HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » Texas Lady Told God To Se...

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 02:21 PM

Texas Lady Told God To Send Tornadoes To Different Neighborhood And He Was Like ‘OK’

The power of prayer


Texas Lady Told God To Send Tornadoes To Different Neighborhood And He Was Like ‘OK’

image:
Take that, Ohio, fuckers. NOW you wish you were stoned.
Now He has to go back to counting up which sports teams are praying the hardest this week



So, Christmas tornadoes were a thing this year, because global warming is fake and all those violent storms were just Jesus opening up His birthday presents. But one lady said, “Hey God, would you let me command the wind?” And He said, “Sure, everybody gets a turn commanding the wind, it’s in the Bible!”


So Sabrina Lowe of Rowlett, Texas, used her magic Jesus powers to tell a tornado to BUZZ OFF, BRO, and go fuck up another neighborhood. NPR has the story:
We actually went outside and started commanding the winds because God had given us authority over the winds –the airways. And we just began to command this storm not to hit our area. We – we spoke to the storm and said, go to unpopulated places. It did exactly what we said to do because God gave us the authority to do that.


How very Ben Carson of her! We all remember that time the vegetarian brain surgeon Dr. Carson was eating chicken at the Popeyes Organization, and he stopped an armed robber in his tracks by saying, “Hey, don’t shoot me, shoot that guy over there!” We can only guess Sabrina The Wind Slayer probably had some other magic powers in her fanny pack, if God had decided to be selfish about letting her control the tornadoes. Like maybe, the next thing you try is to shoot guns at them! Or maybe you’re supposed to bumrush active tornadoes, just like Fox News told the little children to do with active shooters. So many possibilities!

So how did Sabrina’s wind prayers work out for her? Well, her house is standing tall and pretty! But did she send the wind where it was supposed to go, like to “unpopulated areas,” or maybe to gay disco-bortion clubs, to punish the gay-bortionistas?Judge for yourself. Here are Sabrina’s tornader accomplishments:
In Rowlett, 446 homes were damaged — 101 were total losses and 83 sustained major damage from a storm that generated winds of more than 135 mph in the city. Although 23 people were injured there, no fatalities were reported along the four-mile gash the tornado tore through the southeast portion of the city.

And here, via the Dallas Morning News on Twitter, is a picture of what Sabrina did, with her brain prayers:

image:
rowlett



Read more at http://wonkette.com/597383/texas-lady-told-god-to-send-tornadoes-to-different-neighborhood-and-he-was-like-ok#K4y8z5fQjjpU0MTA.99

17 replies, 1698 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread

Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 02:21 PM

1. hey, sabrina, can you direct the next tornado to hit wbc? thanks in advance.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to niyad (Reply #1)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 03:41 PM

10. I have seen a YouTube video

of a woman "commanding" an oncoming tornado to STOP.
Sadly, what happened after that was not on the video.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to niyad (Reply #1)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 04:09 PM

11. WBC?

Westboro Baptist Church, I'm assuming.
How bout adding Newscorp.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Funtatlaguy (Reply #11)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 10:16 PM

15. you are correct. but, they are not in the same area. not sure how far her "powers" extend.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 02:25 PM

2. SO since she has taken responsibility

for the tornados direction can she be held liable for the damages it caused?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nykym (Reply #2)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 02:28 PM

3. now, there is a lovely thought.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nykym (Reply #2)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 02:30 PM

4. That was my thought. So many policies exclude "acts of God," but can someone be held accountable...

for requesting the act of God.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Journeyman (Reply #4)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 02:37 PM

7. a very interesting legal point indeed. perhaps one of our good du lawyers could inform us.. .

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to nykym (Reply #2)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 05:00 PM

12. She claimed that she did it.

By admitting it, she should be sued. Maybe it would shut up all the other religious nut jobs who claim weather related damage was due to the Gays or Obamacare.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to rickford66 (Reply #12)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 10:17 PM

16. now that is a very happy thought indeed.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 02:35 PM

5. Gay-bortionistas

I gave a rec for that.
Hilarious.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Funtatlaguy (Reply #5)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 02:36 PM

6. yes, the use of language at wonkette is wonderful.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 02:45 PM

8. Thus proving the non-existence of God...

because he couldn't possibly be so stupid.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to JCMach1 (Reply #8)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 02:46 PM

9. there is that.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 05:12 PM

13. Dear God: Take that tornado away and land it on my friends

Those bums all drive Porsches, I must make amends.

Amen.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to niyad (Original post)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 05:20 PM

14. Imprecatory prayer is strictly forbidden in both Old and New Testaments

It's OK to pray for something bad not to happen to you, and it's OK to pray for your neighbor's salvation. It is absolutely not allowed to pray for bad things to happen to other people. It's all jumbled up in Psalms, where David wished all manner of evil to befall his military foes.

It's been a fine bone of theological contention for centuries, which is why those zany hyper-christian organizations ask their super-duper prayer teams to pray down fire and damnation on the atheists or the gays, or whoever they're hating on this week. They somehow equate "smiting" with salvation.

As a happy atheist, I have no problem saying that I wish these Texas windbags would blow all the way to hell.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to lapislzi (Reply #14)

Wed Dec 30, 2015, 10:20 PM

17. my standard benediction is, "may they receive everything they deserve"-- not my call, not my problem

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread