Jim Crow and state-sanctioned terrorism against black folks are all a part of what Trump’s base considers the best of times—before subtle, sophisticated racism and political correctness came along and ruined white people's good times. And so Trump, a man who fully embraces violence in his personal life, publicly embraces violence for America as well, more outspokenly than any candidate in recent history. His supporters, a fervent bunch, follow suit.

Membership in white supremacist and anti-government groups has steadily climbed. A study by the SPLC found that Trump’s rhetoric is creating an “alarming level of fear and anxiety among children of color” while emboldening some white students, and is directly tied to “an increase in bullying, harassment and intimidation of students whose races, religions or nationalities have been... verbal targets.” Just days ago, a Trump fan posted a video urging compatriots to shoot black women and children. Trump supporters have sent death threats to Jewish reporters on social media. Hate crimes against Muslims are rising precipitously, and now stand at levels higher than just after 9/11.

There is plenty of violence at Trump rallies against people of color, but that violence spills beyond the rooms where Trump riles his crowds and bleeds into Muslim, African-American and Hispanic lives. This list is a roundup of 10 examples. But please know that not every perpetrator speaks Trump’s name aloud, not every hate crime is reported and not every report makes the news. So this is likely just a small fraction of what’s happening.

Pro Tip: When Donald Trump says something, you can take one of two different articles. The one that quotes his Twitter feed directly:

The government has contracted with Boeing to build two or more new planes, which would go into service around 2024. That means Trump wouldn't fly on the new planes, which carry U.S. presidents around the globe, unless he pursued and won a second term. But the Air Force has pressed for a faster schedule, saying the current planes are becoming too expensive to repair and keep in good flying shape.

The contract for the planes was to be about $3 billion, but costs have been reported to be rising. Trump tweeted early Tuesday, "Boeing is building a brand new 747 Air Force One for future presidents, but costs are out of control, more than $4 billion. Cancel order!"

Read more: http://bigstory.ap.org/article/95684ac1d4a84415ad8b0dd89d01587c/trump-heads-back-out-road-thank-you-tour

Pro Tip: The Fake Trump Tweet Generator allows you to convey facts in a way your Trump voting relatives will understand. Like this!

Or one that quotes you know, actual facts:

“Trump’s tweet was completely nonsensical and based on exactly nothing,” Richard Aboulafia, an aerospace analyst, told The Washington Post. “But it’s very difficult to adjudicate on complicated program management and military requirements questions with Twitter as your medium.”

Pro Tip: It helps if you speak in their language. If they counter with “wrong”, counter with:

Pro Tip: Having an emergency supply of Jack Daniels or your adult beverage of choice helps to make the holidays go much faster! Just take a page from John D. Blutarsky of Delta Tau Kai:

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]Puscifer[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, playing their song “The Remedy” from their album “Money Shot”, available everywhere music is sold, please welcome Puscifer!

Yeah how about that?

We've got just two Top 10s left in 2016. See you next week!

Ed. Note: BTW, this is the last edition where Forbes will be used as a source. Their site has made it difficult to navigate and to be able to find articles. If anyone has any suggestions for sources let me know.

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