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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMy Daughter Stood up for a Classmate Being Bullied, School Involved.
Last edited Sun Oct 12, 2014, 04:11 PM - Edit history (1)
She is 8 years old and in 3rd grade. We obviously raised our kids to be kind to everyone regardless of differences. She's a sensitive but tough kid...hardly ever cries when she gets hurt, but seeing others or animals hurt deeply affects her. We also taught them to stand up for kids that were being bullied.
Last week she told me about a classmate that acts "different" and a group of boys and girls make fun of him. I'm not a doctor, but after she described his behavior I would guess he might be on the Autism Spectrum.
She doesn't sit near him but was put in a group with him to do a project and because she was kind to him she said he has since always tries sitting with her at lunch, follows her around at recess so I explained he's probably not used to kids being nice to him; she doesn't need to change her routine but it would be nice if she would sit with him at lunch and play with him a couple days a week. She says she doesn't mind. I love my girl so damn much.
Last week she told one of the boys and the girls after they made some comments to him that they weren't being nice and they should stop. They didn't say anything back to her. She then told the teacher at the end of the day what has been going on...teacher thanked her for telling her.
I let a few days go by, asked her if anything changed; she said no. I emailed the teacher letting her know I know what has been going on; I'm concerned about this child and to please advise.
Yesterday, I received a call from one of the guidance counselors at school telling me the teacher forwarded my email, gc pulled my daughter out of class, spoke to her about it, she told them the details and named names. I don't like tattling but don't consider ratting out bullies tattling.
I asked how my daughter reacted and the counselor said she was shy at first but at the end seemed relieved. The counselor is going to generally speak to the class about bullying, and speak to the offenders individually. I'm sure the school needs to notify their parents, which I'm fine with.
I just don't want them taking it out on her, but if that happens I'll request a meeting with the parents of that kid immediately, which trust me...they wouldn't want that.
When she came home from school yesterday she was so happy and said, "Mom they are going to take care of the ****** bullying!" I told her about the call and said I was proud of her.
I really hope it gets resolved, and I like the way the school handled it.
elleng
(129,780 posts)Hugs to your daughter! and to you!
She's a great kid, but I'll take some credit for it.
irisblue
(32,793 posts)good on her, nice job there parents! we the people need more like you all.
RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)She's a gem for sure. Thanks...they are our little liberals, but 2 was my limit.
TeeYiYi
(8,028 posts)...word in asterisks?
TYY
RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)TeeYiYi
(8,028 posts)...it was a swear word.
TYY
RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)my husband, friends and other family members.
Attention: Bullying is not funny; TYY's post was.
C Moon
(12,180 posts)a2liberal
(1,524 posts)iwillalwayswonderwhy
(2,598 posts)Nt
logosoco
(3,208 posts)Something in your post made me wonder: when did tattling become such a bad thing? I think whining is bad! But when someone is doing something harmful to other people or the planet, people do need to tattle.
I am glad your daughter stood up for someone else. That is hard for school kids. But it is the right thing to do.
RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)Well, she used to suck her thumb and another girl that would come over and play would always tell me when she was doing it...I reprimanded her in front of the friend sometimes but after awhile it drove me nuts, so I told her to lay off (in a nice way).
Whining is bad too but I observed senseless tattling to the teachers in preschool.
Tattling on bullies isn't tattling, but they may know she told on them because she told them to stop but like I said...I'll deal with that if it happens.
Dont call me Shirley
(10,998 posts)several times, the teacher kept telling her to stop being a tattletale. I sent a letter to admin stating that calling a child a tattletale is verbal abuse. I got the round-about from admin. She quit telling teachers about the bullying. When she got bullied again she pinched the bully. They both got in trouble. If the teacher would have listened to my daughter instead of calling her a tattletale this never would have happened.
Teachers, do not call your kids tattletale or any other name like that. It is verbal abuse. It demeans the child. It makes the child feel like they don't matter and worse yet that they are bad for telling on a bully.
cali
(114,904 posts)I hope she doesn't suffer any backlash for her kindness. The school does sound like they've handled it sensitively. please let your daughter know she has a little fan club here.
RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)I hope she doesn't either, but I'll be on it.
I'm impressed with the school, but it is one of the top public schools in our county.
KT2000
(20,534 posts)and good for your daughter - you have a special one there!
RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)I tell her that every day, and that I love her so much.
jwirr
(39,215 posts)bullying program and when you walk through the halls they are full of posters against bullying. Too bad more schools do not have this.
packman
(16,296 posts)with their groups and cliques. Kids can be ruthless and I'm not surprised - disappointed , yes- but not surprised that the sharks would take nips out of someone different.
It bothers me,however, that you feel YOU must be involved in the situation when you state:
"but if that happens I'll request a meeting with the parents of that kid immediately" -
Why do you feel you must jump into a this?" Are you going to lecture them? Tell them something the school can't or won't?
Your child wasn't bullied or threatened. Seems like you are getting involved in something that really is not within your area of concern and are spoiling for a fight. I realize parental emotions are in a heightened state when their child is concerned, but you need to step back, IMHO, from this and scale your feelings down. Let the kids and the school settle this.
Curmudgeoness
(18,219 posts)refers to if they take it out on her daughter for speaking up. This would mean that, yes, her child would have been bullied or threatened before she jumps into it.
You are right, school is a shark tank. But I don't think that it should be. Every kid has to go to school, and it should be a place where they feel safe, not a place that they dread going every day of their life. Schools should do all that is possible to stop bullying. It may happen outside of school where they have no control over it, but it should not be happening in school.
packman
(16,296 posts)Should not be happening in school - but, maybe it's parents who need to take a mandatory class before sending their kids to school to learn how to prep their kids for sensitivity and getting along with others.
RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)I'm optimistic about the whole thing, and my daughter can hold her own if one of the bullies blames her.
mahannah
(893 posts)RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)Had to Mom brag...sorry!
weissmam
(905 posts)The light of day
RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)marble falls
(56,029 posts)RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)Not a Fan
(98 posts)We got the school involved when my son was persecuted by a nearly entire (momentarily teacherless) classroom when he was in the fourth grade. They became confrontational because he believed in evolution. This was an isolated incident. We threatened to get the police involved with restraining orders on the advice of a teacher friend who had experience in such extreme incidents. The instigators were fundamentalist Christians - one boy and one girl. The vice-principal called in both pairs of parents individually and spoke with them. She reported on these interviews to us. That was the end of it.
We were grateful for their prompt, decisive handling of the situation. The large boy was a known bully at the school and I know we did the right thing.
RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)How Christian of them.
I'm glad it ended quickly. I've come across parents that believe their kids would never do what they are accused of, and blame every one else but their kids.
bullwinkle428
(20,626 posts)RiffRandell
(5,909 posts)I think so, too.
City Lights
(25,171 posts)Kudos to you. You've done a fine job raising her! Hope it all works out.
Barack_America
(28,876 posts)LawDeeDah
(1,596 posts)Peacock proud you must be, and deservedly so.
Calista241
(5,584 posts)And great character in your daughter.
kairos12
(12,794 posts)snacker
(3,619 posts)She's a hero in my book!
Rozlee
(2,529 posts)His problem is that at times, he's withdrawn. Other times, he lashes out and has struck out at classmates and teachers. Sometimes, he's been the victim and other times, he's been the bully when he's hit other children. The police were called in once when he threw some scissors at a vice principle and started a rampage in her office. Some medications they've put him on have zombified him, which is terrible because he has an extremely high IQ and is in the talented and gifted program. But, overall, no medication and counseling therapy is working. I'm really afraid for him, but I know that the school has to consider the primary safety of its staff and the other students as well as accommodating him. Many psychologists say that he'll probably outgrow this stage and is just overwhelmed with the multi-tasking school involves since his brain is designed to be more single-minded.
Orsino
(37,428 posts)It tends to spike the guns of people who might otherwise dig in and deny, or defend the bullies.
WinstonSmith4740
(3,047 posts)Your pride is certainly justified. It's really tough for a child to stand up to this sort of thing, especially by herself. I do have one minor issue with your last line, though. I'm a high school teacher, and you should not have had to send that email to the teacher. She should have jumped on it immediately upon your daughter doing the right thing and gotten the guidance counselor involved the same day she heard about it. I just got through covering bullying & its relation to teen suicide last week. Bullying has been going on forever, but this generation has taken it to a new depth with the internet. Bullying is not only anti-social and a rotten thing to do, it's ILLEGAL. Bullies, regardless of age, are breaking the law, and that needs to be pointed out to the parents...especially if they try to retaliate against your daughter. I've heard too many parents try to slough this off as part of growing up, and they need to have the riot act read to them.
Congratulations on raising an awesome daughter!!
VA_Jill
(9,839 posts)You should be SO proud of your daughter! She deserves lots of extra hugs for her bravery!
My oldest son is on the autistic spectrum and his younger siblings were pretty vocal about standing up for him, particularly his little sister. Now she is a mom, and before her older son started school, she sat him down and had a serious talk with him about the way people treat kids who are "different" and told him she expected him not to do that, and asked him whenever he could, to take up for those who couldn't take up for themselves. Well, he is now in 6th grade and is bigger than many of his classmates. He is quiet, but if he says something, it tends to get noticed, and wherever he's been in school, he's gotten a reputation for not tolerating bullying. He *will* speak up for the weaker kids, the shy kids, the "different" kids who won't or can't speak up for themselves. And amazingly, he's pretty much admired by the rest of his classmates. His little brother, who is a much more outgoing type, has seen this, and he's also become the "protector" type, but is much more vocal about it.
LoisB
(7,014 posts)raven mad
(4,940 posts)Your precious daughter is lucky to have you.
Aristus
(65,985 posts)And of you, for raising her to be courageous...
markpkessinger
(8,366 posts). . . and of yourself, because this says a great deal about your parenting as well! Please keep us posted.
MineralMan
(146,116 posts)Left coast liberal
(1,138 posts)What a great kid, and the parents who are raising her.
alfredo
(60,062 posts)couldn't fight back.
ProudToBeBlueInRhody
(16,399 posts)You've raised a good kid there.
meow2u3
(24,738 posts)for standing up to bullies for a kid struggling with a disability.
TxDemChem
(1,918 posts)We need more kids like your daughter. You two have just made my week.
malaise
(267,455 posts)What's more this moment will stay with her forever - it will be empowering for your daughter.
tartan2
(314 posts)It just seem so good to hear of a situation like this being handled in such a gracious way! I'm sure you are very proud of your daughter and you have every right to be! You are a terrific parent and as a parent I know how much work it takes to teach our children to be a good person.
Scuba
(53,475 posts)LeftInTX
(24,417 posts)I'm glad that this was able to get the ball rolling. I hope the school keeps it under control.
I would be very proud of your daughter too!!!
lumberjack_jeff
(33,224 posts)Texasgal
(17,013 posts)young lady! Good for her!
flamin lib
(14,559 posts)Both have been admonished never to start a fight, doing so will get them dropped from the academy and bring hellfire and brimstone down on them, but if called on to end a fight in defense of another so be it. We will have their backs.
No one in the family condones or encourages violence but if necessary meet force with force in defense of others.
snot
(10,475 posts)When I was 9, half-way thru 4th grade, I landed in a class that was in the midst of electing officers to the "Anti-H---- Club," whose sole mission was to persecute a 9-year-old classmate, whose only crime appeared to me to have been that she was afflicted with cold sores (likely exacerbated by the stress of having been persecuted).
I soon formed the ANTI-Anti-H---- Club, which consisted of me and one other person, who didn't behave so well later but hey, I have no idea why she jeopardized herself to ally herself with me initially; so all credit to her. Our activity consisted of walking around the playground chanting anti-anti chants in opposition to the anti-chants, and trick-or-treating with D. H---- on Halloween. Fortunately, I was new, a nobody, so no one cared, or I'd doubtless have shared D. H----'s fate.
My parents had no f*cking idea of the tiniest morsel of any of this. They had no idea of what they were doing to themselves. All they knew (if they remembered it after the one conversation we had and some number of drinks later) was, I was unhappy because my peers were wearing nylons while I was in bobbysox.
Times have changed, for the better.
pablo_marmol
(2,375 posts)As another member said, thanks for taking the time to share this.
What a fine young girl. I'm fortunate to have many friends who have raised their children as you have - and I'm constantly awe-struck by the manner in which they conduct themselves.
Are_grits_groceries
(17,111 posts)I told my students they could talk to me. I couldn't 100% promise them it would go no further, but that I 'd take action and keep their names out if I could.
If it was something like bullying, I'd lurk near enough and get my own info if I could. If not, I'd say I overheard it in the hall.
This wasn't optimal. That would be an open door to get help without repercussions. EVERY teacher, administrator and other people in schools need to trained and made aware that allowing this type of behavior is as serious as knowing about child abuse and not reporting it. It should be mandatory that action be taken.
TBF
(31,892 posts)due to fear of lawsuits it seems some schools steer away and/or blame both parties. That she went in and handled it this way (with your guidance I'm sure) and actually got results is amazing. She made a real difference in the life of that kid being bullied. Good parenting!
Violet_Crumble
(35,954 posts)And proud of yrself as well, coz yr doing a great job as a mum