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MohRokTah

(15,429 posts)
Tue Sep 16, 2014, 11:54 PM Sep 2014

My father used to beat the shit out of my two brothers. He never raised a hand to me.

My mother gave me some pretty severe beatings, usually with a hot wheels race track. I had a hand print on my face for a week once.

My brothers suffered the most. Very severe beatings on a regular basis. One time, my little brother gave me a wedgie and y father made him hold onto a steel basement support post while he whipped him with an open belt. My little brother had welts and a few cuts for about a week.

My mother's beatings of me were mostly in reaction to my father's beatings of my brothers. My mother never beat me nearly as badly as my brothers got beat.

See, my father's mother adored me and hated my brothers. I don't know why. Might have something to do with me being the second child and being a boy. Might have something to do with my interest in the Catholic church as a young boy, not to mention my interest in priests and the priesthood at an early age.

I only really remember four severe beatings from my mother, but I remember dozens upon dozens of beatings my brothers received.

My mother and I have reconciled the issues of my childhood. I understand where she was coming from and why. She was beaten pretty severely by my father on a regular basis, nearly as often as my brothers. We're very close and I love her very much.

My father died a couple years ago. We had not spoken to one another for more than fifteen years.

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My father used to beat the shit out of my two brothers. He never raised a hand to me. (Original Post) MohRokTah Sep 2014 OP
I'm sorry you had a crappy childhood, man. AverageJoe90 Sep 2014 #1
Thanks, she understood she made mistakes. MohRokTah Sep 2014 #4
So sad, I am sorry for all of you Tumbulu Sep 2014 #2
I'm sorry to hear that laundry_queen Sep 2014 #3
It's the leverage. murielm99 Sep 2014 #5
Thanks for sharing, MohRokTah. Uncle Joe Sep 2014 #6
my mom MFM008 Sep 2014 #7
 

AverageJoe90

(10,745 posts)
1. I'm sorry you had a crappy childhood, man.
Tue Sep 16, 2014, 11:57 PM
Sep 2014

But it seems like you and your mom were able to work things out eventually, so there's that.

 

MohRokTah

(15,429 posts)
4. Thanks, she understood she made mistakes.
Wed Sep 17, 2014, 12:49 AM
Sep 2014

It was never so bad between my mother and I as it was between my brothers and my father.

My most difficult issue has been coming to terms with the guilt I feel over my brother's treatment compared to mine. In many ways. the few times my mother beat me allowed me to assuage a small bit of that guilt.

Tumbulu

(6,267 posts)
2. So sad, I am sorry for all of you
Wed Sep 17, 2014, 12:05 AM
Sep 2014

and the fear that infused all of your lives.i am hoping that we as a species can grow out of this sort of behavior.

It seems to be so tragically common.

1/5 men admit to abusing partner......it is just so endemic.

laundry_queen

(8,646 posts)
3. I'm sorry to hear that
Wed Sep 17, 2014, 12:39 AM
Sep 2014

but it's very typical in an abusive/dysfunctional family. I was on a website (long since taken down) where people discussed having abusive parents (generally narcissistic or sociopathic parents) and it's very typical for at least one child to be the 'golden child' and one child to be the 'scapegoat'. Sometimes there are more than one of each. In my family, I was the scapegoat and my brother was the golden child, although he actually got beat more, he was also the one that my parents lavished attention (and money) on. I was good at making myself invisible to avoid the beatings and so managed to make myself completely invisible to my parents, except if they needed me to do something. The dynamic exists to this day, even though my brother and I are both in our late 30's.

The same thing happened with my dad and his mother. He had 2 sisters (they were born 15 years apart, with my dad in the middle) who were absolutely adored and treasured. My dad was reviled. His sisters received gifts at Christmas while he received coal (no joke, that actually happened). His mother nitpicked him nearly to death. She made him do all the housework. She beat him if it wasn't good enough. My grandfather tried to stay out of it (he was never abusive, never laid a hand on my dad ever, and tried his best to protect my dad by taking him everywhere, but that would make my grandmother even more furious. They divorced when I was 4 years old). Even as an adult, she picked on my dad. She confided in me when I went through my divorce about how much she hated men (and in particular my grandfather, which was uncomfortable, since I adored him). So I gathered my dad got the short end of the stick because he reminded my grandmother of my grandfather. There are 4 grandchildren in total, and guess who is the favorite? Me, because I'm the only girl. Long story short, I don't talk to her anymore because of some horrendous things she did after my grandfather died.

But yeah, typical dynamic. I'm not sure what the abusers get out of it, other than leverage to play one kid against the other. It's creepy to me.

murielm99

(30,656 posts)
5. It's the leverage.
Wed Sep 17, 2014, 02:11 AM
Sep 2014

That is definitely it.

I was the scapegoat. I still am. My mother cannot beat the crap out of me any more, so she lies. She calls relatives, friends, members of her church, and lies about how bad I am and was. She is eighty-five now. I haven't spoken to her since before Thanksgiving last year. I limited my contact to a monthly phone call before that.

My baby brother was the golden child. My middle brother drifted, and was the lost child.

My mother picked on me because she has to dominate all women in her family. She is awful to her granddaughters and to her only daughter-in-law. I believe she has narcissistic personality disorder.

My middle brother understands how my abuse was used to control the rest of the family. He also understands that my mother uses lies to divide people, play them off each other, and get them on her side. Now she is trying to use her will as a club to beat us.

The payoff for her has been negative. She has never met her great-grandchildren, because their parents despise her. My youngest brother visits her annually, but stays far away the rest of the time. No one else goes to see her. Most of us won't pick up when she calls.

MFM008

(19,776 posts)
7. my mom
Wed Sep 17, 2014, 06:12 AM
Sep 2014

Beat me and my brother , my sister was my dad's favorite so she never got touched.
I thought all kids grew up with welts and bruises......

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