Tanned, Exquisitely Coiffed Bernie Sanders Tells Supporters Corporation Actually Have A Lot To Offer

[Godhumor]

DAVENPORT, IA—Expounding upon the many ways in which they’ve positively impacted the country at large, a tanned and impeccably coiffed Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) reportedly informed supporters gathered at a campaign stop Thursday that corporations actually have a tremendous amount to offer the American people. “Businesses both large and small play a vital role in our society, creating good jobs and pumping billions back into the economy, and corporations are just the largest and most successful of these businesses—and certainly we shouldn’t punish success,” said the presidential hopeful, adjusting the alligator-skin band on his diamond-encrusted Bulgari watch as he elaborated on the ways in which publicly held companies in the financial, telecommunications, and oil and gas sectors have spurred growth and development in communities across the country. “And when you think about it, these companies aren’t just some faceless entities—they’re our neighbors, our family members, and our friends, all working together to make America the truly great nation it is.” At press time, Sanders could be seen smiling and waving from the stairs leading up to a brand-new Gulfstream personal jet before heading off to a private fundraiser at Sheldon Adelson’s estate.

http://www.theonion.com/article/tanned-exquisitely-coiffed-bernie-sanders-tells-su-50589

------------

Above is the entirety of the text, but I recommend following the link anyway. The accompanying photo is something to behold.

[enough]

1. Truly, that photo is worth a million words. (nt)

[cantbeserious]

2. The Onion - Satire Advisory - Be Warned

eom

[Fumesucker]

3. Heh...

[JonLP24]

4. I can't tell what the satire is aiming for

besides the tan skin skin nothing strikes me as the kind of satire with the truth with the usual of the Onion. They have him making mostly reasonable statements that Bernie Sanders wouldn't disagree with it except for the "shouldn't punish success" or the focus on those 3 industries specifically but why with the "publicly held companies" as if he wants to nationalize everything.

I guess this is one someone has to break it down for me or the "joke".

[enough]

6. I think the truth here is visual. This is what Bernie would look like if he were the

standard-issue current politician. It instantly says everything about the current political/media situation, and also about why Senator Sanders is so different.

As for the verbiage, it's so obviously not what Senator Sanders would say, and what the usual pol would (and does) say all the time, just slightly turned up.

[JonLP24]

7. I got that with the leaving to hang with the healthy

but the statement itself are very reasonable and too reasonable like the billions & all the other benefits, creating good jobs both the large & small ones it seems they are making another point here -- except for the punish success as I don't think that is what Bernie Sanders is about or the publicly owned part Social Democrats in general are Keynesian.

I went around The Onion political page and it isn't what it used to be, they probably have different people with them for the most part. Like FIFA two times -- I think either they're misinformed or otherwise something because there is the joke of "bribes" to Qatari political ministers to "sidestep regulations" then another saying FIFA is exploiting the labor but the only regulations that would be "sidestepped" are the ones that apply to the labor as they didn't have labor rights much longer before FIFA showed up as the Arabian Peninsula economies are built off the backs of imported labor who make up 70% of Qatar's population. The majority of Kuwait's population is imported labor as well which the Department of Defense used to do all the grunt work & dangerous tasks with all the same conditions but worse with the war zone.

They seem to be off the mark with the overall look at the page so I suspect a decline in talent. Not what they were anymore.

[Hoyt]

5. He definitely looks much better just the way he is.