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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMy brothers passing....update
so two weeks ago my brother about now went to a hospital who wanted to keep him because he was in bad shape. no sleep and no food for days and days and in constant pain.
if he had just said yes please knock my ass out. give me every drug on the planet. make me sleep for a week and call my family this story would have turned out 900% different. we would have brought his ass to wherever he needed to go to fix his pain. whatever the cost.
instead he chose option B. leave the hospital. write some suicide notes. run out the back door when the cops were pulling up to the driveway to get his ass back to the hospital. jump into a neighbors yard and take a hand full of pills and a bottle of vodka. in some random strangers garden instead of at least at home in his bed surrounded by his stuff.
found a week later by the owner im sure shocking the hell out of him and his family. 8-(
guessing probably not in any kind of shape for an open casket funeral.
anyway he wasnt very religious. my parents divorced when i was 13 and he was 11. when you take a vow in front of god to stay together till death and then flush that down the toilet, it cant really mean much. maybe god doesnt mean much. certainly organized religion is crap in his mind.
he was a lot like me in that regard.
we decided to cremate.
hard to even type that word
took me a few tries.
so much about this sucks.
the one person my brother should have been able to go to was my father and my father couldnt give two rats asses about his kids.
my father was the closest physically. with two houses one in the east bay area california up in the hills. my guess worth 3-4 million. and a condo in near san diego.
he was the closest biologically. and had the resources to help my little brother.
but my dad decided when i was 13 that he really didnt want to be a dad. he wanted to be on his own. after 4 kids.
so the family got wiped out. we all scattered. i ended up in 8 different high schools one of which was juvenile hall.
ever since then for 30 years my brothers and sister know if you go to him for help financially, your ass is going to be handed the door like you just knocked on a strangers house.
or for any other reason emotional, because you want a fucking dad in your life, not going to happen with him.
anyway the reason im typing this is because ive always been broke pretty much. make just enough to survive and feed 3 fat cats. always renting never owning
no wife or kids or family. i cant seem to hold a job long so i dont have the funds to support another human.
my brother left all his 401s and life insurance and stocks and this and that and the other to my mom. ends up being about 300 grand in the end.
my other brother and sister have tons of money and dont need any of it so basically all of that will probably end up going to me. plus what she has in stocks and bonds and blah blah blah which will probably go to me when shes gone.
ive never had tons of money, never needed it, mostly tuned out to life. lots of drugs. escape.
looking more and more when the people i love the most are gone im going to be set up just great and it sucks because the people i would have wanted to share it with the most wont be here for that to happen. id rather have none of it and instead have my little brother still here 8-(
anyway sorry im just rambling at this point.
services are in silicon valley next month so i guess i get to travel out there to say good by to my little brother.
please hug all your loved ones for me family and remember that we can all go at any second. treasure every moment. every christmas every holidays. love you guys
Change has come
(2,372 posts)Arugula Latte
(50,566 posts)LiberalElite
(14,691 posts)Historic NY
(37,449 posts)emsimon33
(3,128 posts)A big hug
snpsmom
(638 posts)Don't know you, but I know it's hard for you right now. Sending love and light.
Metatron
(1,258 posts)I am so very sorry for your loss.
Baitball Blogger
(46,574 posts)It's hard for some people to understand how the combination of pain and the inability to sleep can eventually break anyone. Even doctors sometimes miss the obvious. I know that you would have been there for your brother if he had given you the chance.
Wilms
(26,795 posts)I hear ya.
ucrdem
(15,512 posts)heard this last week and thought of your brother ... wishing you peace and solace
Garion_55
(1,914 posts)B2G
(9,766 posts)Sending you a cyber hug.
Live and Learn
(12,769 posts)KT2000
(20,544 posts)so many things are converging for you now and of course it involves change. Peace to you, it takes time.
renate
(13,776 posts)So much sadness in that story, from start to finish. It hurts my heart to think of your suffering as well as his.
Thank you for sharing that with us. I know it was tough to write.
murielm99
(30,656 posts)Skittles
(152,964 posts)my father killed himself and one of my brothers died of alcoholism....it is very sad indeed....my condolences to you.
may I offer some advice? You sound like someone who has done without for a long time...if you should happen to inherit an estate, please make it a priority to get with a financial advisor regarding taxes and planning.
Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)People come out of the woodwork.
Learned a very expensive, and extremely painful, lesson. You learn who are your true friends, especially when the money is gone.
Skittles
(152,964 posts)Fast Walker 52
(7,723 posts)Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)Samantha
(9,314 posts)I experienced a number of years ago a similar situation with my sister. She had a complete breakdown, this beautiful woman who was very successful with her work. She had two serious things happen to her that totally devastated her. I learned about her breakdown when my father told me she had been found walking down the streets of DC, barefooted, carrying a doll and talking total nonsensical things. When I visited her in the hospital, she cussed at me and threw me out. I just could not understand what had happened.
About ten years later, totally recovered and months of hospitalization, she looked at me and said "if you ever find yourself in a situation where you cannot sleep and you cannot eat for a prolonged period of time, get help. Even if you have to take sedatives, do what you need to do to be able to eat and sleep again.
What happened to your brother is tragic, but it is a lesson for everyone to think about. Anyone can have bad things happen and find themselves unable to eat or sleep. But one can only go so long before those two problems have severe consequences.
I hope after you finish passing through the stages of grief, you look at yourself and tell yourself it is not too late to find some happiness in life. You deserve it. I can repeat that often enough. You deserve it, especially after the type of father you had. But you can find contentment with the passage of time and the realization that sometimes if one asks themselves what do I need and want to find happiness in my life, if you can define those things and gradually pursue them, you can be happy. I know this because I eventually found it. You can do it too.
I want to tell you again how sorry I am about about these tragic cards life has dealt you, but I want you to know you can recover and find life rewarding.
I am hoping I am not out of line in this post to you; I just hope you can find the will to know you can recover and find contentment in life.
Regards,
Sam
ChisolmTrailDem
(9,463 posts)...brother is no longer in pain. But I'm sad you are now in pain. Peace will come to you, but it will take time. Imagine you feel our embrace as we take you into our collective arms.
mountain grammy
(26,568 posts)A Little Weird
(1,754 posts)bvf
(6,604 posts)I missed your post(s) leading up to this, but your story struck a chord. I lost two older brothers to alcoholism (one a slow, deliberate suicide, by all indications), and while I can never put myself in anyone else's shoes, I feel deeply for your loss.
You're not rambling, by any means. We all deal with such tragedies in our own way--keep sharing if that helps (and I know it will). Condolences to you.
840high
(17,196 posts)pnwmom
(108,925 posts)is still in your life.
I hope, despite all your heartache in the past and now, you can manage to find the strength to love yourself and go on, and get stronger. Deep in your heart, you know drugs and escape probably aren't the answer. So I hope you can be good to yourself, even if you weren't given the care you deserved as a child.
Your father wasn't able to love you because he had no love in him -- not because of anything wrong with you. No loving person abandons a young kid.
nadinbrzezinski
(154,021 posts)and please, do not blame yourself. I know far easier said and done.
Hugs
New Orleans Strong
(212 posts)...has me bawling right now. I think I can imagine h o w you feel, because my brother hanged himself in 2013, but we are all different, and right now it is your turn. I don't know exactly how you are feeling- just imagining. In New Orleans, on Mardi Gras day, we costume, march with an amazing band, and sprinkle ashes in the Misissippi. Then we eat gumbo and bawl and drink champagne and BLAST Rebirth and cry and hug and then dance. All still in costume. Is there a way for you to make his ashes be as precious as they are? With people who love(d) him? It takes so much damned time to forgive, accept, and go on , but a wondreful send off helped me. Somehow I believe it helped my brother too.
Oh - thinking of you right now -
progressoid
(49,825 posts)Sorry your dad is an _____.
Hope you can get hug your other family members in these difficult times.
AnotherDreamWeaver
(2,846 posts)mia
(8,356 posts)Take care. <3