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Wed Oct 12, 2016, 01:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #45: Donald T & The Women Edition

Last edited Thu Oct 13, 2016, 04:36 PM - Edit history (4)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #45: Donald T & The Women Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Remember we like our political commentary the way Tom Brady likes his footballs – slightly over inflated enough that they pass the test, but not so overinflated that it would constitute as cheating. Hey o!!! We are back people! And man has it been a gold mine for Donald Trump news this week. I mean you had the debates where he threatened to throw Hillary Clinton in jail, and this whole thing with Billy Bush from Access Hollywood getting suspended indefinitely over comments he made 10 years ago with Donald Trump coming back to bite him in the ass. And he’s fighting back – which unfortunately that was coming as we were putting together this week’ But my favorite thing recently has been Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump on SNL. I mean seriously Alec Baldwin is awesome, and he has Donald Trump’s mannerisms down to a science. The debut sketch on SNL last week was great, and he does it again this week. Can we show that?

So where do we begin this week? Well this week the top 5 slots are all going to go to possible future president Donald J. Trump. In the first slot we’re going to talk about Trumpenfuror’s repore with women – and it’s nothing to brag about. In the second slot – we’re going to talk about a celebrity beef between a very vocal liberal celebrity – Robert DeNiro, and a very vocal evangelical celebrity – Jon Voight over some controversial remarks that the latter made about Donald Trump. Who wins? In slot number 3, we’re going to talk about what exactly “locker room talk” is, and in the fourth slot we’re going to talk about the GOP abandoning the sinking ship that is the Donald Trump presidential campaign. Taking the 5th slot we’re going to have a debate recap. This thing was almost as complete of a shit show as the first debate was. At number 6, we’re going to say goodbye to the creepiest reporter in TV news history and that’s Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush (6). At number 7, we’re going to ask – how is this still a thing? And that thing? Constitutional literalism. It seems that the Bundy Bunch aren’t the only batshit crazy constitutional loyalists plotting an overthrow of the government! Taking the 8th seed, we’re going to take a dip in the international conservative idiots file and head to Chechnya, where president Ramzan Kadyrov (8) won in a 97% landslide (+3% margin of error ) and has been getting into MMA and plans to start his own reality show. See Kadyrov is what we’re going to get if we elect Donald Trump, folks! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot, last week we discussed batshit crazy libertarian candidate Gary Johnson. This week we’re going to discuss batshit crazy Green Party candidate Jill Stein. Jill Stein got a ringing endorsement (?) from Ron Paul, who surfaced from his troll cave in Kentucky to possible endorse the Green Party candidate over the Libertarian candidate. And finally this week, we’re going to discuss one of my favorite subjects in the news currently – creepy clowns! I know what you’re thinking – “But Initech, we already covered creepy clowns in Idiots #41”. *Donald Trump face* *sniff* WRONG!!!! You're wrong!!! You're stupid, losers! Well you’re right, but they’re back and appearing all over the country. And real clowns are fighting back against the negative images they’re getting in the press. You can’t make this shit up, folks! Also, because you’re nice for listening to my schtick for the next hour or so, I’m going to give you something. How about some live music from Alter Bridge? For the last time, no, they’re not Creed. They have an amazing new album out called “The Last Hero” and they will be stopping by the show to play something from it if you kids play your cards right. That means no shouting or reaching across the dinner table, and don’t make me turn this show around!!! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Before we begin, we have to talk about Jack White’s Third Man Records. So you know the Donald Trump campaign was under fire for using the White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army” at Trump rallies without Jack White’s permission, right? So this is how Third Man retaliated:

Third Man is selling the shirt for $25 on its website. On the back of the shirt, the lyrics read:

"White Americans? What? Nothing better to do? Why don't you kick yourself out? You're an immigrant too. Who's using who? What should we do? Well, you can't be a pimp And a prostitute too."

White released a statement via the White Stripes; Facebook page on the alleged illegal use.

Can we show that?


So let me explain where the name of this edition comes from – it comes from the 2001 Richard Gere gynecology flick “Dr. T & The Women”. Which is about as real as actually being a gynecologist gets folks!

Now Donald T & The Women – totally different story! In fact take that movie Dr. T & The Women and replace Richard Gere with Donald Trump and you have turned a romantic comedy into a horror movie! Let’s explain:

(CNN)Donald Trump bragged about trying to have sex with a married woman and being able to grope women in previously unaired footage from 2005 that surfaced on Friday.

Trump is heard discussing women in vulgar terms during off-camera banter during the taping of a segment for "Access Hollywood," footage which was obtained by The Washington Post.

Trump dismissed the comments as "locker room banter" in a statement released by his campaign and sought to immediately deflect criticism onto the husband of his opponent Hillary Clinton.

The comments immediately raised the stakes for Sunday's highly anticipated debate between Trump and Clinton. The Democratic nominee has spent months portraying Trump as demeaning toward women and the emergence of the remarks could hand her -- and viewers in the town hall audience -- more evidence to make that point.


Dude, Donald! When you’re in a hole, stop digging! Shut the fuck up!

Seriously Donald, stop talking! Every single thing you say is worse than the thing that preceded it. In fact for a normal human being – someone with empathy, which Donald Trump severely lacks, the only way to say horrible things at that rate would be to read Limp Bizkit lyrics in the style of Bane from the Dark Knight Rises. You know what? Let’s try a few!

“Give me something to break…. But only one of you has the trigger!!!”
“My generation motherfuckers…. That’s why I’m crashing this plane with no survivors!”

See? See how everything I said was worse? Well it’s not getting better for Trumpenfuror:

Republicans are horrified and shocked by the leaked audio in which Donald Trump brags about sexual assault and says his celebrity lets him do whatever he likes with women.

The many women whom Trump has reduced to their looks and sex appeal over the years — 61, according to our count — probably aren’t surprised. It’s a long, damning list, and it’s only getting longer.

Holy shit!!!! I mean seriously holy shit!!!

Is he going to share a cell with Bill Cosby? What? But we’re still not done here! Oh no!

Civil rights lawyer Gloria Allred said this week that women have begun contacting her with allegations that they were sexually harassed or abused by Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.

After news broke over the weekend that Trump had bragged about groping women on a leaked 2005 video, Allred confirmed to Gothamist on Monday that she had been “contacted by women who allege inappropriate contact by Mr. Trump.”

“If there is an unwanted or unconsented to touching of a person’s intimate parts such as the genital areas or a woman’s breasts, that could constitute a sexual assault or a sexual battery,” Allred said. “I am disgusted by what Donald Trump said and admitted that he had done on that video. An apology is not enough.”

So holy fuck, Donald Trump is in some deep shit here. I mean just look at the potential that this has once all has been unearthed!

In that audio, Trump discusses a failed attempt to seduce a woman, whose full name is not given in the video.

“I moved on her and I failed. I’ll admit it,” Trump is heard saying. It was unclear when the events he was describing took place. The tape was recorded several months after he married his third wife, Melania.

“Whoa,” another voice said.

“I did try and f--- her. She was married,” Trump says.

Holy shit! Seriously Donald, stop talking. I mean shut the fuck up!

But you know who Donald once got a ringing endorsement from? Jerry Falwell Jr! Yes the evangelicals support and love this guy! I mean what would Jesus do, folks?

This is the same Donald Trump who has been thrice married, who has lusted after his own daughter, who boasts of screwing other people over, who chases the almighty dollar over all else. Remember what Jesus did to that crowd at the temple? Remember what he said about rich people, camels, and the eye of a needle? And we all know Jesus was about excluding and demonizing people, right?

This is the same Trump who pathetically tried to speak Evangelical and failed, as Tom DeLay (remember him?) pointed out:

In an attempt to patronize the religious crowd, Trump cited a scripture containing the word "liberty." There was a smattering of laughter when he cited "Two Corinthians 3:17" at the Bible-based school where most pronounce it "Second Corinthians."

This is the same Trump who fails one of the most basic Christian tests—humility and lack of pride. Satan has nothing on Trump when it comes to pride. Catholics consider that one of the seven deadly sins (along with lust and greed … and anger). Evangelicals will point to Is. 14:11-15, James 4:6, and Prov. 16:18. And can anyone pretend that Trump actually goes to church?

Yeah that is a good question – does Donald Trump go to church? In fact he’s exposed the religious right for the hypocrites that they are! Bravo, well done!

(CNN)The second presidential debate was overshadowed this weekend by the release of a 2005 videotape in which Donald Trump bragged about being famous enough to get away with sexual assault. Pressed by moderator Anderson Cooper during the debate, Trump said he was not proud of his words, but dismissed them as "locker room talk" before trying to pivot to a discussion of ISIS.
While many Republican Party insiders have calculated that it's too late to get off the Trump train, a line-up of so-called "Christian conservatives" -- a crucial base of support for Trump in every national poll -- stepped forward this weekend to say they can no longer support candidate Trump. "I cannot commend Trump's moral character," evangelical theologian Wayne Grudem wrote, withdrawing his endorsement of the Republican candidate.

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

So you want to know the really fucked up thing about this? You know who’s not on Donald Trump’s side? If you guessed that a serial groper himself – Arnold Schwarzenegger has withdrawn support of Trumpenfuror, you know you’ve fucked up!

Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger joined a chorus of Republicans who announced Saturday they will not support Donald Trump for president.

Schwarzenegger, who took over for Trump this year as host of NBC's "The Apprentice," said it will be the first time since becoming a citizen in 1983 that he will not vote for the GOP nominee. He did not indicate for whom he would vote in November.

The action film star, who did not mention Trump's lewd comments about women, faced criticism over his own alleged sexually aggressive behavior during the 2003 recall election to become California's governor.

Yes that’s former California governor and serial womanizer Arnold Schwarzenegger denouncing serial womanizer Donald Trump.

But on the plus side, one of my favorite actors - Robert DeNiro - has some strong words for Trumpenfuror:

“He's a punk, he's a dog, he's a pig': Actor Robert DeNiro lets fly at Donald Trump
Nothing has been going right for the Trump presidential campaign.

Following the release of a video showing Donald Trump making comments about sexually assaulting women, the Republican nominee's campaign seems to have come apart. His comments were also criticised by his wife Melanie Trump and top leaders in his party too have withdrawn support.

An advertisement campaign to encourage Americans to vote asked celebrities to talk about what they were passionate about. Robert DeNiro, known for films such as Taxi Driver and Goodfellas could not hide his feeling and went on a minute-long rant about Trump.

I mean he's so blatantly stupid. He's a punk, he's a dog, he's a pig, he's a con, a bullshit artist, a mutt who doesn't know what he's talking about, doesn't do his homework, doesn't care, thinks he's gaming society, doesn't pay his taxes. He's an idiot. Colin Powell said it best: He's a national disaster. He's an embarrassment to this country. It makes me so angry that this country has gotten to this point that this fool, this bozo, has wound up where he has. He talks how he wants to punch people in the face? Well, I'd like to punch him in the face. This is somebody that we want for president? I don't think so.

But guess who fired back? You might guess that evangelical actors are fighting back. And I answer you good sir / madam – why yes they are! Jon Voight, who was the star of the recent Values Voters Conference, fired back!

Academy Award-winning actor Jon Voight took to social media Saturday to defend Republican candidate Donald Trump's controversial remarks about women and criticize fellow movie star Robert De Niro for making disparaging remarks about the real estate mogul.

"Midnight Cowboy" star Voight, who has supported several Republican politicians over the years, said on Twitter that Trump's remarks to "Access Hollywood" host Billy Bush in 2005 "were not as damaging as Robert DeNiro’s [sic] ugly rant. Trump’s words did not hurt anyone."

Voight also said of the recorded comments, which were first disclosed by The Washington Post Friday, "I don’t know of too many men who haven’t expressed some sort of similar sexual terms toward women, especially in their younger years."

De Niro lashed out at Trump in a video released Friday as part of a get-out-the-vote project. In it, the "Raging Bull" star said of Trump, "he's a punk, he's a dog, he's a pig, he's a con, a bulls--- artist, a mutt who doesn't know what he's talking about."

And Robert DeNiro probably could take Donald Trump down with one punch! I mean did anyone see Raging Bull?

And of course DeNiro fired back at Voight for being “delusional”! You know remember when Donald Trump said he would say great things about people? Will he say anything great about Jon Voight?

“I don’t know of too many men who haven’t expressed some sort of similar sexual terms toward women, especially in their younger years,” said Voight, going on to call on Trump supporters to express their “outrage and anger” at De Niro and “all of the Republican turncoats”. Voight has long been an outspoken supporter of the Republican party.

De Niro responded to Voight’s comments, saying: “Voight is a nice guy, but he’s delusional,” according to UAE newspaper the Khaleej Times, before continuing to attack Trump.

“The Republican party has rationalised that his guy is sane, that this guy should be president,” he said. “It’s awful, they will self-destruct.”

De Niro urged Americans to vote on 8 November in order to prevent Trump from winning.

“They have to vote, they must vote, it’s imperative that you vote, it’s a very serious situation,” he said.

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Before we go any further down the wormhole on all the Trump sexual assault comments this week, anyone remember the cute Donald Trump cheerleaders from a few months ago?

Can you guessed he stiffed them on pay? Gee, I’m shocked, shocked I tell you!

The founder of viral pro-Trump tween singing group “USA Freedom Kids” now plans to sue the Republican presidential campaign for violating various unwritten agreements. The tween cheerleaders first achieved national fame after performing their song “Freedom’s Call”—with lyrics like “Deal from strength or get crushed!”—at Trump’s January rally in Pensacola, Florida. The group’s founder, Jeff Popick, father to the youngest member, claims it was at that rally that the campaign broke its promise for compensation; only to once again break financial and logistic promises at another rally at which they were scheduled to appear. “This is not a billion-dollar lawsuit,” Popick told the Washington Post. “I’m not looking to do battle with the Trump campaign, but I have to show my girls that this is the right thing.”

So if he treated a bunch of innocent kids this way, imagine how he treats adult women! I mean just look at what happened with this CNN reporter!

Yup! And why does it matter how Donald Trump treats women? This is getting scarier and scarier. Donald Trump actually bragged about walking in on Miss Teen USA pageant contestants changing in the locker room, and his excuse? Oh it’s nothing I haven’t seen before! Which makes us wonder how many times he’s walked in on Ivanka?

Donald Trump has been caught out boasting about how he was the only man allowed backstage to 'inspect' naked women at the Miss USA pageant because he owned it.

The Republican nominee bragged about the extra power he had during an interview with Howard Stern in April 2005, the tapes of which have been released by CNN.

'I’ll tell you the funniest is that I’ll go backstage before a show and everyone’s getting dressed,' Trump said about the pageant.

I mean you know how they’re trying to justify this? Oh it’s just locker room talk!

Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump dismissed vulgar comments he made about women in 2005 as "locker room talk," but he fired a contestant from "The Celebrity Apprentice" for engaging in "locker room" talk.

"The Daily Show" unearthed a 2010 clip of Trump firing Illinois native Maria Kanellis-Bennett from the NBC competition. Kanellis-Bennett, a professional wrestler, accused fellow contestant Curtis Stone, a celebrity chef, of using her dressing room and leaving behind a foul smell.

Trump called the comment "below the belt" and disgusting, before declaring, "This is my boardroom. It's not a locker room. Maria, you're fired."

The Washington Post on Friday published 2005 audio of Trump boasting about how his celebrity status allowed him to sexually assault women without consequence. He dismissed these comments as "locker room talk" during Sunday's presidential debate.

Just locker room talk? I mean who does this guy think he is? Sean Connery as James Bond in Goldfinger?

But what is “locker room talk”? Let’s let an expert explain!

Thanks to Donald Trump, the term “locker-room talk” suddenly is widely discussed. It is a pretty broad term; I’ve heard athletes in locker rooms deeply engrossed in conversations on their municipal bond portfolios and what to feed their cats and, of course, traffic.

Trump was recorded talking about forcibly kissing and groping women, and after an uproar, he chalked it up to “locker-room talk.”

The episode raised the question of how common such extreme talk is in locker rooms.

Yet I would say that while I have heard distasteful boasting and crude talk about the attributes of a recent date or a new girlfriend — wives never seem to come up — I’ve never heard anything that could be described as an assault, or any crime. Not even close.

And what exactly do athletes think about “locker room talk”?

“There are conversations that we have amongst men but it’s never in that tone. It’s never as insensitive as that tone was,” Jones said.

Across the country, athletes and coaches from professional sports leagues had similar reactions.

“There’s players in our locker room with sisters, wives, and daughters. There’s not that type of talk in anyone’s locker room,” Los Angeles Clippers head coach Doc Rivers said.

“I’ll have my son in here, CP. Guys have their kids in here. So this is probably more of a family environment than any locker room,” Clippers’ Blake Griffin said.

“There’s no excuse to talk that way about women, to women, to other people,” Detroit Lions wide receiver Golden Tate said.

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

Yes, abandon ship!!! That’s exactly what the GOP is doing in the wake of the latest Donald Trump led disaster. Can’t wait to see what next week’s will bring! To start with, I bet you couldn’t guess Donald Trump stage prop Chris Christie is sticking with Trump, right?

Washington (CNN)One of Donald Trump's closest advisers was a no-show at his debate Sunday night, and now we have a clearer understanding of why.
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie revealed Tuesday morning that he was not happy with the way Trump responded after tape of his 2005 lewd and sexually aggressive comments broke Friday night.

But even Christie himself couldn’t defend Trumpenfuror’s comments! The level of hypocrisy is too damn high!

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, one of Donald Trump’s staunchest advocates, denounced the Republican presidential candidate’s lewd comments about women in a leaked 2005 tape, saying he was with Trump when the video surfaced.

“Let’s be really clear. It is completely indefensible,” Christie told Craig Carton on WFAN this morning when asked about the comments. “I won’t defend it and haven’t defended it. That kind of talk and conversation, even in private, is just unacceptable.”

While co-hosting WFAN’s “Boomer and Carton Show” in New York City this morning, Christie weighed in on the hot-mic conversation between Trump and Billy Bush, at the time a host of “Access Hollywood.” In the recording, Trump is heard talking about how he tried to have an affair with a married woman and how he makes moves on women, which some critics have labeled sexual assault.

How about Paul Ryan? Is he sticking by Trump or jumping ship?

House Speaker Paul Ryan dealt his own party's presidential nominee a withering blow Monday, telling fellow Republicans he will no longer defend Donald Trump and will instead use the next 29 days to focus on preserving his party's hold on Congress.

"The speaker is going to spend the next month focused entirely on protecting our congressional majorities," Ryan's spokeswoman, AshLee Strong, said in a statement.

The move -- highly unusual in US political history -- laid bare the seemingly intractable divisions now seizing the Republican Party with a month left before the presidential vote. Support for Trump among the GOP establishment, already weak amid disagreements over policy and tone, has now eroded to new lows.

Or how about Glenn Beck? Surely the GOP’s most insane conspiracy theorist can forgive Trumpenfuror can’t he?

The outspoken opponent of the GOP's presidential nominee wrote on Facebook over the weekend that every voter had to decide for themselves what constitutes "a bridge too far," after the release of footage last week in which Trump can be heard making lewd and sexually aggressive comments about women.
"It is not acceptable to ask a moral, dignified man to cast his vote to help elect an immoral man who is absent decency or dignity," Beck wrote on Facebook in reference to Trump. "If the consequence of standing against Trump and for principles is indeed the election of Hillary Clinton, so be it. At least it is a moral, ethical choice."
. . . .

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/11/politics/glenn-beck-hillary-clinton-moral-ethical-choice/index.html



Or how about the GOP head Rince Priebus?

Donald Trump bragged in vulgar terms about kissing, groping and trying to have sex with women during a 2005 conversation caught on a hot microphone, saying that “when you’re a star, they let you do it,” according to a video obtained by The Washington Post.

The video captures Trump talking with Billy Bush, then of “Access Hollywood,” on a bus with the show’s name written across the side. They were arriving on the set of “Days of Our Lives” to tape a segment about Trump’s cameo on the soap opera.

Late Friday night, following sharp criticism by Republican leaders, Trump issued a short video statement saying, “I said it, I was wrong, and I apologize.” But he also called the revelation “a distraction from the issues we are facing today.” He said that his “foolish” words are much different than the words and actions of Bill Clinton, whom he accused of abusing women, and Hillary Clinton, whom he accused of having “bullied, attacked, shamed and intimidated his victims.”

And by the way, Donald Trump is not taking this abandoning of the ship sitting down, folks! He’s pissed as hell! Maybe he can get Meatloaf and Gary Busey on this!

WASHINGTON — Donald Trump all but declared war on the Republican establishment Tuesday, blasting House Speaker Paul Ryan for his criticism and vowing to campaign as he sees fit.
"it is so nice that the shackles have been taken off me and I can now fight for America the way I want to," Trump said during a morning tweet storm that targeted Ryan and other Republicans.
Later, the Republican presidential nominee tweeted: "Disloyal R's are far more difficult than Crooked Hillary. They come at you from all sides. They don’t know how to win — I will teach them!"

But at least it’s known that he has the side of Alex Jones and Infowars, because Alex Jones surfaced from his troll cave to say this:


There are some posts so strange you don’t quite know how to write them. This is one of those posts.

Alex Jones is a crackpot radio host who traffics in bizarre conspiracy theories. He is also very popular, and weirdly close to Donald Trump. Trump has tweeted links to Jones’s site Infowars; he has echoed conspiracy theories that originated on Jones’s site (like the idea that California has no drought, and the problem is being manufactured by environmental regulators trying to save an endangered fish); and he has been a guest on Jones’s show, where he told Jones that “you have an amazing reputation.”

And it’s not just Trump. Trump’s close adviser Roger Stone is a close friend of Jones’s and a frequent guest on his show. It’s plausible that Stone is the conduit through which Jones’s mania typically reaches Trump.

And yes there is tape of this. Watch if you dare:

[font size="8"]Donald Trump[/font]

We do need to talk briefly about the debates in this entry. The second debate was a complete shit show. Almost as worst as the first. So here’s a few takeaways from the second debate.

1). The Elephant In the Room Topped the Show

Donald Trump had the worst weekend of his campaign, and perhaps the worst weekend of any presidential campaign ever. A flood of Republican members of Congress broke from the nominee saying that he should drop out or that they wouldn't vote for him after video surfaced from 2005 of Trump making obscene comments about how he treated women.

2). Clinton Tries to Connect All the Dots

Clinton also used the leaked video as further proof that Trump will only divide the country and is not fit to be president.

"It's not only women and it's not only this video that raises questions about his fitness to be president," Clinton said, listing a litany of instances that Trump has denigrated others.

No… no need to abandon ship yet. But what was the lowest point of the whole shindig? Yes, I said shindig. What are you going to do? Fight me about it?

There was Donald Trump calling Hillary Clinton the “devil,” a person filled with “tremendous hatred” whom he would jail if he were president. There was Clinton’s icy nod at Trump upon their greeting—no handshake—and her almost immediately declaring Trump “unfit to serve.” Discussions about policy frequently vacillated into personal attacks. And at the end of the night, when an audience member asked each candidate to say something nice about the other, they hardly hid their reluctance.

So: Was this the nastiest, lowest moment in presidential debate history? And what does it matter to the state of the race? We asked some of the savviest political watchers and operatives to talk us through what we just witnessed—“incomprehensibly demoralizing,” “a grim, tawdry affair,” and “surreal, bizarre and often entertaining” were some of their responses—and game out what it means for this highly unusual election. Here’s what they had to say.

But here’s my favorite part of this whole thing. Sure, you can point fingers at Trump or make fun of him humping the chair:

But the real takeaway? Nobody cared! In fact the movie trailers that aired during the commercial breaks got higher ratings! I mean come on, the 2016 election is a category 5 shit storm, folks, and you’re more interested in seeing the trailer for Dr. Strange? Come on!

Movie studios have been spending more on TV ads during the presidential debates than any other industry.

For the first two debates in which Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump faced off, the film industry was the top spender on the top four networks, according to iSpot.tv, which tracks TV advertising in real time.

Of course, the debates themselves are commercial free, but movie studios paid more to run their TV ads during pre- and post-debate coverage on ABC, NBC, CBS and Fox than did car companies, such as top spender Audi.

[font size="8"]Billy Bush[/font]

Billy Bush. He’s that creepy kid in your high school class who spent all his free time masturbating to the porno mags he stole from his dad while bragging about how he could sneak into the girls’ locker room undetected. Um no you can't. So John Oliver said goodbye to Billy Bush in the most John Oliver way possible:

Yes Billy Bush is not only the creepiest guy imaginable, he has had an extremely creepy “bromance” if you will with Trumpenfuror. So here’s what happened in the wake of the “Locker Room Talk” scandal:

Billy Bush, a host on the “Today” show who has received stinging criticism for his role in a video with Donald J. Trump, has been suspended by NBC.

The NBC executive in charge of “Today,” Noah Oppenheim, wrote in a memo to his staff members on Sunday that “we’ve all been deeply troubled by the revelations of the past 48 hours.”

“Let me be clear — there is simply no excuse for Billy’s language and behavior on that tape,” he said. “NBC has decided to suspend Billy, pending further review of this matter.”

And that’s not all – he apparently bragged about that encounter with Trump for years behind the scenes at the Today show!

Billy Bush brazenly bragged to NBC staff about the vulgar Donald Trump tape while covering the Olympics in Rio, multiple sources tell Page Six.

Proving the infamous Ryan Lochte interview wasn’t Bush’s only Rio recklessness, the shamed “Today” host boasted at a party in August that he had a “tape of Trump being a real dog,” prompting staffers at “Access Hollywood” to track it down.

Bush never told NBC News brass about the tape when he joined “Today,” and they’re not happy about it. “Billy was bragging about the tape to other NBC staff while in Rio. If he knew about the tape, and remembered the full extent of such an explosive conversation with a presidential candidate and didn’t disclose that to NBC News, that is a very, very serious problem,” the insider said, adding it could violate the “morality clause” in his contract.

But there’s more! Apparently his cohost is in “tears” over his comments. Wait – Billy Bush is a total creepo creep! We might need the Sad Hulk Music for this:

Kit Hoover got emotional during Access Hollywood Live Monday morning.

The co-host talked about her former colleague Billy Bush and started to tear up while talking to Natalie Morales about the leaked tapes that showed him and Donald Trump making lewd comments about women. She began the show by explaining how shocked and "devastated" she was about the news that broke Friday.

"He was always in my corner," Hoover said. "I was just devastated to watch all this unfold because the Billy that I know—and that a lot of people would say—has the biggest heart of anybody, and he is a good person."

Morales echoed Hoover's sentiments, explaining that Bush was there for her as soon as he found out the news that she would be taking his spot.

And of course cue the Today Show’s PR response:

The Today show was missing a face on Monday morning.

Billy Bush, 44, was absent from the NBC morning show after the program suspended him indefinitely pending "further review" of his involvement with Donald Trump in a 2005 videotape in which the GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump, egged on by Bush, graphically discussed groping women.

The show briefly addressed their anchor's involvement in one of the biggest news stories of the election during their coverage of Sunday's second presidential debate between Trump and Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton, though the coverage did not overtly reference Bush at first. The tape itself was a major part of the night's debate topics.

[font size="8"]Constitutional Literalists[/font]

Time once again to ask:

Constitutional literalism. How is this still a thing? Remember back when the Bundy Bunch first took over the Malheur Wildlife Sanctuary and started carrying around pocket size versions of the US Constitution because… reasons?

Well it appears that the Bundy Bunch weren’t the only ones plotting insane overthrows of the government to restore constitutional literalism. Check out this Georgia man who was interviewed on NPR recently.

Jimmy Arno and his wife Dani live in Lawrenceville, Georgia, and both say they’re deeply concerned about the direction the United States has been taking in recent years. So Jimmy decided to talk to an NPR reporter and declare that should Hillary Clinton be elected President in November, a second civil war may be necessary:
“Should martial law, civil war — whatever — break out in this country, they will uphold the Constitution and rebuild our loss. The war that’s going to break out if Hillary Clinton’s elected, if that happens. Your patriots are going to overthrow the government.”

Dani said she’s still very upset about a Black Lives Matter protest that was held at the local high school recently. And Jimmy says he cannot for the life of him understand why black people get so upset when they see the Confederate flag being displayed. He also painted a grim picture of what life in the United States is like, in his own twisted opinion:

“If you go to a movie theater, you’re liable to get shot, you go to a mall, you’re liable to get shot. If you go to Atlanta or a major city, you’re liable to be shot or attacked.”


So to extrapolate, Mr. Arno advocates people carrying guns to protect themselves from getting shot by other people carrying guns. Right. But constitutional literalists are just like religious literalists. They don’t know that of which they speak. Much like Lloyd Christmas in Dumb & Dumber.

In 1802, Thomas Jefferson wrote a letter to the Danbury Baptists, claiming that the Bill of Rights’ First Amendment establishes a “wall of separation” that divides church and state. As the First Amendment put it, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”

Yet contemporary American politics is infused with religion — in particular, with Christianity. The president is sworn in on a Bible, and it’s almost unthinkable that she or he could be openly atheistic and claim that God is a fiction and morality comes from something other than the supernatural. Even more, Scripture is often used by politicians, pundits and everyday Americans to justify their political beliefs.

For example, Rep. John Shimkus, R-Ill., famously dismissed climate change in 2009 by citing verses in Genesis and Matthew and saying that “the Earth will end only when God declares it’s time to be over. Man will not destroy this Earth — this Earth will not be destroyed by a flood.”

That’s right – a senator was able to dismiss climate change by quoting the book of Genesis. You know the book that gave us this gaudy monstrosity in Kentucky:

So constitutional literalists and biblical literalists do not know of which they speak. You know what the end result of that if you were to get a ven diagram going between the two? People like batshit crazy Christian conspiracy theorist Theodore Shoebat, who are actively blaming Hurricane Matthew on gay marriage. Yes in 2016. How is that still a thing by the way? :

Andrew Bieszad, a contributor to Shoebat.com, a popular anti-gay, Christian extremist website, explains that God is sending the hurricane as “a sign of His anger” against America for tolerating homosexuality. The Bible clearly teaches that in the Old Testament whenever the Hebrews were very disobedient towards God, He would send punishments against them, many times in the forms of natural disasters. Christian history also recognizes the same, where God will use His creation to execute judgment against the wicked. While not all bad weather is necessarily a sign of sin, both sacred scripture and sacred tradition clearly note that it can be so. Now we know that Florida is an area that is infected with sin, especially cities such as Miami and Orlando, which are veritable dens of sodomy.

And while Bieszad and others are blaming the gays for Hurricane Mathew, other Christian extremists blame abortion and Hillary Clinton for the storm.


Or Pro Donald Trump supporters who want to overthrow the government:

Charles Kesler, a professor of government at Claremont McKenna College and the editor of the Claremont Review of Books, wrote in the spring issue of the journal that America may be facing “the Weimar problem”: “Has the national culture, popular and elite, deteriorated so much that the virtues necessary to sustain republican government are no longer viable? America is not there yet, although when 40% of children are born out of wedlock it is not too early to wonder.” It’s no accident that this question is raised in an essay making case that Donald Trump isn’t as terrible as mainstream conservatives like William Kristol fear he is. If you live in the Weimar Republic, Kesler implicitly argues, a figure like Trump could come as a relief.

And in case you’re wondering where this is leading, what the ultimate end game of the constitutional literalist is, according to real life Jabba The Hutt, Maine governor Paul Le Page – the original person who somehow got elected, we need some fascism in our lives. Because… fuck freedom!

Maine Gov. Paul LePage (R) praised Donald Trump as a leader who would "show some authoritarian power" on Tuesday, even as he slammed President Barack Obama as an "autocrat."

"We need a Donald Trump to show some authoritarian power in our country and bring back the rule of law," LePage said in an interview with Maine radio station WVOM. He went on to compare Trump to Obama, decrying the President as "an autocrat" who ignores Congress and "just does it on his own."

As Maine's Sun Journal newspaper noted, the dictionary defines "autocrat" as a person who behaves in an authoritarian manner. LePage was seemingly unconcerned by Trump’s comments about forcing himself on women in a 2005 video that resurfaced last week, but conceded that Trump is not the "ideal guy I'd want my daughter going after.”

Lauren LePage, the Maine governor’s daughter, was hired in August by the Trump campaign as state coalitions director.

Read more: http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/lepage-trump-authoritarian-obama-autocrat

That’s enough to make you ask – Constitutional Literalism:

[font size="8"]Razman Kadyrov[/font]

Chechnya. That country you think so little about, you had no idea that this isn’t Chechnya.

But in all seriousness, if you want to see what a real life Donald Trump would be like if he ran for president, look no further than Chechnian dictator Razman Kadyrov. This guy is certifiably insane, and he won a recent election in a landslide.

Ramzan Kadyrov leads with 98.12 percent of the votes in Sept. 18 elections of the head of Russia’s Chechnya republic with 78 percent of ballots counted, the Central Election Commission said on Sept. 19.

Idris Usmanov, commissioner for the rights of entrepreneurs in Chechnya and a candidate from the Party of Growth, gained just 0.79 percent. Gairsolt Batayev, a candidate from the Communist Party, who heads the republic’s civic chamber, won 0.57 percent. Sultan Denilkhanov, the leader of A Just Russia party’s regional branch, secured only 0.46 percent of the votes.

To be fair, there was a 2% margin of error.

I like that one. So how did Kadyrov celebrate his recent victory in the election? By the most third world dictator way possible.

Chechen president and self-described “soldier of Putin” Ramzan Kadyrov held an elaborate party, dressed in knight’s armor, as he stormed to an overwhelming election victory.

Kadyrov, who has governed the troubled region of Chechnya with an iron fist since 2007, ran for reelection in Russia’s nationwide parliamentary and regional election Sunday. The regional leader, famous for his admiration of Russian President Vladimir Putin, received 98 percent of the vote in his region, although irregularities with nationwide vote were criticized by international monitors.

Although three other candidates contested Kadyrov’s post, the Chechen leader seemed unconcerned as he spent the end of polling day holding court with a spear in hand and clad head to toe as a medieval warlord.

I think I might have found Vermin Supreme’s running mate! I mean really what's the difference between a guy who wears medieval chain mail and a guy who wears a boot on his head?

But here’s where Kadyrov gets very Trump-esque. He’s planning to start his own reality show where he picks his assistant dictator!

The Chechen leader, Ramzan Kadyrov, has announced that he will use an Apprentice-style reality television show to choose a new assistant.

Russian media said the show, to be titled Komanda (Team), would judge contestants not only on ideas for improving the republic but also on their ability to “be on time, accurately perform assigned tasks and be ready to work 24 hours a day”.

And then he has also prominently featured his sons on TV fighting competitions, and these kids look like they could beat the living shit out of anyone!

Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov is in hot water after Mixed Martial Arts bouts featuring children aged eight, nine, and 10 were broadcast on Russian TV on Tuesday, with Kadyrov watching his own kids as they took part.

Kadyrov’s sons – Akhmad, Eli and Adam – all won their individual fights before a capacity crowd in Grozny, Chechnya, with the footage quickly going viral on the Russian web.

The event called 'Grand Prix Akhmat 2016' was headlined by adult fights, while kids’ bouts were originally announced as an “exhibition fight.”

[font size="8"]Jill Stein[/font]

So you may have heard by now that Donald Trump got a whopping ZERO endorsements from every leading newspaper in the country. Even popular newspapers like the Arizona Republic – which has never endorsed a democratic candidate in their 150 year history endorsed Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump.

Since The Arizona Republic began publication in 1890, we have never endorsed a Democrat over a Republican for president. Never. This reflects a deep philosophical appreciation for conservative ideals and Republican principles.

This year is different.

The 2016 Republican candidate is not conservative and he is not qualified.

That’s why, for the first time in our history, The Arizona Republic will support a Democrat for president.

Read more: http://www.azcentral.com/story/opinion/editorial/2016/09/27/hillary-clinton-endorsement/91198668/


And the Chicago Tribune endorsed former governor and current Washington DC weed dealer and Kiss auditioner Gary Johnson for some unknown reason.

The Chicago Tribune on Friday endorsed Libertarian Gary Johnson for president, joining a handful of other newspapers around the country that have rejected both the Republican and Democratic presidential nominees.
“We would rather recommend a principled candidate for president — regardless of his or her prospects for victory — than suggest that voters cast ballots for such disappointing major-party candidates,” the editorial board wrote.
“We reject the cliche that a citizen who chooses a principled third-party candidate is squandering his or her vote,” the endorsement continued. “…We offer this endorsement to encourage voters who want to feel comfortable with their choice. Who want to vote for someone they can admire.

But Jill Stein picked up a ringing endorsement from batshit crazy conspiracy theorist Ron Paul! Yes Ron Paul surfaced from his troll cave somewhere in Kentucky to endorse Jill Stein!

Former Texas Congressman Ron Paul told MSNBC on Monday that the Green Party’s presidential nominee, Jill Stein, is the “best on foreign policy.”

Paul, a former Republican who has since declared himself a Libertarian, talked with host Thomas Roberts about the upcoming election and what qualifies a nominee to serve as president.

Before the interview began, Roberts asked the question, “Who is the former Texas congressman supporting this election cycle?”

The answer appears to be Jill Stein.

Of course Ron Paul being Ron Paul, and he only gives cryptic answers about how he feels on the issues like you need a Ouija board to solve them may not have actually endorsed Jill Stein!

“What makes her qualified for the highest office in the land?”

“Well, I think there is a little bit of misinformation because I have not endorsed anybody,” Paul flatly stated. “I haven’t told any supporters who are interested whom they should vote, but I have mentioned her name because I have to look for bits and pieces in all the candidates to come up and try to put it together and have a libertarian message.”

“Liberty is all chopped to pieces,” he continued. “Liberals defend some parts of liberty and the conservatives of other parts and progressives are pretty good too on foreign policies.”

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2016/10/03/msnbc-ron-paul-endorsed-jill-stein-ron-paul-uhhh-no-l-didnt-video/#ixzz4Mhu4Pe00

[font size="8"]Dawn Of The Planet Of The Creepy Clowns[/font]

We need some appropriate music for this entry.

Eh. I know!

But there’s people who aren’t down with the clown. You know we’ve already covered the creepy clown craze in the aforementioned Idiots #41. But they’re no longer limited to the confines of the Greensboro, North Carolina woods. Creepy clowns are popping up everywhere! There’s been sightings in England, upstate New York, Florida, Chicago, Seattle, Denver… and it doesn’t end there. We’re just getting started! In fact the police in Norwich, England already are issuing warnings to creepy clown sighting reportings!

'Frightening experience'

In the Norwich case, the woman was walking alone in Eaton Park at about 20:30 BST on Sunday when the man leapt out, screamed at her and ran after her.

Supt Lynne Cross, of Norfolk Police, said such incidents "may seem harmless, but it is quite frightening to those who experience it".

In County Durham on Friday, four children were followed to school by a man in a clown outfit who was armed with what turned out to be a plastic machete.

In a separate clowning caper in County Durham on Friday, police in Peterlee posted a photo on their Facebook page of items including two masks confiscated from two 12-year-olds who officers said had gone to a primary school to scare children.

But Norwich isn’t the only place where creepy clowns have been sighted. What about our favorite state where all the crazy news happens – Florida?

Next to a dirt road in Marion County, lurking behind a patch of tall grass, stood a clown with stringy orange hair and a pale, white face.

“We stopped to record and then he started to move so we took off,” Facebook user Caden Parmelee wrote in a video post that has now gone viral. “Not trying to die today.”

Yeah not dying would be a good thing!

But we’re still not done! There’s creepy clown sightings all over the country! In fact the NPR show “The Two Way” has been dissecting America’s creepy clown problem.

Last month, the Two-Way reported on a spate of creepy-clown sightings across America. It seemed to begin in Greenville, S.C., where there were reports that "suspicious clowns were attempting to lure children into the woods."

That was followed by sightings in Alabama, Georgia, Maryland, North Carolina, Pennsylvania and Kentucky, with arrests made in Alabama and Kentucky. Many sightings were hard to verify, leaving people wondering: Jokes? Hoaxes? Figment of our collective imaginations? Cyclical clown uprising?

Oh sure it starts out innocent enough right? Just some clowns appearing outside of an apartment complex attempting to lure children into the woods? Nothing wrong with that is there? Wait, yes, everything is wrong with that! In fact there’s more:

1. People actually dressed as clowns and acting creepy

There are multiple allegations of individuals in clown masks or makeup behaving alarmingly.

In some cases, the clown has not been found, and it's difficult to verify the sighting: A San Francisco Bay Area mother told police that a man in a clown suit attempted to snatch her 1-year-old child out of her arms at a bus stop in broad daylight. She says she kicked him away.

In Abilene, Texas, a man told police that two clowns held him at gunpoint after he took his dog outside to do its business around 4:30 a.m. A local TV station writes that, according to the police report, the man had a "hair-raising stare-down" with the clowns — one of whom was armed with an "AR-type rifle." The tense situation was resolved when the victim "retreated into his residence to get a bigger dog," and the clowns drove away.

What the fucking hell is going on here? Is there a creepy clown uprising? Is there an underground creepy clown club like in Fight Club that’s enacting a real life Project Mayhem?

2. Empty clown-related threats against schools

High schools. Middle schools. Even elementary schools.

Across the country, dozens of schools have had to cope with threats posted on social media accounts promising violence — with pictures of terrifying clowns attached.

In some jurisdictions, the threats are being investigated. In others, a child or teenager has been arrested and charged with posting the noncredible threat.

Such arrests were reported across the country: Washington County and Prince George's County in Maryland, Fontana and Fresno in California, Methuen and Rehoboth in Massachusetts, and Toms River, N.J.

They’re taking over our schools! I mean if creepy clowns aren’t allowed in school, does that mean that the school has to cancel fun entirely? I mean sure I wouldn’t put it past a school’s PR department to do that. But a lot of these creepy clown sightings and attacks are turning out to be hoaxes!

The reports to the police had one thing in common with the circus act involving an improbable number of clowns emerging from a small car.

They just kept coming, and coming, and coming, across multiple states. Clowns in vans. Clowns in the woods. Clowns lurking in the shadows. Clowns chasing people or doing crimes.

But in recent weeks, steady police work has turned the news around, with 12 people facing charges of making false reports or threats, or chasing people, the authorities said. Other cases seem attributable to children with overactive imaginations, teenagers pulling pranks and others with their own reasons for adding to the hysteria. At least one death has been linked to a clown hoax.

And we’re still not done. This is an epidemic, folks!

By the way – McDonalds, McDonalds, has decided to limit the appearance of Ronald McDonald because of the creepy clown sightings!

McDonald's Corp. says Ronald McDonald is keeping a low profile with reports of “creepy clown” sightings on the rise.

The burger chain said Tuesday that it is being “thoughtful in respect to Ronald McDonald's participation in community events” as a result of the “current climate around clown sightings in communities.”

The company did not provide any other details about how often its red-haired mascot makes appearances and how or whether that will change.

And actual clowns aren’t taking this sitting down. No, they’re fighting back. See the good natured clowns aren’t, um, clowning around here!

Dozens of clowns in Arizona will hit the streets in Tucson on Saturday night for a planned “Clown Lives Matter” peace walk meant to show the gentle nature of jesters amid a national climate of clown fear.

At least 50 people are expected to stride down a popular strip in the city wearing clown costumes, with some prepared to hand out balloons and flowers and show off their magic tricks, according to the event’s organizer, Nicole Sinn.

“A lot of people are going against clowns,” Sinn said Thursday. “I don’t like that people are thinking that every single person that has clown makeup on is trying to hurt them or their children.”

That’s right! Clown lives matter!

That... that's the image you're going with? I'm no public relations expert, but I'm pretty sure the way to curtail the image of being a creep is to not use an image that looks creepy as shit! That's the image equivalent of Billy Bush hanging out in front of a girl's locker room! But there is one guy who makes a living as a clown who is definitely not helping to advance the argument. I give you Violent J, the leader of the Insane Clown Posse:

Cut to 2016. Everyone once again is seeing so-called “killer clowns” everywhere—popping out of bushes, threatening people on social media and assorted other public pranks. Cops have actually arrested a few people this time around, though, because there’s a lot of copycats out there and mass hysteria has a way of making people do stupid s—.

But as ICP has discovered over the last decade, there’s a whole army of scary, terrifying and dangerous clowns out there in this country trying to suppress the rights of thousands of people to exercise the most basic part of the Declaration of Independence, which evokes the freedom to “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” The only difference is these clowns don’t wear greasepaint.

These clowns threaten the very fabric on which our nation was supposedly founded upon—and for some f—ing crazy-a– reason, they’re getting away with it. From keystone-cop clowns shooting unarmed citizens, to racist clowns burning down Islamic centers or clowns in the NSA spying on us through our cell phones and laptops, America has turned into something far more terrifying than Insane Clown Posse’s Dark Carnival. Even a scrub like me who dropped out of school in ninth grade can see what’s going on. Today’s reality is scarier than anything you’ll ever hear on one of our albums.

Oh come on Violent J. You can’t compare politicians to creepy clowns without mentioning the one creepy clown who has a real chance of becoming our 45th president:

Hey o!!!!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]Alter Bridge[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, playing their new song “Show Me A Leader” from their album “The Last Hero”, I give you Alter Bridge!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #45: Donald T & The Women Edition (Original post)
Initech Oct 2016 OP
niyad Oct 2016 #1
underpants Oct 2016 #2
Initech Oct 2016 #3
underpants Oct 2016 #4
Initech Oct 2016 #5
ismnotwasm Oct 2016 #6
dembotoz Oct 2016 #7
voteearlyvoteoften Oct 2016 #8
malaise Oct 2016 #9

Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Oct 12, 2016, 01:04 PM

1. first rec, and bookmarking for this wonderful piece.


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Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Oct 12, 2016, 01:09 PM

2. Posting a reply takes TOO DAMNED LONG! K&R

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Response to underpants (Reply #2)

Wed Oct 12, 2016, 01:35 PM

3. Too many videos this week?

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Response to Initech (Reply #3)

Wed Oct 12, 2016, 01:37 PM

4. I was just kidding. Love the Top 10

It just takes a lot of scrolling to get to the reply box. My thumb is TOO DAMNED TIRED!

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Response to underpants (Reply #4)

Wed Oct 12, 2016, 01:37 PM

5. It happens!

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Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Oct 12, 2016, 01:37 PM

6. A lot of fun as usual!

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Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Oct 12, 2016, 01:59 PM

7. wonderful as ever k and r

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Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Oct 12, 2016, 04:18 PM

8. Keep this kicked

For evening visitors.

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Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Oct 12, 2016, 06:26 PM

9. Delish as always

K & R

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