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Mon Sep 26, 2016, 12:31 PM

More Americans Expected to Self-Medicate Than for Any Other Debate in History predicts Borowitz



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HEMPSTEAD, NY (The Borowitz Report)—As the nation awaits the first faceoff between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump on Monday night, more Americans are expected to self-medicate than for any other Presidential debate in history.

With over a hundred million people projected to watch the debate, roughly sixty million of them will be barely sentient after ingesting what they deem to be the necessary dose of intoxicants.

Davis Logsdon, of the University of Minnesota, estimated on Monday that the level of self-medication for the Trump-Clinton debate could be seven hundred per cent greater than for the first Obama-Romney debate, in 2012.

“The stakes seem higher this time,” Logsdon said. “There’s a sense that, depending on the outcome of tonight’s debate, all human life on the planet could be in peril.”

Across the country, liquor stores reported a desperate run on their merchandise as Americans fortified themselves for what many called “ninety minutes of horror.”

www.borowitzreport.com

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Reply More Americans Expected to Self-Medicate Than for Any Other Debate in History predicts Borowitz (Original post)
Mira Sep 2016 OP
Greybnk48 Sep 2016 #1
NightWatcher Sep 2016 #2
Cracklin Charlie Sep 2016 #3
LeftInTX Sep 2016 #4
dmosh42 Sep 2016 #5
BootinUp Sep 2016 #6
spinbaby Sep 2016 #7
Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin Sep 2016 #8
Dorian Gray Sep 2016 #9
Solly Mack Sep 2016 #10

Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Sep 26, 2016, 12:34 PM

1. We're going to, if we watch at all

it will be from a high altitude.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Sep 26, 2016, 12:36 PM

2. I have started already, did wake and bake

I'll relax now and top off again around 8'sh.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Sep 26, 2016, 01:50 PM

3. Kick

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Sep 26, 2016, 02:04 PM

4. This isn't a joke!!!!!!

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Sep 26, 2016, 02:07 PM

5. Yeah, seems like a good night to test my wine consumption limits!

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Sep 26, 2016, 02:08 PM

6. Borowitz is always on target with his awesome humor. nt

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Sep 26, 2016, 02:42 PM

7. If ever a night called for a drinking game...

I'd say drink whenever Trump lies, but don't want to cause alcohol poisoning.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Sep 26, 2016, 07:55 PM

8. I'm going to have to

If I'm going to half way tolerate The Orange Shit-Gibbon.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Sep 26, 2016, 08:48 PM

9. No booze for us tonight

but throughout the day, lots of people I talked to mentioned getting wine or whiskey to sit at home and watch this thing.

(I'm in Brooklyn.)

I think people are nervous about what the heck Trump might do. And very vocal about their support for Hillary.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Mon Sep 26, 2016, 08:50 PM

10. I must confess, I just did.

But to be fair (to me), it was time for my medicines.

Luckily.

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