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Glassunion

(10,201 posts)
Sun May 13, 2012, 09:12 PM May 2012

Moms rock!!! (Repost from DU2)

There was a short discussion that I had a few minutes ago, that inspired me to write this.

Back when I was about 16, my father passed away. About a month later my mother lost her job(she had to quit, I'll explain). A month after that, I accidentally destroyed my mom's car. Five days after that, my mother and I lost everything we had in a flood. My mother's attitude and character through all of that help me define who I am and what kind of man that I should be.

Dad is a story for another time, but I will say he was the greatest man to walk the earth. That is a given and I'll have no arguments on that.

Dad got sick very quickly, and passed away about a month after he was diagnosed with cancer. Throughout his illness, mom was always on top of me. Making sure that I did my chores, got good grades, spent time with my father and had fun with my friends. She understood a solid life balance. That just because something bad was happening, life goes on... Simply that you should not neglect any part of your life because something bad was happening. Sure your priorities shift, but you should continue living no matter what.

When dad finally passed, she made sure that I had my friends around me. She knew that having friends around would help me cope with the loss. She insisted that by living life that my sorrow and grief would slowly take hold and allow me to come to terms with my loss. What I realize now, was that by doing that she was looking after me and not herself. As a kid I did not realize her sacrifice in that time. Now that I am a man and can look back, I respect her for that. I carry that with me to this day.

About a month later, my mom sat me down and told me what was going on with her job. She did not pull punches, she did not sugar coat it, she simply said that she had to quit her job and that would make things hard for us. As it turns out the owner of her company was basically embezzling money from the company and as controller she would be the one to go to jail if it ever came down to an investigation. The company she worked for used insurance money to help train folks that were injured on the job to teach them a new skill that they could use. This dick-head that ran the company was using these people's insurance money for his own personal expenses and gain. Since she was controller, she could have been prosecuted for allowing it to happen. She told me flat out that she was not going to jail for this guy and that her only way out was to turn him in and quit. So she did just that.

Sure, she could have kept her job and hid everything the way that the best accountants can. Hell, she could have made a lot of money. But it was not right and she told me that she could never bring home dirty money. This to me defined her character. A single mother that would rather not have have dirty money feed and house her only child and keep her character as a good mother/provider. She taught me in that conversation that the content of your character is far greater than the number of decimal places in your bank account. I carry that with me to this day.

I remember this one particular day as if it happened yesterday. It was a few days before Christmas. Money was tight, mom was unemployed but she insisted that we do something for Christmas. The first one without dad. Sure we would not be able to really buy much of anything. But we could go out, enjoy the Christmas music at the mall, walk around and get each other something... No matter how small. So, being a nice fella, I went to warm up the car for mom. I started the car and went back in the house to walk the dog with her. About 5 minutes later we both walked outside to a horrific sight. The car was on fire. Holy Shit! WTF?

Apparently the car had a bad thermostat and it never opened, so the fluid in the engine overheated, the radiator popped and the plastic inside the compartment caught on fire. Seriously? So, I must hand it to our local fire department. They showed up in about 2 minutes, but it was too late, the car was a complete loss. Mom never got mad, never blamed me. After all was said and done, she just said that it was not my fault and made sure that I did not feel bad. She contacted the insurance company and filed her claim. We borrowed a neighbor's car and went shopping. I was dumbfounded by the whole experience. Her attitude during that whole day was simply that there was nothing either she or I could have done, and that it was what it was. I carry her attitude during that event with me to this day.

I bought her a photo book and she got me a set of strings for my guitar for Christmas. A great friend of my father invited us up to his place for Christmas day. So by the time Christmas Eve rolled around she had a rental car from the insurance company and we headed 2 hours out of town to spend Christmas day with one of my father's best friends. It was a great day to say the least. We both opened our presents to each other and feigned surprise when we say what we got for each other. My dad's friend Jerry also hooked my mom up. As it turns out, my father, when he knew he was going to die had sent a letter and a gift for my mom to his best friend to be delivered on Christmas. Who then had it delivered to Jerry. So my father, from the grave, managed to get a gift and letter delivered to my mom on Christmas day. What a guy! I have no idea what the letter read, but it had my mother crying and laughing for quite some time. The gift was a cheap but beautiful ring that she wears to this day. Again... The greatest man to walk the earth.

Later that afternoon, we heard on the news that there was some terrible weather the night before where we lived and that one of the levees had broken. Mom became a bit concerned about the house(mostly for the dog) and the decision was made that we should head back home to check the house. We spent hours driving around detour after detour, but we finally made it home late on the day after Christmas. It was almost midnight when we pulled up on the house. There was still water standing in the yard, but what hit me the most was that I could see through the house. Only the frame and roof remained. Mom did gasp, but that was it. She did not cry, she did not yell, she only looked at our home and stared deeply at what was left. The roof and the frame.

Without speaking we both got out of the car, and walked into what was left of what was our home. I remember this moment as if it happened only yesterday. We slowly walked to what was left and began picking through the shambles of what our home was. At the time, I could only think of what I lost. My father's ashes, my guitars, my clothes and other bullshit possessions that we gather. I have no idea what my mom was thinking and I've never had the heart to ask. Needless to say, we lost everything; photo albums, my baby clothes, etc... Mom did not have so much as a tear in her eye. We gathered what few things remained and went to a motel... A shitty motel. The kind of motel that at the time, went for about $20 bucks a night. We did not really speak during the drive as I could think of nothing to say.

I do remember the following quite vividly. Once we got to our motel room we took an inventory of what we got from what was left of the house. I had about 3 shirts from my closet(which I still have to this day), one framed photo of my father and a few other little bullshit items. All of which we needed to clean out in the sink of the room as they were covered in mud. Once we were done cleaning off what was left of our life, my mom asked me to sit at the little round table in the room. From her bag she pulled out a bottle of Jameson that she was able to salvage from the house. It was my father's. She hated the stuff. She poured both of us a drink and held her glass up for me to toast with her. For a 16 year old, this was quite an odd thing. But I raised my glass and clinked it to my mom's.

Before she put it to her lips she said that my father must be laughing his ass off and she started to laugh as we both drank down the burning booze. I could not help myself as I started to laugh with her. We must have laughed for a solid five minutes. Not a laugh of resignation, but the laugh of one who lives though a traumatic event and comes out on top. An honest and true belly laugh. I swore in front of my mother at that moment and she did not get upset, but laughed harder. All I said was "What the fuck else could happen?" as I raised my glass. I realize today, that she could not get upset at my foul mouth. Because at that moment, I got it. I understood it all, no matter how cliche it sounds, it is true. It's not how many times you get knocked down, it's how you pick yourself up that counts. I carry that with me to this day.

A little silver lining in all of this... When we went back to the house to talk with the insurance adjusterabout a week later. Our neighbor who lived next door and was taking care of the dog while we were gone. Had taken the dog with him when he evacuated. Odie(the dog) managed to live another 10 years after the flood.

Mom taught me a couple of the meanings of life and why we are here. For one, it's not how may times you get knocked down, bot it's how you pick yourself up that counts. For the other it's that we are here to take care of others... Don't focus on yourself, but when you enrich others, you may taste grace.

Moms Rock!!! If you have not called your mother in a while... CALL HER!

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Moms rock!!! (Repost from DU2) (Original Post) Glassunion May 2012 OP
What a wonderful Mom and Dad. They apparently passed all their incredible fortitude crunch60 May 2012 #1
I agree malaise May 2012 #2
Happy Mother's Day BrownianNotion May 2012 #3
 

crunch60

(1,412 posts)
1. What a wonderful Mom and Dad. They apparently passed all their incredible fortitude
Sun May 13, 2012, 09:40 PM
May 2012

and good character to you, you lucky guy!

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