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Mon Apr 25, 2016, 07:11 PM

Genius!! Glenn Beck Explains Why God is Dragging Out the GOP nomination race (from Rightwing Watch)

[font size="4"]Glenn Beck Explains Why God Is Dragging Out The GOP Primary All The Way To The Convention[/font]
By: Kyle Mantyla, Monday 04/25/2016

On his radio program today, Glenn Beck suggested that the Republican presidential primary race is going to be dragged out all the way until the national convention because God wants to allow everyone to have their say before He removes his hand of protection from his nation (presumably for failing to nominate or elect Ted Cruz as president.)

As he explained, God is "making sure all of us are accountable" for what happens to this nation, saying that while presidential primary contests are usually settled relatively early on, things are different this year because God knows that the fate of the nation is at stake.

In America today, just as in the Old Testament, Beck said, "the people cry out for a king and God and the prophets stand up and say, 'Don't do it, don't do it.' And the people cry out for a king and God and some people stand up and say, 'Don't do it, don't do it.' But those people who are standing up are always in the vast minority; 'Don't do it, you don't want a king.' And then, usually, the third time they cry out for a king and God's like, 'Whatever. You got a king.' He doesn't stop your free choice; you have free choice. Because we have a covenant with God that started with George Washington, because we have a covenant, I think before He withdraws His protection, He just wants you to be clear and He doesn't want New York to decide for you, He doesn't want New Hampshire to decide for you, Florida, Iowa."



Let's game this scenario out a bit. God wants Ted Cruz to be president. I mean, duh, right? God wants Cruz. If we, as a country don't elect Ted Cruz, God will punish us by withdrawing his protection. It's your basic red pill/blue pill choice. President Cruz or I'll drop the shield and all the evil in this world I created 6000 years ago will come wipe yall out.

Ah, buu-u-u-u-ut, if I may shock you, there's a logical flaw in this scheme. God wants everyone of his children to decide. Everyone. God gave all his children Free Will and they have to prove their worthiness by voting for Ted Cruz, who even has performed the miracle of eating his own boogers. And by "all of God's children," obviously, Beck means, everyone who's eligible to vote in Republican primaries. So, in order for everyone, even those in late-voting states, to have the chance to freely choose between Trump (Satan) and Cruz (Google Translate that name, pilgrim), obviously God has GOT to drag out the contest until the last state votes.

Now, how is God going to achieve this? Well, obviously God, in his divine wisdom, has to ensure that there is no clear winner until the last states, ending around California's primary (as if anyone from there is going to heaven). But what if God's Children all, in their free will, wake up to Beck's message and start voting in droves for Cruz? How could the Good Christians of California (and I reckon I'm talking about Stacy Dash here) choose between Good and Evil if Good triumphs over Evil too soon for everyone's vote to matter? How else on earth could God possibly know what's in anybody's heart if they never get a chance to punch out their dangling chads for Jesus Cruzt?

God, I'm afraid, is in a pickle here. But God's voice on earth, Glenn Beck, has a solution. God has to drag out the primaries until everyone gets a chance to vote. Does it look like Cruz is surging? God's got this, baby! God will simply manipulate the vote totals to make sure it's all a toss up until they get to the convention in July. Brilliant idea, God! Oh, I really owe it all to my buddy, Glenn. Okay, brilliant idea, Glenn!

But is God going to "fix" all the voting machines? No, that would be cheating. What God needs to do is move enough peoples' hearts to get them to vote for Trump, keeping Trump in the game... oh what the hell--let's make it exciting... giving Trump an intimidating lead in the delegate counts until everyone can, by their own Free Will (except for those God had to yank over to Satan's column just to keep it all fresh) vote for Good over Evil. And so what if everyone who was manipulated into voting for Trump is going to hell? You're going to hell by God's design so he can give Free Will to people in the late voting states. God wants you to go to hell. Sometimes you just gotta take one for the team.

And if there's any idea this year's Republicans need to get comfortable with, it's taking one for the team.

16 replies, 2415 views

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Response to Bucky (Original post)

Mon Apr 25, 2016, 07:26 PM

1. i'm no Bible expert

but I'm skeptical that God favored democracy over monarchy. I may be misunderstanding but is there any basis at all for this?

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Response to Enrique (Reply #1)

Tue Apr 26, 2016, 04:53 AM

9. I'm a world history teacher in Texas. We're supposed to cover Moses's influence on founding the US

Stop laughing, I'm serious.

So the way I cover that unit (it's required by the state, mind you, so I'm only doing my job) is have my students compare the Bill of Rights with the Ten Commandments. Then I sit back and let the kids draw their own logical conclusions. Invariably what happens is they say the similarities are that both believe that the individual is important, so human rights and all that, but the differences are more important. One is about following authority and believing what you're told and the other is about thinking for yourself and protecting the individual from the state. And then I smile and we move on to more important matters, like the impact of religion on the Silk Road trade

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Response to Enrique (Reply #1)

Tue Apr 26, 2016, 03:08 PM

15. Yes, but I don't think Beck would like it

Deuteronomy 17:15 New International Version (NIV)

15 be sure to appoint over you a king the Lord your God chooses. He must be from among your fellow Israelites. Do not place a foreigner over you, one who is not an Israelite.

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Response to Enrique (Reply #1)

Wed Apr 27, 2016, 09:19 AM

16. Israel was ruled by "judges." Kind of a combination chieftan and military leader.

As I understand it, basically the judge combined the role of Moses the chieftan and Joshua the military leader.
So no, not a democracy.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biblical_judges

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Response to Bucky (Original post)

Mon Apr 25, 2016, 07:38 PM

2. Before He removes his hand of protection........

Good - sick of being under his thumb !

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Response to Bucky (Original post)

Mon Apr 25, 2016, 07:58 PM

3. That means President Obama is part of God's protection.

Pretty sure we've heard Glenn Beck tell everyone that every day for the past seven years, haven't we?

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Response to Bucky (Original post)

Mon Apr 25, 2016, 07:58 PM

4. God wants Ted Cruz to be president?

 

Then why, pray tell, did He make Cruz Canadian?

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Response to KamaAina (Reply #4)

Mon Apr 25, 2016, 09:45 PM

5. From God's perspective, way out there in the cosmos

Canada and the U.S. are practically indistinguishable. "Close enough," thought the Supreme Ruler of the Universe.

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Response to Bucky (Original post)

Mon Apr 25, 2016, 10:32 PM

6. Come on brokered convention! Come on brokered convention!!!

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Response to Bucky (Original post)

Tue Apr 26, 2016, 12:14 AM

7. Beck sounds like a meth head riffing about Star Trek He's like Badger in Breaking Bad

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Response to Bucky (Original post)

Tue Apr 26, 2016, 01:15 AM

8. Glenn Beck becomes First Buddy for God.

 

He's bigger than the pope!

"And Lo, God's First Buddy Smote the Hippies in their Satanic garb. With the help of Abraham Lincoln and Moses and Voltron."


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Response to Bucky (Original post)

Tue Apr 26, 2016, 05:36 AM

10. Ever seen a cat toy with a partially decapitated mouse?

That is "God"'s relationship to the current Republican Party situation.

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Response to Bucky (Original post)

Tue Apr 26, 2016, 05:54 AM

11. How insightful... Clearly, Glenn Beck is one of the great minds of the Ninth Century A.D. nt

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Response to Bucky (Original post)

Tue Apr 26, 2016, 06:21 AM

12. God's most obvious part in politics is telling people to run...

...omnisciently knowing that they will lose.

Either it's a lesson in humility, or he just likes messin' with their heads.

Or both.

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Response to Bucky (Original post)

Tue Apr 26, 2016, 07:18 AM

13. So, according to Glenn ...

... we are accountable for "what happens to this nation", but God chooses the President?

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Response to surrealAmerican (Reply #13)

Tue Apr 26, 2016, 02:59 PM

14. I believe Jean-Luc said it best

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