Is It OK To Spank A Misbehaving Child Once In A While?

[Purveyor]

Spanking, or, as it’s formally known, “corporal punishment,” has been much in the news of late.

Out on the presidential campaign trail there was Senator Ted Cruz’s revelation that

If my daughter Catherine, the five-year-old, says something she knows to be false, she gets a spanking.

And recently, in Canada, following a call by the Truth and Reconciliation Commission to prohibit spanking, the Liberal government has promised to abolish a parent’s right to physically discipline children. Along similar legal lines, in June 2015, the Supreme Judicial Court of Massachusetts ruled that the state was justified in denying foster parenting privileges to a couple who practiced corporal punishment and supported spanking or paddling children. The couple in the case had argued, unsuccessfully, that physical discipline was an integral aspect of their Christian faith.

According to a recent Washington Post article,

America is slowly growing less supportive of spanking children. But a majority of Americans still support it.

So, is it okay to spank a misbehaving child, every once in a while?

By way of personal disclosure, my wife and I don’t have children, and I try not to sit in lofty judgment of couples whose kids present very difficult behavioral problems. But as a psychiatrist, I can’t ignore the overwhelming evidence that corporal punishment, including spanking (which is usually defined as hitting a child with an open hand without causing physical injury), takes a serious toll on the mental health of children.

MORE...

http://www.rawstory.com/2016/01/is-it-ok-to-spank-a-misbehaving-child-once-in-a-while/

[Peregrine Took]

1. Only if they get to do the same thing to you when you are old and dependent on them. n/t

[Cleita]

31. Best answer of all.

[wordpix]

68. +10000

and I took care of my mom for 6 yrs. before she died. She never spanked me and when she became my "child," ditto.

Best thing is to explain why "no" is "no" in terms the child can understand. Also, give them choices as in, "No, you can't have a cookie before dinner b/c you need to eat dinner first. Now would you like a piece of apple/pear or maybe some salad first?

My son loved salad - just add things like dried cranberries, fruit and seeds/nuts if yours doesn't. Also, make your own dressing and add a little maple syrup or honey to the oil/lemon or vinegar.

[niyad]

2. like you, I have no children, so also try not to judge, having seen some truly horrendous

behavioral issues. however, spanking sends a clear message that a bigger person can beat up on a smaller person, and that is okay. that message is NOT okay.

[snot]

3. I was spanked, but

it never led to other corporal punishment; and I consider spanking the least of what I suffered.

I really don't know the answer, am interested in what others have to say.

[loyalsister]

60. I was spanked and worse

I was a bully toward my siblings and neighborhood kids during my early adolescence. Thankfully, I grew up and got an education that allowed me to see the relationship. I don't have kids, but knowing my initial response is not uncommon, I feel comfortable saying it is absolutely not okay because it teaches kids that it is okay to be physically aggressive when one does not like the behavior of a sibling or peer.

[FSogol]

4. Is violence the best way to solve problems, especially with little kids?

[bpositive]

5. I suspect that this would be sensitive subject for some

I have an opinion on the matter. I was raised by my mom and was on the receiving end of spankings and other abuse. I really did not learn much from it other than find better ways not to get caught.

The best lesson of all - it taught me not to spank my children. I have three: oldest 16, twins 11. One boy two girls. Never ever hit them, ever.

IMO. Spanking is a self gratification for the spanker. Best thing is to put yourself in timeout until the urge passes.

[TubbersUK]

78. +1

[petronius]

6. Yes, of course - but only if they're being

loud in a nice restaurant, crying on an airplane, or don't have enough money to pay for their school lunch. That sort of thing...

[AngryAmish]

24. Or put corn flakes in fried chicken.

[elleng]

7. No, not in my opinion.

'Teaches' a terrible 'lesson.' Use your WORDS, and other approaches to encourage proper behavior.

We had 2 daughters, now 27 and 31 years old, both with little ones of their own.

[beam me up scottie]

10. Scootch over, these are always fun. I brought beer.

[AngryAmish]

25. You look like a corn flakes fried chicken person.

I hate you ¡!!!!!!!!!!!

[beam me up scottie]

28. Well you look like you let your pit bull breast feed at Walmart! It's ON!!!

[AngryAmish]

54. I don't drink with you!

[hifiguy]

27. You know it's gonna go to the

pit bulls.

[Kalidurga]

9. No

[Orrex]

11. What I love most of all in these discussions...

Is how people line up to explain to us all exactly what a spanking is "telling" the child, as if they have any idea at all beyond projection and speculation.


For the record, we do not spank our children.

[hifiguy]

13. One swat on the butt, which is all I ever got,

and even that very infrequently, is harmless.

[elias49]

22. My experience as well. To get my attention more than anything.

And I've 3 grown children now, none of who were spanked.

[hifiguy]

26. Yep. It meant "pay attention and smarten up."

Not intended to cause pain.

[kdmorris]

14. Spanking is the easy way out

It's much harder and requires much more creativity to actually guide your child to better behavior. It's never going to make your child change. Who wants to behave for someone who is going to smack them if they don't?

[Drahthaardogs]

42. You have apparently, never met my father...

He was a good, hard working man, and he rarely got mad at us kids, but when he did.....

I completely disagree with your statements. Did I NOT do some stupid things in school because I feared my parents? OH HELL YES!

However, let me say that my mom and dad did EVERYTHING with us kids. We all worked together and played together 24/7. Every meal was eaten as a family at the table. Every play, sporting event, or choir concert for every child was attended by EVERYONE. We were all actually very good kids who grew up into very successful adults. We were lower middle class and life was not too easy. I never saw any "creative" ways to make us behave. We did what we were told. for the most part because we also lived on a ranch with livestock, tractors, rattlesnakes, and shit that could kill you pretty much every day.

[LiberalElite]

45. I was spanked as a child - on my arm or rear end -

and i particularly remember the smack on my butt after running across the street ahead of my mother. I waited for her on the corner feelilng very pleased with myself but, when she caught up with me: WHAM! "Don't you ever do that again!" I now look both ways before I cross the street.

[katsy]

15. No.

It's never okay.

[mythology]

16. Do I get to spank Ted Cruz when he says something he knows is false?

And do I get to space out the spankings for all of the previous lies he's told? I'm worried my hand will really start to hurt after account for the first couple of hundred lies he's already told.

Maybe I could hold a fundraiser, raffle off chances to spank Ted Cruz for not telling the truth. I'd make a fortune.

[angstlessk]

17. At a laudramat there was a toddler and a baby

The toddler hit the baby and the mother stated "I will teach you to hit (name disremembered (ya betchya))" and she proceeded to hit the toddler.

The lesson was stated AND learned, she indeed taught the toddler to hit by hitting him.

I was flabbergasted!

[pnwmom]

18. No. It's a lazy tactic that teaches children hitting's okay. Logical consequences

may require some thoughtfulness to figure out and may require more patience on the parent's part. But logical consequences don't teach children that hitting is acceptable when bigger people do it to smaller people.

[pnwmom]

19. You left out the most odious part, where he said that America should spank HRC.

He is an evil man.

[handmade34]

20. NO!

never

[abelenkpe]

21. No

[onecent]

23. Well, I think too many people

Say what they "think other people want to hear". The truth is easy.

Look at the kids of today. Say the 6 and 7 years olds, that already have never heard the word NO...have ALWAYS GOTTEN
THE HIGH tech toy they wanted (even if the parents had to rob Peter to pay Paul) so little Susie can have her American Doll and the parents have credit cards maxed to a 20,000 limit. The parents are strapped, they cannot think straight, they don't make enough money...but they CANNOT say NO. These kids have to learn that parents mean what they say, whether it is no, or yes. But the parents are too messed up in their fast food world - not cooking at home -- possible 2 jobs for each parent, and some lady they can only pay $1.50 an hour to to babysit....is it any wonder our kids "WANT IT ALL"...SEEMS READILY available to them....just ask mom and dad and THROW THE BIGGEST FIT YOU CAN...it works....it's a shame

Then look at the 6 and 7 year olds from my era (I am 70)...and see that these people grew into people who respected their elders, who finished school, who didn't expect a new car at 16, who didn't expect the best phone every time a competitor came out with the new one. People my age have grown up to believe that they could be a millionaire "if they would just apply themselves", or, frankly,
if they KNEW the right person. Then our age group respected our employment..worked hard with our minds and our hands and gave it everything we had.

Sorry but the kids of today are WORTHLESS. They don't communicate, they don't respect their elders, they don't have dinner with their parents, they don't TALK to their parents. They have their thumbs and their WiFi and that is the extent of their happiness level.

I am worried about what the future would bring, when I see these kids being given everything on a golden platter...
Granted, we didn't have all the toys...the 175 kinds of cereals in the cereal aisle, and we still made our parents crazy..
but today they have far too many choices....and parents feel so guilty about not being home, that they just try to BUY THEIR LOVE.

It's a new world, but I don't think a child "knowing" that a parent means it when they say "NO" is unhealthy.

When these children don't know the word "No" .... they run out into the street to catch the ball, or help a stranger find
a puppy.....Sometimes we say "No" for safety purposes...
it's a great question....and a billion answers await....I didn't not hit with my hand unless it was a diaper....but screaming and yelling at your kids in 2016 is NOT GOING TO "A GOOD PARENT BE".

For some reason we have created this world for them. On Wall Street it's called greed!

[vanlassie]

35. "Kids today are worthless?" Not the ones I know. Bit dramatic, aren't ya?

[rjsquirrel]

38. What a strange fantasy

It describes no family I know.

You're addled. And what Wall St. Has to do with it only Bernie can tell you.

[gollygee]

39. You must not know many kids.

People have been complaining about "kids these days" and how horrible they are since Ancient Rome. You are part of a long tradition of thinking your generation is better than the younger ones.

[LiberalElite]

47. Heh. Reminds me of this classic from Bye Bye Birdie

[Texasgal]

41. huh?

You sound more unhinged than any of these children that you are describing. UGH.

[tammywammy]

46. Um, wow.

That sounds like none of the families I know with children.

[Dorian Gray]

50. That's what old people were saying 60 years ago about your generation. and 60

years before that. And so on. And so forth.

[LeftyMom]

64. When you were a kid nobody got a new phone, because they were owned by the phone co.

and screwed to the wall, and heavy enough that they were sometimes used as murder weapons in the movies. The high school graduation rate was about 2/3 of what it is today. And garbage cereals were already advertising on children's tv.

-LM, on your lawn

PS Kids too young to potty train are kids developmentally incapable of connecting causes and effects. Hitting them- on a diaper or otherwise- isn't going to teach them anything except not to trust you.

[KentuckyWoman]

75. "and sometimes used as murder weapons in the movies."

laughed so hard I scared my husband.

Thank you .......... needed that.

[jen63]

71. OMG. n/t

[KentuckyWoman]

74. I hear you.

I'm in my 60's and when my nieces and nephews first started raising their kids .... and early on the school life.... I wondered what on earth will become of them.

These kids had their own rooms and closets full of stuff and they all got awarded just for participating. One of them moved to a school system that didn't believe in grades.... so the slower kids wouldn't feel bad.

Now some of these kids are grown.

They text thank you notes instead of writing them out...... They do tend to play with the phone behind the wheel more than I like and they like music that is a mystery to me why anyone would like it. They dress in ways that defy understanding..... blue hair and nose hardware and proud display of tattoos.

And yet they thrive and contribute and show up to help move their great Aunt and work their asses off and take over the family farm land (turning it back into farm) and work jobs that aren't "dream" and pay their own bills and drive sensible cars and hold the door for people.

Take heart......... it will be just fine.

[TubbersUK]

76. Yikes !

and, as an aside, it's perfectly possible to teach a child the meaning of the word 'no' without hitting them.

[SheilaT]

79. For those of you who think kids in the past were always well behaved,

go read the first couple of chapters of "Farmer Boy" by Laura Ingalls Wilder. It's about her husband, Almanzo Wilder as a little boy in northern New York State.

And if you don't happen to have a copy handy, here's what happens: The older boys at the one-room school house Almanzo attends make it their mission to see to it that a schoolteacher never finishes a term. If they can't misbehave so badly he leaves, they'll beat him up. The current schoolteacher is determined not to let that happen to him, because the previous teacher was a friend of his. And the older boys beat him so badly he died.

Yeah, kids today are uniformly worse than they were in the past. Horse pucky.

I'm also pretty close to 70 myself, and I recall a LOT of talk about "juvenile delinquents" back in the '50s. But kids in the past were uniformly respectful and law-abiding? No. What too many older people are guilty of is selective memory.

Which is not to defend crappy parents of badly behaved kids. However, this isn't as new a phenomenon as some like to pretend.

[guillaumeb]

29. Would you physically beat an adult?

That is what a spanking is, a beating. If you would not beat an adult why would you beat a child?

[guillaumeb]

44. This is assault. Nothing heroic.

I have never touched my children, except to hug them. Same for my wife.

[ManiacJoe]

55. A spanking and a beating are two different things.

A beating is always wrong.

[guillaumeb]

70. What is the distinction between the two?

Does discipline magically become a beating after a certain number of hits?
Or after a certain amount of bruising?

Would you also justify beating a spouse? If not, why not?

My limited reading suggests that people who abuse have often been abused, thus perpetuating the pathology of violence.

[ManiacJoe]

83. The difference is the purpose and the results.

Spankings are to discipline the receiver with mild discomfort and embarrassment.

Beatings are to inflict pain and suffering.

Spankings do not leave bruises nor welts nor cuts. At most you get red skin.

Beatings get you bruises, and/or cuts, and/or welts, and/or broken bones, etc.

Beatings are only justified in self defense or in the defense of another.

[guillaumeb]

85. A spanking is humiliating to the recipient, and dehumanizes and desensitizing to the giver.

Humiliation can be physically and psychologically painful.

I see no difference here.

Again, would you use this same rationale to justify spanking an adult, a partner, a co-worker?

[ManiacJoe]

87. If you cannot tell the difference, it is good that you don't spank.

Humiliation or embarrassment is an important component of spankings. The receiver does not like it so they correct their behavior.

Again, would you use this same rationale to justify spanking an adult, a partner, a co-worker?

There is no "again" since this is the first time you have asked about spanking an adult. Your previous question was about beatings, a very different question.

If I had the authority and responsibility, and if I thought it would serve the purpose, yes I would spank an adult. That said, I cannot foresee any circumstances where I have all three conditions.

[guillaumeb]

88. I have three grown children.

I never spanked them. I cannot imagine using violence to supposedly reinforce or teach good behavior.

I believe in Newton's Second Law. Equal and opposite reaction would suggest that violence promotes violence.

[saltpoint]

30. No. Personal opinion. eom

[frogmarch]

33. No.

I consider it abuse. I wasn't spanked and mr. froggy and I didn't spank our three kids. They don't spank their kids either. We've all turned out just fine without having been walloped for pissing someone off.

We don't believe in hitting or spanking our pets either.

[mrs_p]

34. We don't spank

My SO and I were both spanked and it didn't leave any lasting marks. But, I think it is totally hypocritical and violent. It tells the child hitting someone is the way to deal with problems and sets the precedent that big people can hurt little people.

[rurallib]

36. No it is not

we raised ours by talking with them when we felt they has crossed a line.
No lectures. We sat and discussed like humans what was wrong and what was expected.
They are grown very successful women.

[rjsquirrel]

37. Never eom

[gollygee]

40. No. N/t

[Texasgal]

43. Growing up in the 70's my younger brother

once used a racial slur against another kid in our neighborhood. My Mother proceeded to spank him with a wooden spoon over her knee. He never used that word ever again.

[H2O Man]

48. no

[Odin2005]

49. Spanking is child abuse.

[CBGLuthier]

51. I don't recall either of my parents ever spanking me with their hands.

Beating me with belts and switches was more their style.

By Mr. Cruz's "logic" the entire nation should get to hit him for his continuing lies.

[gvstn]

52. How many times have I seen a mother say,

Don't hit your brother/sister and then smack the kid for doing it. What?

There is a thing about setting an example.

I think my dad hit me a few times when that was considered appropriate punishment and my mom slapped my face the first time I said something like "fuck" in front of her.

But neither was into hitting their kids. I think if I was born twenty years later to them I never would have been hit.

And my answer is NO! It is never right to hit a child because it just makes hitting an acceptable way to resolve problems. Not a good example to set.

[Little Tich]

53. No. n/t

[lindysalsagal]

56. I know a little boy named Donald who could benefit from a swift kick in the tukkas...

But it's hard to find him under all that hair....

[laundry_queen]

57. No

I was spanked. All it taught me was that might makes right. I remember hating my dad. I was pretty small and I knew that there was no reason for him to be hitting me. I was a smart kid, speaking in full sentences at a year, he could've just spoken plainly with me and I'd have listened. When he did hit me, it was to make himself feel better, not to punish me for anything. Most of the time, I was smacked for shit I didn't even know I was doing wrong. I learned nothing constructive from being hit. Not a thing.

I decided I was not going to spank my children. Ever. And I haven't. And I'm not about to break that promise given my oldest is an adult and my youngest is nearly 9. I have 4 kids total, and I'm always getting compliments on their behavior. It's not hard to raise kids without spanking. It just takes a little more work. Spanking is for lazy people. There is so much information out there now it's really pathetic if a parent chooses to not take advantage.

[BlueStater]

58. No.

Children who are hit learn to fear their parents, not respect them. And if a parent has to resort to physical violence to discipline their offspring when they do something wrong, then maybe they're not worthy of respect in the first place. You shouldn't have to beat your children into admiring you. What an idiotic viewpoint and I'm glad it's slowly dying.

[Des Moines De Mon]

59. Yes

There's a difference between slapping a bratty kid's ass and beating the shit out of him. I, my brother and my sister were all spanked on occasion growing up, and neither of us is a serial killer or, even worse, a Republican.

[Lil Missy]

61. I'm okay with a pop on the behind infrequently, but physically striking over and over - NO!

[LiberalAndProud]

62. Would it depend on what we hope to teach?

It might be kind to slap a child's hand to keep them from burning it on the hot stove. It may be realistic to teach a child that bigger, stronger, meaner means having and keeping control in this world. As for me, I prefer to appeal to and to nurture the thinking, reasoning child.

Hitting a child is rarely a kindness, and if you leave a mark you can expect a visit from law enforcement. All in all, corporal punishment should be as rare as is humanly possible.

[Feeling the Bern]

63. Yes, as long as it is a last resort and you are not angry when you do it.

Sorry, but "time out" is bullshit.

[quaker bill]

65. If all you have left to offer is physical dominance over your kids

then you have truly and fully lost. No, I do not find it OK to strike children. Respect is a two way street. It cannot be compelled by physical dominance.

[Warren Stupidity]

66. No.

[MH1]

67. I don't have kids but resist the idea we should be telling parents

they can't EVER spank for ANY reason.

That said I know of parents who have been very successful without ever spanking their kids. But others who would have no idea how to address severe and dangerous behavior issues in a very young child.

I think when you tell parents to "find another way", you assume they have the life experiences, knowledge, and psychological tools themselves, to do that.

I think society's approbation is appropriate, and measures to teach and encourage those other ways. A law against it? I don't know that I would support it.

[OnionPatch]

69. I've read all the arguments for and against.

And I come down on the "against" side.

When my daughter was small I swatted her butt a few times but each time I felt bad about it, like it didn't really teach her anything, just made her resentful. I felt like she lost respect for me and how could I tell her not to hit other kids or the pets without being a hypocrite? So I decided no more spanking.

Maybe my daughter is not typical, but she responded better when I just honestly explained to her what I expected from her and why. If she slipped up, she would lose privileges, when she did the right thing she was rewarded. She's a teenager now and a great kid, doing well in school, respectful to adults and nice to be around. She and I have a great relationship, so maybe I did something right.

I wouldn't condemn another parent for swatting their kids once in a great while but using physical violence on a regular basis just doesn't seem right to me.

[KentuckyWoman]

72. I would likely end up spanking a child....which is why I never had them.

Color me tired, stressed over money, time challenged and otherwise not feeling well ( in other words the norm for moms) and then toss in a child being a complete pain in the ass...... somebody liable to get spanked.

I'm fairly patient and not normally apt to be violent. But on a tough day, when I've run out of time outs and diversions and time and patience and energy....... I can see me popping a child.

Better not to have them......... and I didn't.

[GreenEyedLefty]

73. I have one adult child and two teenagers.

When they were smaller, most of the time I applied logic and reason, but I swatted them every now and again.

They seem to be turning out fine. My oldest is a responsible adult living on her own.

I'm not going to defend my parenting here.

[gelatinous cube]

77. I was spanked

but the purpose was never to actually punish. It was more about embarrassing my sister and I. It was a light swat, didn't actually hurt, but we understood we did something wrong. So far we've turned out all right.

[Armymedic88]

80. I was spanked regularly as a child...

And spanked my first born until I joined the Army. After basic training I learned that forced physical exercise is a much better tool for young kids. No 3 yr old likes doing push ups or sit ups for extended periods of time. He straightened up real quick and he got strong.

[Purveyor]

82. Okay... Interesting. Nt

[cry baby]

81. I didn't have difficult kids, but I tried to find something

that worked for discipline instead of spanking. I wasn't comfortable hitting my kids. I spanked for about a year, then just got disgusted with myself that I couldn't find a better way for me and family. Once I tried, I did find better ways that worked better than spanking.

[olddots]

84. I would like to spank Ted Cruz

[NaturalHigh]

86. In my opinion, no. It's usually a sign that the parent has simply lost patience.

[Atman]

89. "[if] the five-year-old, says something she knows to be false, she gets a spanking."

Ted, how do you determine what a five year old knows to be false? Do you do Easter Bunny and Santa Claus? Do you teach her stuff you know to be false? SHE'S FIVE. Who is determining what a five year knows to be false? Or maybe you just like smacking the ass of a five year old. We already know you're not right in the head.

[Shankapotomus]

90. As a psychiatrist

aren't you supposed to know the answer to that and that it is "No"?

[Bucky]

91. I only punished my kids by time outs, extra chores, or defenestration

once we got the thorn bushes removed, the defenestration became less of a threat though

[Act_of_Reparation]

92. We need to put an end to this "Only parents know how to parent" bullshit.

There's nothing about being a parent that teaches you whether or not your parenting is working in the long term. Only science can do that, and the science tells us there are methods that work and methods that do not. Shitty parenting should be called out, and it makes no difference who does the calling.

[lumberjack_jeff]

93. I would stop short of "wrong", but I do think it's inadvisable. n/t

[OldHippieChick]

94. I never spanked because I had been spanked

and it made me fear my father. However, I did slap my son's face once when he called me a bitch. Was an immediate visceral reaction for which I will always feel guilty. BTW - he didn't ever call me that again --- to my face.