Quandary over a Facebook posting....

[MountainMama]

Last edited Thu Apr 19, 2012, 01:36 AM - Edit history (1)

First, a little back story: my brother-in-law was pretty badly injured in a four-wheeler accident last week. He's home and much better, now, but I was very worried while he was in the hospital. My family is 2,000 miles away and I hate not being there during a crisis. I posted about him on Facebook and asked for prayers/support.

A women I know in RL posted something on Facebook that's upset me. I found it passive-aggressive and judgmental. She is very conservative and "Christian." I am not. Sometimes she posts some snide "anti-liberal" stuff but I ignore it. She's a good person (or so I thought) and we have to work closely in an organization together. This is what she said (copied and pasted verbatim):

"So this is my 2 cents for today. I'm amazed at the number of people who post anti-life things and all their rants against conservative folks. Those rants offend me but everyone is entitled to their opinon. More interesting to me is when those same negative posters turn around and ask for prayer and "good thoughts" on behalf of someone they love who is hurting or battling an illness. Here's the... thing: I am happy to pray for someone if you ask. I do not do "thoughts" because those are powerless junk efforts. Might as well sit in front of a rock and ask for good thoughts. BUT I know the King of Kings, the God of Heaven, and I will pray to Him on your behalf. My God is the creator of everything. He is not a genie in a bottle who answers my every request. When I pray, I know that He always answers but His answer may not be the answer I had hoped for. That does not mean He doesn't hear. So, yes, I will pray for your loved one. More than anything I will hope that your loved one is cured. But in the end the greatest prayer any believer can pray is "Your will be done."

Now I don't really post "rants" about conservative folks. I do post pro-reproductive rights items and I am not ashamed of that. She may have other people in mind here but she's obviously referencing my posts about my BIL. (I think we can agree asking for good thoughts is shorthand for "I know you're not all religious, so send support/good vibes/positive thoughts to my family.&quot

I feel like she's saying "If you don't agree with me and my version of God, how dare you ask for help/prayer." I find this extremely distasteful and I think I'm going to unfriend her.

What say you? Thanks.

[livetohike]

1. I would unfriend her. You could always just hide the post so you don't see it

if you don't want to unfriend her. Obviously, she doesn't accept anyone else's version of "god" and it was just rude to chastise you for asking for positive thoughts. Just my two cents.

[nykym]

2. To each his own

and leave it at that!

[matt819]

11. Another vote for leave it alone

I have a friend whose religious beliefs I don't share. Once in a while, she mentions that she'll pray for me about one thing or another - not out of the blue or anything like that, but rather with respect to a problem I might refer to. She makes no reference to political leanings (in fact, I don't know what they are), has no intent to proselytize, offers no judgment of my own beliefs. Just a friendly, thoughtful prayer (thought? sentiment?) that means something to her in her world view.

Your workmate was out of line as she made the distinction between prayer and thoughts. It wasn't necessary and in a sense detracts from her offer of prayer. I think she would have been "more Christian" if she had just said that she'll keep your b-i-l in her prayers, etc. That said, without reference to your own beliefs or those of you friend, she did offer her prayers. That meant something to her. You have to work with this person and presumably you want to maintain friendly relations in the office. Thank her for her prayers (not thoughts or sentiment) and leave it at that.

[ceile]

3. Tell her not to bother.

Anyone who gets self-righteous over positive/good "thoughts" vs "prayer" doesn't care about you or your family. Don't even bother with her- unfriend.

[cpamomfromtexas]

4. I agree, but I always try to be respectful of all people's beliefs.

One thing that makes me crazy is people praying about cancer or some other illness.

I never want to pray just for one person on that one, I want it wiped off the face of the earth and the treatment accessible to all. Not reserved for some select few or the price jacked up to benefit big pharma.

I always want to kick the preacher that won't pray a prayer like this. After all, isn't faith for the bold?

[MountainMama]

8. You know..

my father always prays for all doctors and all "remedies."

[cpamomfromtexas]

48. Great man your dad!

[msanthrope]

5. Tell her you will keep her posting in your thoughts. nt

[Quixote1818]

36. Thats a good snarky one. :) nt

[gateley]

6. Just reply "Thank you." Leave it at that. You know what she's like, so don't let it

upset you. You can show some class even if she didn't.

OR, you could respond by saying "Never mind."

[Fumesucker]

7. Bless her heart.. n/t

[ejpoeta]

9. hmm... i'd say praying is about as useless as sitting in front of a rock

and asking them to pray, but hey.... no, I personally don't care what anyone believes. I will often say my thoughts are with someone because I don't 'pray'. I personally believe that anyone who has the temerity to talk like that is self righteous and no christian.... at least not the way I was told christians were supposed to be.

[JoePhilly]

10. Say this ... "Given your response, please disregard my initial request. Last thing I wanted ...

to do, was create such a theological dilemma for you."

Now ... if I was a smart ass, which I am ... I would also ask ... "btw ... If the greatest prayer any believer can pray is "Your will be done" ... why should we use any other prayer, ever? Why make any specific request?"

[MountainMama]

13. Hee hee...

That's what my husband said.

He said something like, "why bother praying to a god who's just going to do whatever he wants anyway?"

Stuff like this is why I'm quickly becoming agnostic and attitudes like hers are what made me gave up organized religion.

[JoePhilly]

15. Sounds similar to me ...

The true believers caused me to leave any "organized religion" ... and then, because their insanity spreads father ... I started to study up on "God" ... and the more I did so, they more I found that either "we" made him up ... or ... he either is not "all powerful" or, he's not terribly interested in getting to know us ...

Much like the kid with an Ant farm. He sets it up, gets some ants, and then enjoys watching what they do.

But the prayers of the ants go unanswered.

God could cut us a break and provide another chapter to the bible ... hell, Harry Potter has what, 7 books?

[SATIRical]

19. A little insight

Up front: I do believe in God but I don't believe he is actively involved in directing how the world works.

However, I have family members who very much believe that God is constantly fiddling with everything around us and that the Devil is constantly trying to get us to do bad things (yeah, like we really need encouragement!)

Anyway, what they are asking for when they ask for it "if it's God's will" is to grant their request if God doesn't have specific other plans.

For example, let's pretend my kid's ask to watch a certain TV show if it's my will (not that they'd ever ask like that). If I had specific plans to watch something else, I'd say "No". However, if I didn't have any specific plans, I mostly likely would say "sure".

So the TV wouldn't necessarily have gone to their show if they hadn't asked, but since they asked and my "will" wasn't something contrary to what they asked.

At least I think that is how they view asking for things if it is His will. In other words, even if it wasn't specifically in His big plan, if He didn't have another preference, please grant the request.

[JoePhilly]

54. So I hear you ... but ...

There is a contradiction in the position they seem to take .... from your post ....

1) "I have family members who very much believe that God is constantly fiddling with everything around us and that the Devil is constantly trying to get us to do bad things"

2) "what they are asking for when they ask for it "if it's God's will" is to grant their request if God doesn't have specific other plans."

These two statement are at odds.

God can't be "fiddling with everything around us" but then also not "have specific other plans."

I do understand that they may find it comforting to separate the 2, but it doesn't make sense.

After all, God is all powerful ... and so if God "fiddles with everything", then he's got to be doing so for a reason ... and the reason, has to relate to his other, or larger plans.

If not, then his "fiddling" is not purposeful. God becomes a kid with an Ant farm. The kid's larger plan was to set up the farm, and having done so, the kid "fiddles" with the Ant farm for fun. The kid's larger plan is to "not destroy the Ant farm" ... and so the kid can "fiddle" with it, but only to the extent that doing so does not destroy it.

But if this is the situation, God is not very interested in us. He's "fiddling" with us.

[SATIRical]

55. I agree

Which is why I do not share their beliefs on that subject.

[CTyankee]

23. I think this is a good idea. I would do this and then unfriend her, saying that we have

"irreconcilable differences." And leave it at that.

Your life and your peace of mind is too important to waste it on people like her.

The message is "I have no room in my life for you any more. Goodbye."

[LibertyLover]

52. I like that response

but think it would be even better with "Bless your heart", ala Fumesucker's post, in front of it. Gives it that extra touch of snark, while sounding polite.

[JoePhilly]

53. I do love that backhanded "Bless Your Heart" comment.

Especially when aimed at these judgmental, self-righteous, overly moralizing, religious zealots.

After all, they certainly feel entitled to set themselves up on the moral high ground, looking down on all they observe.

So it is great fun to build an even higher hill, and then look down on them, but in a polite compassionate way, using those three little words.

Drives them insane.

[mrmpa]

12. i would rant, then unfriend............but

that's me. I am 100% pro-choice, am not religious, but am spiritual. When friends ask for my thoughts and prayers, they know I care for them and will do my best.

[abelenkpe]

14. Unfriend

So you work together. Why allow her to say nasty stuff like that to you when you aren't together? She's a horrible person. Don't let her bring you down. I would not have worded my request for prayers or thoughts any differently as not everyone has the same beliefs. You did nothing wrong and she was just plain rude and hurtful.

[BoWanZi]

16. Meh. I would just ignore it. I would be annoyed but its not really fighting over or unfriending

I would just hide the post and ignore it.

I have a couple extremist friends on FB (opposite sides of the political spectrum mind you) and I will sometimes get annoyed but I just hide the posts and ignore it. I will never change their minds so why bother getting all worked up over it.

They are my fb friends for whatever reason and unfriending them just isn't worth it.

[gratuitous]

17. I'd tend to unfriend

Or you could just respond, "I will pray for you."

[Arugula Latte]

18. Sidenote: I think it's hilarious she knows "thoughts" are worthless but prayers are all-powerful.

The delusion is thick with that one.

And then there's the old "excuse God for everything" line: "When I pray, I know that He always answers but His answer may not be the answer I had hoped for."

That deity has some good PR. Tens of thousands can die in a natural disaster seemingly caused by an omnipotent god (who controls everything, right?) but there's always someone excusing its murderous ways, and thanking it for small mercies like sparing one life out of multitudes.

[warrior1]

20. I would say

I'm sorry that you have so little self worth that you injected your self into this to berate other people. Is your God or belief in god so narrow that you can not just keep you 2 cents to yourself? You self righteous little ....


Ok, maybe you shouldn't say anything at all.

Don't give her any reason. Just unfriend.

[Fastcars]

21. I take the easy way out....

And hide people like her. Especially if it is someone I have to work with or see socially. No hard feelings and I don't have to read their drivel.

ETA. Sometimes unfriending can cause more problems than a confrontation. Living in the deep south I have a BUNCH of hidden bible-thumping "friends".

[frylock]

22. at least the rock is tangible..

frankly, i'd just unfriend a self-righteaous asshole like the one you've described. however, if you're not confrontational, "hide all by..." will also suffice. had to finally do that with my sister.

[rucky]

24. response: "I wasn't expecting thoughts from you...

thanks for the prayers, though.

[Butterbean]

25. Honestly? As a both a Christian and a smart ass, I would tell her that I have asked some Christian

friends to pray for her, so that she might be able to one day let go of the anger and hostility that is holding her back from Christ's true message of compassion and kindness, and to remember Matthew 6:5.

Don't take my word for it, though. I'm crabby today. Sorry your "friend" is a butthead. I generally unfriend people who make my blood pressure rise. It makes me happier.

[MountainMama]

26. Thank you.

n/t

[PatSeg]

27. I would be scared to have someone like

that praying for me or my loved ones! So much negativity.

Her post is so judgmental. Evidently she missed that teaching in the bible, "Judge not lest ye be judged", but I've found that most self-righteous Christian conservatives do. Maybe they have a redacted version of the bible, one that crossed out all compassionate references.

I'd probably unfriend her or at least hide her posts to maintain your sanity.

[KT2000]

31. Exactly -

A lot of people confuse being "religious" with thinking they are god - the mean one in the First Testament.

[PatSeg]

33. And they use the bible

to justify their hatreds and bigotry.

It is an age old cliche, but they quote the bible to serve their own purpose. Meanwhile, they ignore everything else.

[Lex]

28. I would post "I am ALWAYS thankful for all peoples' prayers, thoughts, and vibes for my B-I-L."

She'll get the point.

[Taverner]

29. Fuck her, she's a soulless piece of shit.

May she choke to death on her tongue

[Union Scribe]

46. Why would you post something like that?

What is wrong with you?

[KT2000]

30. Grace - she doesn't have it

that would piss me off too. She used your time of need to needle you - how she really feels about you. I guess I would want to make sure I would never see a response like that on my facebook page and do whatever it takes to get her off of it.

Your request was for that which is freely given - she obviously cannot do that.

[Edweird]

32. Reality check: It's Facebook. You're asking for help about a rude Facebook post.

Do something or do nothing. The end result is the same.

[Quixote1818]

34. Post this quote on her thread

Honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone - and hurt them to the bone - you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time.


I will see if I can find a better one.

[Quixote1818]

35. A few more good quotes about being self-righteous

I like this one because it will probably go over her head and she won't know how to respond:

Many have passed the rocks of gross sins - who have suffered shipwreck upon the sands of self-righteousness.


Here are two other good ones:

The greatest enemy to human souls is the self-righteous spirit which makes men look to themselves for salvation.


The self-righteous feel no need to be charming, and thus double their offensiveness.

[tilsammans]

37. Let it go

Maybe a "thank you" from you, but that's it and let it be. What she said is distasteful, but it's not worth unfriending her, nor is it worth your precious headspace.

I will hope and pray for your brother-in-law's continued recovery, without snark and with sincerity.

[Quixote1818]

38. I think you are right

She probably wants a reaction and by thanking her and not reacting, the OP will probably get under her skin. She is in attack mode and there is nothing that can piss someone off worse than brushing off their attack and thanking them.

[MountainMama]

43. Thank you both....

very much.

Quixote, I liked your quotes very much and I appreciate it.

I'm going to hide her posts, but not unfriend her. However, I no longer consider her a friend in RL. We do seem to work together well, but that's all our relationship can be from now on. I was quite hurt by that posting. I have over 275 friends on FB and there are a few....we just don't talk politics or religion, but they're all good people and I genuinely like them and I know they like me. I thought this woman was in that category.

I find out that's not the case. And an unqualified "Amen!" from another so-called friend of mine on that post has also earned them the pleasure of being hidden. And I truly did think this other woman WAS my friend; I've known her longer and we went through some trials in our group together.

I'm very disappointed, but I'm going to try to be the bigger person and keep my mouth shut. But I won't forget--I'm not that good of a Christian, I guess. I've left the faith, I guess, but I do still try to follow most of the precepts.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I honestly try to live my life that way.

[Union Scribe]

47. I think your life will be more peaceful now

Hiding some people's posts from your stream is a real sanity-saver on Facebook.

[Tsiyu]

39. I say "unfriend" ASAP

"I am sooooooo much better than you" just oozes from this woman's words.

She is heavily invested in being seen as very "pure", "in control" and correct; not at all invested in building loving human relationships.

Hope your brother completely recovers.

[RZM]

40. No offense, but could you please correct your headline

It's 'quandary.' We don't have much credibility attacking Tea Party signs when our own stuff is misspelled too

[MountainMama]

41. Oh, crap!

Good catch! Didn't realize I did that. How do I correct it? Can I or is it too late?

[RZM]

42. I'm pretty sure you still can

I don't think there's a time limit on editing. I seem to remember that there was on DU2.

[MountainMama]

44. Fixed

Thank you.

[barbtries]

45. you could respond like so:

I don't really post "rants" about conservative folks. I do post pro-reproductive rights items and I am not ashamed of that. I think we can agree asking for good thoughts is shorthand for "I know you're not all religious, so send support/good vibes/positive thoughts to my family."

I feel like she's saying "If you don't agree with me and my version of God, how dare you ask for help/prayer." I find this extremely distasteful

you can edit to make it more general. but - if she's comfortable dissing YOU at a time when you're family is in crisis just to play superior in her "faith," why should you hesitate to call her on it? she's full of shit and someone should acknowledge that.

[stevenleser]

49. Reply, "When I asked for prayers, I meant in the Matthew 6:5 - 6:7 sense" Then Unfriend

(Matthew 6:5 - 6: 7)
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.

[crazylikafox]

50. perfect reply

[yellowcanine]

51. Good reason to use church for this sort of thing rather than FB.

I find FB useful for sharing personal pictures with people and that is about it.