It's Over Gandalf. We Need to Unite Behind Saruman to Save Middle Earth from Sauron!

[Katashi_itto]

This discussion thread was locked as off-topic by Goblinmonger (a host of the General Discussion forum).

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I’ve been on Team Gandalf ever since he first visited the Shire. It was so nice to see a wizard who was truly a wizard of the people. The kind of wizard who wouldn’t even throw you in a dungeon for smoking a little Longbottom Leaf or Old Toby. Here was a wizard who didn’t have a big fancy tower. His staff and cloak were rather plain and grey. And he had quite a dream, didn’t he?

Gandalf had the crazy idea that some little hobbits could stand up to and defy the power of the billionaire class Dark Lord Sauron. But I guess that was a pipe dream after all.

Gandalf failed. He got his ass locked up atop Saruman’s tower when he foolishly defied the head of the Democratic Party council of wizards. And now that he’s locked up it’s not like some eagle is going to magically appear and rescue him. It’s over. And now Saruman is our only hope against Sauron.

We need to stop saying nasty things about Saruman or it will be difficult to rally the people of Middle Earth to his side. Here are some things we should no longer mention, or if we do, we should put a positive spin on them so people will still see Saruman is our only hope.

Saruman’s Environmental Record: While it is true that Saruman has supported clear cutting huge ancient forests, and while an old hippie tree hugger like Treebeard might tell you lots of those trees were his friends, we ARE talking about trees here. And sure, Gandalf has a much better record on the environment but he’s done now. It’s time to focus on how much worse Sauron’s environmental record is. I mean, have you seen Mordor?

Saruman’s Being in League With the Dark Lord: Okay, okay. It’s true. Saruman did go to Sauron’s wedding. But that was a LONG time ago when Sauron still had both eyes. And fake hair. It’s also true that Saruman may have promised to do the dark lord’s bidding and to find the ring of power and give it to Sauron. But c’mon! You know Saruman was just doing that because he plans to ultimately betray Sauron after he’s done betraying us!

More:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/3/17/1503088/-It-s-Over-Gandalf-We-Need-to-Unite-Behind-Saruman-to-Save-Middle-Earth-from-Sauron

[merrily]

1. LOLOL. Thank you.

Keep the waffle iron in the pantry for now.

[Katashi_itto]

31. It's a +5 Waffle Iron of Power.

[merrily]

32. What other waffle iron would a powerful person like you have.

[Scootaloo]

2. Now that you mention it, I'm almost certain I've seen some uruk-hai posting here...

[Spitfire of ATJ]

7. At least they're better than Orcs.

[Nitram]

3. That's what happens when you base you political beliefs on fairy tales.

[SCantiGOP]

5. Well done, Nitram

[Spitfire of ATJ]

9. Bill knows all about fairy tales.

[merrily]

20. Exactly why I must question Hillary's late evolutions and revolutions.

[zentrum]

4. Kicked! Well done!

[jalan48]

6. Very good. Thank you.

[LiberalArkie]

8. Meanwhile at KOS: greywolfe359

The writer of this has been banned by Kos for daring to exercise his free speech. Everyone brace for a reactionary purge by the elites. Refugees reassemble at Kossacks_for_Sanders

[Scootaloo]

12. NONE SHALL PASS!

[smiley]

13. It's a strange world we live in when supposed liberals...

begin to censor free speech. Especially when it's as creative as this. Definitely some humor depraved members over at KOS though. Sort of funny to read the comments.

Somehow I doubt the author cared about his banning at this point.

[LiberalArkie]

15. "He who shall not be named" unless He who shall not be named resigns or dies.

Last edited Sun Mar 20, 2016, 04:03 PM - Edit history (1)

[dragonfly301]

21. +1 eom

[Rebkeh]

10. Wow

That's ... bold. I like it though, not the snark but the message. Except I wouldn't put Trump as Sauron. Trump is more symptom than disease but close. Very close.

[noretreatnosurrender]

11. Love It!

Very creative!

[anamnua]

14. Hillary = the sage, patient, and stoic Gandalf.

Bernie = the indiscriminately angry and suboptimally functional Denethor.

[Katashi_itto]

16. Denethor wasn't the one that got speaking fees. It was always Sauruman behind the scenes.

Saruman Actively Seeks Out the Ring of Power, and the Ring of Power Has Only One Master and Is Evil. Gandalf says that is evidence you have to refuse to have anything at all to do with the Super PrACious at all. His biggest criticism of Saruman is that Saruman plans to try and use the ring. But that’s just an artful smear on Gandalf’s part, implying that Saruman doesn’t have the integrity to be totally uninfluenced by the speaking fees one ring once he accepts it!

Denethor didn't sell Middle-Earth out either the first chance he got, nor did he prod us into an unwanted war.

[hobbit709]

19. You're way off. I know who is on my side.

[denvine]

24. Seriously?

You can't really believe that, can you?

[MyNameGoesHere]

17. This primary season is getting

more demented by the minute

[Autumn]

18. Kinda looks like Dale, before the Walker attack

[CharlotteVale]

22. Scathingly brilliant.

[surrealAmerican]

23. I just can't decide.

Who does Tom Bombadil endorse?

[Newkularblue]

27. I think he's Green Party

Talking to trees an all.

[Kittycat]

25. That was great!, LOL n/t

[chknltl]

26. So Elizabeth Warren would be...

..Aragorn?

[anamnua]

28. Hillary/Gandalf

fell into the abyss at Khazad Dum (lost the 2008 primary) but came back reincarnated to finish the job. Come to think of it the tragic figure of Boromir personifies the extreme fringe of Sandersism: he had an overvalued idea of his own potency and a creeping, delusional distrust of his friends and allies. All this eventually did his head in and led him to turn on his own.

[muriel_volestrangler]

29. I'd like a host to explain why they think this is OK for GD

It is that GDP threads are allowed in GD as long as they're funny? Or that you do see Hillary as comparable to an evil figure who wants to take over the world?

[Warren DeMontague]

30. Not to mention, that time Gandalf spent on a Kibbutz in Gondor.

Little known fact, his real name is David Gandalfstein.

[Goblinmonger]

33. Locking

Discuss politics, issues, and current events. Posts about Israel/Palestine, religion, guns, showbiz, or sports are restricted in this forum. Posts about the Democratic primaries, conspiracy theories and disruptive meta-discussion are forbidden.

As this article is an allegory for our primary candidates, please feel free to re-post in GDP.

Thanks.