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Sat Jun 27, 2015, 05:51 PM

Supreme Court Forces G.O.P. to Seek New Bogus Issues for 2016 revealed by Andy Borowitz



WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—With its landmark decisions this week, the United States Supreme Court has sent the Republican Party scrambling to find entirely new bogus issues to pound away at during the 2016 campaign.

With gay marriage and Obamacare effectively taken off the table, the Republicans now find themselves without a signature phony issue to disingenuously flog for the next sixteen months.

But according to the Republican National Committee chairman, Reince Priebus, the Party is already conducting an exhaustive search to find “fresh new spurious positions” to shamelessly distract voters during the upcoming campaign.

“Twenty-foot border fence, national voter I.D. cards, abolition of the I.R.S., mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds,” Priebus said. “Back at R.N.C. headquarters, we’ve got a wall of three-by-five cards filled with crap like that.”

Priebus acknowledged that the loss of Obamacare and gay marriage as issues had dealt a serious blow to the G.O.P.’s supply of meaningless talking points, but he claimed that the Party would come back with even more insincere rhetoric than before. “Anyone who thinks we’ve run out of b.s. is sorely mistaken,” he said.


www.borowitzreport.com

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Reply Supreme Court Forces G.O.P. to Seek New Bogus Issues for 2016 revealed by Andy Borowitz (Original post)
Mira Jun 2015 OP
shenmue Jun 2015 #1
Wellstone ruled Jun 2015 #2
Laura PourMeADrink Jun 2015 #3
spooky3 Jun 2015 #8
teach1st Jun 2015 #4
AnnetteJacobs Jun 2015 #5
underpants Jun 2015 #6
Gothmog Jun 2015 #7
Egnever Jun 2015 #9
TrollBuster9090 Jun 2015 #10
Thespian2 Jun 2015 #11
ProgressiveEconomist Jun 2015 #12

Response to Mira (Original post)

Sat Jun 27, 2015, 05:58 PM

1. My bike has two flat tires

I'm sure that is a Crisis Waiting to Happen.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sat Jun 27, 2015, 06:01 PM

2. Oh yah,Benni-Gazzzie and the Hillary cover-up,

That's the ticket!!!!!!! Rinse Penus needs to get a grip,after all his home state is falling apart at the seams.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sat Jun 27, 2015, 06:05 PM

3. filled with crap like that - He really said that? yikes he IS a dem

“Twenty-foot border fence, national voter I.D. cards, abolition of the I.R.S., mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds,”

These are clown car topics. None will get them any more voters except the crazy ones they have now.

I know Trump is talking fence. Said something like No one can get something built like I can

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Response to Laura PourMeADrink (Reply #3)

Sat Jun 27, 2015, 07:20 PM

8. Borowitz is a comedy and satire writer. n/t

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sat Jun 27, 2015, 06:07 PM

4. Funny

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sat Jun 27, 2015, 06:22 PM

5. Seriously...next year, watch for all hell breaking loose somewhere like the middle east

and gas prices spiking. And Obama taking the blame.
I'm hardly a psychic...it's like clockwork.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sat Jun 27, 2015, 06:24 PM

6. But it it's a BIG WIN for Republicans

Because the media will ignore that the GOP has had a 40 year campaign against both issues.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sat Jun 27, 2015, 07:04 PM

7. I love good satire

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sat Jun 27, 2015, 07:25 PM

9. Sadly I think they will run with these decisions

 

Elect Republicans so we can overturn these activist court decisions blah blah.

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sat Jun 27, 2015, 07:50 PM

10. What happened to the plan to have "Benghazi!1!" tattooed across Trey Gowdy's pimply ass...

and then have him tie a rope around his waist, drop his pants, and then hoist himself up the flagpole at the South Carolina confederate memorial? That sounded like a good plan to me, what was Priebus's problem with it?

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sat Jun 27, 2015, 08:47 PM

11. Is it just me...

or have others noticed that "Reince" sounds like the cure for a bad hair day?

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Response to Mira (Original post)

Sat Jun 27, 2015, 09:16 PM

12. 'No buying steak or lobster with foodstamps' laws

are new 'dogwhistles' being tested at the state level. See http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1014&pid=1128548 for a Washington Post link

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