Polltaker is Borowitz: Majority of Americans Favor Quarantining Wolf Blitzer

[Mira]

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report) — Amid concerns that the spreading fear of Ebola has become a greater threat than the virus itself, a new poll shows that a majority of Americans favor a quarantine of the CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer.

While poll respondents supported quarantining more than a dozen cable-news personalities, including the entire cast of “Fox & Friends,” a full seventy-two per cent gave the nod to a quarantine of Blitzer.

At the Centers for Disease Control, a spokesman said that a Blitzer quarantine was “very much on the table,” and that the C.D.C. had come up with a workable plan.

“Essentially, we would do a lockdown of ‘The Situation Room’ and provide Wolf with food and water until the crisis passes,” he said.

www.borowitzreport.com

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. Sounds good to me.

[truedelphi]

2. But he's not even really running a fever.

The doctors might think that - but it is just all that hot air!

[lindysalsagal]

3. He usually operates at about 100.3 degrees, anyway....

he'll be difficult to diagnose....

[freshwest]

4. The tragedy of this story is that it's satire. If only... OMG, if only...

[tabasco]

5. Blitzer is a shit-for-brains ass licker

[malaise]

6. Pity this is satire

I'd support it big time

[treestar]

7. lol

it is certainly more contagious than ebola.